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Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 10:59:30 AM   
Bravado


Posts: 87
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		Change is often attributed to the submissive because we see that they seek to accommodate their dominant partner. It should never be ignored that dominants change too, perhaps more than is typically acknowledged. More than adaptation, you could say that compulsive variation, too, is in the nature of human beings. While there are certainly personal limits, people will change regardless of disposition for or because of others around them, especially those that are intimately close.

Boring preface aside, how have you changed for your partner(s)? Deliberately or naturally, all applies. I'm certain there are some that are quite dramatic.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 11:29:23 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bravado
Boring preface aside, how have you changed for your partner(s)? Deliberately or naturally, all applies. I'm certain there are some that are quite dramatic.
Carol and I have been together for 15 years. During that time, the list of ways that I have changed in order to be more compatible with her would fill a small tome. Like Carol, I play more value on "us" than I do "me" which means when there's parts of me that aren't working for the "us", they get ruthlessly edited.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Bravado)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 11:58:51 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I have changed Daddy from a reckless spend thrift, to someone who thinks before spending* most times*, because I am normally a careful spender, and have brow beaten, uh I mean, instilled that concept into him.

After a particularly horrible fight that ended extremely badly, I told him that if he wishes to stay with me and continue being in my life he MUST seek therapy for his mental / emotional issues and he agreed it was time for him to get therapy, and therapy has helped a whole lot of his issues, and changed him  to some degree.  It's helped him be a happier person, well as happy as someone with chronic depression that goes un treated due to lack of health care can be.

Therapy has also helped us communicate better, and when there's an issue we just can  not get past on our own, we take it to our therapist, and she works with us on it.

By insisting we both get therapy, it's changed how he handles me when he's crabby or impatient, He hardly ever blows up and just flies off the handle at me, or at situations any more, and if he does, he's quicker to calm down and say he's sorry, he's acting rashly.

Now that one I don't claim was all me, but I was the catalyst that  got the change in motion. He might of eventually gotten therapy, but the fall out of that one horrible night, and then my insistence, brought it all home VERY clearly.

I have also gotten him to change from being like my mail is my business you stay out of my mail, to Ok, you want to look at my mail that comes in the mail go ahead, just make sure to give it to me and not forget I got mail.



There's other changes I have effected or help brought about, but I think my list is long enough.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bravado


Boring preface aside, how have you changed for your partner(s)? Deliberately or naturally, all applies. I'm certain there are some that are quite dramatic.


(in reply to Bravado)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 12:48:24 PM   
LadyOfShibari


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/4/2010
Status: offline 		I tried changing to being submissive for my current partner, but it only made me miserable. I am not meant to bow down to anyone, just not in my nature. Now the fun beigns of finding out if I can make him submissive to me ;)

(in reply to Bravado)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 2:13:56 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Changes have been more outside BDSM where I adapted to suit the needs of both of us including before my knees packing up leaving a lucrative business based overseas to be with her and even now because she is so close to her parents, I think three times before I look at moving to Tasmania which, financially would be far better for us and better from a water view for the farm I wish to have. Neets would follow me me no matter where I chose to go but I'm damned if I'll be such a selfish bastard. As always we talk things things out and work on what suits us as a family. Besides which I've has a few decades doing precisely what I wanted and needed to do. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyOfShibari)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 6:08:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I talked him into working on Fire Island which he was adamant about never doing. The difficulties of working out there are legion.

Once I got him out there to take a look and make suggestions, he was appalled by how badly the house had deteriorated and how horrible the workmanship out there is. He's just finished four years and completely rebuilding the house. It's gone from the family asking him to please fix this one thing, to him telling us what needs to be done and when.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 9:13:56 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't eat mushrooms when around him

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/8/2010 11:09:15 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		my Mistress has changed in about as much as i have. one is that She did not want to play with anyone older than Her (im just a  few months older) She did not want any married subs either (20 years now) i have gone from a play bottom to Her collared slave, my limits and boundary's pushed and expanded, gone from light play to heavy maso. the rest of O/our poly family has changed as well but thats their story to tell.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/13/2010 12:34:27 PM   
Bravado


Posts: 87
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		Very interesting. It is good to see that there is much love and generosity in couples, regardless of "roles." IronBear, a farm? For resource independence, or love of agriculture?

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Change: Transcending BDSM - 7/14/2010 3:58:15 PM   
SilverWings002


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/8/2010
Status: offline 		I am in an ltr with a sub that is rather strong willed. I like pliant subs, very submissive/slave attitutudes. But he brings out latent talents in me that otherwise might not have/will come out.

(in reply to Bravado)
Profile   Post #: 10
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