Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 5:29:38 AM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

i am most curious where Y/ou all have found Y/our knowledge on BDSM D/s and any/all things taught. Do Y/you read voraciously,join sites like Collarme,enjoy chatrooms, like Passion_for_ submission(here on CM in the chat listings), like i do which is a topic room,similar to here with live converstaion based subject matter up for current discussion. Where would Y/you go to find a urgent question answered? A friend? A top? i find myself more and more craving the knowledge of experiences of others rather than a textbook on this lifestyle. i get more out of that information based on the emotions of the person telling thier own true life experiences. i will never stop learning i am sure and would be grateful to any names of authors/books read and other informative sites or articles.
i appologize if this subject has been posted before, i am sure most things have,but like me i am certain a newbie will gleen something from it as well ~ Thanks for answering ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

Post #: 1

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 5:34:00 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

For me, it's a relationship and not a job or college class. Therefore...I acquire knowledge by doing things with him and talking to him. It has never mattered to me how any one else does it. It only matters to me how the two of us react to the things we do.

_____________________________

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 2

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 5:48:06 AM

caelestis

Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline

I learned more from going out to munches and meeting people. Read all you want (I certainly do!) but it can't replace learning from someone, simply because there are some things that can't be translated through text.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 3

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 6:19:04 AM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

i've learned a great deal from my owners thus far,Especially Master,but i think i just crave bettering myself mentally,intellecually as well when Master isn't here with me online,on the phone or of course in person(shrugs). i enjoy hearing of others and how this lifestyle had changed them too over time, i know it has me,lol~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 4

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 6:27:28 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's not a bad question at all. One I think more people should ask themselves.

Where do I go? Anywhere necessary. Anywhere and everywhere.

I didn't come into this on the net. I literally had to go out and find knowledge. My first book, I had to write the title down because it had been recommended to Me, drive My ass to Poor Richard's Bookstore, order it, and wait the ten damn business days (an eternity back then) for it to come in. I had to go down to B St and pick up a copy of The Blue Oyster (it was nothing but a rag, trust Me) to find where the kinky people were. Sometimes, you could go to The Underground (a club on Tejon St) and pick up something you overheard in conversation.

When you found opportunity to learn something, you sat down and you shut the fuck up. The old adage of having two ears and one mouth for a reason applied. I learned so much back then, just by listening. Sure, there were people who didn't take you seriously, but there would always be the one who did.

It sounds like it sucked, but it really didn't. Coming in the hard way has it's benefits.

One of the questions that folks ask Me now is "would you have changed it"? No, I really wouldn't. I had to make an investment and I'm kind of happy with that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 5

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 6:40:07 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

ive learnt the most from the relationship im in than anything else. but if ive had a specific question i tend to come here - fetlife seems to have a good core of people whove done this rather than fantasised about it - theory is fine and useful at times but each relationship is unique and dependant on the people involved and no amount of theory on how to beg, for instance is going to fully address the specifics relevant to youre relationship or the personalities involved.

to be honest, whenever ive posed a question and loved the responses ive got back, that have helped *me* to understand me better and helped me to reflect and face up to stuff on some occasions, when it boils right down, its still down to the man im with and how he sees the thing from his standpoint and POV. so theory and advice is good and often very helpful, but the uniqueness of youre relationship and dynamic is unique to you and no one can really help you with that other than youre partner.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 6

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 6:50:24 AM

janigrey

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

While I can't say " I didn't learn anything from the internet". I tend to classify things from the internet - as - ways to plant seeds of questions - to take back to my local bdsm community. We discuss things at our munches and are "Round tables" (( these are dinners with specific topic discussions)) and we teach and learn things at our regular meetings. Our dungeon parties start off with a two hour class ( attendence is optional and not required to get in to the dungeon party).

your local kink community and regional gatherings (usually overa weekend) are fantastic places to learn what I would call - hands on skills. Single tailing - needles - etc.

Before the PC nail me to the wall (but hey I might like it) you can learn from anywhere. Internet, library, mentor, community, and experimenting with a lover.

jani

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 7

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 6:58:06 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

i am most curious where Y/ou all have found Y/our knowledge on BDSM D/s and any/all things taught.

I gain knowledge and experience from every person I come in contact with.

Knowledge, in regards to certain bdsm activities, can come from reading, demos or personal experience...I have a co-worker who is teaching me knots (he's an avid sailor) and another who helped me pick out a nice knife (for camping, of course

). If I have a question that relates to anything medicial (weg) I ask a doctor, nurse or an EMT friend or do my own research.

The internet has it's place, just like any other form of research material, and I use it as I see fit. Places like CM can also be semi-helpful so long as you don't use it as your sole source of information. There have been some...*inspiring*...threads here.

Inspiration is good!

As for D/s....for me this has more to do with developing myself as a person...my abilities, creativity,skills, intelligence...and what I can bring to a relationship as a d-type or an s-type (I'm a switch so I have double the homework). I don't feel I can lead a relationship in the D position without an amount of emotional and intellectual maturity and, contraywise, I don't feel I can serve another without a strong emotional and intellectual maturity base from which to relate.
Yeah, I have fairly high expectations of myself and so I do what I can to reach them.

I have a good friend/mentor who has helped me to understand many things that have to do with D/s relationships without much of the bdsm. I turn to him sometimes if I have any questions.

I don't own a copy of BDSM for Dummies and have no interest in attending any sort of "kink college".....I'm too busy planning for REAL college!

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 8

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 7:05:17 AM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

i think as i become more confident i will seek the community out on my own as well. Master did that years ago,and doesn't mind an occasional class or munch with me. This i do for ME. i am starting a much more detailed journal so as not re ask the same information, to catalogue my findings that best apply to certain psychologies that pertain to where i am at and always i bring this to Master for discussion. At times it annoys Him,at times He laughs,thinking me cute to keep busy while not near Him,but He never never discourages my mind to seek knowledge and rewards me in ways for being so attentive to my service towards Him. i am truly blessed to have found Cm in many ways,for the most part it is a very positive experience ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to janigrey)

Post #: 9

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 7:07:48 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

When I first started having those "feeings" at a very young age, I read all I could on it, then someone gave me the Story of O as a teen. After that I started putting into practice the things I read about and from there just kept reading, reading and reading and practicing, practicing, practicing with like minded partners.

Even if you think you know something you have shared with someone, it may be completely different with someone else.

That is why when men ask me if I like some act or fetish, even if I do or don't from past experience, I always say, I don't know because if we do it, it may be better/worse/the same as in the past.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 10

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 7:47:03 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~

I started out online, reading everything I could find on the subject. This took better than 6 months. I joined a forum similar to this, read the questions and answers, and asked some questions of my own. I think I'm lucky in that I met people online who were real time. They were available to chat about anything. Then I bought and read books. Finally when my situation changed I went to munches. From munches I began to attend events and lectures. At an event I met Gary and we've been exploring together ever since. In other words, I used everything available to learn as much as I could.

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 11

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 7:51:10 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Slave women taught me pretty much every thing I know about BDSM, and a whole helluva lot about life and relationships in general.
I learned half of the rest by making mistakes. Never underestimate the power of a good mistake...if the party learns from it.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 12

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 7:54:27 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's not a bad question at all. One I think more people should ask themselves.

Where do I go? Anywhere necessary. Anywhere and everywhere.

I didn't come into this on the net. I literally had to go out and find knowledge. My first book, I had to write the title down because it had been recommended to Me, drive My ass to Poor Richard's Bookstore, order it, and wait the ten damn business days (an eternity back then) for it to come in. I had to go down to B St and pick up a copy of The Blue Oyster (it was nothing but a rag, trust Me) to find where the kinky people were. Sometimes, you could go to The Underground (a club on Tejon St) and pick up something you overheard in conversation.

When you found opportunity to learn something, you sat down and you shut the fuck up. The old adage of having two ears and one mouth for a reason applied. I learned so much back then, just by listening. Sure, there were people who didn't take you seriously, but there would always be the one who did.

It sounds like it sucked, but it really didn't. Coming in the hard way has it's benefits.

One of the questions that folks ask Me now is "would you have changed it"? No, I really wouldn't. I had to make an investment and I'm kind of happy with that.

QFT!!

There was no internet when I started. There were cheesy rags with ads in them, there was porn, there were fantastic books written by gay men.

I met people who had done a lot and seen a lot, and they were happy to share, for whatever reason. I guess that's why I keep spreading whatever "wisdom" I've gleaned, in the name of those who came before. (It's a leather thing!)

I am grateful for the internet, without it I would never have met so many people and been exposed to so many different ways of doing things. I think I would have managed just fine had it never been "invented".

Experience is the best teacher, as long as you are paying attention. I've made some staggering mistakes, and managed to dredge a lot of good from them. I've remained my own person. That's worth a lot.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 8:11:09 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I learned of the concept online, and immediately went looking to experience it offline. This was 12 years ago.

Technique, I learned by watching, listening, practicing, training under someone experienced.
Once you have the basics down, the rest is just learning to express your own individual style.

Relationship skills are ongoing learning. Learning from your mistakes, learning from others mistakes.
Learning from your successes, learning from other's successes.

Social skills, the same.

Still, all the knowledge and experience in the world won't do you any good if you don't apply some common sense.
Some people just don't seem to have it. I don't know why, and I don't know how a person can grow to adulthood
without acquiring some.

Edited to add: Yes, I read voraciouslly. I enjoy sites like these. When I have an urgent question, I like to go to a source that is knowledgeable on the topic.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 6/26/2010 8:17:05 AM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 9:39:17 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

relationships, mistakes and the culture in which I grew up.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 15

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 10:22:30 AM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

OH NO! Y/you can't listen to A/any of these P/people, T/they're not S/speaking C/correctly! N/not O/one of T/them has used P/proper I/internet P/protocols with the S/slashy S/speak! T/they know N/nothing, T/this much should be O/obvious!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 10:25:23 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

B/because E/everyone T/talked L/like T/this F/for A/all T/the Y/years B/Before T/there W/was A/an I/internet. O/oh Y/yes. I/i F/forgot. T/there W/was N/no B/bD/dS/sM/m B/before T/the N/net

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 17

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 11:02:17 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

For me, it's a relationship and not a job or college class. Therefore...I acquire knowledge by doing things with him and talking to him. It has never mattered to me how any one else does it. It only matters to me how the two of us react to the things we do.

Aileen, you stole the words from my mouth! Can I have Shore beat you for this? ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 18

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 11:45:12 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Primarily from relationships I've been in, or people I've played with. Online sites like this are great for inspiring me to research and try new things, or to become aware of safety or other issues I might not have considered otherwise. I also enjoy reading about people's experiences and mindsets, to see what resonates for me, and to consider when I am looking for my next partner. I've read several books, but while they've had some useful information, I haven't found them as helpful. For technical aspects, I prefer hands-on classes or co-topping with someone who is experienced. My femsub playpartner switches a bit, and has encouraged me to try new things. She's knowledgeable enough to demonstrate some techniques on herself (ie. one-handed needle-play rather than pinching the skin, and the basics of cell popping). In terms of D/s, the rules vary so much from one person to the next, that someone else's experiences aren't usually very useful or relevant.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 19

RE: Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~ - 6/26/2010 12:35:37 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

I/i get all M/my B/best K/knowledge from S/strangers on the I/internet!

I've also learned that strangers have the BEST candy!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Where do Y/you aquire knowledge?~

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109