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Andalusite -> RE: Aftercare (7/4/2010 5:37:47 PM)
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Marie2, I agree, the only times when I've experienced "sub drop" was usually right after play, sometimes the next day, if I felt insecure in the relationship or that my partner was emotionally detached when I needed connection. I usually started crying a bit, and felt lonely and down. That's the only time when I've really needed the cuddles and talk, but even so, if we were having problems, then pretty words and hugs didn't fix it, just made me feel a bit better for a while.
Michael, while I love snuggling, it actually tends to make subspace last longer! If he has planned to play with someone else afterward, or do a DM or other shift, and I need to drive, I'm usually fine hanging out with people in the social area until I can walk a straight line and talk coherently again. If we were at home, snuggling up and going to sleep is fine, rather than anything really elaborate. I'm usually only in the endorphin space type of subspace you mention, with the occasional rare and unintended exception I mentioned to Marie2. I've never really been drawn to humiliation/verbal degradation. I kind of suspect that if I did go there, I wouldn't believe they really meant it at the time, so it would just be roleplay, and I wouldn't need a lot of reassurance afterward, or else I'd believe them, and even if they said nice things afterward, it wouldn't help much. Of course, there's also a physical degree of aftercare, especially with needles, singletails, and other things that break the skin. In general, I like lots of snuggling and maybe service, but if they're busy, I can manage. On the flip side, if I top someone, I try to make sure I don't have any responsibilities shortly afterward, to make sure they are cared for properly. My femsub playpartner happens not to need a lot of aftercare beyond physical wound care. Occasionally we've played when she only had a short block of time free. If she were the sort of person who got floaty and unsafe to drive or incapable of talking afterward, it would be irresponsible of me to play with her unless we had the time to help her come back to Earth.
Jujubee, I have to disagree that this difference automatically means that the two of you should break up. It's quite possible that there isn't any other solution, especially if you've talked with him about it several times already. However, one suggestion I haven't seen is for him to continue the scene for you in a way that is relatively passive for him, so he can come down before comforting you and talking with you. Putting you in a cage, keeping you in bondage or blindfolded or hooded, having you kneel or give him a massage or a blowjob can all keep you (in the generic sense) in subspace. If he really needs to get away for a few minutes as QSM described, it's trickier, since you shouldn't be alone in more extensive bondage, just in case, but there are options that can give him space while you're still floaty. If he still refuses or resents giving you aftercare, then I think you should dump him, and you certainly shouldn't have to beg or nag or "earn" it.
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