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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:39:38 PM   
SaschaMarie


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From: Houston, Tx
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme


quote:

ORIGINAL: SaschaMarie

To me it seems that lifestyle is a term used to describe a non-pro dom who likes BDSM in and out of the bedroom. I dont think you have to do ''public'' stuff to be a lifestyle dom.

-Sascha

Hello Sascha:
Do you think that one who engages in BDSM in and out of the bedroom is automatically then defined as a "lifestyler"? Do you see the only distinction being pro or non-pro?
Thanks for your thoughts.



I'v mostly seen the term thrown around since i'v been on these forums as the distinction between the two. Personally, i think of "lifestyle" dom's a someone who is dominate with their mate all the time even if they have a full life(jobs, friends,kids,etc).
Small stuff like decideing what they eat for lunch, or having them give you a massage, then of course the more private stuff :)
Like a way of life, instead of someone who only wants their kinks in the bedroom.

-Sascha

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:48:49 PM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

Yes, but Rochsub2009, how do you reconcile your vanilla and d/s interests into that "lifestyle"? Or does that even matter?  Thanks!



No, it doesn't really matter.  In my experience, no two dynamics are the same.  Each relationship is unique.  Everyone will reconcile their kink and vanilla in different ways.

i learned long ago that trying to gain consensus on the meaning of most BDSM terms is a losing proposition.  Instead, i simply do what i do, and i don't really worry about what others call it. 


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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:50:56 PM   
leadership527


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Status: offline 		I call that a "True Pragmatist". Maybe we should start a thread on that? *laughs*

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:51:36 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


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From: Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I didn't have an argument really, until I came across this.

When I use the term lifestyle, it actually has very little to do with My sex life.  That would be like saying My marriage is defined by My sex life.  Neither of which is accurate.

Yet, when I go to work, I'm still a married woman.

When I socialize with friends, I'm still a married woman.

I could go on with paralleling the examples you gave in the original, but I think you understand where I'm going.  These other interactions that I have don't change the fact that I'm married.  They also don't change the fact that someone is collared to Me.  It doesn't change the way I live or the type of dynamics that I enjoy having in My life.  They don't change the activities that I enjoy and it doesn't mean that someone has to have a singular focus about it.


Hello LadyPact. I was hoping you would weigh in. The parallel you describe is quite accurate. I think what I was describing were those individuals who seem to define all those various aspects of their life from a d/s context. Perhaps it is more prevalent on the other side, and with many of the messages I receive that give me that impression, but it seems that there are variances all over the place.
Thanks!

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:54:39 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I call that a "True Pragmatist". Maybe we should start a thread on that? *laughs*

Yes, I was thinking very similarly. Trying to find consensus on a definition might be a slight bit more difficult than the proverbial "herding of cats". LOL

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:04:59 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme
Hello LadyPact. I was hoping you would weigh in. The parallel you describe is quite accurate. I think what I was describing were those individuals who seem to define all those various aspects of their life from a d/s context. Perhaps it is more prevalent on the other side, and with many of the messages I receive that give me that impression, but it seems that there are variances all over the place.
Thanks!

No problem at all. 

Oddly enough, I've never really come across much debate when it comes to the word "lifestyle" when used in other contexts.  When someone says they live a healthy lifestyle, I take it to mean they eat right and exercise.  I don't ever think it means that they are in the gym every hour of the day or that they only associate with people who do the same.  Same goes for the swingers lifestyle, the recovery lifestyle, and a bunch of others.



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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:05:00 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
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Status: offline 		*pffft* It's trivial. Being truly pragmatic means that one sees things the way *I* do.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:10:48 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You sure about that?

See, as far as I'm concerned, you're someone that I'll have the opportunity to meet soon, through the lifestyle.  It doesn't matter to Me one bit that you're not into the whips and chains and things.  I'll be getting to see you along with other friends that are in the lifestyle.  For one thing or another, we all have some kind of interest that revolves in something about this stuff in some way.  That's going to make us "friends who have met through the lifestyle"  


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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:19:55 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
You sure about that?...That's going to make us "friends who have met through the lifestyle"  


DAMNIT!

Does this mean I'm going to have to stop calling myself vanilla? If so, I'm holding you and Merc responsible... although reasonably I should blame beth since it was her posts more than anyone elses back in the day that really clarified things for me.

WAIT! There we go! It's all Beth's fault! Someone needs to punish her. Where's that damned crockpot?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:25:04 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
color="#9900cc"] 

Oddly enough, I've never really come across much debate when it comes to the word "lifestyle" when used in other contexts.  When someone says they live a healthy lifestyle, I take it to mean they eat right and exercise.  I don't ever think it means that they are in the gym every hour of the day or that they only associate with people who do the same.  Same goes for the swingers lifestyle, the recovery lifestyle, and a bunch of others.

[/color]

Okay, and I don't want to belabor the point, but if someone says they live a healthy lifestyle, we don't automatically ask whether they are a professional personal trainer, or just a gym rat. There are lots of permutations in between. I think this was a great example, and I'm glad to have all of these responses to mull over. And I agree with you, this is the only context in which there seem to be so many absolutes while at the same time so many variations.
Thanks!

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Warmly,
LD

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:26:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Well, Mr So-Called Vanilla, I happen to think the wax pot would be a perrrrrfect <cough> punishment for beth.  Of course, you do realize that wax is often used when a top wants to take a bottom to a very warm, relaxing, content type of place.  It works about the same way it does by punishing someone by taking them to the spa for a body treatment. 

Lady Pact - 2

Jeff - 0


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:30:37 PM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

this is the only context in which there seem to be so many absolutes while at the same time so many variations.



But that's the thing.  There are NO absolutes.  There are simply an infinite number of variations.

The problem is that we have so many Dominants in the lifestyle that each of them thinks that their variation is an absolute. 

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 6/20/2010 8:38:44 PM >

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:33:57 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme
Okay, and I don't want to belabor the point, but if someone says they live a healthy lifestyle, we don't automatically ask whether they are a professional personal trainer, or just a gym rat. There are lots of permutations in between. I think this was a great example, and I'm glad to have all of these responses to mull over. And I agree with you, this is the only context in which there seem to be so many absolutes while at the same time so many variations.
Thanks!

LD, as somebody who does enjoy public BDSM, munches, and so forth, let Me assure you that you don't have the term lifestyle thrown about out there as you do here.  It might be used when folks are trying to convey that it isn't a bedroom only thing in their relationship or maybe how long they've been interested in BDSM.

On CM, it can be those as well as making the distinction that someone is not a professional.  I tend to think that this comes in counter to much of the "all Dommes want money" mentality that is prevelant.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 8:45:02 PM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

Does this mean I'm going to have to stop calling myself vanilla?

Yup. Call yourself that at Mercnbeth's next weekend, and we will giggle our butts off.
Do I get in on the wax 'punishment' now, LP?


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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 9:00:06 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
Yup. Call yourself that at Mercnbeth's next weekend, and we will giggle our butts off.
Well... I suppose that's better than the evil slave eye which I get all the time from Carol. Or, the much dreaded *rolls eyes* I get from my online slave.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 9:03:31 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		In my area, "in the lifestyle" only means you are kinky or more appropriately not vanilla. The distinction between pro or not and/or being open in the community is only something I've seen since I've come to CM.

I think lifestyle can mean a variety of things. In the end I'm not sure it matters, like all labels surrounding D/s and bdsm there seems to be way more controversy than helpfulness in them.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 9:25:04 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


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From: Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
I think lifestyle can mean a variety of things. In the end I'm not sure it matters, like all labels surrounding D/s and bdsm there seems to be way more controversy than helpfulness in them.

Yes, laurell3, I suspect you are correct. As the responses to this thread have shown, it is purely a matter of individual perception.
Thanks for your thoughts.

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Warmly,
LD

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 10:11:13 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527


Lifestyle: A manner of living that reflects a person's values and attitudes.




If you take this definition of Jeff's as a starting point, I state I am a lifestyler. My lifestyle does reflect my values and attitudes. But then seeing my lifestyle is the "Victorian Lifestyle" based upon a well documented historical period in the UK, Austral;ia, New Zealand and the US where values were far better defined, good manner were valued and expected and so forth, to which I add I was brought up in such a type of home is there no wonder that I embrace my lifestyle as something of value and worthy of everything I can give it?  The ownership of slaves or domestic servants is an added bonus and BDSM is a mere personal entertainment in which I may find pleasure but not be dependent upon



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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 11:08:43 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
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From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Not a term I use... Ive never heard of it until I started reading the forums. Personally I think anyone that uses that term is clueless. Yanno if you cant dazzle em with brilliance.... baffle em with bull shit kinda thing.... ie toss around general terms and act like you know what your talking about.

BadOne

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 11:33:32 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline 		I don't understand the term "lifestyle" and when someone uses it, I generally ask them what they mean by it. I don't find it useful in describing myself. The way I am isn't a "style" at all. I'm not playing a game or acting.

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