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RE: Why slavery? - 7/5/2010 8:16:57 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

It is about sexual engery... but that isnt the be all end all.

Isn't that a bit of a contradiction? If you say 'it's about sexual energy' or sexuality, doesn't that sum it up, overall when you get into the guts of things?

I liked your point of view about not seeking it, but finding slavery nonetheless. One thing I found I need to clarify however is that I'm not just talking about 'getting off.' Sex goes far, far beyond that... wouldn't you agree?

i view the sexual energy as a byproduct of the relationship. I dont enter a relationship because i want to fuck a man.. whoever that man may be. I enter into one because he has proven to me (without having to prove a thing) that he is the man i need in my life. If the sex is great.. wonderful! its just an added bonus. But i can be in a relationship without the sex.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 21

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 10:09:19 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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For Carol and I, it's about pleasing each other. Sex or sexuality or "sexual energy" has nothing to do with it. Our reasons have more to do with making the perfect marriage given our two personalities.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 22

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 10:14:08 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

Why do some people want to become actual slaves?

Why would someone NOT want to become one? lol

I mean we all are a slave to something anyways in one capacity or another (a boss, our chidlins, our family when they need cash, our friends when they need to move, our pets when they need water)...

Why not 'give' it the all for a relationship in that case? Some people like to please, some people like to be pleased. Even the worst of Dominant is a slave to his 'ardent one'.

No one is immune to slavery, so enjoy it or get your own planet :)

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 23

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 10:47:26 AM

whipmaker7

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/30/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Seriously. How do you know? You might find Me physically unattractive, but if you don't know Me, how do you know that I'm not beautiful inside?

I agree.
What one person finds attractive the other may not. I think we can all find common ground on that.. and I don't discount what's on the inside, either. That can be just as appealing too. In fact I think most would agree that some of the sexiest people aren't perfect tens or even sevens. So I think you're right about touching upon the point that we can't gauge attractiveness by a collection of body parts alone, but then that's not what I'm talking about.

i'm not the best writer in the world, so my apologies. What I was attempting to illustrate was that the choice to submit to a dominant female instead of a dominant male, for instance, seems like a mating selection of some type.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I am completely monogamous and seek only long term committed relationships. I don't do casual playing so yes the gender has a lot to do with it since I'm straight and not interested in women at all and I don't want a relationship with a woman or with a man who only wants to play casually. I am simply built to desire a man who is a dominant personality…

How would you explain this *built desire* for a dominant male, however? Don't you think it's suspect that, being female, you seek a monogamous (the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner) relationship with a male who is dominant?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
i view the sexual energy as a byproduct of the relationship. I dont enter a relationship because i want to fuck a man..

ok wait... I'll point out that when I say 'sexuality' I'm not talking about counting the minutes until your knockin' boots again. a lot of the replies in this thread seem to be assuming I'm just talking about the physical act.

I'm talking about sexual feelings. Attractions. Desires. Sexual tension. Orientation. Awareness. Chemistry.. stuff like that.

None of that is a core thread throughout your d&s relationship? I'm not doubting you, just trying to get some clarity on both what I'm saying and what you're saying.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 24

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 10:51:16 AM

whipmaker7

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Joined: 4/30/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

For Carol and I, it's about pleasing each other. Sex or sexuality or "sexual energy" has nothing to do with it. Our reasons have more to do with making the perfect marriage given our two personalities.

I know I've asked this before from you, and you never answered..so here it goes again but from a different angle. The icon you show (presumably of you and your SO) looks like it involves bondage of some type. in context to this discussion, are you saying sexuality has honestly 100% nothing to do with:

- your marriage
- your d&s relationship?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 25

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 10:55:37 AM

whipmaker7

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/30/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

Why do some people want to become actual slaves?

Why would someone NOT want to become one? lol

I mean we all are a slave to something anyways in one capacity or another (a boss, our chidlins, our family when they need cash, our friends when they need to move, our pets when they need water)...

Why not 'give' it the all for a relationship in that case? Some people like to please, some people like to be pleased. Even the worst of Dominant is a slave to his 'ardent one'.

No one is immune to slavery, so enjoy it or get your own planet :)

i do see your point.. 'slavery' on a very loose scale is in a lot of places and relationships. But I'm trying to get more specific with m&s relationships. I can't and i won't start seeing m&s as almost literally interchangeable with parent and child or traditional husband and wife scenarios.. that would completely water down and dilute m&s to a degree that it's not even worth having a site like cm around, I'm thinking.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 26

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 11:06:45 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

Sex has nothing to do with why I want a slave. It's all about the control..The day to day interactions with someone that's compatibly, the yang to my yin. The meshing together of two seemingly, opposing personality's, symbiotically working together towards a single goal.

With me in charge of where we are heading.
As sublizzie has pointed out..The rest is just icing on the cake. (Mmmmm Cake)

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 27

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 11:10:03 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

agrees with comment above. Ditto.

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 28

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 11:22:17 AM

oksubby

Posts: 33
Joined: 7/2/2010
Status: offline

I got, once, to a place where I was ready to be a slave. The sexual tension was there, sometimes, but the really weird thing for me was the almost religious fervor I felt when I was simply scrubbing a floor or cooking dinner for my Lady. I've had that feeling in religious contexts and thought that I was in the presence of God. In the submissive-cum-slave context I really felt like I was in the presence of Goddess. I didn't worship my Lady, per se, but I adored every opportunity to please her.

If life were different and I wasn't leading the happy life I lead now, I would be very, very ready to go down that road again, even knowing the feeling of ecstasy would be transitory and infrequent; it was that powerful.

I wonder if my experience is unique... I sincerely doubt that it is, at least amongst true slave types...

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 29

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 11:22:43 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ok wait... I'll point out that when I say 'sexuality' I'm not talking about counting the minutes until your knockin' boots again. a lot of the replies in this thread seem to be assuming I'm just talking about the physical act.

I'm talking about sexual feelings. Attractions. Desires. Sexual tension. Orientation. Awareness. Chemistry.. stuff like that.

None of that is a core thread throughout your d&s relationship? I'm not doubting you, just trying to get some clarity on both what I'm saying and what you're saying.

No, none of that is a core to my relationship.

The way you have this phrased would mean as soon as the sex goes, so does the relationship.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 30

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 11:29:26 AM

kuppykake

Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

For me and my Master, it honestly has little to do with sex. For me, it's about the structure of the lifestyle...it's great for my adhd, and structure is something I need naturally. I also enjoy the attention I get, knowing someone I care about is paying attention to the things I am doing makes me feel cared for. Like tazzygirl said, the sex is a bonus. I tried to explain the best I could, but it's really hard to put into words why I wanted to be a slave. As cheesy as it might sound, it's like my natural instinct.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 31

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 11:37:21 AM

BigBeauty51

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

slavery feels right to me. the fact that i give all control and consent to Master, makes me feel more free and at peace than i have been quite a few years. whenn Master strokes my hair and smiles warmly and tells me how proud he is have a slave such as me, i absolutely melt. i get so much from serving him.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 32

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 12:19:43 PM

whipmaker7

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/30/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ok wait... I'll point out that when I say 'sexuality' I'm not talking about counting the minutes until your knockin' boots again. a lot of the replies in this thread seem to be assuming I'm just talking about the physical act.

I'm talking about sexual feelings. Attractions. Desires. Sexual tension. Orientation. Awareness. Chemistry.. stuff like that.

None of that is a core thread throughout your d&s relationship? I'm not doubting you, just trying to get some clarity on both what I'm saying and what you're saying.

No, none of that is a core to my relationship.

The way you have this phrased would mean as soon as the sex goes, so does the relationship.

You mean, as soon as the 'sexuality' goes, right? Sexuality is more than 'sex'. I hope I can make this point clear one last time, but I guess it is just my bad choice of words that's mucking things up.

I'm trying to establish what others view as the 'core driver(s)' in their M&S relationships. I'm not trying to insinuate anything, but i will say that many times it seems sexuality has a lot to do with things, though its not hip to put it that way. i think sometimes people feel a little pressure to sound "deeper" than that, because lovers and peers are watching, and admitting sexuality has a lot to do with it sounds.. shallow, I guess.

for the record, I don't view sexuality as negative or shallow. I figured I'd get that out of the way, because I'm wondering if following your defensive posture, people are thinking I'm phrasing things to go in a certain direction maybe with the intent to conclude "aha! I knew it! you're all shallow pervs!"

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 33

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 12:24:39 PM

whipmaker7

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/30/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Sex has nothing to do with why I want a slave. It's all about the control..The day to day interactions with someone that's compatibly, the yang to my yin. The meshing together of two seemingly, opposing personality's, symbiotically working together towards a single goal.

With me in charge of where we are heading.
As sublizzie has pointed out..The rest is just icing on the cake. (Mmmmm Cake)

So it's strictly about personality for you and meshing right to reach a goal. The total control is where it's at, and that's that. Would you say you are looking for or have a 'slave' in your life, or is 'slave' just a label to you?

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 34

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 12:29:55 PM

whipmaker7

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/30/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuppykake

For me and my Master, it honestly has little to do with sex. For me, it's about the structure of the lifestyle...it's great for my adhd, and structure is something I need naturally. I also enjoy the attention I get, knowing someone I care about is paying attention to the things I am doing makes me feel cared for. Like tazzygirl said, the sex is a bonus. I tried to explain the best I could, but it's really hard to put into words why I wanted to be a slave. As cheesy as it might sound, it's like my natural instinct.

So it's about structure and stability..and being paid attention to. Being cared for. Knowing you are pleasing. This is very interesting, and I think I'm feeling a little more clear on the 'sex aint it' thing. I think.

(in reply to kuppykake)

Post #: 35

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 12:44:10 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7
I agree.
What one person finds attractive the other may not. I think we can all find common ground on that.. and I don't discount what's on the inside, either. That can be just as appealing too. In fact I think most would agree that some of the sexiest people aren't perfect tens or even sevens. So I think you're right about touching upon the point that we can't gauge attractiveness by a collection of body parts alone, but then that's not what I'm talking about.

i'm not the best writer in the world, so my apologies. What I was attempting to illustrate was that the choice to submit to a dominant female instead of a dominant male, for instance, seems like a mating selection of some type.

I don't know if mating selection would be the best term either. That may be a part of it, but it doesn't encompass all of it.

As corny as it sounds, I find it very much more like an intricate puzzle. More the way two people fit into one another. All of those aspects of kink, control, authority, intensity, and those other things that I will often tell folks are the compatibility areas when it comes to wiitwd. Style of Dominance has to mesh the right way with style of submission. As the two become more intertwined, trust deepens and the will bends more. The process continues to build what you want to achieve.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 36

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 1:07:24 PM

whipmaker7

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/30/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I don't know if mating selection would be the best term either. That may be a part of it, but it doesn't encompass all of it.

Yeah, I agree, but then I'm not saying it encompasses it all. I'm asking that when you get down to the skeleton of the..'dynamic'..what are usually the key base ingredients...is sexuality one of them? You'd think so if you take a look at the costumes and the suggestive nudity on so many male and female profiles here and elsewhere.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
All of those aspects of kink, control, authority, intensity, and those other things that I will often tell folks are the compatibility areas when it comes to wiitwd. Style of Dominance has to mesh the right way with style of submission. As the two become more intertwined, trust deepens and the will bends more. The process continues to build what you want to achieve.

So 'kink' is part of it then, it seems, though it's entwined with other psychological things...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 37

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 1:15:29 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7
I agree.
What one person finds attractive the other may not. I think we can all find common ground on that.. and I don't discount what's on the inside, either. That can be just as appealing too. In fact I think most would agree that some of the sexiest people aren't perfect tens or even sevens. So I think you're right about touching upon the point that we can't gauge attractiveness by a collection of body parts alone, but then that's not what I'm talking about.

i'm not the best writer in the world, so my apologies. What I was attempting to illustrate was that the choice to submit to a dominant female instead of a dominant male, for instance, seems like a mating selection of some type.

I don't know if mating selection would be the best term either. That may be a part of it, but it doesn't encompass all of it.

As corny as it sounds, I find it very much more like an intricate puzzle. More the way two people fit into one another. All of those aspects of kink, control, authority, intensity, and those other things that I will often tell folks are the compatibility areas when it comes to wiitwd. Style of Dominance has to mesh the right way with style of submission. As the two become more intertwined, trust deepens and the will bends more. The process continues to build what you want to achieve.

I'll quote this interchange, but it's possible I might have any number of times during this post.

Hypothetically speaking, a person knows that they have a slave mindset or slave potential. Sex is not an issue, selflessness is. The person has few discernible 'needs' - health, trust. Big things but nothing specific on a micro level.

Can one become a slave to a 'post your face here' owner? What I mean by that is that if there is an understanding that there are a pool of potential owners all of whom are equally responsible for the health and general well-being of the owned, that the slave-to-be could throw a proverbial dart at the dartboard to pick one.

In other words, to what extent does the SPECIFIC owner play a part in a slave's life?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 38

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 2:25:38 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Sex has nothing to do with why I want a slave. It's all about the control..The day to day interactions with someone that's compatibly, the yang to my yin. The meshing together of two seemingly, opposing personality's, symbiotically working together towards a single goal.

With me in charge of where we are heading.
As sublizzie has pointed out..The rest is just icing on the cake. (Mmmmm Cake)

So it's strictly about personality for you and meshing right to reach a goal. The total control is where it's at, and that's that. Would you say you are looking for or have a 'slave' in your life, or is 'slave' just a label to you?

Personality meaning her being submissive..Me being Dominant...Meshing right meaning compatibility...Control meaning the driving desire that ultimately drew me here to begin with. All of this said now doesn't mean I don't like the sex..It's just not my main focus when looking for a mate.

I'm not looking for anyone at the moment....I like to take time between relationships and try not to jump into another one too soon.

Although I don't have problems with labels..Slave to means way more than that.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 39

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 2:27:55 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Yeah, I agree, but then I'm not saying it encompasses it all. I'm asking that when you get down to the skeleton of the..'dynamic'..what are usually the key base ingredients...is sexuality one of them? You'd think so if you take a look at the costumes and the suggestive nudity on so many male and female profiles here and elsewhere.

I don't think your hitting on anything that the majority of us don't know. Yes sex is the driving force behind a lot of the interactions on this site

< Message edited by Icarys -- 7/7/2010 2:28:28 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to whipmaker7)

Post #: 40

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