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RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 2:47:57 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7
I know I've asked this before from you, and you never answered..so here it goes again but from a different angle. The icon you show (presumably of you and your SO) looks like it involves bondage of some type. in context to this discussion, are you saying sexuality has honestly 100% nothing to do with:

- your marriage
- your d&s relationship?

*ponders* Damn... I try not to be evasive. Let me try go answer.

Sexuality is a part of what I think of as a vibrant, loving, intimate relationship between two individuals. So sexuality is absolutely a part of both our marriage and our D/s dynamic. We have sex just like most people in love and we love it. But sexuality is not the core or foundation of why we engage in either D/s or our marriage. Put differently, I am dominant over Carol because of who we are... she is quite submissive as a default mindset and I am quite dominant. There would be no other way for us to be together... we were D/s long before we knew anything about D/s.

Insofar as the image... oddly I do not interpret that image as bondage or sexuality. To me, the leash is a "connector". Someone once described it as a "6 foot long wedding ring". Typical scenarios for her being leashed are when we are in bed spooning. I have a stubby little 6" leash I attach to her collar and I wrap my arm around her and hold onto her by the leash. It's a togetherness thing. Or else when we are watching a movie on the couch. She is not "bound" in the sense that if she wants to get up, I let go of the leash. In fact, the leash length is carefully chosen to not reach the ground and get underfoot so she can move about safely without me having to unclip it every time. Leashing her doesn't make me "hot". It's most akin to one of us fiddling with the other's wedding ring while we're holding hands... it's a reminder of the "us-ness" of us.

If I've portrayed that Carol and I are asexual, I didn't mean to. We certainly are not. But the core of our dynamic has nothing to do with sexuality. Owning her doesn't make me "hot". Running across M/s was more like finding a really comfortable set of shoes to slip on... it just fits us nicely.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 7/7/2010 2:51:10 PM >

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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Post #: 41

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 3:14:56 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
I'll quote this interchange, but it's possible I might have any number of times during this post.

Hypothetically speaking, a person knows that they have a slave mindset or slave potential. Sex is not an issue, selflessness is. The person has few discernible 'needs' - health, trust. Big things but nothing specific on a micro level.

Can one become a slave to a 'post your face here' owner? What I mean by that is that if there is an understanding that there are a pool of potential owners all of whom are equally responsible for the health and general well-being of the owned, that the slave-to-be could throw a proverbial dart at the dartboard to pick one.

In other words, to what extent does the SPECIFIC owner play a part in a slave's life?

Jeff

I'm glad you asked, Jeff. I don't see this as an 'any Owner will do' type of thing. We all have different ways of doing this, and even amongst Dominants we have different philosophies, personalities, and styles. For example, I'm a very high protocol, strict, formal type of Dominant. In contrast, clip functions best when there is a clear sense of order in his life. Someone who was more laid back wouldn't fulfill him the same way.

The same can be said for the kink aspect. Our drives run about the same. If he wasn't paired with a sadist, clip would be the perfect candidate to prove the validity and use of maintenance spankings, at least in some sense. It wouldn't be quite enough for him, but pain absolutely refocuses him. It brings him into a balance and center that is very difficult for him to obtain any other way. A Dominant who only enjoyed a hint of sadism wouldn't work.

Then, there's that whole other area about how human beings interact. The right kind of temperament, common interests, sense of humor, personality, and all of that stuff that makes you feel that you can identify with the other person. Everything from how affectionate are they to how well do they really handle stress. Find the right mix and you're golden.

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Post #: 42

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 3:46:54 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I am completely monogamous and seek only long term committed relationships. I don't do casual playing so yes the gender has a lot to do with it since I'm straight and not interested in women at all and I don't want a relationship with a woman or with a man who only wants to play casually. I am simply built to desire a man who is a dominant personality…

quote:

How would you explain this *built desire* for a dominant male, however? Don't you think it's suspect that, being female, you seek a monogamous (the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner) relationship with a male who is dominant?

the built desire for a dominant male is probably from my upbringing in a traditional family where the male was the breadwinner of the family, the worker, the head of the household, the Godhead..ya know..traditional values.

It's what I'm comfortable with. It's what I find attractive. It's how I was raised and being a pretty submissive personality it seems to fit pretty well within my dynamic.

As for monogamy...why would it be suspect? Suspect of what? You lost me. Are you saying that because a male is dominant he's going to want many other partners?? If that's true then I'd rather stay single for the rest of my entire life thanks.

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Post #: 43

RE: Why slavery? - 7/7/2010 4:33:13 PM

tazzygirl

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ok wait... I'll point out that when I say 'sexuality' I'm not talking about counting the minutes until your knockin' boots again. a lot of the replies in this thread seem to be assuming I'm just talking about the physical act.

I'm talking about sexual feelings. Attractions. Desires. Sexual tension. Orientation. Awareness. Chemistry.. stuff like that.

None of that is a core thread throughout your d&s relationship? I'm not doubting you, just trying to get some clarity on both what I'm saying and what you're saying.

No, none of that is a core to my relationship.

The way you have this phrased would mean as soon as the sex goes, so does the relationship.

You mean, as soon as the 'sexuality' goes, right? Sexuality is more than 'sex'. I hope I can make this point clear one last time, but I guess it is just my bad choice of words that's mucking things up.

I'm trying to establish what others view as the 'core driver(s)' in their M&S relationships. I'm not trying to insinuate anything, but i will say that many times it seems sexuality has a lot to do with things, though its not hip to put it that way. i think sometimes people feel a little pressure to sound "deeper" than that, because lovers and peers are watching, and admitting sexuality has a lot to do with it sounds.. shallow, I guess.

for the record, I don't view sexuality as negative or shallow. I figured I'd get that out of the way, because I'm wondering if following your defensive posture, people are thinking I'm phrasing things to go in a certain direction maybe with the intent to conclude "aha! I knew it! you're all shallow pervs!"

First, i hardly constitute a poster who worries about how others view me. Never have, never will.

Sex is great, wonderful, exhilirating.. but its not what drives me. I can have sex with anyone who is willing (and lots of men are willing). I dont need sex, or the sexual aspects, of an M/s relationship. I think this is where you are going wrong.

I choose men who understand me, what drives me, that need to serve, that need to please, the hunger to be dominated. Any man can fuck me, any man can find my triggers. But not just any man can demand my submission.

Its to that kind of man that i submit too, and through that submission sexuality becomes a driving force. Not... sexuality is the driving force for an M/s relationship.

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Post #: 44

RE: Why slavery? - 7/9/2010 4:20:52 PM

trueshadow

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There is a component of sex, for sure (at least for me). However, it extends more completely, for me at least, the more I grow into a slave role, seeking more and more complete surrender to my Owner.

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RE: Why slavery? - 7/9/2010 4:50:57 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7

Why do some people want to become actual slaves?

Is it always for sexual reasons? Is that always the common denominator?

whipmaker7,

In short I like the power. There's a force called him that is great and compels my alignment rather than my desire to topple or dismiss it. He extracts the soft and jagged edges within me and melds them like a wily alchemist. It's alluring, symbiotic, and the only thing that brings me to heel. My desire to control and have it my way are set aside in deference to his. And once the veil has been neatly pulled back I reveal a woman that's docile, eager to please, and pliant in a manner most would never conceive. Slavery presents the opportunity for an amazing metamorphosis. Our union elicits a better me, he, and we as the outcome.

~porcelaine

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Post #: 46

RE: Why slavery? - 7/18/2010 1:35:36 PM

txurinal

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Why does one want to be a slave? i can only speak for myself but in 1 word, it is liberating. a slave has all its decisions made for it. These include everything from how it dresses, how it cuts its hair, to how to serve and in what capacity.

slaves want and enjoy sex. After all they are human. a slave wants its MASTER or MISTRESS to chose the when, where, and how and the slave does its best to please.

However, slavery is not about the sex. It is about releasing its own needs and wants and placing its owners above anything else. Ego is very powerrful and i am sure many slaves find it difficult to force it to take a backseat to the wants and yes whims of another.

Being a slave is a mindset. Having been a 24/7 slave, i can tell you it is not always easy. MASTERS are human too and are not perfect. But again, the slave must put the MASTER first and it is THAT constant goal that makes a good slave

An example, my MASTER would come home after a rough day at work and want to take out his frustration on the slave. Paddling and flogging were HIS favorite ways to relax. The slave worked at a fulltime job and also had rough days. it really did not always feel like a whipping. However, both received satisfaction, the MASTER from the act and the slave from knowing it was being useful and providing pleasure and a much needed release to its MASTER

Always putting someone else before oneself is difficult. Putting up with someone's moods, desires, and putting yours 2nd i feel is difficult for all slaves. But if the experience as a whole, is satisfying and one is happy, then it is worth it

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Post #: 47

RE: Why slavery? - 7/19/2010 4:02:19 AM

KurtAllen

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I wrote this on another site, “The dominant emancipates, slips and frees the shackling bonds of social indoctrination and births the soul to soar.” Some thought I was grossly misinformed and others felt I should read a library of books they recommended... so I thanked them and found another site.

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Post #: 48

RE: Why slavery? - 7/20/2010 2:05:20 PM

phoenixmoonn13

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Mine isn't a sexual reason.

I'm his slave because I like being owned by him. I like a relationship where I don't always have to give consent. I can give it once and leave the rest up to him. I like being of service to him. I like knowing the choice is his and not mine in whatever it may be.

what you have said i was trying to sum up but couldnt get the words. smiles it is wonderful

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Post #: 49

RE: Why slavery? - 7/20/2010 2:30:42 PM

antinomy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmaker7

Why do some people want to become actual slaves?

Is it always for sexual reasons? Is that always the common denominator?

I'm not ruling out sexuality as a "bad" motive. I'm just wondering if human sexuality is really at the base of everything in the end. I know the term 'slave' isn't set in stone either, but when I mention slavery I mean the practice of surrendering your life to another person and really serving them... and not just in a 'scene' capacity.

I hope to make it clear I'm not talking about topping and bottoming. I would like people who are experienced with being slaves or even owning slaves to express their thoughts about m&s... is it all about sexual energy in the end, or is it something else and/or more than that? Thanks for reading.

I highlighted a couple of things in your post, hope you don't mind. First off, that word "actual" caught my attention. The type of slavery discussed on these boards has so many definitions, so many nuances, that what you consider an "actual" slave might not be very slave-like to someone else.

You asked a couple of questions about sexuality ALWAYS being the reason. I don't much subscribe to anything 'always' being the reason for anything. People are complex critters, and while for some folks it is the main reason, for others it's not nearly as much, and for some I hear tell it's not a factor at all.

It's this line that really caught my attention: "I'm just wondering if human sexuality is really at the base of everything in the end." I had a college professor who argued that everything in life is actually all about human sexuality. Everything. What we do, don't do, who we are attracted to, the car we drive, pretty much every choice we make is- at the very least- influenced by it, if not directly decided by it. Not sure I buy into that, but it's made me aware that there really are a lot more times when human sexuality IS at the base of things than I would otherwise have even considered.

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RE: Why slavery? - 7/21/2010 5:21:33 PM

NymphetamineGirl

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I did not know I was a slave at all, I only discovered it through a friend who became a confidant who became a boyfriend, then a dominant, then a Master. Of course he knew it all along, but he waited patiently for me to realize it on my own. I was the sixth "virgin" he had trained, and he once said I was SUCH a pain in the ass, but also the best sub he'd ever had. God he was amazing. I would work my whole day around things that he would enjoy, wait on pins and needles for him to speak, feel high as a kite when I saw him happy---all this and yes, it's true, I STILL didn't know I was a slave. There was a sexual tension in it, but it was simply a by-product of my devotion and my excitement within the relationship. I was his slave long before we ever got romantic, though I had never heard such terms.

I'm working a new dynamic now where I am somewhat submissive, which is nice, but not enslaved. It's only after reading this thread that I realized that what I am is an unowned slave. I don't think I can be complete without that and it's raising all kinds of questions for me.

We spend all this time looking for truth and then we wish it came in smaller doses.

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