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LadyNTrainer -> RE: Money makes the world go round (7/18/2010 7:02:58 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressRoux
I've considered going the monetary tribute route and even the Pro-Domme route. Actually, I'm still seriously considering the latter. Reflecting on My experiences in the last year, I feel like I'm basically a Pro who forgot to collect.
Pretty much my own experience. Play partners for me are divided into two distinct categories, and it's them doing the dividing by their choices and behavior, not me. Category #1 submissives treat me like a friend and a human being, spend time getting to know me and hanging out socially at Munches and events, and are cool people to just hang around with. I enjoy playing with guys like this, and I select my personal play partners exclusively from this pool. Hell, if you're in this category and you ask me nicely at a play party, you're almost guaranteed a spot on my dance card unless it's already insanely full. And of course I'm not going to charge you. This is about friends who like and respect each other having fun together. But we do actually have to be friends first, and if you start out by treating me like some kind of fetishized object, we will never be friends or get to know one another as human beings. Frankly when you do that, it's pretty freaking obvious you don't want to get to know me as a human being. And that puts you firmly in Category #2.
Category #2 is much larger, and is comprised of men who don't give a shit about me, don't want to know me as a person or a friend, don't want to socialize with me and my friends, but do have a laundry list of fetishes they want done to them and expectations about what the woman should wear and act like when they do them. They are only willing to relate to me as a sort of cardboard cut-out from a fet magazine or a personal porn star actress who exists only to gratify their "submissive" fantasies.
There is only one way I am at all willing to cater to people in Category #2, and that is as a straightforward business transaction where I am compensated fairly for my time and energy. I *can't* have a friendly social transaction of mutual liking and respect with a guy who thinks of me as a masturbatory object that he can use. It's simply not possible due to how he thinks of me and how he treats me. If I try, I'm going to end up feeling used, exploited, and sick to my stomach. I'm not submissive and I'm not willing to let myself be sexually used by strangers who don't give a shit about me and don't even like me as a person.
Either a dominant woman figures out up front how to set her boundaries and say no to being treated like an object for sex fetishists who don't care about her to use, or she's going to end up feeling used, exploited and not very happy about it. One way to set boundaries is to simply refuse all contact with "submissive" men who can't or won't relate to them as human beings. Another way to set those boundaries is to decide that anyone who wants your time and energy must give back fairly and equally, and that means *either* they give back of their own time and energy, *or* they compensate financially or with barter skills.
Both ways work. Leaving yourself open for abuse and exploitation by greedy, uncaring, selfish, sexually aggressive do-me fetishists definitely does not, and I can't imagine any dominant woman sticking around for long without going into total burnout and running away from the whole scene if she doesn't figure out how to firmly set her boundaries. I wonder how many we've lost because that kind of behavior has driven them away.
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