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CreativeDominant -> RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? (7/7/2010 7:47:32 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
I see those words posted all over CM...."vanilla sex". What is it? What makes sex "vanilla" for you? For the folks that say they can't/won't do "vanilla" sex...what's missing? Does "vanilla" mean no kink or power play? To what degree?
This thread isn't meant to be wankish or trollish, I don't want the details of your sexual proclivities, I seriously want to understand how people make the distinction.
To me, sex is sex. I can make love or I can fuck...it can be hard and wild or it can be tender and loving...it can include kink or it can be straight-forward...it can be boring or I could want it to last forever. Regardless, I don't really see a difference...sex is sex.
Am I missing a point?
To tease a bit, yeah...you are missing a point. If you think sex is just sex, I can point you to a lot of men and women who will stare at you quite pointedly and tell you that you are wrong. Doesn't mean you are, it just means that some people think of sex in differing ways. I happen to agree with the statement except that in my case, I would use the word "sometimes"...as in "even with a partner of long-standing and with whom you are romantically AND D/s-entwined, SOMETIMES sex is just sex".
For me, I see sex in several contexts...it can be nothing more than sex, which is a good stress reliever and a way to enjoy intimacy, even if only temporary, for a short time. It can also be the wondrous physical expression of the deep emotional feelings that people have for each other. It can be done with or without kink, it can be done hard and long or hard and short or soft and long or soft and short. Whatever happens depends on the level that the two (or more) people involved approach it mentally, not only at that particular time but overall.
That leads to what distinguishes vanilla sex from say, D/s sex. Can you have vanilla sex within a D/s dynamic? Sure but again, it depends on the mindset of the folks involved. If no D/s comes into overt play yet is there intrinsically, is it vanilla? There is Kana's statement, which I can understand and agree with: Nilla=sex w/o a power dynamic.. But I would add this feeling of my own: If sex occurs between a D/s couple for whom the D/s dynamic is always in place, but there are no overt D/s templates overlaying THIS occurrence of sexual activity, is it vanilla? For me, yes. As a matter of fact...please don't take my dom card, please don't take my dom card...it is kind of a nice way to take a rare "vacation" from the same BUT, differing intensity of D/s-flavored sex. If kink comes into play, then...for ME... it is not vanilla sex but there again you have an awful lot of people for whom anything other than the missionary position alone is kinky. If they feel that way about positioning, imagine what they would think about a dildo...or a flogger. Not just kinky but "sick" kinky whereas for most D/s folks also into BDSM, the use of a dildo or light flogging only, might make it "BDSM-lite" made more heavy by the level of D/s under/over-tones.
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