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New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 8:10:09 PM

lockage82

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/28/2010
Status: offline

Here is my little story, I play the game Second Life in the Gorean theme sims. I met this woman and I made submit through roleplay. Long story short, she ended up submitting to me in RL, well sort of. You see she lives in Nevada and I live in Quebec, Canada. Not that big a deal, but here's my real question, how should I punish her should she disbehave ? She knows shes a submissive in RL but shes also a strong woman and she fights me... alot though im not going to let this go on for too long which is why I am seeking help.

Please help a newcomer become more comfortable to these new situations. Thank you in advance !

Post #: 1

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 8:39:32 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

You can instruct her to do things as punishment, however if she refuses to do them the only real weapon you have is to withdraw your attention.

(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 2

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 8:51:08 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

If she wants to be obedient, she will. You can't actually make her. How she acts is her choice, whether she's across the continent from you, or across the room from you.

Lots of people don't want or need a reward/punishment dynamic. So don't assume she does.

Instead of putting the cart before the horse, I suggest you work on ways of inspiring, or motivating (in a positive way) her devotion and obedience. Why should she be obedient to you? What's so great about your leadership, that would make her want to?

Ultimately she may not want to be obedient to you in real life.

Liking a game doesn't necessarily translate to liking the same things in realtime.

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(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 3

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 9:34:41 PM

LordShadow

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline

Dominance is not so much about punishment but rather strength of will and leadership. This is not to say that punishment is inappropriate, it is just not ALWAYS appropriate.

Teach her what you expect, stay consistant with her, and stand firm/ In my experience the best punishment is one in which a girl is lectured on what it means to belong to you...lwt her know that you are disappointed in her failing to meet her expectations. If the problem persists, then you have to find an additional punishment which fits the infraction., a favorite of mine is making them write sentences and essays. There are other options as well, but not knowing the particular problem I am hesitant to offer further suggestions.

_____________________________

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True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 4

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 10:45:31 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I am always amazed that there are so many questions about punishing. Why are there not as many questions about rewarding for good behavior?

The best way to punish bad behavior is to ignore it. Then when there is good behavior make a point to say how pleased you are.

My 2 cents, anyway.

(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 5

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 11:21:05 PM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

Greetings lockage....

quote:

ORIGINAL: lockage82

Here is my little story, I play the game Second Life in the Gorean theme sims. I met this woman and I made submit through roleplay. Long story short, she ended up submitting to me in RL, well sort of. You see she lives in Nevada and I live in Quebec, Canada. Not that big a deal, but here's my real question, how should I punish her should she disbehave ? She knows shes a submissive in RL but shes also a strong woman and she fights me... alot though im not going to let this go on for too long which is why I am seeking help.

Please help a newcomer become more comfortable to these new situations. Thank you in advance !

Use a punishment that you can verify. Have her write something. Long. Boring. Not fun. Not something she can copy from somewhere else.

There are some ways to cause someone physical pain online. I learned a few many years ago on IRC. Think about how that can be possible and see what you come up with.

Be well....

Malkinius

_____________________________

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(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 6

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/28/2010 11:29:30 PM

lockage82

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/28/2010
Status: offline

I agree that good behavior needs to be rewarded but at the moment I need to make her relearn her place and be the obedient little slave she was at the beginning. She tells me she used to be scared of me and I want to recapture that because its what drives her.

Thank you for the great advices soo far

(in reply to Malkinius)

Post #: 7

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 3:56:52 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Well, the only thing I can think of is that when I've been afraid of someone I'm involved with, I leave.

And if you are doing online dominance, that's not RL.

Good luck.
sunshine

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(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 8

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 3:59:31 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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She was scared of someone she never met and who did not even live in the same country?

How new is she to D/s? Maybe this was her first time and she got bored with it?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 9

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 4:10:05 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I really don't have advice for the OP. The methods are too different from My own to comment.

You might want to do some non-fiction, reality based reading on power dynamics.

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 4:24:40 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I just reread the title... D/s online WITHOUT Second Life is considered RL? When did THAT happen?!?!?

OP, turn off the damn computer. Like yesterday!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 4:28:59 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

* cue evil music *

I think the OP should ask this question of the Goreans.

*nod nod nod...

It's right.
over.
there.
mmm hmmmm.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 4:51:59 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Evil Sunny

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(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 13

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 5:20:34 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lockage82

She knows shes a submissive in RL but shes also a strong woman and she fights me... alot though im not going to let this go on for too long which is why I am seeking help.

Maybe it's because I don't do the online "d/s" thing...not even Second Life or Simms...but I have to ask. OP, if this is all online, how does she fight you?

Also....

quote:

I agree that good behavior needs to be rewarded but at the moment I need to make her relearn her place and be the obedient little slave she was at the beginning. She tells me she used to be scared of me and I want to recapture that because its what drives her.

Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't the "beginning" on a computer roleplaying game? Weren't you both playing characters?

Do you see having the ability to scare someone as a driving force for a dominant?

I don't know, it all sounds like it started as a game and now you just want ideas for the next level in the game.

Have you tried online chess?

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 6/29/2010 5:21:02 AM >

(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 14

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 8:35:46 AM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

I am a bit lost as to why is this an issue, aren't you also saying it wont last?

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(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 15

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 9:57:30 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

If was going to punish a woman, I would MAKE her play 2nd life...

If she doesn't obey your command but obeys your command to punish...perhaps your command was stupid and or she likes punishment in which case it isn't punishment and you need to learn to give better commands.

Learning to control a person requires learning to let go of of the concept of control, ESPECIALLY if you are not physcially with them. I want you to hurry and get dressed sounds reasonable, until you see that her dog just shit on the carpet, her clothes are all dirty, or a meteorite just crashed through the living room roof.

Don't tell someone to be at a certain time and place unless you know their schedule intimately, instead have them not only name a time and place but how they are going to deal with schedule changes.

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 16

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 10:31:44 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lockage82

I agree that good behavior needs to be rewarded but at the moment I need to make her relearn her place and be the obedient little slave she was at the beginning. She tells me she used to be scared of me and I want to recapture that because its what drives her.

Thank you for the great advices soo far

how are you going to recapture that, seriously - youre on line. that 'scared' feeling was all about her trepidation at the start, thats waned, she's used to you now and because this isnt real life atall and you guys live miles apart the fantasy is also waning.

if you were to create some boundaries and some rules she might feel more controlled. punishment has to be effective, so whatever she likes to do, like read, watch tv, go the movies, go shopping on a saturday for shoes you put a curfew on for a specific period of time. then you have to trust that she does as she is told with regard to the punishment, if she doesnt then you have no dynamic and you might as well tell her to forget it.

in the end you cant make her do anything unless she wants to and is willing to work with you. if she isnt then theres very little you can do.

_____________________________

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(in reply to lockage82)

Post #: 17

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 11:04:58 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

As simple as possible.

You have two choices, behave, obey, and be found pleasing, or I have no interest in continuing this with you.

End of Story.

I happen to live in Nevada, so if you do drop kick her ass send me her contact info. I would be interested in getting her to give up the Second Life and find out what it means to do it in her first one.

QSM

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(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 18

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 11:48:12 AM

LadyCimarron

Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

I would be interested in getting her to give up the Second Life and find out what it means to do it in her first one.

QSM

This would be my advise for both of them.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 19

RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 12:15:21 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

As someone who has done a lot of roleplay online (though not in Second Life), I would definitely make sure that this OOC dynamic is something she actually wants. Roleplaying a slave and BEING one are entirely different. Sometimes a person gets horny while RP'ing and allows it to drip into their OOC persona briefly, but that does not mean they actually want to be a slave outside of the character they are playing. You'd be surprised how many women play slave characters who are not in the least submissive in real life. They like being doted on as a pet, but have no desire to truly give of themselves.

Also, this is my opinion, but if you are running on a fear dynamic online? You are not looking for a relationship. You are living a fantasy of RP stereotype. I began exploring my submissive side through online RP before I ever realized I was meant to be Master's slave in real life (he found me). The RP dynamic of Master/slave, especially in Gorean play, is MUCH different than most of what I have experienced in my real life, and only in rare cases have I seen fear being a part of it in any way except an occasional scene. Most of the time, there is respect and trust. Not fear.

My best advice is to have a long talk with her about what she wants in real life, outside of RP. Talk like people, not like stereotypical Master/slave. Because when it comes down to brass tacks, you are both people. And if you two decide that you do want to pursue a M/s dynamic, do a LOT of research into what a real-life dynamic usually consists of. It is NOTHING like most online RP.

And try to meet in real life if you guys seem to really mesh. Nothing gives you perspective like real life experience.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)

Post #: 20

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