RE: just me.. ranting. (Full Version)

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WyrdRich -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/15/2006 6:57:01 PM)

    To the OP.  I think part of the problem is that a lot of guys coming in have no clue WHAT they are looking for beyond a starring role in a "Men in Pain" gallery.  But they want that very badly, have wanted it their whole lives and are blinded to what they may be jumping into.  Compare to the kid who gets married at 18 because he thinks he is going to get laid every night.  Imagine their surprise when they discover the concept of  no-sex BDSM.

       Maybe someone should post an easy-access explanation for the newbies, a nice little, "Men are from Taboo, Women are from Elise Sutton," sort of thing.  Might cut down on the confusion....and the whining.

     



LoganStrange -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/15/2006 7:15:46 PM)

All incredible responces, thank you, at times I have just felt like leaveing the lifestyle (which as most of you know only causes depression) but when i read all of these I felt a bit better, it is great to know it isn't just me, sad for all but great that it isn't just me. thank you all



Invictus754 -> RE: Is it just me? (4/15/2006 10:09:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoganStrange

I want to post a small rant here, about honesty in seeking.
It has been my expirence that honesty is lacking, not out right lies, but self deception.
Why do people who want kink in thier lives think they are Masters/slaves/Doms/subs, I see alot of people seeking but what they are seeking isn't really the lifestyle, its just kinky sex. When a new sub comes online they get houndres of emails and most are only trying to find out what kink they are into, and many subs are only looking for the kink they can get, not really serving.

 
And this forum differs from real life in what way?  Why are you expecting that this site should be completely honest and devoid of all human faults? 
 
Of course no man is going to come to the forum and say, "Well, gee, I can't go to a bar and get laid like I want, so I have to, umm, pretend like I am tough and order girls around so they won't know my ex-wife emasculated me".  And no woman will say, "Like, I really want to live out my fantasy of rape, but you have to be 6ft tall, ripped, and college educated and can't call me really nasty names because that is just being disrespectful of a slave". 
 
Just like meeting someone in the street who claims things which seem to be inconsistant or boastful, you actually have to weed out the bad to get to the good on this site too. If everyone could sign up here and get what they want the first day, it would cost a lot more to join.



CrappyDom -> RE: Is it just me? (4/15/2006 10:29:57 PM)

Oh to have such clarity!

"If everyone could sign up here and get what they want the first day, it would cost a lot more to join. "



acctonthelook -> RE: Is it just me? (4/15/2006 11:14:58 PM)

I am a sub and what I'd like to know is why many think that I even want to be a slave?  I spoke with my Mentor Dom/ friend and he said I never have to go that route.  Enthralled talks about giving up all of you to be collared.  Well I was trained that I don't have to give up me, my possessions or anything of that nature to be a good sub (even with slave tendacies).  Some of us just want D/s, with knowing the difference of when the vanilla is also meshed in. 

I enjoy the TPE too, but some Doms want 24/7 and my Mentor Dom said that is not something I'm ready for and to remove it from my profile.  I am new and trust in him to guide me.  I don't take this lifestyle as a game.  It is very real to me.  I believe in the D/s dynamic.  It's who I am.  I clearly state in my profile that it is NO JOKE OR A WANNAB'!!! 

I still get the stupid emails from men wanting cyber/cam sex (as one Daddy Dom seems only interested in)  forget about getting to know ME.  Other offers, and the I'm this or that and I'll Dom you.  I give ppl a chance to prove themselves with IM.  I can usually pin-point a fake because they get right into all the "talk".  If someone starts off trying to get to know me and mention lifestyle aspects as part of who they are then I know they are sincere. 

When you mention those just wanting to get laid, Oh so true!   It's up to D/s and M/s to know the difference when sharing via communications.  I have had to tell some Dom/ Masters that I was not looking for a 24/7 slave, total submission in every area of my life.  I may find that person extremely wonderful but they are being true to their needs and I try to also.

imho, even if the site had all these special ways, places of congregation you will still get wannab's or ppl joking around everywhere.  It's the internet, and this is unfortunately one place we cannot dominate or submit to. [:@] [:D] [;)]



quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

The flip side of this coin is that I've also been told I'm 'not a real sub' because I won't pack up my belongings, toss aside my entire existence as I know it, and jump in my car to move 1500 miles away to be collared to someone I don't know!!!!!
[sm=confused.gif]   *refers to her submissive's handbook* . . . I don't see that anywhere in the 'Ten ways to know you're a REAL submissive' section! <lol>




MontaukDaisies -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/16/2006 5:28:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Plus add in all the BS people wrap themselves in for the long scramble to claim some sort of Alpha male status.  How many claim to be "old guard" when by definition you needed to be gay and entered S&M in the 50's and early 60s.  Same BS goes for submissives, there is a discussion somewhere else here about "high end submissives" and other nonsense.  So many try and climb to the top of whatever label dungheap they claim ownership of and do it by trying to talk everyone else down.


Bravo! Not only do you write very well, but your mention of "labels" is something I've been thinking about for over a week.. reading through posts here and chatting a bit on this site.

Everyone (yes, that's a generalization) seems intent on placing themselves (and others) into categories that define the totality of their character.. How ignorant and dangerous. Those catch phrase "24/7", "RealTime", "Master", "Old Guard", "Slave", "TPE" are just that..... phrases. In real life, the immediacy of a situation (like my kid fell out of the tree and broke his arm or my boss called me back to the office to finish a report for him) are situations in which TPE, 24/7 etc etc don't matter. You do what you need to do for the people that depend on you. Master or no master, my life is replete with responsibilities and joys.

Newbies need to learn (trial and error?) to find the balance between serving (or domming) and the real world they live in. The labels we as a community throw their way are very confusing. Not to mention the fact that we have ALL evolved through our experiences.. No one is precisely the same as when they first had an experience in this "lifestyle".[8|]



sharainks -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/16/2006 6:20:29 AM)

Since I live in Kansas I'm going to speak to the Robinson thing.  If you will look carefully you will find that the women found in the barrels were mostly those who had children and were from the time he was selling kids to be adopted.  The "bdsm community" knew him and several subs there played with him with no ill consequences.  Mostly because they all used safe calls and networked.  I know this because at that point in time I was a part of the community in that area.  He wrote me at one point and I wouldn't have walked across the street to meet him.  He had all kinds of red flag stuff going in my mind. 

How this pertains to dishonesty in forming relationships is plain.  What's sad is the number of submissives who will not question a "dominant" to any extent and buy whatever line he is feeding.  Use your mind when you are considering meeting someone. Question things that don't seem upfront.  If you don't and find out that you got in way over your head, or that there is no basis for what you truly seek after months of communication...you really don't have much of anyone to blame but yourself.



ICGsteve -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/16/2006 7:13:43 AM)

My local sex shops stock a fair amount of bondage gear so I assume someone is buying. This was not the case 20 years ago when you had to go to underground shops in the big city or special order. Has BDSM become a kink for the masses? Depends upon how you look at it I think. We live in an age when we have become  dulled by overloaded sensory input. All of modern life has become fast, loud, brightly colored, sexed-up,and busy, our nervous system expects a lot of action and when it does not get it we feel out of sorts. Is it any wonder if tender sex should become less satisfying under these conditions? If we need sex to be good (and I think most of us do) would not the natural learned response be to sex it up, give it more energy, make it more daring? That is I believe why BDSM has become so popular, people are bored in the bedroom ans want to do something about it. They buy the props, they use them once in awhile if not more often, they identify themselves as kinksters and believe themselves to be daring thrillseakers. Thing is they are not now nor have then ever been willing to engage in power exchange, which is another way to say that they have never internalized the identity of Dom, sub or whatever they call themselves for public consumption. Many if not most people at collar me as well as those who overall claim to be into BDSM are not in by any stretch of the imagination serious about it. They are in it for a little fun, this is kinky sex to them. They are never going to admit this to anyone much less themselves because if they admitted that they are just playing around at kink and not serious about it it would ruin their bedroom fun. They have to believe that they are a kinkster in order for the kink to provide the thrill that they are looking for.

BDSM has grown over the last years, by this I mean more people are internalizing it and more people are using the kink to find out who they are and what makes them tick. Some of the people who start out messing around just for fun find something real and start to take it seriously, though I doubt that it is more than one in one hundred adults.  



twicehappy -> RE: Is it just me? (4/16/2006 7:34:05 AM)

I tend to agree also, while there are some (dominants and sub/slaves alike) who do comprehend what 24/7 real time is about, there are many who do not. I think it goes back to the mass confusion and apparent lack of agreement about what the definitions of lifestyle terms mean. Life would be so much easier if everybody could agree within reason and label themselves accordingly. I realize sub/slaves and dominants come in many types so no definition would be absolute, more of a starting point. Like saying"i am a cat" so if you were looking for a bird you would not get a cat by accident. From there on you could elaborate on your own personal level of whom and what you are. Like saying " i am a Siamese cat not a Persian". 

There is nothing wrong with being into the kink on whatever level you are into. It would however be much easier if everyone whose preference is only the kink just stated such.

Then there are those who fantasize about being naked in chains 24/7, when the reality of life intrudes they are disappointed. Of course you also have a lot of online players also; they keep at it until it becomes real, and then disappear.

The good news is there are still many who live and love the 24/7 lifestyle (on both sides of the fence). I for one am in a 24/7 relationship with a Dom/Domme couple. Previous to that i wore the same collar for 18 years. I know many others practicing the same.




sophia37 -> RE: Is it just me? (4/16/2006 7:45:29 AM)

ICGSteve got it exactly right.



MichMasochist -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/16/2006 8:25:39 PM)

Well O.P. take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

For me and obviously many other, who in my perspective are far closer to normal than all you voice-terous no sex extremist, kink and sex are inseperable. One without the other is biiiizzzzzzzzare. And this goes equally be it a long term relationship or just a one night stand.

I strongly suspect that it is for you as well, that you are only playing the old pro no sex sh*t thinking that it will get you a kinky partner. Any one with a double nickle I.Q. and above doesn't beleive that line. That's like asking us to beleive that all Catholic priests are celebate. Just one question, do you actually think there are any women out there who are dumb enough to beleive that your not intent on taking her.

Well I had my chuckle for the day. Goodnight.




Arpig -> RE: Is it just me? (4/16/2006 8:32:10 PM)

YAY!!! for kisses [:D][:D][:D]



PenelopePitstop -> RE: Is it just me? (4/16/2006 8:37:44 PM)

I find this thread kind of depressing actually. It seems that there isn't much room for subs to develop and grow without being labelled time wasters. I'm new, but do have a few expereinces under my belt, and I find that my submission very much moulds to and reacts to the individual I am with. So therefore, I wouldn't be in a position to say "I like this, this and this" on my profile because my interest in certain things waxes and wanes depending on the relationship.

Admittedly, I can see how it must be frustrating to be misled. And yeah, what the hell is wrong with kinky sex? I started out thinking I was just into kinky sex and it turned out to be deeper. So if you chuck away someone who to you seems only to be interested in 'kinky sex' you might be throwing away a hell of a lot more.

Patience lacks in this lifestyle. It pisses me off. Just my dos pesos.



bignipples2share -> RE: Is it just me? (4/16/2006 9:06:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoganStrange

I want to post a small rant here, about honesty in seeking.
It has been my expirence that honesty is lacking, not out right lies, but self deception.
Why do people who want kink in thier lives think they are Masters/slaves/Doms/subs, I see alot of people seeking but what they are seeking isn't really the lifestyle, its just kinky sex. When a new sub comes online they get houndres of emails and most are only trying to find out what kink they are into, and many subs are only looking for the kink they can get, not really serving.
Is it just me? or should profiles state "Just looking for bedroom domination" or "Just want to be a slave on weekends", or do these people really belive that the sex will be 24/7 and that the excitement will never wear off. I see few subs who have been with one Dom for over 5 years (and granted they are truely wonderfull to see) but I do see alot of self deception, or is it just me?

LMAO, uh..I think this says BDSM..who cares if it's 24/7 or if it's once a week...who says it needs to be 24/7?
Just because there are all these people who are into it 24/7 does NOT mean that those who are not into 24/7 are not worthy. If you think, just because I don't want 24/7 that I can go out into the vanilla world and say to the next guy that I meet..uh..I want this..that he is not gonna have his jaw drop to the friggn floor, then you are mistaken. Just because you live it 24/7 don't believe that you are the only one who is into BDSM. I may do a few things that you do not and vs versa..
Because a person may want to live in diapers 24/7 doesn't mean that because I don't, I'm now vanilla.
This goes back to, just because I don't like everything you like everytime you like it, I'm not eligible to be anything but 'labeled' vanilla.



CreativeDominant -> RE: just me.. ranting. (4/21/2006 12:47:52 PM)

Creative Dominant



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Is it just me? (4/21/2006 1:23:09 PM)

quote:

LMAO, uh..I think this says BDSM..who cares if it's 24/7 or if it's once a week...who says it needs to be 24/7?
Just because there are all these people who are into it 24/7 does NOT mean that those who are not into 24/7 are not worthy. If you think, just because I don't want 24/7 that I can go out into the vanilla world and say to the next guy that I meet..uh..I want this..that he is not gonna have his jaw drop to the friggn floor, then you are mistaken. Just because you live it 24/7 don't believe that you are the only one who is into BDSM. I may do a few things that you do not and vs versa..
Because a person may want to live in diapers 24/7 doesn't mean that because I don't, I'm now vanilla.
This goes back to, just because I don't like everything you like everytime you like it, I'm not eligible to be anything but 'labeled' vanilla.


I'm pretty sure he wasn't referring to you, I read your profile and it's pretty clear about what you want. And I believe that he posted the following as well...

quote:

I'll just add here that just wanting kinky sex is bad, it isn't. I just wish they would say it plain and simple. communication is the cornerstone of bdsm, but seems to be lacking


Again, I don't believe this would be referring to you since you know exactly what you want and are very clear in your profile about it. I don't see where he said that simply because you don't want 24/7 you aren't worthy. I believe what he is talking about are the ones that say they want a 24/7 life of servitude.. or a 24/7 slave when in reality what they really want is just plain ole' kinky sex, which, as he said, isn't a bad thing at all. What he is asking is why more people can't just be honest and say what it is that they are looking for.
 
quote:

  I do agree with the OP that if somebody is looking for just occaisional play or bedroom kink, they should say so in their profile....however can you imagine how much abusive email the poor girl would get...."You aren't real, you have no right to be here!!!"


That argument would stand up if it weren't for the fact that it happens anyway, no matter what is in the profile. Wouldn't it be better (not that it would be a good thing mind you) to be honest and have to put up with the bull shit from the self appointed BDSM police then it is to be not quite so honest and have to put up with the same self-appointed BDSM police as well as the ones that are honestly searching for a 24/7 relationship and continue to write you because THEY think you are too?
 
Just food for thought.



crazypatient -> RE: Is it just me? (4/21/2006 1:55:42 PM)

Isn't this going back to the definition problem?  People can be into BDSM without being 24/7, plenty of people meet for play, and I think that yes, that is something people should specify on their profiles.. That was what I was looking for, untill I realized that I've always been a slave-- People being unhappy with me leaves me crushed.  I constantly need to please.  before I ever found this world, I remember telling my mom one day that I'd decided that my mission was to be so sweet that nobody would ever be unhappy with me. 



meatcleaver -> RE: Is it just me? (4/21/2006 2:02:55 PM)

I think I'll buy my self a ten gallon hat and learn to walk like John Wayne.



crazypatient -> RE: Is it just me? (4/21/2006 2:17:34 PM)

that's some people's prefrence, to act out some fantasies..  that's why not everyone calls themself lifestyle or 24/7



RiotGirl -> RE: Is it just me? (4/21/2006 2:21:38 PM)

To answer your question if you have any..

yes it is just you



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