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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 6/22/2010 3:38:19 AM   
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Status: offline 		Hey dark-n-lovely; I should have edited Katy's quote, I was dittoing the "I would not consider marriage without a prenup" part, not really the section about kids.


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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 6/22/2010 3:39:52 AM   
laurell3


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Status: offline 		I think there can be valid reasons to get a prenup. They are really rather limited legally though. You will want to have a family law attorney in your state tell you how specifically. Like any contract they cannot be as onesided as many people seem to believe and still be upheld as valid.

Personally, it's not something that I would do, but I can think of many valid legal reasons to do it. It isn't necessarily going to stop a legal battle though. The battle will begin with the validity and terms of the prenup of course, but a Court still has to know all the facts to make that determination if it is contested.


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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 6/22/2010 3:45:31 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


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Status: offline 		It really depends....I am not in general against it when there are valid reasons and would not have a problem with it.

If my ex and I would have worked out that way then I would be pretty sure he would have demanded one as he has a huge anxiety about his wealth (don't know too much about why but he fears a lot being used financially) and it would not have bothered me as I didn't like him for his money and am stable enough without his money now and later in life. Therefore if someone would want one, no problem for me.

Also back home is a situation where I think one would have been very good if it would have been in place because a friend of my parents married 1-2 years ago (he was terminally ill) which means now that he passed away his new wife will get half the house...despite the fact that the house was the house from his ex (she had brought it into the marriage, they hadn't build it up together) and he has 3 adult children. And I simply think that in such a situation no part of the house should be in her possession and should belong only to the kids which he had with his ex (his ex passed away 17 years ago on a brain haemorrhage). But thats just my view.

Therefore it depends. That experience did show me that if I would have kids and potentially owe one day half of the stuff my parents own...I would make sure if i would get married a second time that kids wouldn't lose out as it is in that situation now...

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 6/22/2010 4:49:55 AM   
rulemylife


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaserKitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife


Check divorce records and you will find there is always a battle over assets, no matter how meager those assets are.



False.

when I got divorced, there was NO battle over anything.  we agreed that we were ill-suited, and that we would leave the marriage with what we had come into it with. .All else was to be sold/divided equitably, proceeds split.



Yes, I should have said often instead of always.

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 8:19:33 AM   
lazarus1983


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Status: offline 		These days, a prenup is your best friend. There's nothing sacred about something that can be obtained at a drive thru in Vegas. Marriage itself isn't necessary, at least in my opinion. If you truly feel strongly about a person, do you really need a ceremony and a license??

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 9:40:45 AM   
AsmodaisSin


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Status: offline 		I'm sure there are valid reasons to get one, but having never been married, I am naive enough to believe in the sanctity and beauty of marriage.  So, with that being said, I would like to think that if ever Daddy and I were married, we would not need a prenuptial agreement because we'd be spending the rest of our lives together.  

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 10:57:26 AM   
Owner59


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Status: offline 		Plan for the worst, hope for the best.



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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 11:57:28 AM   
Arpig


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quote:

Check divorce records and you will find there is always a battle over assets, no matter how meager those assets are.
Not in my divorce...so not always..as to the OP, my honest advice is don't marry, then there is no need for a prenup.

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 12:12:29 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		Depending upon where you live, a marriage is not always required to create issues upon splitting up.

I used to think pre-nups were horrid. Now I am 100% for them.


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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 8:31:12 PM   
Owner59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Check divorce records and you will find there is always a battle over assets, no matter how meager those assets are.
Not in my divorce...so not always..as to the OP, my honest advice is don't marry, then there is no need for a prenup.


Eventually tho,common law takes over and you`re in the same place anyway.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage

Live together and share everything for years,have kids etc.,it`s a marriage.

I did my own divorce.We had no assets and the cost was the filing fee.A few words with the judge and one hammer smack later and it was done.She didn`t even have to be there.


< Message edited by Owner59 -- 7/12/2010 8:35:30 PM >

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 8:53:37 PM   
wpf0027


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Status: offline 		I truly believe a valid, legal prenup should be in place before every marriage.  No matter how strong the passion or how deep the love.  The passion of love can swing over to the passion of bitterness and hate.  It really doesn't matter if you don't have a pot to piss in.  Two of my friends from high school got married and have been fighting over a trailer for what seems like forever.  Back when they got together they seemed like the perfect couple.  After about two good years of marriage and about ten awful years they are the prefect losers and are still trying to ruin each others lives.  It is like that movie "War of the Roses: The White Trash Version."

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/12/2010 10:26:21 PM   
Nineveh


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Status: offline 		A pre-nup can help to prevent divorce, if the terms that are included in it are ones that discourage it for one reason or another.  It is certainly preparing for failure, but it is not anticipating it.

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/13/2010 4:57:34 AM   
thishereboi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wpf0027

I truly believe a valid, legal prenup should be in place before every marriage.  No matter how strong the passion or how deep the love.  The passion of love can swing over to the passion of bitterness and hate.  It really doesn't matter if you don't have a pot to piss in.  Two of my friends from high school got married and have been fighting over a trailer for what seems like forever.  Back when they got together they seemed like the perfect couple.  After about two good years of marriage and about ten awful years they are the prefect losers and are still trying to ruin each others lives.  It is like that movie "War of the Roses: The White Trash Version."


Unless one of them owned the trailer prior to getting married, I am not sure how a prenup would have helped. From my understanding it is to protect assests you already have and don't want to split with your partner after the divorce.


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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/13/2010 7:18:32 AM   
BitaTruble


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

Alright. I've had this argument a few times now, and I can't quite get over it.

I say that obtaining a prenup is a good idea in any marriage, because going through a divorce is a stressful enough process without arguing (and by arguing, I probably mean suing) over who gets what.

My family (who, incidentally, is very religious) says that getting a prenup means you expect your marriage will fail, so you should not get one at all. They also argue that unless you are very wealthy, getting a prenup is pointless.

What are your opinions on this?



When I divorced my first husband, he pretty much kept everything.. even things that had belonged to my grandparents that passed on to me when they died. I figure it this way.. those are just things and while it would be nice to have them.. when he dies, those things will go to our children same is if they were sitting in my house at this moment. Himself and I both have fairly substantianl 401k's .. mine going half to him and half to be split evenly between my children. His will go half to me and half going to his daughter. If we should divorce prior to death, then I'll simply change my 401k and will to give everything to my children and I would assume he will do the same so that all his assets go to his daughter. If our marriage doesn't make it for whatever reason, there is nothing of value that I want from him since he is the most valuable asset in our marriage to one another. Everything else seems trivial after that.. and stuff is just stuff that you have to move when you want some place new and fairly meaningless in the long term to me. After seeing my parents get 9 divorces between the two of them, some of them quite nasty and costly, it just doesn't seem worth it to me to bicker over some old crap that I can't take with me when I die.

I won't get married again.. but I will probably live *in sin* if I find someone with whom I'm compatible or, I'll just live alone with .. probably dogs but maybe cats. I'm bi that way. :D

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/17/2010 6:23:04 AM   
wpf0027


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quote:

Unless one of them owned the trailer prior to getting married, I am not sure how a prenup would have helped. From my understanding it is to protect assests you already have and don't want to split with your partner after the divorce.



One did own the trailer first.  The other one claimed that it should be her's since she was going to have primary custody of the kids and they needed a place to live.  He didn't agree with that or that she should have custody so it just goes on.  Since I have never heard anything but he said she said or sat down with their lawyers (why would I) I have no idea what is exactly happening.  The point is if they had set down and planned somethings out before they hated each other it might have been easier.  How hard is it to get together and say my stuff before we get married is my stuff?  Your stuff is your stuff.   And the stuff we get together is split down the middle.

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RE: Prenuptials - Anticipating failure or good idea? - 7/17/2010 6:32:11 AM   
KatyLied


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Status: offline 		I was talking about my adult children from a previous marriage.  I would want them to be my beneficiaries regarding life insurance, retirement, and equity in my home.  I feel a responsibility to them and would want to proceed with my plan whether I was married or not.  It is not an issue as I do not plan on another marriage, but one never knows.  It would kill me to lose my home in the event of a divorce, too old to start all over again a second time.  Just being realistic.  People can marry the best of friends, and divorce can change all of that, and sometimes in an alarming way.

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