On-line relationships. What is the deal?

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On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 11:33:16 AM

Syrox

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I personally don't understand on-line D/s M/s relationships at all.. how do they work? how do they benefit both parties? This isnt an attempt to troll or be snarky, I just don't get it.

Maybe one of you has had one that worked... what was it that made it work for you?

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unless otherwise noted this has been a fast reply. brought to you by the letter M and the number 7.

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 11:40:13 AM

LadyPact

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I'm going to ask you to do Me a slight favor. Would you mind very much clarifying your term? When you say "on-line" you actually have a wide range of scenarios, covering everything from on-line only, to people separated geographically by distance for a period of time, and everything in-between. The question could be based on people who have never met and don't have any intention of doing so ever or those who have a primary partner who for reasons other than their dynamic, are not living in the same household at the current time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Syrox)

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 11:48:35 AM

Syrox

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To be honest I think it could easily apply to any on your list but specificly I am speaking of generally people who have never met.. most likely as a result of a site like CM. The scenario I was thinking along the lines of is a sub/slave being dominated on line. being set takss etc.. perhaps some cyber play.

It isn't something i have personally ever indulged in as I quite frankly can't see the point. so any detailed description is near impossible.

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unless otherwise noted this has been a fast reply. brought to you by the letter M and the number 7.

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 11:55:51 AM

Glasgow

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As far as I can tell, the only possible application is with people who either fantasize about the lifestyle or have a need for control that they cannot satisfy realtime.

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I wash my hands of this weirdness.

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:09:10 PM

Apocalypso

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I see it as something that doesn't do it for me, but it seems to make other people happy, so fair play to them. That's how I see most things like this.

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Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:12:04 PM

Inthewoods

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Or people who have connected intellectually but are not currently able to meet irl?

(in reply to Glasgow)

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:20:11 PM

hopelesslyInvo

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Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
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why do inmates put their hand on the glass even though its touch will never meet the palm waiting on the other side.

just because you want more doesn't mean you won't take what you can get, online is still interaction between two people regardless of limitations. you may as well be asking why we're talking online in the forums, and this doesn't even employ voice or video.

you can accomplish a lot with just writing; but give each other the ability to see and hear and you take it many steps further.

rarely is it likely that people do partake in online because they get off on digital detachment, it's more likely that they're engaging in online relations because they had all the ingredients for making lemonade.

i'm sure some people do enjoy the voyeurism/exhibitionism it allows though.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 7/16/2010 12:25:21 PM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:20:27 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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For myself and my online slave, we were just two people who happened to meet in SecondLife. She was exploring what it means to be submissive and I liked her well enough to put a collar on her and let her taste it a bit. Predictably, given my makeup, that resulted in an online love-affair. It works because we are not replacing a RT relationship with it. It is it's own thing and it serves a function for the two of us. My online slave is clearly not the same as my wife but there are similarities.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Syrox)

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:25:30 PM

Syrox

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it intrigues me... I see so many Sub profiles who seek on-line only.. (don't know about Don profiles as I don't realy look at those) I honestly dont see what anyone gets from the exchange.

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unless otherwise noted this has been a fast reply. brought to you by the letter M and the number 7.

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Post #: 9

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:39:52 PM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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Then you haven't been reading the responses.

It gives those who for whatever reason aren't able/don't want to/aren't ready to meet irl yet a "taste" of what it's like. It's a fun fantasy play, and hurts no one.

It's akin to eating an amuse-bouche when what you really want is a six course meal. It's only a small taste of what it's like, but does either whet your appetite for more or (possibly) turn you off of wiitwd completely.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Syrox)

Post #: 10

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:41:01 PM

lally2

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hey Syrox - i read youre journal and im guessing some of this is to do with the 'no show'. maybe not, but i think people want to go real time very often theyre just not able to, for a variety of reasons))

theyre married
theyre not how they describe themselves on their profile
theyre otherwise frigid
theyre scared of committment
theyre scared of submission
im sure there are others........

ive been 'on line' with a few guys prior to meet up, or atleast we're talking on the phone and chatting on here and exchanging emails. it can in fact be a very powerful thing because of the intensity. often though, people ive communicated with online havent been people ive neccessarily wanted to continue with in real time - chemistry, annoying little habits, personality defects - like the guy who was so rude to the waiter it was embarrassing - can get wearisome.

i can see how online is the safer option for many people who want the connection but not the committment as such. they can go all out on line and obey their online Dominant but still be free of the constraints and anxt real time can bring.

and then there are the activities - some people just cant make that leap of faith in themselves to go for it. as much as they want to be spanked, tied up, kneeling at the feet of their Dominant, they cant bring themselves to actually go for it. theres a thread at the moment put up by a sub who cant get over his/her personal issues regarding this.

then there is the fantasy and fantasy is often better than reality and for some they may be fearful that to actually realise their fantasy might actually kill it stone dead.

if you think about it and think on the frailty of some people it isnt such a stretch really.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Syrox)

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:41:02 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

When I first found "this" I decided to dip my toe in by going "on-line only" thinking it would help me discover whether or not this was right for me. It did. I discovered that this is something I need in my life but on-line didn't cut it for me for very long. I decided to jump in rather than splash in the shallows. It's possible the people looking for on-line only are dipping their toes in to see if this works for them.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Syrox)

Post #: 12

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:47:01 PM

Syrox

Posts: 260
Joined: 5/13/2010
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@ Lally. Actually the two entries weren't connected but then after reading your post, I am now wondering if maybe they were.

The on-line question is something I have wondered about for a long while now.

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unless otherwise noted this has been a fast reply. brought to you by the letter M and the number 7.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 13

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 12:52:52 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Syrox

it intrigues me... I see so many Sub profiles who seek on-line only.. (don't know about Don profiles as I don't realy look at those) I honestly dont see what anyone gets from the exchange.

That is far different scenario than people who see each other every few weeks, or who have not met yet, but are exploring the possibilities....Online only is not the same thing as a long distance relationship that incorporates technology to facilitate and grow a connection that people experience in the real world or plan to.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Syrox)

Post #: 14

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 1:01:17 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Thank you for clearing up your original.

Someone that I'm never going to meet? No, I don't see the point to it whatsoever. There isn't a thing about the exercise that is going to be nearly as fulfilling as human interaction in the physical world. I have to meet the person to have the kind of control over them that I know I want to obtain. You can get to know someone to a certain degree through electronic communication, but it's not the same to Me. It's not going to equal the same as the flesh and blood world.

Granted, My poly family has had various time periods being separated by geography. I've even given one person a shot after he went through the trouble of coming to meet Me from a considerable distance. That's as far as I will go in the on-line area. It just isn't worth it to Me. I can save Myself the time and just go to the munch.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Syrox)

Post #: 15

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 1:05:56 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have had long distance D/s relationships.... they are hard, and the internet helps to mitigate the distance...

I have never been dominated over the internet without the desire and the intention to make it real time, and those situations did end up going into the real world. I think the internet gives the opportunity to meet people we would never otherwise get the opportunity to, and some room for preliminary explorations to test out some superficial levels of compatiblity (such as kinks, bad habits, good habits, hobbies, interests, etc.)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 1:13:34 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Someone that I'm never going to meet? No, I don't see the point to it whatsoever.

I've been studying mixed reality worlds for years now in a more than passing way. My most current understanding of why it would be pointless to you and not to myself or my online slave has to do with how well people identify with the virtual environment presented. For reasons that I suspect are very complicated, people like me get into a world like SecondLife and it's just another place to us. The other "people" we meet are people to us. The whole experience is not much different than meeting strangers at the local mall. Other people just don't identify that well. To them, it is always "moving pictures on the screen"... a video game of some sort. Obviously, for those that "get sucked into" the virtual environment, they will see it as more "real" because it IS more real to them. Those that aren't so drawn into it will always see it as "fake" in some way because it IS fake to them.

Now I'm trying to understand why some people identify so well and others do not. I've gone through a lot of obvious things like age, generation, gender, technical background, etc. and I've yet to see any trends. The answer may simply be "it's complicated".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 1:21:42 PM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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Speaking from the perspective of someone that has conversed with single men on the Internet I can tell you that some cling to this realm like a babe being breastfed. It's safe and they become reliant on the anonymity and distance (if applicable) to tiptoe around their interest in being partnered rather than the realistic steps they must take to bring that to fruition. I liken them to attractants that are bemused with the idea rather than the reality it entails.

However, the reverse applies and some people simply like engaging over the computer with one another and they're perfectly content with the limitations that relationship involves. I have no ill opinion about their decision, but readily admit I don't share it in any capacity.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 1:23:06 PM

Inthewoods

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
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online has a different kind of intensity to rl. Unless it is just a way of wanking off, it requires a different kind of trust and it has its own rewards - have you ever inflicted pain on yourself - it isn't easy to do! Plus tasks set - it would be simple to lie about having done them, but to do them knowing you could have cheated it extraordinarily powerful. The mental side of online is strong medicine.

So you can't lump all online together - some is just wanking, and some is viewed as a prelude to rl. There's a third which I think the Scond Life type scenario described by leadership527 covers.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 19

RE: On-line relationships. What is the deal? - 7/16/2010 1:24:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I've been studying mixed reality worlds for years now in a more than passing way. My most current understanding of why it would be pointless to you and not to myself or my online slave has to do with how well people identify with the virtual environment presented. For reasons that I suspect are very complicated, people like me get into a world like SecondLife and it's just another place to us. The other "people" we meet are people to us. The whole experience is not much different than meeting strangers at the local mall. Other people just don't identify that well. To them, it is always "moving pictures on the screen"... a video game of some sort. Obviously, for those that "get sucked into" the virtual environment, they will see it as more "real" because it IS more real to them. Those that aren't so drawn into it will always see it as "fake" in some way because it IS fake to them.

Now I'm trying to understand why some people identify so well and others do not. I've gone through a lot of obvious things like age, generation, gender, technical background, etc. and I've yet to see any trends. The answer may simply be "it's complicated".

I have no experience with Second Life. I'm a WOW player.

I'm not especially sure if there is anything that you can base it on other than personal perspective. I suppose it could be because I am not technically minded. I may be a very simple person and prefer those things that are brought to Me by My feelings as well as My senses.

Perhaps when Second Life advances to the point where I can give the command to hug another toon and -

I can feel their arms around Me and I can feel them.

When I can smell their scent.

Brush their cheek or run My fingers through their hair.

Look directly into their eyes with no obstacle such as a computer screen between us.

Listen to their voice that doesn't come from a speaker.

I might just catch up with the techno-savy crowd someday. Until then, I'm just going to have to be old-fashioned.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/16/2010 1:26:18 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 20

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