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How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 10:34:57 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

In reading a lot of profiles and posts here and on other sites, I come across the statement, "I want to see how far I can go."
Forgive me if this has been addressed to death, but it got me to thinking . . . does anyone actually know what they mean when they make this statement? Do you have something specific in mind when you say this?
Maybe I'm directing this question at new submissives. I possibly may be in mid-thought here (so please bear with me), but it worries me sometimes that people just beginning to explore the lifestyle have not given much thought to what this means to them. I see comments like 'I'll try anything once' on profiles and think to myself 'OMG! Do they really know what they're saying???' because believe me, there's plenty of things I wouldn't try. . . NO, not even once!
Just curious as to what these statements mean to YOU.
Also, that the 'experienced folk' out there reading this may have insight or advice for a newbie that may get them to thinking about what it really means to them as well!
Thanks in advance for anyone taking the time to post!

Respectfully,
enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

Post #: 1

RE: How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 10:41:33 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

My advice would be to take care what you ask for because you might just get it.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 2

RE: How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 10:51:02 PM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

This just a quick fly-by response. I think some of those people are using that line to make themselves appear more "desirable". It's an eye catching phrase to them in some cases. By which, they hope it's going to catch someone else's eye and make them appear more desirable to play with because they're so "daring and adventurous".

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 3

RE: How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 10:57:59 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Like you.. there are things.. ain't no way in hell am I even going to try once, let alone twice... LOL

As far as how far i'll go... I have limits I set up as safety to me. Until I feel that trust... my limits are not pushed. It's when I feel the trust, I'll ask my limits to be pushed.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 4

RE: How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 11:01:52 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

Well, in another thread I came to the realization I have no 'experience' but in my lack of experience I realize a couple of things which I don't know...edge-play can be utilized to open up very intense experiences and emotional responses; where this type of response can become desired; different chemicals being released in the brain, and one becoming addicted to the response...also, pushing stimuli has a long historical context (as well as shutting out all stimuli) for experiencing altered states of perception; in a Christian religious paradigm, it was seen as visionary; occult paradigms it could be seen as accessing different planes of reality; some Eastern traditions as enlightenment; etc...I have seen how when in a sexual, D/s situation, the pushing one beyond their comfort can almost force certain insight, realizations about one...and watching that can be very intense as well as overwhelming for the person experiencing it...as to why people are posting it, I agree, a lot of people aren't all that aware of what they are asking, or seeking...

Looking for Turkish coffee...
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 5

RE: How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 11:34:28 PM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

Your post made me think further...If we are with someone we trust to push those limits during a scene or the daily dynamic of the D/s relationship; when is the lesson for changed behavior or pleasure discoveries learned or is it discussed??? Before, after, during?

Is it even a discussion?

Eg. Will a Dom say to his sub: You need to learn patience, so I'm going to do this to help you learn how to obtain it.
Eg. I'm being a defiant or bratty sub one day...My Dom issues punishment with a spanking, corner duty, or some other punishment he gives immediately, in relation to my actions.

What I'm asking is: Should a Dom be specific with the lesson to be learned or just do it and you're to figure it out?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL
I came to the realization I have no 'experience' but in my lack of experience I realize a couple of things which I don't know...edge-play can be utilized to open up very intense experiences and emotional responses; where this type of response can become desired; different chemicals being released in the brain, and one becoming addicted to the response...

I have seen how when in a sexual, D/s situation, the pushing one beyond their comfort can almost force certain insight, realizations about one...and watching that can be very intense as well as overwhelming for the person experiencing it...

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 6

RE: How far I can go? - 4/12/2006 11:55:12 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Your post made me think further...If we are with someone we trust to push those limits during a scene or the daily dynamic of the D/s relationship; when is the lesson for changed behavior or pleasure discoveries learned or is it discussed??? Before, after, during?

Is it even a discussion?

* Eg. Will a Dom say to his sub: You need to learn patience, so I'm going to do this to help you learn how to obtain it.
* Eg. I'm being a defiant or bratty sub one day...My Dom issues punishment with a spanking, corner duty, or some other punishment he gives immediately, in relation to my actions.

What I'm asking is: Should a Dom be specific with the lesson to be learned or just do it and you're to figure it out?

That goes into those involved, lesson...if any, and outcome desired...
I believe being aware of what is happening and adapting to it is also important...if I do something and see the reaction is beyond the action, how do I respond? Stop everything for the sake of clear communication or to wait and discuss it afterwards, try to discover what happened. Also, if I start to see patterns, then should I approach these patterns and try to discover what they stem from?
The type of interaction is important...I am in the beginning of developing a relationship with lotus in a D/s framework, paradigm (god, I loved that term until you saw the word everywhere) if you will. She claims that I can see her clearly, through her clearly...don't tell her (yes, she's now reading the forums...ooops) but a lot of that is just observation, seeking patterns, recognizing behavior and trying to guide it towards a goal...we are in the beginnings of defining and I do seek her input...
As for punishment, I don't know how involved I am with that at this point...My interest is creation and I have found that a lot of my discipline seems to be utilizing tone of voice etc...as for the physical aspects of punishment...well I don't see that as punishment...

The point regarding discussion, for me personally is important, in that discourse focuses her and with her questions causes me to think, be more aware...but some lessons are taught through more than just saying what is sought; some are responding with questions, helping to guide her to her own realizations...

Make any sense?
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to acctonthelook)

Post #: 7

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 1:09:21 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

You gan go precisely as far as you want. however, you may not appreciate nor like/want what you get in the end..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 8

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 1:23:18 AM

Enlightendgurl

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/16/2004
Status: offline

Just a small swat Papa??? hehe

_____________________________

LOTUS

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 9

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 3:10:37 AM

SirCumsSlut

Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

In reading a lot of profiles and posts here and on other sites, I come across the statement, "I want to see how far I can go."
Forgive me if this has been addressed to death, but it got me to thinking . . . does anyone actually know what they mean when they make this statement? Do you have something specific in mind when you say this?
Maybe I'm directing this question at new submissives. I possibly may be in mid-thought here (so please bear with me), but it worries me sometimes that people just beginning to explore the lifestyle have not given much thought to what this means to them. I see comments like 'I'll try anything once' on profiles and think to myself 'OMG! Do they really know what they're saying???' because believe me, there's plenty of things I wouldn't try. . . NO, not even once!
Just curious as to what these statements mean to YOU.
Also, that the 'experienced folk' out there reading this may have insight or advice for a newbie that may get them to thinking about what it really means to them as well!
Thanks in advance for anyone taking the time to post!

Respectfully,
enthralled

Sir and i have noticed that as well in many "newbie" profiles....and we too have to wonder....but then we realize that "most" really don't know what they are asking for due to inexperience.

As an "experienced folk" there are three lines that Sir and i will NEVER cross and some of my hard limits Sir will test when the time is right for me.

To any newbie's reading, best thing for ya'll to do, imho, is find a mentor, read, talk to people regarding the questions you have.

_____________________________

Peace
His slut

"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 10

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 3:42:27 AM

doves

Posts: 120
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline

i agree with what Master IronBear has said ...

When i first said the words "i want to see how far i can go" ... it was mainly down to the fact the Dom stopped too soon [for want of a better wording].

i felt, personally, i needed to know just exactly where and what my limit was ... how much i could actually take.

A voyage of self discovery ? perhaps. i don't know.

It takes a good Man to be able to do this for His slave/sub. Its not easy for a Dom to beat His slave when its not a punishment.

Unless a slave/sub pushes her own limits, how else is she to find out exactly what her limits are ???? [with the exceptions ofcourse]

_____________________________

ShibariJon's dove

(in reply to SirCumsSlut)

Post #: 11

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 4:57:38 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

LOL I actually brought this up with Chris at one time and told him that I was curious to see how far I could actually go. His response " I could care less how far you want to go, but you will go as far as I want you to"
His explanation to me was simple. I get wrapped up in the moment, forgetting that I need to also concentrate on myself; this makes for a horrible scenario. Whereas he has always got his attention on me, and can read when I have reached the point of stopping.
It made sense at the time so I have never bothered to question it

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 12

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 5:44:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's someone who wants/needs someone else to push them into having more intense kinky experiences.

On rare occasion it actually means someone who wants/needs someone else to push them as a general person with their sense of self, confidence and ability.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 13

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 6:22:56 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

As an educated, but inexperienced, newbie I really don't know what my limits are. That doesn't mean that I want someone to try everything on me to the -nth degree though! It would have been easy to make that mistake when I first started reading and looking.

Some people haven't read enough to be aware of the dangers of some things. Or they're all wrapped up in the fantasy and not thinking about *reality*. BTDT. Thankfully never had to explore that.

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 14

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 6:26:40 AM

LadyKim

Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

A friend of mine has a wonderful saying that comes to mind whenever I see posts like you are discussing.   "It is hard to remember what you didn't use to know."    While those of us that have been around the bdsm community for a while have had the opportunity to see a wide variety of activities (good and bad) to help us form our opinions and temper our activites based on that education, the people just starting out haven't had that chance to discover the harsher side yet. It is not uncommon for people to be gung ho when they first get interested in something and want to dive in to the deep end to explore and experiment. They know what their fantasies consist of, so they draw on that to imagine what it would be like. It takes time for them to figure out that there is a multitude of other activities they haven't thought about yet.

The statements like "see how far I can go' to me means they want the challenge of being pushed out of their comfort zone. While I agree that it is a dangerous thing to say to someone that is also new or is on the more extreme sadistic side, it should be a comment an experienced Dom/Domme knows to take with a grain of salt and build upon over the course of time.

Advice I would give newbies..............

If you do not know much of what is out there, find someone with a good bit of experience to ask, and always use common sense.   Before saying you have no limits take a look at this list of some more extreme items, and decide if you would really want to experience them. Think about what the ad you have written is opening you up too, then go back and put in some clarifiers.

Eating or wearing human waste
Having sex with animals
Sex with someone underage
Needles stuck through your private parts
Walking around in baby clothes in public
Having someone choke you to death
Being cut with a knife over and over again to bleed
Needs put in sensative areas then attached to wire as a form of restraint
Meet hooks piercing you back for suspension
Having sex with a sybling
Turning every penny you make over
Signing away all rights to your property (even if the relationship ends)
Drinking piss
Being videotaped and having it sent to coworkers/boss/family
Being burned
Being given to someone else without your consent
Beaten until bloody
Chained and used by whomever (even a disgusting homeless person)
Being made to prostitute
Having a sex change operation
Relinquishing all contact with family/friends
Having your hair shaved off
Being branded or tattooed
Not being allowed sexual release ever again
Have hands cut off
Being castrated
Having your clit cut off
Forced bi or gay activity
Given a cheyenne pepper enema
Having to use the bathroom in your pants at a company or family event

Of course, the majority of dominants out there have zero interest in most of these things, and you would probably be fairly safe that the likelihood of them happening are rather slim without your express consent prior to it happening. However, when you say you have no limits or want to pushed these are some things that could occur.   So think about what you really want to experience, and communicate that rather than a vague fantasy that includes things you've now been warned about being possible. Of course, part of being submissive is wanting to experience the loss of control over the situation; however, I'm pretty sure you want to know you are going to be safe with all your pieces in tact and a life once that encounter is over.

Hope this helps.
MzKim

< Message edited by LadyKim -- 4/13/2006 6:34:13 AM >

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 15

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 6:40:21 AM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Just a small swat Papa??? hehe

Rememberance, realization can be ushered in through many activities...

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Enlightendgurl)

Post #: 16

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 6:51:13 AM

bklynbbw

Posts: 147
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline

While I have been learning about the lifestyle for over a year now, I have not had any real time experience as of yet. I have made many friends and go to the munches. I consider myself very open minded but would never say I would try anything once. A lot of the things I have seen at play parties I would like to try, but some scare the h-ll out of me...lol and Im sure there are things that I havent even heard of.... So besides the absolute hard limits I do know I have, I just say I'm curious...as things come up, I will then decide if they are something I can do or not.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 17

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 7:16:02 AM

Scarlettred78

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

I realize a lot of time's my views and feeling's toward this lifestyle vary from most other people's. Here are a couple of nice quotes I have found a long the way. Know your limits, not so that you can honor them, but so that you can smash them to pieces and reach for magnificence." and the other is "When limits are negotiated, and rules and boundaries are put into place? Your really not submitting you just playing at it! For me...When I was uncollared, I didn't "play" recreationally or "scene" with people I didn't know or have a relationship with!. I have NEVER used a safe word in my life. My feeling is! I am going to know someone really really well before I am ever tied up or submit to anything. And once someone does. I have nothing to fear because, I Love , trust, and respect, the person I am submitting to. That person would protect me with His very life if necessary, so I am pretty sure I am safe! and wont be given more then I can handle. The problem with the kinda quotes you were referring to, are people that usually have little if any experience?, and tend to just "play" or "scene" with anyone, and have very little idea of what to expect. Plus keep in mind a lot of people on these site's for masturbation reasons. And have NO intention of ever really doing anything. If I have to say to someone I dont "play" with kids, animals, or anything that would kill me or be illegal. They have some serious issues to even ask that's all I can say! For example when Master takes me in our dungeon and ties me up, or whips me, or even punishes me, We are NOT having a "scene" or "role playing" but rather living everyday life, like going to work or eating dinner. And truthfully I really dislike those kinds terms because to me it really cheapens the sacred bond between a Master/Mistress and slave. As so does a lot of other scene and Internet jargons. All I can do is what feels right for me. and share my experience with others. and as I mentioned that really varies from person to person.....scarlettred :D

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 7:27:38 AM

bklynbbw

Posts: 147
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline

I agree, while I have no rt experience..I do have plenty of "life" experience. If someone were to ask me if I play with children, animals, etc. I would know right then that they are not someone I want to be with. I am also sure it will be some time before I put my life in someones hands by letting them tie me up. I would have to know and trust that person almost as well as I know myself. as for other things I think may be limits, thats where I guess the trust of the person doing it comes in.... at least this is what i'm thinking from what I have learned so far. I dont know but maybe growing up on the streets on NYC makes me a bit more cautious? <smile>

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 19

RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 9:35:18 AM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

Being a newbie myself, you're intense list have many things I would never consider in a millions years. Some of them I was surprised to even hear of. You are so right!

Celeste often says on the boards, be careful what you wish for...after this list, no kidding!

I have never been one to say I'll try anything once or I have no limits. Geez now I have many hard limits! Thank you for giving the examples in detail!

(in reply to LadyKim)

Post #: 20

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