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On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 1:40:48 PM   
tears4him


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		I was reading a few other post and got to thinking. There are a few on here that think because they have a so called perfect relationship or relationships because of being poly. Everyone should follow their examples to a tee. That all because something works for them, it must work for everyone. All because of ones wording, it's all wrong, because these so called perfect couples doesn't like the wording. When did everything have tobe someone elses way instead of their own way?

I was noticing earlier in ask a master thread that someone apparently dislikes gor. Pretty much bashed the gor lifestyle. So why is it because he dislikes it so much, he has to bash those that live it? Because he's a dominant gives him this right? I noticed another on here bashing a sub (again in ask a master thread) because this dominant didn't understand a question, he asked a question. But when he didn't like the response, he further beriddled this sub for further information. Not accepting her answer, he wanted it answered till it was to his liking. Just because he's a dominant, why try to dominate one that isn't yours?

Been reading the boards for a couple of weeks before joining them as a guest. As soon as I join, because someone doesn't know me, they jump me in a post because they didn't like my response. All because one is dominant to others, what makes them think they can dominate anyone they so choose to. Let alone over the internet.

Been talking to truesub4u (per one dominant request that I hookup with her) and I questioned her about what i've seen on here. She just shrugged and said she over looks them. Though I agree with her, it makes me wonder if it's another way of submitting to dominants that do not own someone. I've read a few post on here and seen others (truesub being one of them) back down from her thoughts, just so not to be seen as daring to go against a dominant  person on here. She's not the only one I've seen actually go back and appologize for having her own thoughts because someone didn't like the post. Or felt they were being grouped together instead of over looking a possible mistype when thinking. So what someone says "we" instead of "I". Why jump them for throwing a group together. That "we" could of been their own little group of friends and not just an  "I" statement. But yet everyones quick to jump and think they're being pulled into a group without their knowledge, or may not agree with the post and think that someones talking for them and jump them instead of posting their own opinion.

Is this a rant from yet another newbie on collarme? Yes it is. But also not so much a rant as much as when did others start thinking they're so much better than the next one on here? Now before the flames start shooting and everyone starts yelling how they know they're better. Answer this question.

Do you remember your first time somewhere? Do you remember the first time you sought out more information about the way you felt deep inside yourself. And tried to find out where you exactly fit in? Do you remember how you felt the first time you screwed up a question, and got flamed for it? How you felt when you needed answers, but was scared to ask because of being flamed for offending someone because you do not talk (or type) totally perfect enough to suit the dominants in that group. (on line forums such as this, or chatrooms, or even real group munches etc.)

People talk of the bdsm community being a group of people that accepts more than not. Not from what I've seen here on Collarme. Sure, I seen the welcomes, and the majority of people accept the newbies on here. But to be honest. I see it with the sub/slaves and the female doms. Not the male doms. This is where I more so see newbies, male or female, dom or sub have their run ins. No it's not everyone. But it's there. I've talked to a few on here, not just truesub about this as well. I've talked to others on other sites, so this is not only at Collarme either.

So now that this is going to be taken as a newbie rant. Although only a newbie to collarme forum.  Let me ask this question. Without trying to part of the crowd. How many others have taken notice to others on here trying to bully others? No names need be mentioned. No reason to flame any one person. How many others have taken notice to the fact because someone disagrees with someone, the debate continues, either one sided or two sided, trying to bully the other into backing down or submit to others way of thinking. This should be one hell of a debate I'm sure. Because I know some will see it, others will not. <Tears>


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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:00:03 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I think you are mistaken, Tears. I don't believe those attitudes come about because one is dominant, they come about because one is an ass and that's not orientation specific. By far, the vast majority do not behave in such a manner but squeeky wheels tend to get attention and no doubt it's what they seek. You can choose to engage, ignore or laugh at them, but they will never go away. Try to remember that your online time is something you do for fun and when it's not fun for you, just move on and let the asses bray to their hearts content.

BTW: Welcome to the forums.. it's not as bad as it might at times appear. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Opinions - 4/14/2006 2:01:02 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Don't confuse strong opinions with being a bully.  If I think white is black and you don't, then you can dismiss my opinion.  If a drunk walked up to you in the street and told you that you were a worthless human being, how much would that affect your perception of yourself?

In addition, as someone who you are refering to, there is a vast difference between my shoving a strong opinion at you online where the only force involved is one of thought, it is a vastly different space than if we were doing this at a party and I was towering over you two or three times your size and trying to ram my opinion down your throat.  In that case I would take my power to physically intimidate into consideration and make a point in a more subdued way.

Nobody here can shut you up, stop you, or in any way interfere with you, well other than a mod, so relax and don't be intimidated.

As for gor if you think I bashed it, send me an email and ask what I really think of it.  While it won't be in all caps, it will read that way, trust me, I held back.

What causes much of the problems here and elsewhere in my opinion is the different perceptions of people who have done this online or with only one or two similarly inexperienced partners in isolation and people who have lived with partners for years, have kinky friends who they visit in their homes, and attend groups or events and have seen hundreds of relationships begin and end.   

(in reply to tears4him)
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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:11:48 PM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		Funny, but when I came to the message boards here on collarme, I decided to stay because those kind of incidents seemed to be happening far less than I've seen them happen in other places/message boards/forums on other sites.
 
That being said, I think that there is a healthy way to debate different ideas, thoughts, feelings, perspectives that doesn't have to cross a line by becoming personal. There is a time and a place for exchanging ideas, and even debate depending on the subject. Each person participating can take what they like and leave the rest. Where I personally tend to draw a line is when the attacks become personal. Just because I don't agree with someone else doesn't make me 'stupid' a 'wanna be' or anything else. I don't think it's ever OK to resort to name calling and put downs.
 
I've not been flamed here. I've found the people here to be fairly open-minded, but I have had the experience of being flamed elsewhere. And what I learned is my thoughts, feelings, knowledge, perspectives are no more and no less important than anyone else's and I'm entitled to express myself in an appropriate way. It is never my intent to hurt/offend/tick off/ put down someone else, and if offense is caused for that, and that alone will I appologize. I can't be responsible for what someone else says, and I won't be controlled or stiffled on the chance that someone might behave inappropriately. I submit to and am controlled by one person and one person alone. I won't allow someone else to dictate what I do or don't do because they like to name call. I also *even when I was alone* wasn't overly interested in submitting to just anyone. As far as I'm concerned, I show everyone respect. I show none but those I become involved with, my submission.
 
And as to what someone sees and what someone else doesn't, does it really matter? To you its a problem, and you have a right to get perspectives on that from others as well as maybe to find out how other people deal with such things. So chin up...no need for tears *hugs*

(in reply to tears4him)
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RE: Opinions - 4/14/2006 2:14:02 PM   
tears4him


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		Well crappy, I didn't say you were trying to cram nothing down no ones throat. But no need to advise me on not being intimidated, as stated, this is the internet and you'll have to do better to intimidate me. As far as what you think of Gor, I really don't care. What I seen was you bashing the lifestyle of another because you don't agree with it. Plain and simple. But i'm not looking to debate your likes and dislikes. Because I personally do not care what they are. <Tears>

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I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:17:35 PM   
tears4him


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		Starymists, nice response. Like I said, I  don't see it from a vast majority. but enough that it was noticed. For most part, there's very friendly people on here.  <Tears>

Bita, thank you for the welcome too. <Tears>


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I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:19:00 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tears4him
I've read a few post on here and seen others (truesub being one of them) back down from her thoughts, just so not to be seen as daring to go against a dominant  person on here. She's not the only one I've seen actually go back and appologize for having her own thoughts because someone didn't like the post.


I can't say I've really noticed a tendency for subs to back down when a dominant posts something against them. In fact some of the most fiery, outspoken and unapologetic posters on here are subs.

In fact, I often feel it's the dominants who get put in their place most around here. Many posters on here hold dominants to a very high standard for a variety of reasons.

There is a difference between being diplomatic in order to facilate a rational discussion, and backing down because one feels bullied. In fact, I would go so far as to say I have a hard time imagining ever feeling bullied online. What are they going to do to me, cyber-spank me for my opinions? They have no power over me, at all.

Have I actually changed my opinion on something because of a fellow poster's response. Heck, yes, I'm here to challenge my preconcieved notions, after all. I love when that happens.

Cin

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Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:26:08 PM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		This might be a little off what you are discussing, but what bothers me, are those that open a thread, and then list from the search pages where a topic has been discussed before. The membership here comes and goes, questions are going to be asked again and again. And you'll get new and different responses because you have new and different people. I tell you, I"m afraid to pose a question for fear of having it said, oh, that's been discussed before, go here, read responses that are months old.

(in reply to tears4him)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:26:46 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I find it interesting that this is supposed to be a place where people who don't "fit" into the vanilla mold could come and be free and yet there are people within this community(bdsm) who find the need to ridicule/put down/bash/ or otherwise voice negative comments simply because they don't agree/believe in someone else's preferences or style of life.  I had a domme leave me a message telling me that I was unlady like and on a power trip.  My cuckold husband was appalled at her comments.  If a person can't be themselves here then where the hell can they go to be/feel/express who they are and practice what it is they like?

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:28:41 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I think you are mistaken, Tears. I don't believe those attitudes come about because one is dominant, they come about because one is an ass and that's not orientation specific. By far, the vast majority do not behave in such a manner but squeeky wheels tend to get attention and no doubt it's what they seek. You can choose to engage, ignore or laugh at them, but they will never go away. Try to remember that your online time is something you do for fun and when it's not fun for you, just move on and let the asses bray to their hearts content.

BTW: Welcome to the forums.. it's not as bad as it might at times appear. ;)

Celeste


LOL i love it. 

Indeed Tears, do not mistake Dominant with Ass or Bully.  There are many Dominants on this forum who understand how best to express themselves so that their real point is heard. 

i did like your point, however, of how someone would feel who was new to all of this.  i related to it, actually, by remembering my first days on a different forum years ago, having no clue about D/s and only beginning to understand my submission, and what that even meant.  Immediately i was ridiculed and told how ignorant i was, and my inexperience was held up as a backdrop from which they could shine their own wonderful experience.  It was quite intimidating.  Had it not been for a few very kind and very wise people, i would have left.  Instead, those kind souls were patient, informative, and shared their wisdom so that i could understand my own skewed opinions, and rethink them. 

Screaming at a fool that he is a fool is not going to help a person re-evaluate.  Incessant questioning of every point likely will not either.  However, intelligent discussion and education is far more likely to penetrate a sponge-like mind which wants to learn.  my opinion of the screamers and interrogators is that they need such a backdrop to stand before, beneath their own spotlight.

It is wise to take to heart, that abrasiveness and aggression often has little to do with the recipient of such.

CrappyDom, to respond to your post here, i must say if anyone were at a party and stood over me as you described (i'm not so tall) in an attempt to force his opinion down my throat, he would likely be met with an amused chuckle before finding himself ramming his opinion at the empty space where i once stood.

Tears, the world is full of diverse personalities.  We merge toward those who suit us, and leave the others for a different audience.  In doing so, we do not allow the negativity of others to penetrate us. The art of not taking things personally is to understand that everyone speaks from their own "story" - the world as they view it, based on their own knowledge and experiences.  This often having nothing to do with the person to whom they are speaking. 

Welcome to the boards.  You passed the initiation

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:36:51 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have been involved with various online message board communities, based on various topics,  for the last decade. In my experience collarchat rates as one of the most civil and generally respectful. If people have strong opinions or get pissy or whatever -- I think it is just human nature and the law of averages, not about being dominant.

< Message edited by Sensualips -- 4/14/2006 2:37:54 PM >

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:40:27 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hiya tears..... I see you did just what you said you was going to do. Ok, lets see here. I think perhaps you might of misunderstood me... but what the hell ... others do too... LOL

I do not back down..... I might change my wordings. But not my thoughts. I try to let it be known my thoughts. Granted I get into trouble with my wording, someone reads to much into it..... or not enough. But I can't help that really......but when i'm flamed, or raked because someone didn't understand, I do have a tendency to rare back. Mostly because they claim I have no tact..... no common sense on how to post. Those are the ones that I was refering to that should show more tact and not rake me across hot coils. In the time it takes to jump someone on here, they could just make their own opinion on the matter known and not feel they're being group with other people. ....... But it's easier to flame someone first than post ones own thoughts sometimes.

There are fools on here..... and then there are really a lot of down to earth great people here. It take a few to get to know them. Well... not know them... but know how they post. Some you just over look... typos... wordings.... but they still get their point out there. I know from talking to you in e-mails and in IMs... your thick skinned and will fit in just fine here.

Oh and next time... give a gal a warning if you're going to use her in a post.... you did this same time someone else did in off topics and my ears where on fire!!!!!!!

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to tears4him)
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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:41:54 PM   
tears4him


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxGoddess

I find it interesting that this is supposed to be a place where people who don't "fit" into the vanilla mold could come and be free and yet there are people within this community(bdsm) who find the need to ridicule/put down/bash/ or otherwise voice negative comments simply because they don't agree/believe in someone else's preferences or style of life.  I had a domme leave me a message telling me that I was unlady like and on a power trip.  My cuckold husband was appalled at her comments.  If a person can't be themselves here then where the hell can they go to be/feel/express who they are and practice what it is they like?


Can only agree with you on this. Seen this plenty of times too. <Tears>


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I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:42:30 PM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		Any time a large group of people come together arguments are to be expected. It is my opinion that this is the best alternative message board out there. If you find one that is more informative by all means let me know. i find the majority of people here to be pleasant. Of course we all have different opinions, that is what makes a debate fun.

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:45:32 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Oh and next time... give a gal a warning if you're going to use her in a post.... you did this same time someone else did in off topics and my ears where on fire!!!!!!!


Aw c'mon, admit it, you're just posting that to show off how popular you are, girl!  

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:48:27 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
Aw c'mon, admit it, you're just posting that to show off how popular you are, girl!  

Cin


Hey cin......... ......... LMAO



_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:51:09 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
Aw c'mon, admit it, you're just posting that to show off how popular you are, girl!  

Cin


Hey cin......... ......... LMAO




You first!!

Cin <~ who knows better than to egg True on.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 2:57:12 PM   
tears4him


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		Well true, I did tell you I was going to post this. I do think I see more of the misunderstanding you were talking about. As it's already happened with me. I'm far from being intimidated by others. Off line or on line. But I do understand your meaning behind changing your wording but not your thoughts.

Owned and Bita, I also understand the difference between being bullied and someone being just an ass. True showed me the fun she has picking them out from the bunch. And Owned, thank you for the welcome. I see fun in my future as Bita put it. On line time should be fun time. Not about to let a few asses or want to be bullies ruin my fun.

Oh lord true and cin, put some clothes on you two. LOL <Tears>


< Message edited by tears4him -- 4/14/2006 2:59:03 PM >

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I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 3:02:23 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tears4him
Oh lord true and cin, put some clothes on you two. LOL <Tears>



Dang, now where did I leave my skirt?? ::slinks off to find my will to behave::

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to tears4him)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: On line dominant bullies. - 4/14/2006 3:18:08 PM   
amasexslave


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		HELLO

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 20
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