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Help! - 7/9/2010 3:31:57 PM   
WhiteCarnation


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2010
Status: offline 		Recently accepted who and what I am recently.  Sub but not slave (have learned the difference).  Had a Mastrr Mentor who kindly intoduced me to this site to learn as part of his training (and I liked and trusted and valued and repsected what he suggested).  He did say that I should always be myself too and not change.We had words about certain issues so he has now abandoned me.  He knew my newness and nervousness so now feel forlorn.  He had the opportunity to train a willing and eager to learn Virgin sub who has never had a Master.  What did I do that displeased him?  Was he  wrong for me or do I still have much to learn?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 3:42:21 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I'm afraid the 'words about certain issues so he has now abandoned me' is awfully vague.

From your 3rd-day-old profile, where it says 'Please tell me what you would have me do me but I have instructions not to reply.' (edited for spelling), it sounds as if he is looking for ideas on how to train/dominate/abuse you.

Not wanting to burst your bubble, since you trust and value and respect him, but what sort of master/mentor is he really?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 3:54:33 PM   
WhiteCarnation


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2010
Status: offline 		I'm afraid the 'words about certain issues so he has now abandoned me' is awfully vague.

From your 3rd-day-old profile, where it says 'Please tell me what you would have me do me but I have instructions not to reply.' (edited for spelling), it sounds as if he is looking for ideas on how to train/dominate/abuse you.

Not wanting to burst your bubble, since you trust and value and respect him, but what sort of master/mentor is he really?

Thank you for your reply.  I dont know what he is like and likely I will never do so now.  Issues were about likes and dislikes and desires.  He instructed I register with this site and my profile on here are my words but his instructions to do so.  I thought I did ok lol Ah well .......

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 4:14:44 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		OP, maybe you could clarify a few things.

You say...

quote:


Had a Mastrr Mentor who kindly intoduced me to this site to learn as part of his training (and I liked and trusted and valued and repsected what he suggested).


but then you follow it up with...

quote:


I dont know what he is like and likely I will never do so now. 


Was this person your master or was he mentoring you?  If he was your master, how is you don't know what he's like?  On a side note...the idea of mentoring is generally looked down on here as it gets used by some D-types as a way to get the milk without buying the cow...if you get my meaning.  A mentoring, imo, is someone you can learn from, a friend or the like...usually a s-type mentors another s-type and the same for a D-type.

As for what you did to "displease" him....did you ask?
Asking folks here if he was wrong for you is like asking someone who's blind to describe the color of the sky.  No one here knows you or him let alone the dynamic the two of you were engaged in.

If, however, he's no longer in the picture, you may want to change your profile to reflect that if you choose to stay.

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 5:09:43 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteCarnation

I dont know what he is like and likely I will never do so now.



A Master accepts a significant responsibility in taking on a sub or slave.  A sub/slave shows considerable trust in turning himself or herself over.

The fact that a master would accept a raw newbie without any idea of whether the two of them are compatible... suffice it to say that he was a pretender and likely terminated things with no reason or attempt to work them out because he was afraid t be found out.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 6:20:04 PM   
WhiteCarnation


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for your reply.  Am still learning and appreciate your response.

OMG wish I understood the code/language but I sorta get the gist.  I think :)  Yes he called himself my Mentor Master.  Sincerely I dont know what D-type or S-type means

Did not need to ask cos I said ffs!
Was this person your master or was he mentoring you?  If he was your master, how is you don't know what he's like?  On a side note...the idea of mentoring is generally looked down on here as it gets used by some D-types as a way to get the milk without buying the cow...if you get my meaning.  A mentoring, imo, is someone you can learn from, a friend or the like...usually a s-type mentors another s-type and the same for a D-type.

As for what you did to "displease" him....did you ask?
Asking folks here if he was wrong for you is like asking someone who's blind to describe the color of the sky.  No one here knows you or him let alone the dynamic the two of you were engaged in.

If, however, he's no longer in the picture, you may want to change your profile to reflect that if you choose to stay

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 6:34:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		She never met him. They were online only. As to why he abandoned her? His wife probably found out.

Don't glom onto the first guy that emails you. Take some time and read a lot. Ask questions of the board or write to specific posters whose posts make you say "that's a smart cookie".

Then go to munches and meet real life people. And don't accept an online collar. If you start up an online friendship, meet for coffee inside a couple of weeks. See if you like each other as people.

Because the truth is that the same rules for relationships apply here as they do everywhere else. You have to like each other, become friends, be respectful of each other, care about each other, have a lot of open conversation. Most of the time we don't spend in bed or playing. We go to dinner, go for walks, work on projects around the house, cook dinner, etc. If you don't get along then, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 6:35:15 PM   
Malkinius


Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings whitecarnation....

D and S types stand for Dominant and Submissive types. A "Mentor Master" is a rather unusual combination. Any person with more knowledge can mentor, teach or just advise anyone else. Any one saying otherwise should be checked for their agenda in saying so. Now...WHO should mentor is another story. So is WHY they want to mentor someone. I do happen to agree that the guy you had was probably of the not real and very flaky types who got in over his head. People with experience in training and mentoring don't do things like that. They hold up their end of the agreement.

Be well....

Malkinius


_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com    The goal is community.

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 6:35:18 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteCarnation

Thank you so much for your reply.  Am still learning and appreciate your response.

OMG wish I understood the code/language but I sorta get the gist.  I think :)  Yes he called himself my Mentor Master.  Sincerely I dont know what D-type or S-type means

Did not need to ask cos I said ffs!


WhiteCarnation,

First, your posts are a bit confusing to read because of the way you're trying to quote people.  If you look up in the righthand corner of the post you want to reply to, you'll see the word "quote".  Click on that and you'll be able to quote a post within a box instead of it running together with your post.

D-type=dominant type    s-type=submissive/slave type

Not really code, just easier for me to discuss dominant or submissive/slave without gender. 

Did you actually meet this "master/mentor" of yours offline?  I only ask because I get the feeling maybe not, given you talk about not knowing what he's like. 
My advice....chalk it up to lesson learned (hopefully) and move on.  Look for a local munch http://www.drkdesyre.com/index.htm  and give that a shot for meeting people realtime. 

Keep in mind what I said about mentors and try to remember, you're still just meeting people, regardless of the title they may give themselves.  A master isn't your master until he's mastered you and you agree to it.

*Edited to add.....Welcome! 

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 7/9/2010 6:36:23 PM >

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 7:28:39 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		WELCOME, OP!

Explore, and have FUN!


Having said that, I'm going to fall back on one of my signature statements (so please don't take it badly as its not meant to be harsh):

Being submissive doesn't mean your brain fell out of your ear. Use it.

_______________________________________________________________

The guy was either married, or otherwise involved.

Take time to get to know someone in person, over time- before you give your trust, adoration, obedience, etc.

This lesson was cheap, at the price. Unless you don't learn it. So be happy for the cheap lesson, and learn it well!

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 7:29:20 PM   
WhiteCarnation


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.  I have learned so much by your responses.  Is appreciated. In answer thougb probably not in order I say:

Yes.  Met him online but not on here.  Site I met him was just ordinary dating site.  2 bizarrie things though.  "Mentored me" (ffs lol)  ....my sense of humour overtook me momentarily.  He instructed I join here.  Had no idea of real dom/sub behaviour as had just harboured imaginings in my head.  So joined I did.  He demanded my login details so I gave them.  Told me what to wtite on profile so I did (Ihave since deleted it) hahaha not a good sub I think! lol

Asked of me other things and did all I could, eg send photos yes, disclose email and mobile yes (no message text or call though...hmmmmm?).  So then he now has access to me on here. He chose username blah blah.  So, why am I boring you all with this all too unnecessay detail?  I wish I knew!!  Suppose I just wanted to know/hear that what I did was not out of order.  Ah well .......

On a separate note - my sincere thanks to all of you that have taken time to reply to a very new member in all respects. x

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 7:45:45 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Recently accepted who and what I am..


Hi WhiteCarnation,

This sentence really struck me hard and made me sad. Accepting some version of you as THE YOU, is a dangerous thought. Especially if your Mentor told you "what you are". You should be continually evolving: both in knowledge and maturity. Evolving in life, and maybe in BDSM. Don't let some stranger put you in stasis--and stifle your growth.

I hope you've changed your password since that Mentor abandoned you.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 7:49:30 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteCarnation
He demanded my login details so I gave them. 
So, you gave a complete stranger access to your information?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 8:05:37 PM   
WhiteCarnation


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2010
Status: offline 		As said I have learned a lot from this page and thank you all for taking time to respond to "Help".  Yes I am new both to this site and discovering myself. My login details I gave in good faith so what the hell ...... let him see what I am writing and responses I have.  He might learn a thing or two then!

No, to the gentleman who said my brain did not fall out.  To be sure is in place and in full working order though admit I was somewhat foolish.  Live and learn

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 8:06:09 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteCarnation

<SNIP>
He demanded my login details so I gave them. 
<SNIP>

<SNIP>
Asked of me other things and did all I could, eg send photos yes, disclose email and mobile yes (no message text or call though...hmmmmm?).  So then he now has access to me on here.
<SNIP>



     WhiteCarnation....Don't do this!!!!!!  

This is a common sense sort of thing.  Really, I'm not trying to be rude but FFS...why would you give this sort of stuff to an online stranger? 

I really do hope you've learned a lesson or two from this experience, not the least of which is to remember to not be so trusting of strangers. 
 
 
*edited to add.....yeah, that came across harsh but I really needed to stress the point of being smart online.  There are too many wackos just waiting to take advantage of people.  Don't let yourself be one of them again.   I do wish you the best.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 7/9/2010 8:08:22 PM >

(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help! - 7/9/2010 8:33:42 PM   
WhiteCarnation


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2010
Status: offline 		BonesFromAsh

Is small wonder you bang your head!  Yes yes and yes I was silly.  You know what I might forget this sub lark and turn gay! lol  Only joking!!!! :)

Enough of this Help thingy now.  You have all been gracious and now feel such a Mentor has taken up enough of all our time and is time for you all to use and enjoy your time.

God that sounds awful to you all but is not meant to.  You have been wonderful !  Take care.  A much more aware WhiteCarnation x

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help! - 7/10/2010 1:20:04 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		*this is not meant to be harsh*
(maybe just a little)

I expected the OP to be 18 and new to relationships. Imagine my surprise when I saw that she was in her fifties.
Seriously...by this time in your life you should have much better filtering and common sense skills.
You allowed a complete stranger to take full advantage of you. There is no one to blame except yourself.
If you have any sort of intelligence then you won't let this happen again.

_____________________________



(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help! - 7/10/2010 3:21:37 AM   
piperpilot


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		It's a shame, this happens all the time and a good slave or sub is ruined or scared away because of some wannabe. We are online, anyone, including slaves/subs, can be playing games. The first time a potential asks me for money, I know what they are up to. If a Master wants all of your personal information right away, he is probably fake and trying to rip you off. Chat with people, cam with people if you can and get to know them before making too huge a commitment. There are a lot of good people here, but also a lot of bad. I wish you well, Master Robert

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Help! - 7/10/2010 5:17:22 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Live and learn


You said "let him see what I am writing and responses I have.  He might learn a thing or two then!" which implies you haven't changed your password and he still has access. I have to wonder what you have learned then?

Maybe next time you should try actually meeting him in the real world and getting to know him. Then you can work on a relationship.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to WhiteCarnation)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help! - 7/10/2010 6:14:09 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

a good slave or sub is ruined or scared away because of some wannabe.


Please.  She gave her info to a guy she has never met.  Why on earth would anyone do that?  It is the same as people publicly acknowledging love and relationships before they meet in real time.  Some things in the lifestyle are devoid of common sense and reality.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to piperpilot)
Profile   Post #: 20
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