porcelaine
Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Darkvamp1978
I will first say I am still fairly new to the BDSM lifestyle, having only been active outside of the bedroom for about 1 year now. In this time I have seen a number of people talking about "mentors" and have often wondered how this works and what is a new Dom likely to gain from a mentor?
I have always seen myself as a Dom and am very interested in other peoples opinions regarding the Dom/sub relationship dynamic and how they make it work, and am wondering if it would be worth me looking for a mentor to improve my skills and teach me how to Dom correctly as everything I do currently is self taught, and I often find myself struggling to think of things such as assignments for my sub or punishments.
Mentors come in different shades of aptitude. The best sort assist an individual in discovering their own answers. While some direction may be offered, it's important for the individual to come to their own conclusions and adhere to the path they wish to walk rather than blindly mimicking the mentor. There are useful techniques the guide can implement to bring the discoveries to the forefront, but engaging without having a firm idea of where you wish to go is futile. That's the road map the mentor utilizes. Your experience should be customized according to your needs rather than a generalized approach to BDSM.
Be clear about your areas of concern, shortcomings, and experiences both in and outside of the lifestyle. Oftentimes new persons complicate this far more than necessary. The dominant is a leader. Educate yourself on the principles of leadership, communication, human psychology, conflict resolution, time management and organization, leather culture, and the legal issues surrounding BDSM practices. That will give you a lot to work with.
In terms of management, look for noteworthy examples who promote ideas you find engaging, particularly the tried and true and those that think outside the box. In truth you're applying the things you've learned elsewhere to the dynamic. If you need more responsibility at the helm look to local groups that provide leadership opportunities. They needn't be lifestyle oriented, but should reflect situations where accountability is a factor of performance. In your relationship you won't have anyone looking over your shoulder. That requires a certain measure of self-policing and an internal drive for betterment.
Be forthright about your shortcomings and address them head on. You're more transparent than you realize and there's nothing worse than a man that can't admit when he's wrong or unlearned. Look at your person and consider the example you're offering to the individual within your care. Is it worthy of emulation? If so, why? If no, why not? In terms of hands on skill, don't fret. There are noteworthy events across the nation. Staying abreast of regional and national events could be assigned to the submissive and presented to you for consideration. Enjoy the journey. You don't need to digest everything all at once. The knowledge and expertise will come in due time. Best of luck to you and yours.
~porcelaine
_____________________________
His will; my fate.
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RE: Question about mentors - 
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