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Crying? - 6/21/2010 10:45:47 AM

curiouskitten8

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2009
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I finally have found a great partner, a strong Dom and things have been awesome for us. Our chemistry is nearly perfect, we both care a great deal for each other. But the other day we were playing around for a long while, things were a little intense (not crazy though) and I started bawling out of no where. It happened right after he slapped my face, but it wasn't painful. I've taken really really hard spankings, with all sorts of bruising and didn't shed a tear. So I'm confused as to why something so small made this happen? He's told me how hot it is to see a girl cry, but we were both confused this time around. I think he's used to girls crying from spankings or something of the sort, and this was new for both of us. when it happened he just held me and was really sweet. But I didn't know how to answer when he asked what happened. I tried to explain that he didn't hurt me, I sort of even liked it...( i hope thats not weird) but I'm worried that he'll hold back now. I felt so close to him, like I just wanted to be nothing but his...then only a few minutes later I felt really sad. Its all so confusing. Is this normal??
*sorry, this post is so scattered, I am just so lost*

Post #: 1

RE: Crying? - 6/21/2010 12:46:32 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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It's called catharsis. An emotional release. Many people find face slapping to be very difficult. If it only happens then, try to figure out where it comes from, were you slapped when young for instance.

But as long as he's checking in with you, and knows he hasn't hit an emotional landmine, or caused bad pain, you shouldn't worry.

About the feeling lost/down/sad, could be subdrop. Stay connected to him, take naps. And so on.

But since the sadness came right after the face slapping, I'm betting it's connected to that. Try not doing that and see how it goes.

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Post #: 2

RE: Crying? - 6/22/2010 3:03:02 PM

curiouskitten8

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Thanks so much for the advice :)

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Post #: 3

RE: Crying? - 6/22/2010 3:12:41 PM

kiwisub12

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I had a similar episode after a caning - which i love - and agree with DesFIP - there was something somewhere that resonated with what we were doing and how i was feeling emotionally. It happened once, and not since then.
I have heard this process described as lancing a boil - that you didn't know you had - and draining psychic pus. Once its gone, its over - so you might have your dom to try the face slapping again and see what happens.

Either way, sometimes it happens, nothing to panic about, and love and cuddles is the perfect after care for it.

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Post #: 4

RE: Crying? - 6/22/2010 3:12:56 PM

maat

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Its maybe not even conected to the face slap. I know when im in sub mood all my emotions runn verry shalow. The smalest thing can sometimes get a verry big reaction. I might start laughing or giggeling out of controle just cuz im so extreamly in the moment and happy. I can cry for the same reason. All of a suden i can feel naked and vonorable or sad. Its not just one thing that he did to me its everything in one.

Try and figur out what happend. Be honest with him and explain that your ok, you wernt hurt and how you feel about what happend, if you cant figur out what happend then tell him that. Maybe its something you whant to explore more or just leave it alone for now. But do play on.

About the sadnes. Sounds like subdrop to me. Usualy if i have it its after a hard scene when im alone. Can come hours after. A good cuddle and cooldown after the scene usualy helps so it whont happend but not always. Its an emptieness that feels like its eating you up. Rest. Relax, eat something and if you can take a nap. Usualy helps me.

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Post #: 5

RE: Crying? - 6/22/2010 3:34:46 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
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i am new in the life also....i know i feel so connected that the least little thing will set me to tears or giddyness...a happy ive never felt.

the intensity of D/s is nerve wrecking yet awesome....allow yourself to be under his wing...hope you feel better soon....and i know all about lost!

hug

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Post #: 6

RE: Crying? - 6/22/2010 8:13:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's not necessarily always catharsis.

Look we're not going to the grocery store for eggs here. We're having seriously intense emotional and physical experiences, why does it surprise people when they have serious intense REACTIONS to that?

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Post #: 7

RE: Crying? - 6/22/2010 9:10:23 PM

curiouskitten8

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not necessarily always catharsis.

Look we're not going to the grocery store for eggs here. We're having seriously intense emotional and physical experiences, why does it surprise people when they have serious intense REACTIONS to that?

I was surprised because i had no idea why it happened, I'm not a cryer. I understand that these experiences are intense, but it was like finding a penguin in a desert, it just didn't make sense. I'm glad it happened though.

Thanks for all the responses, i'm glad to hear this is normal.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Crying? - 6/23/2010 10:06:04 AM

ranja

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For me it sometimes has everything to do with what time of the month it is...

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Post #: 9

RE: Crying? - 6/23/2010 1:06:21 PM

UniqueRaven

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From: Austin, TX
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i see it as a good thing, actually - it's a sign that you're beginning to let down some inner walls and explore some parts of yourself that may have been hidden, or managed, for quite some time.

As a yoga teacher who specializes in yin and restorative yoga - deep, slow stretching and poses held with props, etc. - i see this happen with students all the time. As people begin to manipulate and work with their bodies and open aspects of their physical selves, it often also brings up deeply held parts of their emotional selves - and often crying as a result. i have boxes of tissues around the room for people that need them.

Simply be present with the feelings and explore them - and if he is honoring what's going on with you and working with you as well, i hope you both would find it as a sign of a deepening connection and Bond between you both.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

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My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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Post #: 10

RE: Crying? - 6/23/2010 4:16:39 PM

laurell3

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It happens to me. For me it's nothing more than an intense emotional release. I actually desire being pushed to the point of crying because of that release and because I find it really difficult to cry otherwise. You're not "weird" if this is the reason.

It's not necessarily cathartic though. If you felt sad when you cried it is possible it was a reaction to the face slapping. Not everyone handles that well. Only you know the answer to that.

I don't think it's at all odd either to have moments of sadness after an intense and bonding experience. That happens to me too, and many people have "sub drop". Don't worry about it unless it really is you reacting emotionally to something that is wrong. As LA stated, you're experiencing something really intense, having intense reactions isn't suprising or "weird".

_____________________________

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 11

RE: Crying? - 6/23/2010 9:26:23 PM

xXsoumisXx

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/26/2009
From: USA
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i always cry when coming out of subspace. i do not know why. sometimes i do not realize i am or was "away' as we say, until i cry. i couple of times i wanted to go to sleep, and he would not allow it until i cried, because that is His cue that i am truly coming out of it.

these are always good cries, although i am very raw, and emotional for a while after. sometimes a couple of days.

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Post #: 12

RE: Crying? - 6/24/2010 3:21:40 PM

kuppykake

Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

It happens to me as well. I think the brain sometimes gets confused when encountering new, intense or unexpected experiences. Some people laugh at funerals, even though they do not think it's a funny situation. I sometimes cry during or right after intense sex. It's a strange feeling, but I think it's far from bad or abnormal. Cuddles help.

(in reply to xXsoumisXx)

Post #: 13

RE: Crying? - 6/24/2010 3:56:03 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
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I am one Dom who thinks crying is really hot. Having it happen after a face slap is more common than after a spanking, in my experience. Crying is usually connected more to emotional than physical pain for adults.

(in reply to kuppykake)

Post #: 14

RE: Crying? - 6/25/2010 4:02:54 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i see it as a good thing, actually - it's a sign that you're beginning to let down some inner walls and explore some parts of yourself that may have been hidden, or managed, for quite some time.

As a yoga teacher who specializes in yin and restorative yoga - deep, slow stretching and poses held with props, etc. - i see this happen with students all the time. As people begin to manipulate and work with their bodies and open aspects of their physical selves, it often also brings up deeply held parts of their emotional selves - and often crying as a result. i have boxes of tissues around the room for people that need them.

Simply be present with the feelings and explore them - and if he is honoring what's going on with you and working with you as well, i hope you both would find it as a sign of a deepening connection and Bond between you both.

Good luck to you.

Yup, yup, yup! There have been a couple of exercise classes that just ripped my heart out. Others made me soar! Very powerful when we start dealing with muscle memory.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 15

RE: Crying? - 6/25/2010 4:06:25 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I used to cry like a baby sometimes when I ran long distances. Haha I bet it freaked out the people driving on the street by me.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 16

RE: Crying? - 6/25/2010 4:21:47 AM

DarlingSavage

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Joined: 9/18/2009
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Crying

The Crying Game

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Post #: 17

RE: Crying? - 6/25/2010 4:25:42 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtXFfizk5nE

Who's crying now?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 18

RE: Crying? - 6/27/2010 11:39:57 AM

OCDom1

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Joined: 6/14/2010
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Hello curious,

The short answer to your question is. . . yes, you are normal, very normal. For more detailed thought, please see below.

Everyone has an emotional release point. Like your own experiences and many of the responses you've already received, I've seen people take the most severe training and punishment without crying. That's not to say that there wasn't emotion involved and that it wasn't an emotional process, they just didn't release it.

However, there may be an action or a scenario or even a phrase that will be the catharsis to releasing this emotion. In your case, it seems to have been the slap in the face. For some reason, this action, this event, resonated within you and promoted the releasing of emotional energy and tension that may have been buried deep within you through crying. Was there a sense of relief, of relaxation, of releasing tension from within yourself?

Maybe I can help by sharing an experience from mentoring a young woman who needed a father figure. She simply sought a spanking from her "Daddy," however she received much more. First I scolded her, bringing up the issues she mentioned to me. And as I spanked her, I scolded her some more re-enforcing these issues and the need for her to address them. As our session progressed, I delved further and further into her psyche, addressing the issues and problems she had brought to my attention, which eventually led to some very deep seeded issues. I made her do some things to allow the spanking to permeate her whole being. And then I asked her one question (which I will not share here as it was personal). At first she seemed confused. As I continued the spanking, I waited and watched her closely. I knew that my question was sinking in. Then I asked it again. This time she burst out in tears and started acknowledging all the issues, the problems in her life she was having and the things that were hurting her from deep within.

The point is that most everyone, if not everyone, has their release point. You had yours. You don't have to explain it or figure out why it happened at that moment and at that time. If you can, great! But, if it eludes you, don't make a big issue over it. My suggestion is to embrace it, cherish it and reap the benefits and rewards that came from it. Because, although there is a chance that you may experience this again. . . there is also the chance that it may, very well, not ever happen again.

My best, OCDom1

< Message edited by OCDom1 -- 6/27/2010 11:42:35 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Crying? - 6/28/2010 7:27:54 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OCDom1

However, there may be an action or a scenario or even a phrase that will be the catharsis to releasing this emotion. In your case, it seems to have been the slap in the face. For some reason, this action, this event, resonated within you and promoted the releasing of emotional energy and tension that may have been buried deep within you through crying. Was there a sense of relief, of relaxation, of releasing tension from within yourself?

Hmmm. A new branch of therapy. M/s psychotherapy. Too bad it's not PC.

(in reply to OCDom1)

Post #: 20

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