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Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 9:32:25 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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So, this came up in the Aftercare thread, and VAA suggested starting a new thread about it if anyone was interested. When I bottom to someone, I usually offer them a massage (especially arms/shoulders) during aftercare, since I know they can get a little sore and tired. I also am willing to get food/water, clean things up, repack their bag if they wish, or just cuddle up if that's what they want or need. When I top, it's nice if they offer similar things, and sometimes I'll ask, depending on the dynamic with the specific person. When I switch with someone, often "aftercare" turns back into playtime, depending on if we have other responsibilities right afterward.

That sometimes happens when I top or dominate someone, or bottom to or submit to someone, but not as frequently, even if I'm still up for more or all subspacey. So, what do you tend to want from your bottom/etc. or offer to your Top-type person after play?

Post #: 1

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 10:02:38 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

Simple answer.

I ask for what I want, this is usually space, not send them away space but just not climbing all over me, I also expect them to tell me what they need, like time, and also to specify the amount of time they are looking for, be it 10, 20, 30 minutes or to retire for the evening.

If it isn't spoken, if I am not told before or after what they need (Even if after means the next day they tell me what they would have liked to have gotten the day before) If it goes unsaid, I personally do not want to hear about it.

At least that is the dynamic I have, After a scene I ask what they want and if I need something I ask for it. My Asks will be Water, Gatorade, Fruit usually Pineapple. My Girls requests will usually be for a blanket, a bottle of water and a Kiss. Then I go and do what I need to do.

Personally for me Aftercare is not something someone can do for me, It is something I need to do for myself. It is just how it has always been for me.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 2

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 10:38:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I'm actually going to break this down in two different ways. Like you, it really does depend on who I am playing with. If I'm playing with clip, there's going to be a difference than if I've been playing casually.

Unless the bottom says otherwise, I usually want about 10-15 minutes of cuddle time. If they are the type to wrap in a blanket or some such thing, I'll stay on the outside. I'm going to be hot, but I do want some physical touching if I'm in space. I tend to 'let go' more after the scene is over, so this is the time that I'm really flying.

If I'm in a really good top space, I'm going to be stupid. Literally, there's no other way to describe it. In some cases, I'd probably fall on My ass if I tried to pick up everything and clean the equipment. It's a great help to Me if the bottom volunteers to do these things.

I'm great about getting something to make sure that the bottom has something to drink and a snack if they want one, but I will often forget to do that for Myself. I may bring both bottles of water to the play area, but I'll certainly forget to bring Mine along once we move. (The word stupid still applies.) When cuddle time is over, I want air and I want to smoke. (Yes, I know, bad habit.)

I may not feel hungry, but it's usually a good idea to bring Me a little something. Sweets are best because you're not going to get Me to eat much. If we've been playing for a longer period, the boots need to come off.

If I'm playing with clip, I'll still be in space long after he comes out of it. Sometimes well into the next day. Make sure I sleep and feed Me after I wake up. If My eyes are still dilated, it's the best time in the world to make Me happy sexually. It doesn't have to be coitus and just about any method is going to take very little effort. Foot rubs are excellent and so is massaging My wrists if there was a lot of flogging involved. Allow Me to rest through the day by taking care of things in the house.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 3

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 11:31:29 AM

Frankseas

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/16/2010
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Nice subject! I always do after care first for my sub/slave after all cant have cuddling or other fun stuff if they are hurting to much! And some liberal amounts of Aloe Vera lotion gets the sting out of the welts and red bottom. And after some gentle massaging and cuddling/pillow talk.

It is time for my care mostly massaging and applying Ben-gay to my sore shoulders. Then spend time with me and my silly storys. "Yes we all suffer somehow!?"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 4:34:01 PM

Nineveh

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Joined: 2/5/2008
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I remember seeing a thread on top drop earlier, but I think my comments got pruned out of it.

I know for me I need reassurance, which can be verbal or physical. The act of making sure that she is ok can serve as aftercare for me.

(in reply to Frankseas)

Post #: 5

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 5:47:53 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

My Master is always very good at caring for me after an intense session. As soon as I am in a space where I feel safe and myself again, I take great pleasure in getting up and getting him a glass of water (for myself too, but he always drinks first). It's a small thing, but it just seems to work. He enjoys watching me get up, so he can marvel at the marks and redness of my usually pale skin, the sweat on me he has caused. And of course the hydration is good for us both. And as he drinks, I kneel at his feet until he pulls me up into his arms. Then we cuddle for a while, and it's for both of us. Definitely mutual care for one another.

(in reply to Nineveh)

Post #: 6

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 5:52:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Like Lady P, The Man gets hot. So cuddles come with him on the outside. Since we only play at home, either he bundles stuff back in the suitcase and kicks it under the bed, or I do it after my nap.

I bring water in for us when we start. And either give him (and me) cheese, crackers and fruit immediately if I fixed it before hand or after I wake up. But lots of times we go out to the diner for something unhealthy.

Lady P, can you drive after? The way you describe it, it doesn't sound as if you can. He can. I can't.

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RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 5:54:47 PM

kiwisub12

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Joined: 1/11/2006
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I played with a dom this past week, who after we finished and were cuddling, asked me if our play was good for me. Now, after reading this thread, i think he was seeking reassurance, as part of domdrop. Interesting. I shall be sure to look for this in the future.

Its nice to learn something new.

(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 8

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 6:26:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Lady P, can you drive after? The way you describe it, it doesn't sound as if you can. He can. I can't.

Very bright of you, Des. Good catch. No, I can't drive. Even though it's entirely natural, I'm no better on the road than someone who's had too much to drink. We've even joked about how confused it would make anybody who might happen to pull Me over because of the way My eyes appear.

I had to laugh just now because MP was looking at the original as I was trimming it down. His contribution was, "No, you can't". LOL.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 9:24:12 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Can clip drive? Or does Mr P have to come along and be the designated driver?

A couple of times I've had to drive right after. That plunges me into a really bad subdrop because I'm not given the time I need to come back to normal.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 9:28:13 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

In fact, clip does drive, though he is terrible if it is late at night.

MP will drive on many occasions.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 11:09:18 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I had to laugh just now because MP was looking at the original as I was trimming it down. His contribution was, "No, you can't". LOL.

Not sayin' nuttin

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 11:34:11 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

At least I admit it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 13

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/5/2010 11:45:43 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

At least I admit it.

True, and a good thing to read on this thread.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/6/2010 1:09:02 AM

MsMillgrove

Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline

Bottoms: It soothes me to apply very cold lotion to hot areas.. or to use antiseptic first aid cream to cuts.. so while I am busy with soothing the bottom, I am also calming and steadying myself. A few times after too much impact play (for me)...one of my playmates has put his arm around me and let me rest on his chest.

With a sub it's different. it depends on the person...and what we've experienced together in the session or scene. Much more personalized or intimate aftercare for us both.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 15

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/6/2010 2:44:53 AM

LadyCimarron

Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline

When I first finish a scene I am hot. A few minutes later I am chilly and need a blanket. I usually don't need holding as much as I need contact (stroking my hair or back). I very recently did a scene where there was a lot of verbal humiliation. The sub had requested that I really push the envelope and let myself go with it. I did and it was quite a powertrip for me. The next morning I had a serious case of top drop. What I needed then was reassurance that I had not pushed it too far....... That my words had not really hurt him......... That I was still a human being. I never seem to need that kind of reassurance when the scene is physical.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 16

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/6/2010 9:43:55 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I do go into Top space, but not to the point where I'm unsafe to drive. I often can't drive for an hour at least after bottoming or submitting, though.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)

Post #: 17

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/6/2010 9:44:14 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~
i offer to help make Him comfortable in whatever way i can. i know that i will get my cuddles later on, even if He wants to be left alone now.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)

Post #: 18

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/7/2010 7:07:47 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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In Top space, I need to give cuddles as much as I need to receive them, it's during that closeness that I really get My fill of the pleasure from the scene. I'm prepared beforehand with water for both, nibbles and a blanket. Usually the sub needs that as I am hot, but sometimes I want to cuddle under it too. At home clean up is done by whoever gets grounded first, in a public space I will do it as My sub is probably still too spacy to do it to My satisfaction. After a while it's serious munchy time, I get hungry whether I've Dommed or subbed!

Driving is tricky, I can manage better from Top space than from subspace. I can also manage physical things such as standing, walking and talking better from Top space than from subspace, though I do understand what LadyP means about "stupid". I'm certainly not at My most intelligent when I'm still elated from a great session!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 19

RE: Aftercare for Dominants (and Tops/etc.) - 7/7/2010 7:20:23 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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I like getting backrubs post play because the close intimate contact allows each of us to surface slowly.
We talk, we laugh, we nuzzle, we relish each other. It's a happyhappy.

_____________________________

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HST

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 20

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