Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 12:53:57 PM)



I have a pet peeve about subs buying 'gifts' for femdoms in the way of toys (to be used on him), but I think a lot of femdoms do also. Something I am not a big fan of but accept that there's some reasoning behind it, for self play and exploration, is when a sub buys lots of toys like plugs or vibes or whatever. I understand self bondage and self play, so that's understandable.

I can't quite get my head around subs buying chastity devices and being totally independent using them - ie, they wear it 100% for themselves with no femdom in sight, not even via email.   I guess it's another form of self play...so ok, I get it.

But what about a sub that buys a strap on harness w/dildo - a toy he has no intent to use, at all, on himself - a toy that he bought "for" his Mistress, but he has no Mistress. In other words, he's just waiting, until he meets her, then at some point will say, "Oh hey I got this.." and not only did he get it "for" her, he got it..before he met her. 

Is this preparedness on the part of the sub, and good for him.  Or is it inappropriate, and probably not something to tell a woman he's met?

Akasha



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 12:56:31 PM)

Don't the Boy Scouts have a Motto that says

"Always Be Prepared"

Just call the Boy Scouts and move along.

I think a large quantity of subs want a service top who only wants to do the things that they want to do anyway.

QSM



leadership527 -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 1:07:12 PM)

*removed for lack of useful input*



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 1:07:27 PM)

quote:

Is this preparedness on the part of the sub, and good for him. Or is it inappropriate, and probably not something to tell a woman he's met?


I got involved in the fetish/bdsm aspects of my way of life long before I got involved in the service/authority-dynamics end. With that in mind, I was always taught to encourage those on the receiving end of BDSM play to build their own "toybag" -- to make sure they had toys, especially toys that would be used intimately/sexually or those that would be used for blood/body-fluid play that were their own. I extend that, among those whom I play with casually, to the "accouterments"... things like harnesses (including strap-on harnesses, since it really helps to have one that works with the dildo one has purchased), monogrammed towels (with the play-partner's initials on them), and other items specific to individual play partners are included, for me, in that toybag.

For me, I'd say "good on you for being well prepared".... however, I wouldn't consider it "a gift for the Dominant" -- it's a toy for the submissive, and there's no question about that in my mind.

Calla



LafayetteLady -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 1:08:07 PM)

On the one hand, I can understand your thinking that he should wait until he has met "her," perhaps giving it more special meaning. On the other hand, toys are expensive, and I see nothing wrong with someone developing their own collection.

If you are saying though that there is a problem with him having purchased the strap on without knowing whether or not the woman he becomes involved with might use it (or perhaps it was used by another mistress), that's different. I get squicked out at the idea of someone using toys on me that they have used on someone else, so if I were the guy I would prefer to have my own collection of toys that would be used on me rather than have my mistress use her collection (which was used on others).

It's all a matter of perspective.



DesFIP -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 1:52:22 PM)

I think subs should own their own toys and not expect the dominant to buy them all. Plus it's easier to do so a little at a time instead of get into a relationship and have to expend a great deal of money suddenly in order to have a toy bag.

And insertables? Damned straight he should own his own and not use ones that have been used on anyone else.

Akasha, are you also suggesting that every sub who is out of a relationship should throw away all the toys he used with his ex?

It's a toy he's interested in. If you're also interested in it, then use it. If not, then leave it untouched. I think you're overinvesting in this. If he owned a pasta maker would you be peeved because he owned it before you? If you liked pasta you'd tell him to make some, if you're on a carb free diet you tell him to put it back in the cabinet. No difference.



LadyPact -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:06:09 PM)

A harness is not something that I put into the category of building your own toy bag.  At that point, you're building somebody else's toy bag and you don't even know if they want to play.  What happens if "Mistress" doesn't like strap on play?

If I've never made My position clear on purchasing a strap on as a surprise gift when someone has never taken enough interest to purchase one of her own:  Dumb, dumb, dumb, immediately placing expectations on the Dominant woman in your life, dumb, dumb, dumb.



PeonForHer -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:07:55 PM)

I have a pet peeve about subs buying 'gifts' for femdoms in the way of toys (to be used on him), but I think a lot of femdoms do also. Something I am not a big fan of but accept that there's some reasoning behind it, for self play and exploration, is when a sub buys lots of toys like plugs or vibes or whatever. I understand self bondage and self play, so that's understandable.

I think that's on a par with the stereotypical 1950's husband who gets a washing machine for his wife as her birthday present.  Oh dear . . . .

Is this preparedness on the part of the sub, and good for him.  Or is it inappropriate, and probably not something to tell a woman he's met?
 
I'd instinctively think it's a bad idea to mention that I have anything like that were I to have any of it.  As far as preparedness is concerned:  I guess the key thing would be to know where I could the required item were 'she' to want it.  In the meantime, I'm pretty damned good at improvising.





DarlingSavage -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:12:57 PM)

How funny!  That's just hilarious!  Stand prepared, I guess, but don't advertise to someone you just met!  HAHAHAHAHA!



PeonForHer -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:16:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPactIf I've never made My position clear on purchasing a strap on as a surprise gift when someone has never taken enough interest to purchase one of her own:  Dumb, dumb, dumb, immediately placing expectations on the Dominant woman in your life, dumb, dumb, dumb.


A strap-on is something that I'd really, really want her to buy for herself.  I wouldn't want the slightest thought passing through my head that she'd want to use it for my good rather than hers.  Yeesh.



PeonForHer -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:20:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

How funny!  That's just hilarious!  Stand prepared, I guess, but don't advertise to someone you just met!  HAHAHAHAHA!


I see no cause for tittering, DS.  I was a boy scout once and 'Be Prepared' remains my motto.  If I get together with a femdom, I assume that she might be into any number of things that I might never have thought of.  I think it's good to know where the nearest pet shops are, at least. 



LadyNTrainer -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:23:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
It's a toy he's interested in. If you're also interested in it, then use it. If not, then leave it untouched. I think you're overinvesting in this. If he owned a pasta maker would you be peeved because he owned it before you? If you liked pasta you'd tell him to make some, if you're on a carb free diet you tell him to put it back in the cabinet. No difference.


This is more or less my view also.  It's convenient when my partners have their own toys.  I may not want to use 100% of them, but it's better if they're available for me in case I want them. 

Now if he's whiny and totally self-focused about insisting I do certain things to him because he waaaaants them, he's unlikely to end up being a personal partner anyway.



LadyPact -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:40:09 PM)

I'm not fucking him with a pasta maker.  Really.  It's a different kind of appliance.



DarlingSavage -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:41:31 PM)

quote:

I see no cause for tittering, DS. I was a boy scout once and 'Be Prepared' remains my motto. If I get together with a femdom, I assume that she might be into any number of things that I might never have thought of. I think it's good to know where the nearest pet shops are, at least.


I like to laugh, what can I say?  And the OP made me do just that!



mummyman321 -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:42:50 PM)

I am a firm believer that one can never have enough toys!

I bought myself a Vac bed......I cannot use it on myself. Yes, I do hope a Domme will use it on me. If she is offended by the fact that I bought a Vac bed to be used on me, but did not wait until I met her........hmmm....I probably would not want to meet that person.

What happens if I dream about something without her permission before I meet her? (meant in jesting fun!)

People should be able to build up their toy boxes with whatever they want before meeting thier partner. That goes for the Domme too! Hmm.....that brings up the question......how many Dommes have bought a Strap-on without having a sub to use it on???




Jeffff -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:43:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not fucking him with a pasta maker.  Really.  It's a different kind of appliance.



You might be able to work with a sausage maker.

Something to ponder.

Along with skiping the sausage if you have a meal at Pacts house.



AAkasha -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:44:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think subs should own their own toys and not expect the dominant to buy them all. Plus it's easier to do so a little at a time instead of get into a relationship and have to expend a great deal of money suddenly in order to have a toy bag.

And insertables? Damned straight he should own his own and not use ones that have been used on anyone else.

Akasha, are you also suggesting that every sub who is out of a relationship should throw away all the toys he used with his ex?

It's a toy he's interested in. If you're also interested in it, then use it. If not, then leave it untouched. I think you're overinvesting in this. If he owned a pasta maker would you be peeved because he owned it before you? If you liked pasta you'd tell him to make some, if you're on a carb free diet you tell him to put it back in the cabinet. No difference.



I think it's creepy. I think it kind of demonstrates that a guy is assuming that a femdom a) will want to use it and b) likes the style he picked out and c) has an opinion that apparently doesn't matter. Of all the "things" he could buy to better prepare him for a mate, he picks a harness for her to wear, to fuck him in the ass?   I think it shows a warped sense of priorities. If I was chatting with him and I found out he bought a strap on harness (not for me, but months before, for -- well, "whatever femdom he ended up meeting") I would end it right then and there.  

Akasha



LadyPact -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:44:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think it's good to know where the nearest pet shops are, at least. 

I hope to God you meant "for a play collar".



LadyPact -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:47:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Hmm.....that brings up the question......how many Dommes have bought a Strap-on without having a sub to use it on???

Here's something you don't see Me say every day.

I'm innocent.

I've also never bought a collar without a sub to put in one, either.



KneelingSub25 -> RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom? (6/22/2010 2:48:21 PM)

Man oh man, Akasha, you are a wild woman! :-D lol



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