Do any of you identify as a masochist?

Do any of you identify as a masochist? (Full Version)

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submissivemale22 -> Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/17/2010 11:45:01 PM)
it dawns on me that while i have seen many people distinguish themselves from masochism (i.e. "im not a painslut... "), i have yet to encounter an example of the converse. thus the query- are any of you masochists? this being collarme, i would expect every subset of bdsm to be represented, so it surprises me that i have yet to come across any. are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent? Provided that there are some to be found, i would invite them to answer any of the following questions they feel interested in: 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

DesFIP -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 9:53:10 AM)
I'm not a masochist but I know well enough that there is no causality between abuse and masochism. Some who have been abused are also enjoyers of pain, others who were abused are not. If instead of thinking of pain as solely sexual you would consider other ways people deliberately court it, you would see how foolish this question is. Some people enjoy pouring hot sauce on food. Does this mean they were abused when young? Because an enjoyment of your mouth burning, your eyes tearing uncontrollably is just as much an enjoyment of pain. Do the people you know who enjoy spicy food also enjoy slamming a door on their finger? So why is one okay but not the other? Why is enjoyment of pain in the sense of taste perfectly legitimate but obviously a sign of innate problems in the sense of touch, especially sexual touch?

submissivemale22 -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 10:02:14 AM)
thats a fatally flawed premiss- people don't enjoy spicy food because it hurts... they enjoy it because it tastes good.

myotherself -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 10:08:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 it dawns on me that while i have seen many people distinguish themselves from masochism (i.e. "im not a painslut... "), i have yet to encounter an example of the converse. thus the query- are any of you masochists? yes quote: this being collarme, i would expect every subset of bdsm to be represented, so it surprises me that i have yet to come across any. are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent? There are plenty of us. Read the boards a bit more and you'll see plenty of us around. Peruse a few profiles, and you'll find the same thing. We may not be the majority, but we're still well represented. quote: 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? Pain has to be inflicted by another person to arouse me. I get pain from accidental injury, but that has no sensual effect. I can't hurt myself and be aroused, but there are others on here who do. quote: 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? I have to be in the right mindset to be aroused by pain. If it is someone I care for, then it works every time. If it's someone I don't really know, then the arousal is less, mostly because for me the pain is foreplay. I don't do casual sex, so doing casual play is really just limited foreplay. If it's a stranger in a pub swinging a punch, then there's no arousal at all. quote: 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? Ah, this old recycled (and slightly mouldy) chestnut...sigh... Masochism for me is not CAUSED by anything - it just IS. Think of it like being gay - the overwhelming majority of gay people are gay because they just 'are'. I've never been abused, I'm not being abused, and I have no intention of ever being abused. I plan to find a man that I can fall in love with, who can give me support, love and affection and a huge amount of mindblowing sex based around my need for pain play and his need for pain play.

FetishRose -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 10:35:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 are any of you masochists? >yes, actually. 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? >While it is far easier to get aroused from pain inflicted from another person, there are situations where I become aroused from accidental infliction upon myself. It's not as high of a level, but it is certainly there. 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? >It's not ALL pain. There are certain sensations I just don't like, regardless of whom is inflicting them. Then there are certain sensations I adore, from anyone inflicting them. Because I choose to be involved in relatively monogamous D/s relationships, I usually have feelings for the person who is inflicting said pain, which probably does make it more enjoyable. 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? >Yes, although the correlation is not there for me. The sorts of abuse I went through are actually the sensations I do NOT like, because of the negative emotion associated with them. However, many many people are masochists with no prior abuse.

juliaoceania -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 10:40:35 AM)
quote: 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for ? I only get aroused by pain inflicted by my lover quote: 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? I was abused as an adult by my ex husband, and I did not enjoy that Edited to add, I consider myself a submissive person with masochistic tendencies

Missokyst -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 12:05:54 PM)
I am a masochist. My arousal is only secondary to the cessation of anxiety when my masochistic need is extinguished. It can come from someone, or it can come from me, that is deliberately engaged. And during times of extreme stress when I need to vent but cannot, even accidental pain works to distract me from anxiety. I do not feel automatically aroused by pain either by someone I am only casually attached to, or with someone to which I am romantically involved. Arousal through pain depends on my mindset and his intent. I was not physically abused and or punished during any point of emotional development. quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 Provided that there are some to be found, i would invite them to answer any of the following questions they feel interested in: 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

AquaticSub -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 4:17:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? From other people in the context of "good pain". Ex. Val flogging me = good. Getting a shot at the doctor's office = bad quote: 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? I do not need to have any feelings for the person inflicting the pain. I play very casually. However, it does need to be in the context of a scene/playtime. If Val randomly slapped my face while cooking, I would not be aroused. During playtime, it is quite lovely though. quote: 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? Nope.

cpK69 -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 4:48:27 PM)
~fr~ In my experience, arousal happens when I am in a certain mindset, while receiving pain, though, the suggestion that pain will be inflicted can also cause arousal. Knowing its coming plays a big part in it. Accidental injury does nothing toward my being aroused. I’ve never thought to check before, however, because the mindset is most important; I suspect I do not need to know, therefore, have feelings for, the other person. There was someone, when I was young, who liked taking out their frustrations on me; whole different mindset. Kim Added thoughts after read-through: I also perceive the experience as being intimate, and would keep any inclinations to myself, around those I am not involved with.

gungadin09 -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/21/2010 7:50:12 PM)
Yes, i am a masochist. quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? Arousal has to come from another person, or at least fantasizing about another person. But i have a high pain tolerance, and pain doesn't always feel "bad" to me. At worse, pain bugs me, although not as much as it might bug somebody else. At best, i sort of enjoy it. 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? Someone i have feelings for, deliberately inflicted, and even then only under certain circumstances. Like, if a boyfriend were to accidentally shut my finger in the door, that wouldn't do it for me either. There is a psychological element to the arousal. 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? No. i might say i was emotionally abused. i might also say a bit neglected. i don't know. pam

Ravensnake -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 7:24:08 AM)
I have, on many occasions taken several hundred lashes from bullwhips but I dont consider myself a masochist. Many of these whippings I did because I could and were taken in clubs and in front of other players. But masochist, no. Exhibitionist?....quite possibly. To answer part of the OP's question; If I stub my toe or catch my finger in a door.....it bloods well hurts! And not in a good way.

sexyred1 -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 9:22:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? Only some types of pain, not heavy duty and only from someone I am really really into. I do not identify as a masochist at all, I have to be really aroused to enjoy pain. 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? ONLY someone I have feelings for. 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? I was going to say no, but I realized that yes, there were moments with my now ex that he hurt me without my consent and I tried to push that away as not being abusive, but part of the dynamic. And it was not. I said no, he ignored it, abuse.

Viridana -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 11:37:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 thus the query- are any of you masochists? Yes quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 this being collarme, i would expect every subset of bdsm to be represented, so it surprises me that i have yet to come across any. are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent? The great great majority of users on the board are more into d/s than s/m so I think there is some reluctance going on, at least there is on my part. quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? No quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? Not necessarily, but there has to be a certain atmosphere, that is; I'm in the mood for pain, the pain is delivered by a person that knows what he/she's doing and consensuality. quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? No

lovelyk -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 3:04:40 PM)
1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? arousal only comes with pain inflicted by another person. a feeling of pleasure or accomplishment, however, can come from different types of pain. For example, I used to be a ballet dancer. After pushing my feet and body to the limit in pointe shoes, everything aching or throbbing, I would feel deep gratification. 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? Arousal only comes from pain inflicted by someone I am attracted to, which can be just sexually. But the deeper the connection, the better it feels. 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? No. Quite a common misconception. Masochism, for me, is about the gratification that comes with pushing myself to my limits, and the arousal comes from relinquishing control to someone I trust enough to help push those limits.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 4:21:29 PM)
1)I do not get aroused from pain I cause myself either on purpose or by accident, only from pain caused by dominant, sadistic men. 2)I've played casually and become aroused from the pain inflicted. 3)No.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 5:39:18 PM)
Not physically abused at any time in my life. I do not get aroused from pain accidentally inflicted - ie. stubbed toe And finally, i can become aroused by pain inflicted by people i like. I don't have to love them, but love makes it so much better.

AsmodaisSin -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/22/2010 7:43:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? I am aroused mostly by pain inflicted by my Daddy, but if I accidentally bite my tongue or lip too hard, then that turns me on. I don't think slamming my finger in the door would be arousing at all. 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? I generally am aroused by pain inflicted by anyone physically. There's a deeper amount of arousal when it comes from Daddy, but almost any physical pain inflicted by others is arousing. 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? No. I was very loved and adored as a child and as an adult. There are emotional scars, but nothing physically abusive.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/23/2010 10:10:05 AM)
yes i am a masochist and not ashamed to say it 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? no never 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? has to be from somone i love and have deep feelings for , well to be honest i have to deeply love and trust the person but have never done casual s&m play only had two masters the first was online only we never got meet life things happened. 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? no

sublizzie -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/23/2010 10:37:15 AM)
No, I am not a masochist. No pain does not sexually arouse me. If I am submitting to someone who enjoys inflicting pain, then I get aroused from submitting to the pain. It is not the pain that causes the arousal and it is not a sexual arousal. Yes, I was physically abused/assaulted by someone I met on CM. It was not arousing. I was very happy to manage to escape from him before he did more damage.

BitaTruble -> RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? (7/23/2010 3:00:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent? Neither. You haven't done enough homework yet. quote: 1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)? Neither again. I do not get aroused strictly from pain inflicted by another person but it can and does happen. Not everytime though (will explain it later). I sometimes get aroused from self-inflicted pain. I have never gotten aroused by shutting my finger in a door or stubbing a toe but I had a very interesting ear ache once and there are times when throbbing pain which has been accidently inflicted has aroused me after the fact such as when I got accidently stabbed and the time when we had an opps with melting plastic. quote: 2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for? Except for a well-executed hair pull, I really don't get automatically aroused by pain. It may happen, it may not.. it may get me visceral so that a take down occurs, it may send me to loopy land or a variety of other reactions. The mood, time of month, energy, environment all play their own part in arousal. I do not, necessarily, need to have feelings for someone but I don't play with people that I don't like so there has to be a friends level unless I'm doing a demo or something and I just don't get aroused during educational performance because my focus is different from when I am playing for fun, catharsis or something besides educational purposes. quote: 3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life? Yes, frequently until I turned 16 and left home, then often during my first marriage.

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