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Help for uncollared slaves - 4/13/2006 9:17:38 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Well dont know how well this thread will go but had an idea to ask this question to all collared slaves/submissives or ones that have been collared successfully in the past..so it might give some handy hints to ones looking...

So the question is.

What do you feel are the most important things to tell a potential Master about yourself, when "selling" (i used that word intentionally) yourself. I guess this will amount to the skills you have that would be appreciated by someone looking to *own* you. Like its all very well and good to say I like this kinda play and that kinda play and I dont want this and I dont want that......but after all that....living day to day in a Master/slave relationship the skills and qualities you have are going to be what a Master/Mistress appreciates the most. So I thought it would be helpful if slave/submissives who were in successful relationships shared, for those looking...even to encourage uncollared slaves/submissives to gain skills they hadnt thought of before...etc

Examples:

1. I'm a really good cook. I have experience in indian, italian, chinese, thai and gourmet cooking.

2. I really love keeping a home lovely although I can be a bit untidy when I get creative or if I'm upset over something...and if Im really upset I go on cleaning binges. (I said the negative bit too cuz I think its important to be realistic.)

Stuff like that, I used 2 simple examples but you get what I mean hey...they dont have to be purely physical ones...but just important ones that add benefit to a day to day relationship.

Additional part of topic to Master/Mistresses...

What skills and qualities do you really appreciate in a slave/submissive? What would be some skills you would encourage your slave/submissive to get?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

Post #: 1

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/13/2006 9:35:18 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Jali, I've always liked your post. Very thoughtful ones indeed. I was sitting here reading this one and got to thinking. I do not try to sell myself to no one. I just simply put out there who I am. I think it's during conversations and meetings, the more information comes out. The likes and dislikes of foods, movies, music, kids, sports, etc, etc, etc.... I've got this profile and on yahoo a vanilla profile my kids talked me into putting up there in the personals. Neither are exact really in who I am. Just a little hint of who I am as to catch someones eye on likes and dislikes. Where in the nilla profile, it states I don't drink, but smoke. CM doesn't give that option. The popping off of different profiles on different sites trying to show someone who you might really be is too hard. I think the best sell of ones self is after the first or second hello there. This is also where I pull out my line to cross as well, that if the conversation can't be "real", then there's nothing really more to say than see ya around sometime.
I've noticed one time to many that most NOT ALL but most male Doms, want to spend the first 1-5 e-mails talking about submission and Dominace. Where I prefer the first 1-5 e-mails of talking to the person, not the Dom and finding out if there's more to them than just being a control freak. LOL Guess this is why I get less e-mail than others complain about, because my profile states I have a brain and like to use it alot... LMAO
Now before anyone gets their panties in a wad, that was not to offend anyone. It was just me stating something about myself.... not anyone else.

Once again Jali... great post.. but then you always have them.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 2

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/13/2006 9:39:47 PM

mtumwawaBwana

Posts: 541
Status: offline

i feel the best thing a slave can do is to be open and honest with the intended Master. and i mean honesty in all things. cooking and sewing are all really great features of a slaves worth. but i still say the ability to be honest even when it becomes painful is the best "selling point" a slave can possess.

be your self. be open. be honest. be humble. be joyfull. be peaceable. be longsuffering. show kindness in all you do. be faithfull to Him. be mild tempered. show selfcontrol. open your heart to love Him.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 3

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 1:08:19 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

i did not try to sell myself to my Master. He kind of just spotted me and took me, lol. However, i would think that opening one's heart and even giving a glimpse into one's spirit would go miles beyond any domestic type capabilities. i would think a wise Master/Dominant would want to know what is inside a submissive. The rest can be taught.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 4

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 2:17:22 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Just to explain the selling ourselves bit. I think whenever we interact with someone we are putting ourselves on a shelf where the person we are talking to gets a view of us and may or may not begin to imagine if that product (us) is going to be a good or wanted assett to their lives. This can play out in business, in starting friendships, in starting intimate relationships.

When it comes down to intimate relationship potentialities, if the buyer is smart they are going to be looking at all kinds of things. If they are a food fanatic someones ability to creatively cook is really going to perk their interest. If they are a clean fiend they are going to be looking for signs that the product they are thinking of buying can do the job. You all have mentioned honesty being important, to put it in this context, whenever you buy something you want to be sure whats on the inside is exactly what is being advertised on the outside, so great point~!

If a slave was on a shelf being viewed by a potential Master/Mistress what would their advertising package be saying about them? How could they benefit a potential buyeer enough to make them want to take them home and keep them? *grin*

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 5

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 2:43:39 AM

SirCumsSlut

Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Well dont know how well this thread will go but had an idea to ask this question to all collared slaves/submissives or ones that have been collared successfully in the past..so it might give some handy hints to ones looking...

So the question is.

What do you feel are the most important things to tell a potential Master about yourself, when "selling" (i used that word intentionally) yourself. I guess this will amount to the skills you have that would be appreciated by someone looking to *own* you. Like its all very well and good to say I like this kinda play and that kinda play and I dont want this and I dont want that......but after all that....living day to day in a Master/slave relationship the skills and qualities you have are going to be what a Master/Mistress appreciates the most. So I thought it would be helpful if slave/submissives who were in successful relationships shared, for those looking...even to encourage uncollared slaves/submissives to gain skills they hadnt thought of before...etc

Examples:

1. I'm a really good cook. I have experience in indian, italian, chinese, thai and gourmet cooking.

2. I really love keeping a home lovely although I can be a bit untidy when I get creative or if I'm upset over something...and if Im really upset I go on cleaning binges. (I said the negative bit too cuz I think its important to be realistic.)

Stuff like that, I used 2 simple examples but you get what I mean hey...they dont have to be purely physical ones...but just important ones that add benefit to a day to day relationship.

Additional part of topic to Master/Mistresses...

What skills and qualities do you really appreciate in a slave/submissive? What would be some skills you would encourage your slave/submissive to get?

I too did not have to "sell" myself to Sir, i fell into his lap, actually he fell into mine, but that is a different story

I have to agree that the best way to promote yourself is to be honest in all things.......I will admit there was a time I was not totally honest with Sir, and it nearly cost me all I had......Also agree that if meeting a potential Dom on line, it is best to talk via email about the person, not about what is expected, just like in any relationship.

Just let the potential Dom know your likes and dislikes in all areas, not just the bedroom or dungeon. (Suggestion though, stay away from politics and religion..LOL) Show them the entire individual that you are, not just your submissive/slave side. As my Sir says, a well rounded sub/slave makes for a 1) Happy Master and 2) a Happy union.

_____________________________

Peace
His slut

"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 6

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 3:55:56 AM

MLskajira

Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

lip service is one thing. the only thing this girl can see that would make a difference is to meet and get to know each other, then prove your worth by action. obey, move qiuckly, do not argue and remember your place in the relationship this is only a couple of things that may help one find a Master/Mistress willing to collar them. but this is only one girl's humble opinion.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to SirCumsSlut)

Post #: 7

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 4:38:59 AM

Merritt27

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
i did not try to sell myself to my Master. He kind of just spotted me and took me, lol.

lmao....in O/our house W/we use the phrase "take and kink"....thats what happened to me...He spotted me, took me and then kinked me a little more.

Back to the question at hand: i would say that honesty is a HUGE factor for most people on both sides of the coin. That doesnt mean just being honest about what you are good at or willing to do. It means being honest about who you are, where you've been...what you arent willing to do and what you fear doing and why. Took me a while to grasp the idea that telling Him what my fears were and why i had them, really was going to help both of U/us in the long run....Daddy is always right.

_____________________________

Proud Partner to PlayfulOne

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 8

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 5:02:26 AM

SirMichealspeach

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

Master and I met quite accidently at a munch. I did not sell myself to Him .. I was just myself . Although I was not persay looking for Dom when I went to the munch.
My first impression of the ops post was "Why not just make a BDSM resume." Then a potential Dom could ask questions from there , (sort of like and interview) I realize that this is what a profile is usually but most don't give this information on their profiles .. just a breif description. When I was actively searching I had a list of Do's and Dont"s . I also had my Definition of a Dominant and submissive ready if they ask .
I agree although with the fact that you should be able to tell a potential Dom what you are qualified to do as a slave/submissive, however , being that every Dom has different needs .. it would be hard to be the perfect Subbie.. just as in a job .. some things you will do well, others will have to be taught or retrained to His liking....
Just my opinion of course.
Eve
Sir Micheals peach

(in reply to Merritt27)

Post #: 9

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 5:15:39 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I did not sell myself to Master we talked we clicked we met and i just knew (he knew before we even met). I did not have to sell myself , but i do know now how to make his coffee for him.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)

Post #: 10

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 5:48:32 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

It seems like everyone has gotten stuck on the word 'sell'. I worked my a$$ off and completely sold myself to get the opportunity to beg the Owners collar. I made sure I got enough rest so I would be fresh and sweet when talking to him. I read up on the news to have topics of conversation. I politely spent as much time talking to him as I could finding out his likes and dislikes and then expanding my knowledge of them. I always looked my best and spent alot of time on my hair, makeup and outfits. I still do all this because more than anything else I want him to keep me.

The most important thing to tell a Master is that you are eager to learn what pleases him. It is not all about you, it is all about him(or her) :)

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 11

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 5:50:21 AM

waterdance

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

Honesty is the best policy.. i think that when you get into the day to day living you get to prove all the things you say you are good at etc. When i first met my Master i told Him that i was not a domestic goddess. He at that point told me there were more important things for me to do.

. i did ask Him what were some of the things He would like for me to do for Him on a daily basis. Ironic thing it was all things that came naturally for me.. Though at this juncture i wish i could find a domestic slave.lol.. But i do feel that lip service is one thing .. actions speak much louder than words..

_____________________________

It's hard to keep a good woman down, then again maybe that would be fun.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 12

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 5:52:41 AM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

i did whatever it took for everything to always be perfect at the time... i did whatever he wanted in respect to my limites EVEN if i hated it...

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 13

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 7:21:07 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Additional part of topic to Master/Mistresses...

What skills and qualities do you really appreciate in a slave/submissive? What would be some skills you would encourage your slave/submissive to get?

For me, it's very important to have common interests outside of D/s. My sub is my friend and lover and wouldn't be my sub if we didn't have a connection on many levels. I never really looked at domestic type skills in making a decision on a sub, but those are always helpful to have. Probably the best quality a one could have is the ability to follow through on what he says he will do. If I can't trust that he will do what he says he will do, then it's not going to work.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 14

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 8:06:22 AM

Halcyone

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

I think willingness to learn new things, and to change one's self, is a useful "sell". When I met Sir, a great many things clicked for us. We had the same interests, the same hobbies, the same tastes in so many things. I wasn't perfect for him though. That has taken being willing to change some things about myself to make me more attractive as a friend, a partner, a lover, a submissive and finally a slave.

Some of the things I've learned have been simple, some have been huge changes to the way I present myself and interact with the world. They range from learning to cook, learning to abide by a schedule, finding ways to focus and carry a task through to the end even after I've lost interest, picking up and dusting off old skills and hobbies I'd set aside years ago...

The past year has been one of change for me but that eagerness to leap forward and do what needs to be done to improve myself, for him and for myself, is part of what attracted Sir to me. It hasn't been just a matter of his pushing my limits but of my finally fulfilling my potential, through a lot of hard work.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 15

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 9:19:14 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

...What do you feel are the most important things to tell a potential Master about yourself, when "selling" (i used that word intentionally) yourself...

Answering the "Why are you 'selling' yourself?" question is always a good place to start...but not necessarily an easy answer

.

back when this slave was an uncollared submissive she thought one of the most important things to convey to any potential partner was her capacity and willingness for non self-centered service and that she was far from new to the concept and practical application.

this slave would suggest to any uncollared submissive that they take the time to get to know their OWN self first, what makes them tick, what daily purpose they intentionally serve, exactly what are they bringing to the table--before trying to sell it to someone else. this slave believes the time required varies, depending on the individual, the methods used and how dedicated one is to the endeavor, but it is indeed possible and to this slave, essential to success.

way to go, slavejali, for starting this thread!!

1. Prior Training..."schooling" isn't necessarily something that you formally pay tuition and graduate from and skills can be mastered in a variety of ways. after you know what you are good at, or for, emphasize it and be proud!!!! this slave would have to say patience and being fully present are treasured learned skills, and ones that aren't given enough credit!

as an example, this slave has been trained, from as far back as she can remember, in a variety of domestic arts--polite conversation and social etiquette, decorating, housekeeping, cooking(emphasis on Vegetarian/Vegan), entertaining, dancing, sewing, costuming & tailoring, gardening, medium & small pet care,training & grooming, organizing, unmentionable care and anything else related to "household management", be it a one-room apartment or a 20 acre spread...none of it learned in a classroom.

2. Expectations...
this slave thinks it is a GREAT idea to be upfront about one's expectations--from a potential partner and also from any type of potential relationship. again, this goes back to the knowing your OWN self thing.
for example, upon entering into this side of the known world, this slave had no expectations that some sort of love, romance, sexual ecstacy or anything that resembled a solid life-long relationship whatsoever would come out of this sort of pairing--if it happened, GRAVY- if not, no harm, no foul. this slave was merely following the path of her life...trusting in her prayers to, meditations with and blessings from the Great Architect.

3. Physical Limitations...
this slave thinks those should be brought to the forefront early on, anything that would have a significant impact on a potentially long-term, or even short term, relationship.
for example, this slave felt it was important to disclose the fact that she was incapable of bearing any more unmentionables~sex would have to be for HIS pleasure with no hope of procreation unless He wanted to pay a Doc to extract eggs, get a surrogate, etc...

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 16

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 9:33:08 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
........................Additional part of topic to Master/Mistresses...
What skills and qualities do you really appreciate in a slave/submissive? What would be some skills you would encourage your slave/submissive to get?

I think I understand your question slavejali.
Although I totally agree with "selling" one's virtues of honesty, integrity, trust, etc.... (and don't get me wrong, these are all very important qualities!), those are all virtues that are important in any relationship, be it lifestyle oriented or vanilla.

If I'm reading the question correctly (and I certainly could be wrong) what you're asking is not what normative virtues one possesses, but what *skills and talents* are being offered *in a lifestyle (NON-vanilla)* potential relationship? i.e. how is one marketing himself/herself as a submissive or slave, rather than a wonderful, caring, loving partner? Or the flipside, what aptitudes and abilities is a Dominant looking for that makes someone good sub/slave material (instead of, or in addition to, them being good "partner" material).

If that is indeed the question at hand, then I will skip over the "vanilla" virtues of trust, honesty, caring, etc.... because I assume those as a given. In addition to those virtues, Im appreciative of and impressed by:

culinary skill: I LOVE country cooking. I spent the early years of my life on a farm and nothing brings back those "down home" feelings like walking into a house and smelling chicken, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, greenbeans, etc.... I have a big household (since we have a knack for taking in all the street urchins), so I'm especially impressed with a submissive who can cook for a large number of people. In fact, I'd be perfectly content just "handing off the kitchen" to a good sub/slave. It would be their space. They can organize it however they like, rearrange it however they like, decorate it however they like. I only go in there for coffee anyway.

House cleaning and organizing: I'm not impressed with subs who want to dress in a little french maid outfit and fluffy dust knick-knacks on the mantle. But to see a sub/slave in sweat pants, and a stained T-shirt getting into that "slave headspace", turning on their music, and digging in their heals on laundry, mopping, and throwing away all the wrappers left lying around while they make a day of cleaning the house. That's hot. If I see mine get into a headspace like that, I'm the first to tell the others in the household "stay out from under his/her feet! s/he is cleaning house today. either help out or get out of the way." I'm especially impressed if they're wearing a walkman/earphones while cleaning house and still manage to keep my coffee filled. It shows an intense level of observational skills.

As for the organizing..... lol. I am an auction addict. I go to auctions and I'll buy damn near anything. I'll buy things that I don't need, don't have a use for, and probably won't want 2 days later. I come home at least 4 nights a week with 6 - 7 boxes of stuff in the car. If I could find a slave to organize all that crap... sit up the knick-knacks I want, figure out what I can sell on Ebay, sort into gifts for family, and things to donate to charities,.... wow. That would make my life (and home!) so much simpler! Good organizational skills with all these stacks of papers, receipts, mail, and bills would be great to. They don't have to pay my bills, just get the darn things sorted and mailed out on time so I don't lose them in heaping piles of papers.

Mechanical skills! I don't know a carborator from a spark plug. I'm the gal who puts gas in the car, once in a while remembers the oil, and airs up a tire ocassionally. Then I find myself going into the mechanic describing the noise I'm hearing under the hood about as eloquently as an elk bays out in pain. I would love to delegate "all car responsibilities" to a knowledgable, mechanically skilled submissive.

Proper protocol and good conversationalist in lifestyle social situations. I want a sub/slave who can attend lifestyle events, parties, munches, with me and is prompt in showing respect to the other Dominants (using "sir and Ma'am when appropriate, offering to help out, etc...) and make good conversation with other subs/slaves. When us Doms are sitting around talking about the whether, I want my sub/slave to feel comfortable enough to strike up conversation with the other subs in the kitchen, and not cling on to my ankle like the bashful kid at daycare. I want to see my sub at parties forming friendships with other submissives, for these are the people whom he/she will have brother/sister bonds with.

Ok, my post is probably too long by now. (I tend to do that.)

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 17

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 3:36:55 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Thanks for the responses, they are excellent.

Just think this topic could be a wonderful tool for people who are just starting out looking for a Master/Mistress. It's a really good thing to know what you have to offer potential Masters and Mistresses, beyond the *kink*, beyond qualities that every human being should be making an effort to cultivate anyways. Might even help with being able to write a good bio or in feeling confident in what it is you are offering, or perhaps give you some suggestions as to some skills you could be developing while on the market. This is just for the experienced to offer some friendly advice to the inexperienced, or to those who feel like they have been banging their head up against a brick wall in finding a Master/Mistress.

That "common interests" thing that has been mentioned is important hey. Unless someone expects to live in a cage 24/7, interests outside bdsm activities are really going to come into play with how pleasing you are able to be with your Master/Mistress, so developing a diverse array of interests could really be appealing to a potential Master or Mistress.

I think slaves/submissives are pretty much cool with *what we want*..but what have we got to give? Considering we are in a *service industry* thats going to be important.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 18

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 4:02:00 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:
MLskajira
"obey, move qiuckly, do not argue and remember your place in the relationship this is only a couple of things that may help one find a Master/Mistress willing to collar them. but this is only one girl's humble opinion."

mtumwawaBwana
"be your self. be open. be honest. be humble. be joyfull. be peaceable. be longsuffering. show kindness in all you do. be faithfull to Him. be mild tempered. show selfcontrol. open your heart to love Him."

kisshou
"I politely spent as much time talking to him as I could finding out his likes and dislikes and then expanding my knowledge of them. I always looked my best and spent alot of time on my hair, makeup and outfits. I still do all this because more than anything else I want him to keep me."

these genuine traits are what i see as successful "selling" points, for a good relationship. i take most pride in knowing i look amazing for him, while being sincere. mundane things such as sewing and cleaning are perks, but can easily be learned.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 4/14/2006 4:09:45 PM >

(in reply to MLskajira)

Post #: 19

RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 4:28:39 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Call me silly, but I think what your Master/Dom/Sir expects is HIS - and what you can give is just that. I believe in pushing one's limits to grow - I have so few things that I say NEVER to (okay I turn 40 next month! An old dog can learn new tricks - It's a saying - I don't feel old and I'm no dog).

Dom A will not want what Dom B wants. Dom "Good for You" will be one who sees your genuine self - and likes it!

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 20

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