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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/14/2006 6:04:23 PM

starymists

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I agree with a lot of what is being said here. Jali, I know for me, I put my best foot forward in most social circumstances and when meeting new people. If I've had a bad day and am scheduled to go to a munch, I might be on the quiet side, but I'm not likely to be cranky while I'm there. I might take extra care in doing my hair and my makeup and in choosing my clothes than I would when I'm hanging out at home by the pool. And in putting my best foot forward, or in 'selling' I have to make a determination, usually based on what I view as my most positive attributes, but that is the extent of what I do special.

On the other hand, with my Dominant, he wants me for those things that I ~don't~ view as my most positive attributes. I can be very opinionated...which is good, because he loves to exchange ideas. I have some extra padding, which he loves spanking. So, in that sense, I too fell into my Dominant's lap, and not for the reasons that I thought I would be appreciated for.

As far as what I put out there, other than my best foot forward, I don't and never have made any additional effort to attract someone's attention. If we click on an interpersonal level, then we click. If we have things in common, then we have things in common. I always try to present myself as 'what you see is what you get'. I find that to be the best way, for me, to build a genuine relationship. As far as what skills I put forward? Things I love doing...for example, I'm an excellent cook and I love to cook, so I'm likely to put that forward...after all, if you hang around my house, you're likely to put on a few pounds eating dishes from scratch :). I also love giving massages, and am good at giving massages, so again, if you hang around here, it's something that you can expect. I don't tend to put forward things I don't like to do, whether I'm good at them or not, just because unless its something my Dominant likes, its not going to happen.

More than desiring a collar, I desired a geniune relationship. I wanted to be appreciated for who and what I am. The collar, for me, when offered based on everything that I am, as well as everything he desires me to be, becomes just that much sweeter :)

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 4/30/2006 9:28:06 PM

MsRachelxxx

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/25/2006
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Well, when i advertized for a 24/7 "position" my main focus was on my heart and that i was looking for someone who was in their heart, that seemed to be the most important thing to me, i know if i meet someone in that place all other issues can be resolved, i think that and my ability to be present, if i am present i can do anything, it all becomes just action that i put my heart into. i too was fortunate in that my first Master made sure that i received an education in everything from gourmet cooking, music appreciation, the art of conversation, social etiquette, flower arranging, interior decorating, formal gardening, writing, dancing, sewing, clothes design, hair dressing, aromatherapy, beautician etc etc, hoever these seemed not so important to me as the spiritual or heart need for me.

rachel

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 2:52:48 AM

Areflectionofyou

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Joined: 4/4/2006
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i was completely honest about me and my life. I told him both the good and bad qualities and let him mull it all over.

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 6:41:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I think you just have to be yourself. That's really the only way a relationship is going to work long term.

And uncollared slaves can have just as much fun and fullment in their lives as collared slaves can :)

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 7:11:51 AM

Reasonable

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Joined: 4/20/2006
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Thank you for posting this jali.

I actually wish that more girls wanting to be in a servant position actually had the gumption to post thier useful skills and abilities. Especially in situations where they desire 24/7 live in.

Most that I see tend to sport some sort of Castle Realm/Harlequin romance rubbish instead..........Which can ony lead a serious master who also has a JOB for a slave to do,to think.......

Lordy,this is one confused and deluded puppy-next profile please!!!!"

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 7:18:17 AM

masterdeltafire

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/26/2005
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I like ones being totally upfront and honest.

But if they also are into the romantics, it also is a plus. I'm a sucker for a good massage, candelight dinner and all :) Chivalry isn't dead just yet.

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 9:13:38 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
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I’m more interested at first in her core submissive values, what makes her think she really is submissive and how deep her submissive needs lie. All else after that can be taught and learned.

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 9:35:30 AM

PupatMastersfeet

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Joined: 5/1/2006
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For me when I am trying to find the right Master or Dominant, I try my best to open up in time, I try to get him to know whom I am first before anything else, my interest and my personality, rather than time because time is all we have in the end when getting to know one another. If he can't handle my personality and my interests, I doubt we will be compatitable when we do go deeper and find something to hold onto when it comes to the time of submitting myself.

In time I know myself and what I can give to the right one are what matters, but everyone sees what they want to see in one,for example a slave may think she is surrendering all although the dominant may not think she is so I see it as his job to push to the limits to see where he can go with his control. When I submit, I try to give myself through communication and trust, being a puppygirl its obvious I enjoy petplay as well as forms of service submission....rather than other ways, I am always open in learning more about myself and what I may hold...but I believe its all given in time with getting to know one another because that is when the power exchange grows and changes.

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 1:49:43 PM

slavejali

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I just saw this revived, thanks to everyone for your valuable contributions to this thread

I think a lot of the time, people in general devalue themselves and undersell themselves, when really if they had someone come in and watch their lives, everyone would end up with a list a mile long of things they could offer as a slave.

quote:

i too was fortunate in that my first Master made sure that i received an education in everything from gourmet cooking, music appreciation, the art of conversation, social etiquette, flower arranging, interior decorating, formal gardening, writing, dancing, sewing, clothes design, hair dressing, aromatherapy, beautician etc etc, hoever these seemed not so important to me as the spiritual or heart need for me.

I agree that *connection* has to be there...yet I still see skills development as incredibly important...sure we can live on love...but we all know the key to a man's heart is through his tummy, so being able to be cook will help foster those feel good things in day to day relationship hey

Here's an example: Master and I just recently moved. He was looking around our new home and mentioned a couple of things he would like changed in regards to color scheme and how he wanted things set-up. Within a week I re-upholstered a sofa ( i think how well it was done surprised him), made cushion covers, made a rug, had a couple of paintings done, made drapes for the windows etc....can you imagine how proud he was of his slave when we had the housewarming and everyone was commenting on how amazing the place looked? Also I didnt break our budget, I'm incredibly excellent at finding bargains and doing awesome things with a minimal amount of cash outlay..thats a skill too hey that any Master would appreciate. Also before we moved I had all our utility connections all set-up, internet turned on, so many things that come with the ability to organise..which is another thing a Master/Mistress would appreciate....they are all dumb little things...but add up to a *handy* slave to have around huh? They are little things that count in day to day relationship and good selling points.

Addition:
And you know what the best feeling was? Laying in bed that evening after the housewarming and Master cuddled me and said "I'm really proud with what you've done." (Oh how a slave loves to be pleasing....beaming smile)

P.P.S. and getting skills doesnt have to cost a lot of money.....I never professionally learned how to re-upholster a sofa, my skill in the department came from watching those *DYI* shows and just a little creativity and an attitude of "i can do that" *grin*

< Message edited by slavejali -- 5/1/2006 2:05:11 PM >

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RE: Help for uncollared slaves - 5/1/2006 2:51:19 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear slavejali, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Wonderful thread.

I agree with some of the previous posts, that “selling” is not exactly a good term. When I hear selling -- I hear some high pressure salesman trying to sell me goods (sometimes damaged goods). I would prefer using words like presenting, proffer, offering, something more graceful or humble, like most slaves are in my eyes.

Honesty is very important to me personally. I don’t want someone to mislead me about their years in the scene. I don’t count a few days here and there in a month to be counting as the ‘whole year.’ I also don't count "cyber" as experience, even though it does effect the emotions, mental and spiritual realm--the physical realm factor is missing.

I honestly want to know if they are keeping curiosities of different kinks hidden from me. I like manly men, not femme men. So, I want to know if they are wanting to cross-dress or do femme things. Some hide these femme feelings in humiliation play as well.

Service is the first thing on my mind but, not sexual service and or sex. I cringe at being told about past sexual services, how they like to do me, etc. That cancels my interests immediately.

I’m affectionate and a ‘loving’ dominant but, that doesn’t make me a “powder puff” dominant or weak. I also am affectionate to others, giving hugs most times. This doesn’t mean that I am madly in love with them, or give permission to paw all over me.

Being fond of education in the lifestyle, I prefer slaves that are fond of sharing/teaching as well. I need a bottom to demo on, as well as haul my five toy bags and whip/cane box.

Being a cheerful/happy slave is a real “heads up” and take notice for me, as that is slave material. So many slaves gripe and complain, that the negativities drown out what cheer they may have, so I feel more like a therapist rather than a Dominant.

Physical abilities and limitations are important to me as well. I am no spring chicken ….errr, hen anymore. So, I feel my age more and more. So, being honest with limitations, disabilities and such is very much appreciated.

Skills are also important. I like someone who can keep my domme mobile running and me to. [Chuckles] Of course, I would prefer having a sedan chair with four slaves/attendants front and back. (Sure saves on gas; easy to park-just side step and park near the curb--great parallel parking; never get speeding tickets, etc.)

But, I think the most harm any slave can do to themselves in approaching me, is to tell me how to dominate them. So many slaves tell me what they will or won’t do in a manner that it is “topping from the bottom,” so this causes me to cancel them out--

Unless there is some words as to open room to my style of domination. But, so many are entrenched in what they feel is proper domination that, anybody else is destine to fail. Telling me experiences and why they like or dislike it is different however, telling me as a command/demand is total cancel out of interest for me.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

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