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RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 7:40:35 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?



But...what if you fuck and beat her on the kitchen table?


My God.  I thought I was open minded... but in the kitchen?  That is just wrong!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 8:17:05 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lilybella120

Thank you for all the responses, they help greatly.

She is seeing a psychologist (for other reasons) and is working on her fear of having sex for the first time. She wasnt necessarily abused as a child but she did go through a painful semi traumatic situation from her doctor but she feels this isnt the big reason shes not able to. Shes just afraid of the pain. She loves pain but this one she says, "is just a very weird feeling plus pain." Shes told me countless times shes ready to give herself to me and we are working towards that. She finally let me put a vibrator in her and it wasnt nearly as bad as she thought it would be. So we decided to work with the vibrator to stretch her out a bit then give it another chance.

Again, I understand being dominant isnt just something you can make yourself be for a partner. I have GREAT interest in it, just again I had no idea this lifestyle was out there. Shes been involved for 4 years, having several online Masters. Me? I just found out about it a few days ago. So you can expect some ignorance from me.

Just please keep the advice coming, I plan on getting the books though this weekend and Im sure that will help a great deal. But until then... help?!?!


Has she had a full physical? Painful intercourse can be a sign of health issues and a good indication that an exam is necessary.


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 10:41:08 AM   
orangeskye


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		i disagree :) like i said, there's lots you can do in and out of the bedroom that don't include sexual intercourse

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 10:49:36 AM   
orangeskye


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		to add something useful to the OP:
things i'd like someone to tell my BF because i don't think he believes when i say it : be strong, be in control of yourself, and lead the relationship, it makes it much easier on the submissive, if someone else is leading :)

(in reply to orangeskye)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 11:00:12 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?



But...what if you fuck and beat her on the kitchen table?


My God.  I thought I was open minded... but in the kitchen?  That is just wrong!



In the kitchen, with a turkey baster and a ladle and a pair of tongs.
My. Happy memories.
Her whole backside, legs, ass, back, had what looked like tire tracks across it when I was done.
And the sounds she made...


Getting back on track, to the OP
She's your submissive, Seize the reins. Tell, don't ask. Hold her accountable. Be the bastard you've always dreamed of (In a kind and loving way of course-:-)).
Shit dude, you've got a living servant. Most men dream of things like this-you have the opportunity. If you can't find something to do with/to/for/in her, you got no imagination.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 1:49:34 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Start out small, and go slow. Take time. Little things mean a lot.

I love to have my slave on his knees before me for a moment with eyes down, and have him recite his creed. Its only about six or eight sentences but in it he states that he cedes full authority over himself and his life to me, and that I own him- body, mind and spirit... That I have the right to use him any way I wish, and that he will remain willingly obedient to me at all times. We love it.

Our dynamic is heavily based in the ownership and enslavement, obedience, control and humiliation (NOT degradation!) kind of thing. So any little thing that reinforces it is very powerful and exciting for us both. It may be something as simple as always ordering his food for him when we go out to eat, or having him ask me for permission every time he needs to use the bathroom... Maybe I say yes right away, or maybe its yummy to have him wait... I might have him on his knees with eyes down just to ask....

*cream*.....


For a while I kept him in chains 24/7, while at home. That was yummy. But in the beginning I started out very simply by just doing tiny little things like keeping his cock and/or balls tied in a shoelace all day. That was yummy because he didn't have to take it off when out of the house. Sometimes I'd have him sleep with it on... He has quite an array of colorful shoelaces, some more comfy than others... Later on came a phase when it drove us both nuts with yummy, sweet desire to keep his cock mainly untied, and just have his balls tied separated, all day long...

A lot depends on the kind of dynamic that suits each of you. You may or may not be compatible re: your D/s needs and desires, but if you go slowly and have fun trying little things... keeping things fun and keeping your good communication and your sense of humor.... And if you don't try to be something you're not or to make her into something that she really isn't.... Odds are that as you try new things and keep an open mind about each other and the possibilities.... You'll both find things that you enjoy and that will bond you together in a very deep, sweet, fulfilling way.

None of the above involved any fucking or penetration, right? That came much later. There's just no need for it until both partners are ready. Take time. She's worth it, and so are you, and your budding relationship. A gorgeous flower bush, or a beautiful wild animal doesn't grow overnight. It starts out tiny, and it doesn't worry if its good enough or if what its doing is right. It just does what feels right. So try a few things, and talk about how they make you feel. She's been doing this for a while so don't let her more developed preferences overshadow your own exploration. Tell her you're the captain of this ship, and she can have regular input but you're in control of the direction and the pace of this voyage. Then show it, and be confident that she will adore being under your strong authority. Make sure that you let her feel how important her thoughts and feelings are to you, by addressing them properly- but in your own way, in your own time.

Even if it ends up that your D/s needs and desires ultimately don't match up very well, you can part on loving terms and have a great adventure in the meantime. I promise you that she'll love seeing and feeling you come into your own, regardless. She'll love being a part of that transformation. As long as you are doing what feels good, right and fulfilling for you both, you're on the right track.

Baby steps. Take time. Feel your way.

Welcome!

Explore, and have FUN!





(grammar edit)

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 7/14/2010 2:03:56 PM >

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 2:56:04 PM   
kitastrophe33


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm glad she's getting some professional help. And you can certainly dominate her (sexually and otherwise) without involving penetration. Let that go at the pace that she and her psychologist recommend.

My BF was in a similar position as you (except I had no fear of sex and hadn't been a virgin in a real long time). But I had been into it for some time, he somehow had never heard of it. We talked a lot. I shared the experience I had. He asked questions. We shared fantasies. I encouraged and praised him for every step he took. It was hard for him, at first, to be "a nice guy" and a dominant. So a lot of it was helping him to be okay acting on what was in his head.

In addition to that, we read a lot. Fiction and non fiction. Fiction came from anywhere. Online, books... We read and then bookmarked things for each other. Also, he found the non fiction "Come Hither" rather helpful.

Hang in there and good luck!

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 3:02:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?



But...what if you fuck and beat her on the kitchen table?


My God.  I thought I was open minded... but in the kitchen?  That is just wrong!



In the kitchen, with a turkey baster and a ladle and a pair of tongs.
My. Happy memories.
Her whole backside, legs, ass, back, had what looked like tire tracks across it when I was done.
And the sounds she made...




What are those implements you speak of? Can you elaborate on what you did?
Those are kitchen things, right?

Just curious since I don't cook. (yeah, that's it)

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 3:08:45 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Kana, the female sub's wank fodder since 2006.....

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 3:10:39 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hahaha...I totally agree. His writing is delicious.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 3:18:40 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lilybella120

In the bedroom AND out of the bedroom would be nice. We play around in the bedroom a little now already, I would just like to become more serious about it.

Read one or more of the many BDSM cookbooks available to you.

Boss her around a bit..Slap her ass and call her a good girl from time to time.

If she's into it..Slap her face till she cries don't stop! Then of course do what she tells you all the while pretending it was your idea. A little "Shut the Fuck up" well timed works wonders in moments like that...

and POOF your in like flynn.

Ohhhhh and don't forget your Union dues!

Good luck.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 10:50:19 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?



But...what if you fuck and beat her on the kitchen table?


My God.  I thought I was open minded... but in the kitchen?  That is just wrong!



In the kitchen, with a turkey baster and a ladle and a pair of tongs.
My. Happy memories.
Her whole backside, legs, ass, back, had what looked like tire tracks across it when I was done.
And the sounds she made...




What are those implements you speak of? Can you elaborate on what you did?
Those are kitchen things, right?

Just curious since I don't cook. (yeah, that's it)


To answer the question

Turkey basters can be used liked enema nozzles-they are good for injecting things (Tabasco, vinegar, fun stuff that is commonly found in kitchens)

The ladle ended up as an anal hook after being used to cup breasts, crush nipples, and beat ass...oh yes, and she screamed so wonderfully when I pressed it against her back and slowly heated it up with a lighter I found in a drawer, one of those long candle lighting things.

And the tongs were used for beating and pinching
They make a nice substitute for needle nose pliers when it comes to grabbing hips, lips and nips...

Happy days


P.S.: Have I ever mentioned that I am a trained chef, chef points and all?


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 10:52:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		What?  No knife play?

I'm disappointed.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 11:04:28 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Knife play for me means swords, katana's, nasty edged things with spikes and hooks
No kitchen knives.
It's too easy, simply passe

Though, in retrospect, if she had owned a cleaver...

Now, in a dungeon, a butcher knife can be an incredible thing.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 11:07:44 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		One of the favorite toys in the collective bag - a meat tenderizer.

ETA - Dang it.  I forgot to keep the thread on track again. 

OP, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here.  Hard face slapping, turkey basters, and meat cleavers may be a little much for somebody first starting out. 

I know you're anxious to get a move on things since you and your gal are interested in this, but it's not really something you can come to the boards and *poof* instant Dominant.  You have to do your research and you have to decide what you want all of this to be.  It has to suit the two of you.  Not the rest of us. 

You have a wonderful opportunity in front of you.  Make it be something that comes from you.  Listen to how other people are living this way and chose what works in your relationship and what doesn't. 


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/14/2010 11:16:58 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 11:12:03 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		There's my gal!


Errrrrr, maybe not the way to properly address a fellow dominant, but you get the gist.
Grins



_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 11:15:24 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

One of the favorite toys in the collective bag - a meat tenderizer.

Hmmm... I think I know that meat tenderizer......


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/15/2010 4:28:00 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact




OP, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here.  Hard face slapping, turkey basters, and meat cleavers may be a little much for somebody first starting out. 




Ya think?


< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/15/2010 4:29:29 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/15/2010 7:49:01 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact




OP, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here.  Hard face slapping, turkey basters, and meat cleavers may be a little much for somebody first starting out. 




Ya think?




Awwwww, darling, we're just giving the man some goals to shoot for!

To live, perchance to dream


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/15/2010 8:15:50 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?



But...what if you fuck and beat her on the kitchen table?


My God.  I thought I was open minded... but in the kitchen?  That is just wrong!



In the kitchen, with a turkey baster and a ladle and a pair of tongs.
My. Happy memories.
Her whole backside, legs, ass, back, had what looked like tire tracks across it when I was done.
And the sounds she made...




What are those implements you speak of? Can you elaborate on what you did?
Those are kitchen things, right?

Just curious since I don't cook. (yeah, that's it)


To answer the question

Turkey basters can be used liked enema nozzles-they are good for injecting things (Tabasco, vinegar, fun stuff that is commonly found in kitchens)

The ladle ended up as an anal hook after being used to cup breasts, crush nipples, and beat ass...oh yes, and she screamed so wonderfully when I pressed it against her back and slowly heated it up with a lighter I found in a drawer, one of those long candle lighting things.

And the tongs were used for beating and pinching
They make a nice substitute for needle nose pliers when it comes to grabbing hips, lips and nips...

Happy days


P.S.: Have I ever mentioned that I am a trained chef, chef points and all?



Why don't you see stuff like this on Top Chef?

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 40
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