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RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 9:56:32 AM   
letterdoos


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/30/2010
Status: offline 		I am not fucking around. The only thing I feel bad about is meeting someone he doesn't know about. Everything else i do he knows. There has been no fucking (PERIOD) so far with anyone else. Some of the more constructive posts I would have responded to... but the others just make me hurl.

I wanted some advice on how to get my mind in check... or my feelings under control. I am sorry that my post was cause for some huge misinterpretations. Thank you for the few usable advices I got. I will stop reading more because it just gets me angry.
 
Before passing judgements on personalities or integrity I would be sure I would know how the exact situation is ... but I guess that doesn't go for everyone. I came here for advice and tips... not judgements.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 10:18:09 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: letterdoos
.Talking about it, playing online... it just doesn't work for me anymore. Knowing new things can get you eager, strenghten me in resisting my urges and using common sense for a bit. The tension however is getting my stummoch worked up. Now daily I feel a knot of tension just below my breastbone.
 
I flip back and forth between doing the right thing and just doing what I want, what I feel I need. Going back and forth between thinking: "Wait!" and "Fuck IT!" I have plenty of options to play, but most (if not all) of them will go outside the limits my partner has set. Or playing will be done with people he doesn't know. The only good thing now is that I have had very limited time to do anything stupid so far.
 

Does anyone recognise this? Can anyone offer me some advice?
__
edited a typo


what i see is a woman staying within the parameters set by the man she's married to, but tied up in knots with a whole bunch of other stuff she just needed to share with someone, anyone at all.

so she came here and got accused of talking about herself too much -- well it is about herself and how herself is trying to manage herself. this is her private issue and she needs some input.  sheesh

< Message edited by lally2 -- 6/30/2010 10:19:57 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 11:11:06 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

This is gonna be one of those threads that cause people to say we are mean to newbies.





Yes, I feel it coming too.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 11:14:04 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: letterdoos

I am not fucking around. The only thing I feel bad about is meeting someone he doesn't know about. Everything else i do he knows. There has been no fucking (PERIOD) so far with anyone else. Some of the more constructive posts I would have responded to... but the others just make me hurl.

I wanted some advice on how to get my mind in check... or my feelings under control. I am sorry that my post was cause for some huge misinterpretations. Thank you for the few usable advices I got. I will stop reading more because it just gets me angry.


In your intro post you ended with:
quote:

Does anyone recognise this? Can anyone offer me some advice?
You did not specify what type of advice you were seeking, yet you pitch a fit because it was not the type of advise you wanted.

Food for thought, my dear...a poster on these forums has a sig line that reads "Advice is what you ask for when you already know and do not like the answer."


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(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 11:45:36 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		you have mail

(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 12:05:42 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
This is gonna be one of those threads that cause people to say we are mean to newbies.

Yes, I feel it coming too.


Yup - Yet another example of a person seeking validation versus advice or alternative perspective.

I think in the future similarly inclined and sensitive posters should use the 'Poll' function and post a choice of solutions to their problem accepting only replies and perspectives which won't upset them.

I know it will cut down on the postings and banter since most often they should only be listing one choice - the only one they want to hear - but think of the savings in tears and tissues, and feigned insult!

The best common comment coming from an incredulous OP is something in the nature of "you don't know me nor ALL the facts!" This time is was "Before passing judgments on personalities or integrity I would be sure I would know how the exact situation is...." Well - no shit! However judgments are made (see: The Image that is Given) and considered in responses nearly 100% of the time.

Save time, for example in this case: I want to experience in real time the physical sensations involved with S&M with someone and, who knows, the thought of it turns me on so much - I may fuck him too. My spouse, who I have been with for 10 years, has said he is not into this and although he has allowed me to do some things - the specific things I find exciting and want to do are outside his 'permission'. Please help me rationalize doing them anyway. - THANKS!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 1:00:22 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: letterdoos

Hello there, I'm not new here. But I hate feeling helpless and I feel like I am cought between a rock and a hard place. So I am looking for some anonymous advice.
 
I am married. Have been in a vanilla relationship for about ten years. Just recently I accepted  myself in being polyamorous and a switch... Which was quite a shock to my monogamous husband. All my life the signs have been there, but I never thought to look "here". Choosing to be as normal as I could be.
 
Now with my husband out of my vicinity for a long while (nearly back) and my discoveries in BDSM I seem to be caught in a frenzy. At least thats the term that pops up on forums. On top of what 5 month abstinence and the sole conselation of Tarzan does to me. On top of that some stress from life itself...
 
I try to take it slow, with my husband away... and the limits he set. Found 3 playmates (my husband knows about 2). Unfortunately, nothing much is happening yet with the two he knows about. Now there's no hour I can go without thinking of BDSM. It gets difficult to function on a day to day bases. Damn that even looks crazy to me, reading it back.
 
I don't know how realistic my thoughts on playing are, whether the result is what I think it will be. I just can´t get it out of my head. For now I have been able to put my fantasies and such on paper, but I just can't seem to focus much anymore. It's also not enough anymore.
 
I feel like an addict looking for any way to score. Obsessed by the possibility of a fix, searching everywhere and assessing all options (finding many). Finding bits and peaces now that keep me busy for a short period, but remaining unsatisfied. Getting to the point that I am ready to lie and cheat to get what I want or need.
 
Talking about it, playing online... it just doesn't work for me anymore. Knowing new things can get you eager, strenghten me in resisting my urges and using common sense for a bit. The tension however is getting my stummoch worked up. Now daily I feel a knot of tension just below my breastbone.
 
I flip back and forth between doing the right thing and just doing what I want, what I feel I need. Going back and forth between thinking: "Wait!" and "Fuck IT!" I have plenty of options to play, but most (if not all) of them will go outside the limits my partner has set. Or playing will be done with people he doesn't know. The only good thing now is that I have had very limited time to do anything stupid so far.
 

Does anyone recognise this? Can anyone offer me some advice?
__
edited a typo


i recognize this totally
to take the pressure of you should immediately do some masturbating
to make sure you stay sane until your husband comes home you should take up some physical activity (besides masturbating) go running or swimming or dancing or clean the house from top to bottom.

if you are allowed cyber, that is a great way to explore your darker fantasies... but keep in mind that whoever you are on-line with should not become a real meet, it is just fantasy!

When your husband comes home, hopefully you will have some sex again... and after that perhaps you should try to talk about this... or show him the stories you have written...

(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 2:38:16 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: letterdoos

I am not fucking around. The only thing I feel bad about is meeting someone he doesn't know about. Everything else i do he knows. There has been no fucking (PERIOD) so far with anyone else. Some of the more constructive posts I would have responded to... but the others just make me hurl.

I wanted some advice on how to get my mind in check... or my feelings under control. I am sorry that my post was cause for some huge misinterpretations. Thank you for the few usable advices I got. I will stop reading more because it just gets me angry.
 
Before passing judgements on personalities or integrity I would be sure I would know how the exact situation is ... but I guess that doesn't go for everyone. I came here for advice and tips... not judgements.


Sorry, but you are a woman who is over 30 years old and has already been married for 10 years. Yet you have not grown up or matured enough to know how to keep your libido in check? Sounds like your husband is in the military or some other career where he isn't around all the time, so surely you must have figured out how to do this in 10 years.

You also must be completely unfamiliar with message boards, or better yet, think that because we are kinky, we are going to give you the warm fuzzies and tell you it is all ok. Surprise! Most of the people here have morals and values and we express them. Deal with it, or move on. You aren't going to always get the validation you are looking for from others. You know what you are doing is wrong and admit it. What did you expect from people here? That we would tell you it is ok?

(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 2:48:37 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i genuinely dont see what she has done wrong.

she's been open with her husband and he has given her parameters that she is keeping to.
he gave her the thumbs up on two players who havent materialised.
she has got herself all wound up, its true, and thats something she needs to get a handle on, but all that she's done is come here and ask what it is she is feeling and how to deal with it.

i seriously am at a loss to see what she has done wrong at all.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 3:06:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It could be that part in the follow up where she met someone that hubby didn't know about.  That could be seen as a little less than being completely honest.  I'm not inferring that she did anything.  I'm saying that it wouldn't have been something I would do when MP and I were working all of this out.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:06:27 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, you could just spank your pussy senseless until it hurts so bad, that it's painful to indulge in sexual fantasies or have sex. Trust me, you don't want to know what some of the Arabs do in their countries to fix this problem.

Seriously though, it's a matter of excerising communication and self control. The alternative does not appear to be a wise move on your part.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

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(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:23:53 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm... Seems like you came here for permission to fuck around, and then got pissy when it wasn't forthcoming.

FWIW here's my advice and tips...

1) stop fucking around
2) Be honest with your husband
3) Look at things from his perspective as well as yours.

Good luck.

[Edited to remove a lot of mean stuff - like "For fuck's sake read that sentence again" and "Don't tell your hubby that 'the only thing you feel bad about is..." and other unpleasantness]

< Message edited by crazyml -- 6/30/2010 5:29:51 PM >

(in reply to letterdoos)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:37:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		get a hobby or a job

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:38:03 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have a job....... I recommend a hobby instead.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:39:17 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Me or the OP?


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:46:02 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		The OP I am sure.

LW is seldom snarky....... and you really aren't an arsehole (nod to the brits) are you?

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(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:49:36 PM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
Status: offline 		<---is a snarky arsehole all the time.  

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:50:51 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Well, not always ;-)


(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:51:35 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		*really, really adores ML for giving the OP a wake up call!*

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(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Kinda tense - 6/30/2010 5:52:04 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

<---is a snarky arsehole all the time.  


Yeah when you're not flirting like a randy polecat

(in reply to BentUnit)
Profile   Post #: 40
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