RE: Who punishes the dominant?

RE: Who punishes the dominant? (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:05:25 PM)
"Who punishes the dominant?" IDK about anyone else, but I have this pesky little thing called a conscience...

myotherself -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:12:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron AQS, I think you just hit the nail on the head. It is a about a power exchange. Whether an adult needs to be punished or not is irrelevant if that is the power dynamic they have agreed to. The whole point in a power exchange is that one partner is yielding a level of authority and control to another partner. If they have agreed that part of that authority is the right to punish, then an adult sub would need to be punished simply because that is part of the agreed upon parameters of their relationship. The Dom/me does not get punished for the same reason, its part of the power exchange. And if a sub has a Domme that doesn't know how to discipline him or herself, then the sub should choose a better Dom/me I agree with you LadyCimarron, in particular the bits in bold. For me, my kink does not include punishment. I'm looking for a dominant who does not want a punishment dynamic, and thankfully there seems to be many out there who fall into that category. Just because the dynamic does not include punishment, it doesn't mean it's not a bdsm relationship. Every relationship is different, and it's what works for the people involved.

LadyPact -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:22:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself I agree with you LadyCimarron, in particular the bits in bold. For me, my kink does not include punishment. I'm looking for a dominant who does not want a punishment dynamic, and thankfully there seems to be many out there who fall into that category. Just because the dynamic does not include punishment, it doesn't mean it's not a bdsm relationship. Every relationship is different, and it's what works for the people involved. Nobody said that it doesn't. There are plenty of D/s and M/s dynamics out there that don't even involve BDSM. *** Moving on to general comment. The fact of the matter is that some of us incorporate different elements into our dynamics than others do. It isn't a question of right or wrong. It's what works for those involved. Those of us who do include punishment as a part of our dynamics really do get it. Not everybody agrees on it. Do we really need four freaking threads on the front page of the General Discussion board to keep going over the same concept? I really don't care if it doesn't work for other people. It's working here. That's the only thing I need to know. Folks can get on their high horse all day about how it wouldn't work for them or the concept is a negative one and every other thing. When it stops working here, I might consider changing it. Until then, I'm not going to fix what isn't broken. Edited to reflect that it really is four threads on the same subject. Can we play a different broken record now?

Focus50 -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:27:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whitekat So there's various threads about 'how should I punish her for X' and 'What's the worst punishment you've gotten' but what I want to know is who punishes the dominant for their infractions? I realize most people aren't like this, but I've been involved with various groups for several years, and one of the negative things I've noticed is the arrogance of dominants then they 'punish' submissive or slaves, while turning around and making mistakes themselves. Who corrects their bad behaviors? Or are we left to just deal with their stupidity or selfishness. Is the fact that they have such a difficult time finding and keeping partners punishment enough? Or does that not work, since most never realize why they're alone? What a strange question... lol When the girl screws up, she has to deal with me. But when I screw up, I've got the toughest taskmaster of all to appease. There's no escape; he waits patiently for me in every mirror. It's not a physical reflection so much as a reflection of my conscience, personal standards and sense of justice. There's no bullshitting that fella.... And getting rid of all mirrors won't work either, 'cause then he won't let me sleep. Pfffft, at worst the girl only gets half an hour in the corner...! Focus.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:37:22 PM)
I agree that Punishment seems silly to me... I however LOVE Funishment. That being said... the idea as posed in the OP is who Punishes the Dominant, it imp;lies that the Op does believe in a punishment dynamic, if they do believe in it but want their Dom Punished as well... then I would say they may be in the wrong alternative lifestyle. Sure they may find what they are lookin for.... but I would wonder more why one would go out of their way to redefine something so much... A Power dynamic is just that the way in which the power works. Each person gets to define what works for them. Every relationship gets to do this.... This is why questions like this always confuse me.... When someone asks who punishes the dominant I always want to know why they feel it needs to be done, then I wonder why they did not discuss this before. I just wonder how much thought people put into their Alternative Lifestyle relatonships... or if they are blinded by the Fantasy until something they don't like happens. In my home I am the ultimate authority..... because my partner agreed to me being that... there was a moment where that was brought into question, it almost ended us. In the end it was agreed by both of us.... it just works better that way.... it isn't always OODLES OF FUN.... but the alternative was MUCH worse. QSM

myotherself -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:37:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself I agree with you LadyCimarron, in particular the bits in bold. For me, my kink does not include punishment. I'm looking for a dominant who does not want a punishment dynamic, and thankfully there seems to be many out there who fall into that category. Just because the dynamic does not include punishment, it doesn't mean it's not a bdsm relationship. Every relationship is different, and it's what works for the people involved. Nobody said that it doesn't. There are plenty of D/s and M/s dynamics out there that don't even involve BDSM. Maybe I should have clarified here. At present I'm looking for a partner/dominant/whatever-the-label-is, and I'm getting a little weary of being told that not accepting punishment somehow makes me 'untwue'. Not from anyone on the boards, but from guys I know from personal experience who have been involved in wiitwd for many years. I know they're not compatible with me, and I do move on, but I guess it's a bit of a 'hot button' at the moment [:)]

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:41:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 What a strange question... lol When the girl screws up, she has to deal with me. But when I screw up, I've got the toughest taskmaster of all to appease. There's no escape; he waits patiently for me in every mirror. It's not a physical reflection so much as a reflection of my conscience, personal standards and sense of justice. There's no bullshitting that fella.... And getting rid of all mirrors won't work either, 'cause then he won't let me sleep. Pfffft, at worst the girl only gets half an hour in the corner...! Focus. Focus, I got to say this is the most reflective (No Pun Intended) statement I think you have ever made for me. I truely agree with what you have said here. In most cases I believe the sub gets off easy with what I do or say to her, because when I fuck up the reflection is out to Gut my Ass. I just can't escape his rule.... He knows just what to say to end me. Thank you for posting this. QSM

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:47:36 PM)
What on earth makes you think that submissives don't have to face their own reflections too, though?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:47:49 PM)
I am not a punishment dynamic kind of person. I do think that adults should not NEED to punish adults, OR watch over their every move as if they were preschoolers. It's my OPINION that the folks who keep beating this dead horse are looking for "excuses" to play. I started in the public scene as a spanko, and that "naughty" thing drives a lot of scenes. Also, there are domineering folks who want to be able to be the boss of someone, AND get to beat ass. So they want to harp on something that in most REAL relationships rarely happens. If my servant or submissive who promised to obey me STOPS doing it, there is a reason for that, and I want to find the reason and fix it. If they make a mistake, which is a thing that happens, it gets fixed and we move on. I hold myself to a very high personal standard. Having authority over someone in your personal life is a tremendous responsibility, and I have to live up to that.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:48:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious What on earth makes you think that submissives don't have to face their own reflections too, though? I am sure they do. I know that saying I am disappointed in my girl makes her upset for quite some time......... However, my sub has me to come back around and inform her of just how proud of her that I am in seeing a change in her...... I don't have such a person... I tend to ride out my mistakes MUCH longer than I would ever allow my girl to. Nature of the Beast I guess. QSM

LadyPact -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:50:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself Maybe I should have clarified here. At present I'm looking for a partner/dominant/whatever-the-label-is, and I'm getting a little weary of being told that not accepting punishment somehow makes me 'untwue'. Not from anyone on the boards, but from guys I know from personal experience who have been involved in wiitwd for many years. I know they're not compatible with me, and I do move on, but I guess it's a bit of a 'hot button' at the moment [:)] Just a personal note, that "twue" silliness is enough to give some folks a headache. I don't know why that ever evolved. The same goes for "weal". I've never understood why it wasn't just acceptable to use the honest versions of the words as a shortcut to saying what is or isn't compatible for a person. I suppose it works both ways. You're sick of people telling you that you're not a real submissive because a punishment dynamic isn't right for you and I'm sick of people who have to beat the dead horse against the topic of punishment and those who use it. I'm willing to venture that neither of us are going to be converted to the other opinion, so let's just enjoy a cool afternoon beverage. [sm=buddies.gif]

Icarys -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:51:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whitekat So there's various threads about 'how should I punish her for X' and 'What's the worst punishment you've gotten' but what I want to know is who punishes the dominant for their infractions? I realize most people aren't like this, but I've been involved with various groups for several years, and one of the negative things I've noticed is the arrogance of dominants then they 'punish' submissive or slaves, while turning around and making mistakes themselves. Who corrects their bad behaviors? Or are we left to just deal with their stupidity or selfishness. Is the fact that they have such a difficult time finding and keeping partners punishment enough? Or does that not work, since most never realize why they're alone? I do. I also do it for my female as well. In my relationships it's just the way we say "I'm sorry" and "I accept".

lally2 -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 1:57:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rogue886 Well as far as I am concerned if I make mistakes then I hope My girl would tell Me. As a lot of ppl on these boards have said before it comes down to communication & respect. I freely admit I am nowhere near perfect, & therefrore have & will make mistakes. And personally I`d rather know what My mistakes were so I can try to avoid making them again. this about says it all really. i can usually sense when whether or not someone is capable of saying 'sorry i got that wrong' or 'oops my mistake' - everyone needs to be culpable whoever they are and they need to be able to admit when they are wrong. i have met a few D types who i genuinely believe considered it unDomly to ever get anything wrong or be seen to get anything wrong and thats just ridiculous.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:16:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian Oh, the injustice... Who punishes the "dominant"? The consequences of his or her own actions, basically. Yes, and don't you feel it should be that way for ALL adults? Or do you feel that subs are so dim that they dont get the consequences of their own actions and need further teaching? Where did I ever infer submissives or slaves are dim-witted and incapable of self-reflection, or don't get the consequences of their own actions? Of course most do, but consenting to a relationship where one calls another Master or Mistress often does involve punishment or atonement in some form. A slave accepts punishment for the very reason that he or she does understand the consequences or his or her own actions—and the need of discipline for many complex reasons. This is not the psychological dynamic in all relationships, but in many it is. It's unfair, I know—one answers to another and the other doesn't. Such a terrible imbalance.

porcelaine -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 this about says it all really. i can usually sense when whether or not someone is capable of saying 'sorry i got that wrong' or 'oops my mistake' - everyone needs to be culpable whoever they are and they need to be able to admit when they are wrong. i have met a few D types who i genuinely believe considered it unDomly to ever get anything wrong or be seen to get anything wrong and thats just ridiculous. Yep, it's a big old billboard that's hard to miss. Admittedly I laugh and shake my head and them. ~porcelaine

DarlingSavage -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:20:13 PM)
quote: One would hope most issues are resolved with communication and honesty, however, the Dom is supposed to be driving the train, if he's that poor of an engineer, punishment isn't the issue, getting off the train is. That is very well said!

Focus50 -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:22:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious What on earth makes you think that submissives don't have to face their own reflections too, though? No-one says they don't. But you're answering a question that wasn't asked. Refer to the thread title.... Focus.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:23:18 PM)
nevermind Calla (who made a reading error)

MagiksSlave -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:23:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana "Who punishes the dominant?" IDK about anyone else, but I have this pesky little thing called a conscience... And subs don't??

Focus50 -> RE: Who punishes the dominant? (7/15/2010 2:26:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Focus, I got to say this is the most reflective (No Pun Intended) statement I think you have ever made for me. Clearly you're not reading enough of my posts. ;) Focus.

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