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Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 9:43:40 PM

TyShaw

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/25/2010
Status: offline

Hi there,
Just a question to the Mistresses.
Would it matter if you had a young 25-35 male sub who has erectile dysfunction.
I know an erection probably isn't important but I'm curious if this would be an issue, or maybe it would add to the fire in terms of humiliation, punishment etc?
Thanks
Ty

Post #: 1

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 10:33:33 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I would have to say that it really depends on what you expect of him, and why he is suffering from the problem to begin with.

Personally, that is very young to suffer that problem, and he should be examined by a doctor to be sure there is nothing serious going on.

Having said that, punishing someone for a problem they can not help is inappropriate on so many levels to me and just like there are "hot buttons" for many females regarding what can be used for humiliation, I would discuss this issue with him before humiliating him further. If it is a psychological problem, you are ensuring that it remains one, and if it is a physcial problem, you are taking the chance that you will make it a psychological problem that will far outlast your relationship.

I'm editing, because I looked at your profile and see that you are a male and are likely talking about yourself.

So, please see a doctor and find out what is causing this problem.

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 7/3/2010 10:35:03 PM >

(in reply to TyShaw)

Post #: 2

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 10:49:54 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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I had a lover once who had ED. He had terrible diabetes - a pump attached to his body that would beep every now and then when it administered his insulin. I would tease him and ask if he was backing up the junk in his trunk (it sounded like the beep a car/truck gives off).... He was a good sport about it because we couldn't pretend it wasn't there. He was a wonderful lover, a good man, and now remains one of my dearest friends and fondest memories. I just adore the snot out of him.

I could tease him because he was cool with the whole diabetes thing, and it allowed us to "normalize" the situation. He was not into being humiliated, but if he had been, I would hope he would have been smart enough to make sure this would be something that wouldn't harm him psychologically.

best,
sunshine

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 3

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 10:50:26 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've had one that was age 32 at the time. It was due to a medical condition. I wouldn't punish someone for that. I think it would be rather silly to do so.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 4

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 10:51:44 PM

TyShaw

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/25/2010
Status: offline

Thank you for your response.
I am talking about myself to be honest.
Have have seen doctors and beyond, and handful to be exact. Have had various tests done etc, everything healthy in terms of possible causes, but they say I've had erectile dysfunction my whole life... very weird!
I'm totally used to it now, including psychologically!
I was just wondering if it would make a sub any less desirable for a possible Domme.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 5

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 11:01:53 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It wouldn't necessarily make someone less desirable. At the same time, there may be some medications on the market that could assist with the problem. It might be something worth looking into if you are interested in a dynamic that is going to include sex.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TyShaw)

Post #: 6

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/3/2010 11:22:22 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TyShaw

Thank you for your response.
I am talking about myself to be honest.
Have have seen doctors and beyond, and handful to be exact. Have had various tests done etc, everything healthy in terms of possible causes, but they say I've had erectile dysfunction my whole life... very weird!
I'm totally used to it now, including psychologically!
I was just wondering if it would make a sub any less desirable for a possible Domme.

Well if they haven't found a physical cause, then the cause could be psychological, and you should find yourself a good therapist that specializes in that.

I can't imagine how difficult it would be for someone so young to suffer something like that. I certainly am not in a position to make a diagnosis, but in my opinion, since they indicate that there isn't physical issue, if you were psychologically "used to it," you wouldn't still have the problem. I don't say that to be cruel at all, but when there isn't a physical cause (especially in someone so young), there is typically a psychological issue going on that with proper therapy can help to resolve the issue. While I may catch all kinds of flames for it, psychologically you might even have your submissive tendencies because of this problem.

I really hope you will find a therapist that will help you figure it out.

(in reply to TyShaw)

Post #: 7

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/4/2010 4:32:08 AM

gedienstig

Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline

Well, it kinda is like in vanilla relationships. There are caring and understanding women, and there are selfish and superficial women (same goes for men, by the way, not being sexist here). There will be Dommes to who this is a problem, no doubt, but if you could find a Domme who loves you for who you are, your personality,... she probably won't make a big deal out of it, and support you as you are trying to find a solution for this as a couple.

I make it sound all rather easy, but I know that this process of finding the caring, understanding Domme is a year long proces.

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Tell 'em that it's human nature

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 8

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/5/2010 8:25:23 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

for me my adhd meds alter my sexual function delaying ejaculation and making the erection disipate quickly as well. ciallis helps me and so do cock rings. a trip to a uroloigist or a reproductive specialist may help as most general practitioners dont have the specilized training to help you.

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Post #: 9

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/5/2010 8:38:12 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

For a lot of guys, the erection psychology is huge, and worry is like learning to ride a bicycle: as long as you don't know that no one is holding on, you're fine, but as soon as you see they've let go: wobble/crash.
But if it's true, [good for you for seeing a doc about it] and you don't get morning erections, as above, there are cock rings, viagra, but also injections, penile implants, and hollow dildos with harnesses.

But as long as you're healthy, not on meds, don't obsess about it, have a good sex drive AND here's the big [cough] one: can TELL your partner you're excited when your penis can't, I wouldn't see it as a problem.
your tongue is always erect, isn't it?
Good luck.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 10

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/5/2010 8:44:52 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

When my Lady and I first got together, I was so "stuffed" sexually that I did not have an orgasm for the first three months of our relationship. I had all sorts of issues from getting hard, to staying hard...to integrating all our kinky play into sexual energy - it did not translate at all for me at first, and when we play hard it still doesn't.

I was terribly self conscious about it, worried about it, and guilty over it.

She told me over and over "If all I wanted was a hard dick...I can find those anywhere. Don't worry, it will be okay."

And you know, it was. :) We did some vitamins, kept at it emotionally and physically, and most days now I can drive a ten penny nail with a thrust of my hips!

But seriously, if it had continued, we would have looked next to a medical reason for the issue and kept working at it.

I believe that the reaction to the issue will vary from Domme to Domme - what they are looking for, how much they want penetrative sex, etc...

My Lady was wonderful around my insecurities and it did make a "growing" difference.

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 7/5/2010 8:45:19 AM >

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Post #: 11

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/5/2010 9:30:06 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I would never humliate someone for a physical condition they have no control over. I have been with many bottoms/subs with ED, it's an amazingly common condition. For MOST things, it wouldn't bother me. If I was getting tired of the person, it would probably be another reason to let him go.

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Post #: 12

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/7/2010 6:35:27 PM

SirGuy68

Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

@ TyShaw,
>Have have seen doctors and beyond, and handful to be exact. Have had various tests done etc, everything healthy <

Did any of the MD ask if when you wake up in the morning have you ever been hard?

Be Well
}{

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/7/2010 7:34:39 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

ED isn't a problem. That's what strap-ons are for.

Or I could just have someone else fuck me while my boy watches from close enough to touch me... Except he can't because he's restrained...

(See my journal for more detailed wank fodder.)

What I would have a BIG problem with is an s-type who has little self-awareness, and lacks the desire to understand and properly address exactly what is going on inside him, emotionally/physically. THAT is a HUGE turn off. I have absolutely NO interest in partnering with that kind of person.

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(in reply to TyShaw)

Post #: 14

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/7/2010 11:25:31 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

The best lover I have ever had was totally impotent. But he was intelligent, creative, and loved watching women having orgasms and knowing he made that happen. And when he wanted to do PIV stuff, he would strap it on.

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Post #: 15

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/8/2010 12:25:31 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I want a sub who is sexual, I don't want a cuck, even though I also have a sexual Master. However, that said, IF a sub was right in every other way but happened to have ED, then I would be supportive and helpful in trying to work towards a solution. As the other ladies have said, I wouldn't be into punishing or humiliating him for something beyond his control.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 16

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/9/2010 3:29:29 PM

LadySunn

Posts: 102
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

For a lot of guys, the erection psychology is huge, and worry is like learning to ride a bicycle: as long as you don't know that no one is holding on, you're fine, but as soon as you see they've let go: wobble/crash.
But if it's true, [good for you for seeing a doc about it] and you don't get morning erections, as above, there are cock rings, viagra, but also injections, penile implants, and hollow dildos with harnesses.

But as long as you're healthy, not on meds, don't obsess about it, have a good sex drive AND here's the big [cough] one: can TELL your partner you're excited when your penis can't, I wouldn't see it as a problem.
your tongue is always erect, isn't it?
Good luck.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 17

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/9/2010 9:57:09 PM

EquineMistress

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

hmmm I thought i'd see a comment or more about caging it, guess i'm odd in my thoughts. i echo the above with caring, concern, love, and devotion, as well as medical help, BUT once it's locked up, does an erection matter? also i've heard many with ED still have the emotional and psychological sexuality of a fully functioning person, so there's many ways to work around a stiffy if the rest is there...

(in reply to LadySunn)

Post #: 18

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/10/2010 7:11:43 PM

missfrankie

Posts: 20
Joined: 2/25/2010
From: Chicago
Status: offline

I would love it and use it to humiliate and taunt because I can. You've got a useless small dick that won't satisfy me- so you'd have to find other ways of pleasuring me! Use a toy- watch a bigger man with me. That kind of thing....I would use it to my advantage that you've got a "problem"

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(in reply to TyShaw)

Post #: 19

RE: Male sub that can't keep it up - 7/10/2010 7:29:08 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Which just goes to show that some people are good human beings and others are heartless folks that would use a person's medical condition against them. I'll bet you'd have a great time with female subs who have had a mastectomy.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to missfrankie)

Post #: 20

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