quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

"If" you are being self-centered and selfish, so what.  If there is going to be this much drama surrounding the situation "before" anyone has even met just imagine what it might be like after.  Look at it this way, I would say it at least appears she is not cut out for this type of situaton and is trying to do it to simply to please him, he does not seem to be considering the thoughts and feelings of the submissive he is responsible for and thentrying to guilt you into performing his wishes.  Does this sound like a situation you really want to get into?

I get the feeling you are really trying to respect her feelings and thoughts.  I personally would think long and hard before I became entangled in something like this.   I think you should count your blessings this raised its ugly head before the act rather than after.

good luck and blessings

K

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

Some may remember my post to the poly forum a while back about a D/s couple I'm friendly with but have not yet met in person. Recently a second invitation came to visit the dom, as friends, but with the mutual understanding that more might ensue. I accepted. Upon his telling her an hour later, his sub started into another tailspin of jealousy and insecurity. (This was despite her best efforts and intention to be open; it's instinctive.) Aware of the degree of pain this struggle caused her last time, I backed out immediately and told them both I'd only visit if she were there.

The dom has derogated my decision as self-centered. In contrast, I see it as the responsible and kind thing to do. As her friend and as an independent human (not his sub), I believe my responsibility not to hurt her takes precedence over his and my desire to meet. He's a sadist, but as a free woman I'm stuck adhering to my own moral values. That includes trying to avoid causing people pain.

This dom is someone I admire and he's often right about this sort of thing, but I don't see where he's coming from here. Was this a selfish decision?

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

Some may remember my post to the poly forum a while back about a D/s couple I'm friendly with but have not yet met in person. Recently a second invitation came to visit the dom, as friends, but with the mutual understanding that more might ensue. I accepted. Upon his telling her an hour later, his sub started into another tailspin of jealousy and insecurity. (This was despite her best efforts and intention to be open; it's instinctive.) Aware of the degree of pain this struggle caused her last time, I backed out immediately and told them both I'd only visit if she were there.

The dom has derogated my decision as self-centered. In contrast, I see it as the responsible and kind thing to do. As her friend and as an independent human (not his sub), I believe my responsibility not to hurt her takes precedence over his and my desire to meet. He's a sadist, but as a free woman I'm stuck adhering to my own moral values. That includes trying to avoid causing people pain.

This dom is someone I admire and he's often right about this sort of thing, but I don't see where he's coming from here. Was this a selfish decision?

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom
Second, the dom told me today that his criticism referred not to my cancelling the visit, but to my decision to end the conversation for the night since it was 3 am. I can agree with him that that itself was self-centered, since the timing was far from ideal. Still, I rise at 6:15 for work so I don't regret my "self-centeredness" in that regard.

What I do regret is if I've misrepresented these two people that I admire in my original post. Probably I'm the one who's not ready for poly, at least not for poly-from-afar. Riotgirl, thanks for making me take another look at that.

shig