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RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/3/2010 7:15:19 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I am a woman who was formerly a slave.   i am a woman who is slave.  However, i am not an actual unowned slave.  I am a woman who is capable of being an actual slave again.

To me, if someone has to say they are an unowned slave, they are acknowledging that they are not an actual slave at all.    A slave is a person who lives under the complete will of another and is not self-determining of their life as a whole complete concept.  So if you don't have an "another" you aren't a slave.  Being a slave has nothing to do with submission.  To me, its a reactionary concept to the actions of mastery by another -- for me its a Man.  However, it goes a step further and is a determination by another of ownership.

If you are completely self-determining of your life as a whole, if you have your complete autonomy over your life and make the decisions as a whole over your life -- no matter what you wish -- you aren't a slave owned or not. You are simply like most women who decide to live their lives a certain way.

However, i believe that while being a slave exists through the external mastery and dtermination of another there is an ability of people -- who have experienced living as same and not just saying ohhh that sounds like me -- to acknowledge they are susceptible to mastery of another and knowing they thrive under another controling their autonomy.  To me, this is slave (without a in front of it).  Its simply an acknowledgement of what you understand about yourself and where your needs lead you when seeking another.

I think online has completely created a misunderstanding of the concept of being an actual slave.  Many presume being a slave is being uber submissive -- snort.  Most women who are actual slaves that i know are very dominant personalities.   One would hope a Man who is seeking a slave does so based on the woman and not on the fact she says she is an unowned slave and tries to live her life acting the part. Also another misconception is that slaves are or act a certain way.  Umm no.  They simple act and exists under the expectations and standards of their Masters -- not themselves.

So no, there aren't unowned slaves, there are women who have acknowledged slave within themselves and want to become a slave.  M/s is not about titles its about the people and where the autonomy and determinations lie within the relationship.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 7/3/2010 7:20:27 AM >

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(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/3/2010 8:20:10 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would identify as a bottom if I could, why? Because I do not like the expectations of what the content of a relationship will be. I want it to be organic, with a slow discovery of where our mutual boundaries are. I just think that the labels cause this preconceived idea of who I should be, and who they should be, and I just want someone that when we are together we are genuinely ourselves...

the labels are only a starting point in my mind


i agree that a relationship should be all about growing organically and maybe never really reaching the end in the sense of two people changing and changing together.  the thing is you identify as a bottom to start with and if i have to identify as anything it is probably a slave, its just a different point of refferrance.  whatever the identity doesnt really matter because as you rightly say, the relationship is all about growing organically. my D will never think of me as His slave,  i dont think, largely because to Him titles or labels are irrelevant in a relationship, its just that thats how i operate and i cant change that, even if i wanted to and i dont.  its how i morphed.  in a way jeff is right in that my submission fast tracks to slave when i feel safe.



Exactly! I know when a man brings those feelings out in me it takes a helluvalot to kill them off. I try to do anything I can to please such a man, and I want to change my life to fit with his... unfortunately I have not found someone who was willing to make similar compromises yet, and in any sort of relationship there is has to be some compromise (if only setting aside some closet space) to make a relationship work...

The label doesn't matter, I have been this way with men that I have loved since I first fell in love, the desire to put them on a pedestal, bend my will to theirs, and have their back loyally, that needs no label.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/3/2010 5:34:34 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

So someone in a M/s dynamic who was married to her M, who is now mourning him no longer has the right to think of herself as his? Nope, not in my book. If you've been in a m/s dynamic and for whatever reason it ended, but you're searching for another compatible partner to be in another m/s dynamic, you get to define yourself.

Besides it's too unwieldy to write that you're a presently free person seeking enslavement. Nor does CMe nor other such sites have a label suitable for someone between relationships.


It's a complicated question Calla has raised. During the first four years after my owner died, I tried my best to do what he would have expected or wanted me to do. I tried to continue to be owned by the part of him that I had internalized. If you live with someone for a long time you know what they are going to want you to do or how they are going to react, and so I followed those memories. It was very hard to do with no feedback or support anymore, but it was also comforting. Although it was illusion, I think it might have helped to keep me sane during that time. During those first four years I'd say I was still a slave. After that point, I started to do a little more on my own initiative, but not much. And it's never become more. I realize I could take more control and do more, but I have no desire to. I don't do the things "free" people normally do (take trips, make big decisions about where to live, what to drive, or even how to decorate their homes, change my appearance, initiate relationships). I only make large decisions when they are absolutely forced upon me or when someone else will suffer if I don't make them. I don't live irresponsibly, nor do I have any major vices or things that take me entirely out of my own control, but I also don't feel like I own myself very well. I take no joy in my decision-making opportunities. I'd much rather be begging someone for permission to do something--that's when I'm happiest. In a sense it feels like I'm in some sort of limbo land. Not owned but also not fully free. I feel as though I'm in a holding pattern.

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:08:15 AM   
JanetPeters


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/30/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I was married once, I am divorced, so I am no longer a wife... therefore the analogy does not hold up when talking about a released slave.... I suppose the person could be an "ex-slave"

What then of those who have undergone the rigorous trainings of Victorian formalities and protocol driven households. Restructured beliefs and personal aspirations to accommodate those trainings and for whatever reason are no longer part of that household. Did the slave of them vanish, did the trainings and beliefs wash themselves from memory, did need and desire die? The title slave in my opinion is earned and evidenced in act word and deed.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 9:01:15 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanetPeters

quote:

I was married once, I am divorced, so I am no longer a wife... therefore the analogy does not hold up when talking about a released slave.... I suppose the person could be an "ex-slave"

What then of those who have undergone the rigorous trainings of Victorian formalities and protocol driven households. Restructured beliefs and personal aspirations to accommodate those trainings and for whatever reason are no longer part of that household. Did the slave of them vanish, did the trainings and beliefs wash themselves from memory, did need and desire die? The title slave in my opinion is earned and evidenced in act word and deed.


Then a different analogy would be in order, doncha think?

Example: I carried a child in my womb for nine months, changed its diapers, fed it, lost sleep, went on field trips, lost sleep again when he sneaked out of the house, etc etc etc... this makes me a mother even after he is an adult...I will always be a mother

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to JanetPeters)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 9:29:30 AM   
JanetPeters


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/30/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I will always be a mother

Agreed and thank you for your comment.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 9:31:32 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Example: I carried a child in my womb for nine months, changed its diapers, fed it, lost sleep, went on field trips, lost sleep again when he sneaked out of the house, etc etc etc... this makes me a mother even after he is an adult...I will always be a mother


I hope somewhere in there you caught up on your sleep. You must be really tired!



Jeff


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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 9:34:30 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Example: I carried a child in my womb for nine months, changed its diapers, fed it, lost sleep, went on field trips, lost sleep again when he sneaked out of the house, etc etc etc... this makes me a mother even after he is an adult...I will always be a mother


I hope somewhere in there you caught up on your sleep. You must be really tired!



Jeff



Yeah.... I remember going to the doctor complaining about being tired and asking him to see if something was wrong with me.. he said "How old is our kid?" and I said "4"... he just laughed and said, "And you wonder why your tired being a single mom, working, and having a 4 year old"... I realized it would be awhile before I got some rest...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 10:14:43 AM   
slaveformistress


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline 		You have a very good point. I was trained as a slave in r/l but because i'm not owned i concider myself a submissive. 

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 5:55:37 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		From a technical standpoint, a slave by definition is someone who is owned. So to be an "unowned slave" would be literally incorrect.

I view submissive and dominant the same way. Although I will refer to myself as a submissive when it lends itself to making myself understood under certain circumstances, technically, I do not see myself as a submissive, but rather someone who is submissive (adj) in a particular relationship dynamic. Even in a relationship, technically I am still submissive and not a submissive, so maybe this isn't quite analogous, but the point is that we've morphed these terms into a "language" that works for understanding and communicating to one another under the whole bdsm umbrella.

Under some circumstances and with certain topics, of course technicality and definitions can be absolutely paramount. But when we're talking about relationship-type desires, and basically what amounts to various states of mind, I think it's more important to successfully convey who we are, how we feel, and what we seek, than to concern ourselves with being literally accurate.

< Message edited by marie2 -- 7/4/2010 5:57:49 PM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 5:59:15 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.

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(in reply to slaveformistress)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:01:33 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Yeah, it's distracting for sure.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:03:36 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.


not to mention all that hair

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
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(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:04:02 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.

Hell, I did'nt bother reading it... I was too busy trying to mouse scroll past it like a bat outta Hell, fast as could, bleaching it from my mind.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:04:34 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		manscaping = good

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:05:30 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.

Hell, I did'nt bother reading it... I was too busy trying to mouse scroll past it like a bat outta Hell, fast as could, bleaching it from my mind.


I was too slow....my eyes! my eyes! they burn they burn!

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:05:34 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.



OMG. EYEBLEACH!!!

Srsly.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:05:56 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.

not to mention all that hair

Is shooting Wookies with rubber bands acceptable or not?

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:07:09 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
It would be a bit easier to read your posts if I didn't have to look at your dick.

not to mention all that hair

Is shooting Wookies with rubber bands acceptable or not?


YES!!!!!!

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Un-owned "slaves" - 7/4/2010 6:10:50 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Hey...Nice pic, Katy. :)

oh, and your sig quote is so "uni" it's not even funny.

< Message edited by marie2 -- 7/4/2010 6:12:02 PM >

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 60
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