RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all?

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/13/2006 7:12:20 PM

KnightofMists

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kyra has done well to explain the view point of my house. But, I will add the following.

I feel it is unhighly unrealistic to think that Full Disclosure is going to be automatic. Such disclosures have an emotional risk for those involved. For the individual that is faced with the Traumatic Pasts, they are particularly at emotional risk. The answer to kyra when she asked me the same question... give only what you can afford to risk. As well as allow it to naturally occur... Do not force it.

It is my approach not to mold a slave or a submissive in to what I want or would like. I only seek to give them the freedom to be who they already are. This requires alot of efforts on everyones part... but most of all... My girls must be honest with themselves. Nothing will displease me more than they trying to be what they are not! Do not force it... take slow steady steps... When you allow yourself to be naturally vulnerable to another... it is not fearful or weakness. When being vulnerable brings Freedom and Empowerment.. you know your on the right path.

"In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it."

Michelangelo

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/13/2006 7:58:54 PM

Arpig

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I would say that hopefully one reveals these things before they become an issue, but if not then for God's sake do so as soon as they do. If you have been raped and had a very hard time overcoming that, then a rape scene is probablly not the best idea, now is it. If the fact that one has issues from one's past would scare away a potential partner early on, then it will do so later as well, but with a damn sight more hurt, hard feelings and anger.

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/14/2006 10:10:13 AM

Phoenixandnika

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I personally think it is unrealistic to think I would fully disclose "everything" about my past to someone immediately. I consider myself very lucky, my Master and I where friends long before we were Master / slave. Even then however, there where things that where hard for me to discuss because in truth they where still very much opened wound.

My Master and I used to play this Q & A game . We would take turns asking each other question and no matter what those questions where we had to answer honestly. Now , this was after we had been friends for along time and where exploring the idea of a Master/slave relationship and in truth a life together. Would I give someone who was simply an aquantance that much information about me, my life. NO. There are some things that will NEVER be public knowledge because they are very intimate and personal things. However, the moment I think they may affect how I react in a situation, my safety or someone elses I will ALWAYS be upfront.

That being said I do think there are things should be disclosed upfront when becoming intimately involved with someone period weather lifestyle or not. Those typically are health issue, both mental and physical health issue. Knowing those things - can possibly change the outcome of a situation.

A silly example : My uncle was dating this woman for quiet some time. One night he went to her house for dinner the next thing I knew I was getting a call from the emergency room. She made stuffed bell peppers with shrimp flakes as a seasoning. He is deathy allergic to shrimp it makes his body swell up like a balloon which in turn closes off air ways and such. IF he would have disclosed this to her she would not have used the shrimp flakes in the bell peppers.

Nika{Phoenix}
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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/14/2006 12:06:50 PM

Arpig

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i am afraid that it really was a silly example, anybody who has serious food allergies and does not warn a person who is having them over for dinner is a damned fool.

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/14/2006 4:51:01 PM

SusanofO

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Yet another great thread to read. So encouraging and inspiring.Thanks to all.

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/14/2006 4:55:32 PM

mnottertail

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The OP said and I am with it as I said when.............

EARLY............
somebody says Hi, I say on your knees bitch, someone says Hi, I was raped at 13 and I have issues, I will wait 20 or thirty minutes to say on your knees bitch......

C'mon this is insane,
Ron

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/14/2006 6:02:07 PM

babysburnin

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I've had a good life - disfunction - of course! I even saw a "show" that mentioned "supressing abuse and childhood trauma" - I thought for a sec - "Did I do that, supress?" No, I have not, can't blame anything on that!

The non-perfect experience as a child - my best friend was kidnapped and rapped - I was the next victim on his list (unknown to me at the time). I was spared (he was caught)- soooo sorry you were not spared. This seems short and cold - it is not.

This is significant for you (hopefully not defining you) My "two cents" is "tell". It is important. All my love to you - you can be safe and loved and true to yourself. (More love to you... hugs, hugs, hugs)

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/17/2006 4:02:30 PM

londonsubwife

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I have had the joyous experience of being to hell and back on more than one occassion unfortunatly. My Dom found it all out while we spoke on IM. It was gradual and sometimes the details didn't come out until months and in one occassion a year later. Telling someone of your past, when it impacts who you are today and what you can and cannot deal with, is vital to a healthy relationship.
95% of people don't need to know shit if you don't want them to, but your Dom and anyone you are very intimate with (emotional not sexual) does need to know.
I wouldn't suggest in the first five minutes but in the first five indepth/serious conversations some of it should come up and if it hasn't, you have to ask, why not?

lsw

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RE: Traumatic Pasts-When to tell all? - 4/17/2006 4:58:30 PM

fyreredsub

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a slave owes it to herself to tell her Master everything and she owes it to her Master ecspecially if play that may trigger issues is invovled. how can a master help a slave grow if they dont know what psychological demons they are up against

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