Looking for advice (Full Version)

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EvilGizmo -> Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:03:53 AM)

My master would like me to initiate when I would like to play in some manner, he has said that I should ask others and try to research in order to determine how to initiate while maintaining a submissive mindset. This has been extremely confusing to me so far, I had been given the advice to beg, however that led my master to feel I was whining about wanting more attention and did not end well. 



BitaTruble -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:07:29 AM)

I've always found that getting naked and flinging myself over his lap during commercials has resulted in win-win for us. Either he grabs my hair and pulls me off him or he starts spanking me because my ass is just that inviting; hair pulls are yummy. [:D]



laurell3 -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:11:13 AM)

I've found opening his fly and putting my mouth on his cock works well.........then again I'm not much of a protocol type of girl. [8D]



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:14:36 AM)

Set up the Bedroom. Lay out all the things you want..... and DON'T want used on you on the bed and await him naked. Just call his name until he comes to the room.

Come to him with a Strap or a Flogger in your Mouth while crawling to him naked..

Naked is usually good.... just be naked.

And as a final note..... I would ask your master this very simple question.

"No one on the boards knows what YOU want, Would you please tell me how YOU would like me to request something from you? It will be MUCH easier than me having to guess. You are the Leader in this relationship... Lead."

QS<



EvilGizmo -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:15:23 AM)

Thank you, I will try these out when Master get's home...though I must look at the chair in front of the tv and see if I can figure out orientation, it's more a desk chair than anything else.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:45:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGizmo

Thank you, I will try these out when Master get's home...though I must look at the chair in front of the tv and see if I can figure out orientation, it's more a desk chair than anything else.


Ooo, it makes it so much easier if his chair has wheels. Just wheel his ass into the bedroom/dungeon. Nothing says I need you, like an impromptu abduction.

Other options:

1) hold the remote as ransome, until after playtime.

2) Get naked and start flogging yourself/paddling yourself. If he asks what you are doing, tell him if he has to ask, it has obviously been too long for him too.



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:47:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
1) hold the remote as ransome, until after playtime.

2) Get naked and start flogging yourself/paddling yourself. If he asks what you are doing, tell him if he has to ask, it has obviously been too long for him too.



Note, these might also get you killed.

QSM



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:52:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan


quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
1) hold the remote as ransome, until after playtime.

2) Get naked and start flogging yourself/paddling yourself. If he asks what you are doing, tell him if he has to ask, it has obviously been too long for him too.



Note, these might also get you killed.

QSM



Oops, did I forget to add the small print?



FlamingRedhead -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 12:47:34 PM)

Swat his ass! I guarandamntee you'll get his attention.



DesFIP -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 1:01:18 PM)

Like Bita I've been known to wander out naked and drape myself over his lap. In addition I took a tee shirt and painted BRAT on it in fabric paint. Wearing that is a definite indication of my mood.

But he needs to tell you how he wants you to do this if you aren't going to have a lot more miscommunication.



Focus50 -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 1:17:14 PM)

A lot of things aren't likely to end well (including the entire relationship) when the onus is on the sub to lead (initiate). Ok, I'm not saying a sub shouldn't be able to initiate some action, be it a formal request, subtle hint or some occasional attitude or brattiness etc, but to make initiating a command is to set you up for failure.

Dom or sub, both are sentient individuals who aren't always in the same mood at the same time - fact of life. So yeah, a sub should be able to initiate occasionally. You can ask outright (even beg) but the thing I don't like about formal requests is that they tend to present as wooden, sanitised and cold and thus seem more about selfishness than passion. So I much prefer good ol feminine wiles and associated body language than anything formal. And she'll need skin thick enough to accept occasional rejection - that sometimes I'm really not in the mood anyway.

But most of all, to initiate is mostly to lead - if your master has a problem with that then he needs to initiate some truthful communication rather than hiding behind an idiotic command where the inevitable result is both of you winding up miserable for it.

Focus.



Lockit -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 1:18:13 PM)

I really must ask... how is it that we can advise here when we don't know your dominant? What he will like is far different than what others would like. I would think he could tell you how to keep a submissive place... according to him, better than we could. As well as what he would find acceptable in initiating play. In my mind, it seems he is setting you up for failure when asking you to find out what others do to initiate play with their dominants. It makes me wonder if even he knows.

When I start a relationship, I tell them what I like, what I want, how to do things and leave room for their being able to express themselves as well. Like, I love morning sex, but not morning play. I don't want foreplay, I just want raw, hard fucking. I let them know. They can initiate and once they know how I like it, they most often are comfortable or tell me they aren't and we talk about it.

This is between the two of you and any suggestion, while good, could be wrong in your dominant's eyes. I think he needs to dom up and talk to you and not leave you floundering, confused and feeling insecure. You can't bloom in anything you feel this way in, even with our advice. You need a safe place to explore things and that takes some work on his part, not just an order to find out what will please him.



DarkSteven -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 1:21:38 PM)

I'm with Focus and Lockit. I don't exactly discourage initiative, but I don't expect a sub to initiate activities.



hejira92 -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 5:11:43 PM)

My Sir would prefer a polite, properly worded request. Not begging (that happens when He decides to put me in a situation that warrants it), not whining (no- not EVER!), just letting Him know, in a proper submissive manner that I may need a spanking to help me maintain my equilibrium or that I'm just plain horny.

Sir does not object to this- on the contrary- He says He is my Master, not a mindreader. And, furthermore, a request is never out of line, it is His prerogative whether to act upon my request or not, so asking is never topping from the bottom. He still maintains control at all times. But we are both still people in a relationship first, and if He doesn't know what is in my head, how is He supposed to make the decisions for us both?

It comes down to proper respectful discussion and transparency. IMO, both vital for a happy D/s relationship.



LadyPact -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 5:37:43 PM)

If we're not playing enough, I don't have a problem with clip coming to Me and telling Me that.  At any time, he can come to Me, respectfully, to ask if we can play.  Is there a reason you can't kneel in front of your Master and ask if he would like to play?



lizi -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 7:11:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm with Focus and Lockit. I don't exactly discourage initiative, but I don't expect a sub to initiate activities.

I'm in agreement with this wholeheartedly - I wouldn't presume to know what he wants to do -I'm uncomfortable directing our activities - but I can plant the idea of spending some time together by getting his attention and directing it to me. Depending on the situation, some things are more appropriate than others. Sometimes subtle works, and sometimes nothing is better than being buck naked.

One of the most fun things I've done when we were at the art museum was to pick a room that was empty except for us and then lay down on my back on the little viewing couch and spread my legs so when he turned around he saw me waiting for him. The look on his face was priceless and I guarantee you that if he could have, he'd have ripped off my clothes right there. The rest of our museum visit was lovely, he'd reach up and surreptiously grab my hair hard at the nape of my neck while we viewed paintings, or quietly show ownership of me in how he'd grip my arm, or run his fingers down my back and have it end with a hard pinch. Never had so much fun at a museum in my life  [:)]



Missokyst -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:05:48 PM)

Print out a form in triplicate, stating your desire and the approximate time frame for him to comply or forfeit.  File one, keep one, and give him the top copy.
And then ask him if this was what he wants.
Yes, I am that much of a smartass when the dominant wants me to lead.



afkarr -> RE: Looking for advice (7/13/2010 9:52:25 PM)

With nilla man is I find sticking my boobs in his face usually gets his attention, and a plate of lasagna served while wearing his favorite perfume passes as subtle flirting. I usually just send kinky dude an email that says "I'm horny" or some variation of that. Never had a problem with either of them misinterpreting the intent- even if they happen to be tired/busy/not in the mood/whatever.



Kana -> RE: Looking for advice (7/14/2010 5:51:52 AM)

Ask...in a respectful manner, of course. Nothing like crawling naked into the room, whip in mouth, and dropping it at his feet and looking up with big sad needy eyes...
Course, if he is a sadistic bitch like me, he'll make you go much further than that, dry humping shoes, begging, ramming your spiked heels up your ass etc... before he'll play with ya...but I bet you get his attention.





subsfaith -> RE: Looking for advice (7/15/2010 2:07:35 AM)

Tell him what you want... 'I want to be a submissive slut'... 'I want this or that' whatever you want.

This lets him know what your desires are without even asking him to make a decision and he can consider it or not.



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