Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Do any of you identify as a masochist?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Do any of you identify as a masochist? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/17/2010 11:45:01 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline 		it dawns on me that while i have seen many people distinguish themselves from masochism (i.e. "im not a painslut... "), i have yet to encounter an example of the converse. thus the query- are any of you masochists?

this being collarme, i would expect every subset of bdsm to be represented, so it surprises me that i have yet to come across any. are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent?

Provided that there are some to be found, i would invite them to answer any of the following questions they feel interested in:

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 9:53:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not a masochist but I know well enough that there is no causality between abuse and masochism. Some who have been abused are also enjoyers of pain, others who were abused are not. If instead of thinking of pain as solely sexual you would consider other ways people deliberately court it, you would see how foolish this question is.

Some people enjoy pouring hot sauce on food. Does this mean they were abused when young? Because an enjoyment of your mouth burning, your eyes tearing uncontrollably is just as much an enjoyment of pain. Do the people you know who enjoy spicy food also enjoy slamming a door on their finger?

So why is one okay but not the other? Why is enjoyment of pain in the sense of taste perfectly legitimate but obviously a sign of  innate problems in the sense of touch, especially sexual touch?


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 10:02:14 AM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline 		thats a fatally flawed premiss- people don't enjoy spicy food because it hurts... they enjoy it because it tastes good.


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 10:08:45 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

it dawns on me that while i have seen many people distinguish themselves from masochism (i.e. "im not a painslut... "), i have yet to encounter an example of the converse. thus the query- are any of you masochists?



yes

quote:


this being collarme, i would expect every subset of bdsm to be represented, so it surprises me that i have yet to come across any. are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent?



There are plenty of us. Read the boards a bit more and you'll see plenty of us around. Peruse a few profiles, and you'll find the same thing. We may not be the majority, but we're still well represented.

quote:



1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?



Pain has to be inflicted by another person to arouse me. I get pain from accidental injury, but that has no sensual effect. I can't hurt myself and be aroused, but there are others on here who do.


quote:


2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?


I have to be in the right mindset to be aroused by pain. If it is someone I care for, then it works every time. If it's someone I don't really know, then the arousal is less, mostly because for me the pain is foreplay. I don't do casual sex, so doing casual play is really just limited foreplay. If it's a stranger in a pub swinging a punch, then there's no arousal at all.

quote:



3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?



Ah, this old recycled (and slightly mouldy) chestnut...sigh...
Masochism for me is not CAUSED by anything - it just IS. Think of it like being gay - the overwhelming majority of gay people are gay because they just 'are'. I've never been abused, I'm not being abused, and I have no intention of ever being abused.
I plan to find a man that I can fall in love with, who can give me support, love and affection and a huge amount of mindblowing sex based around my need for pain play and his need for pain play.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 10:35:03 AM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
are any of you masochists?
>yes, actually.



1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?
>While it is far easier to get aroused from pain inflicted from another person, there are situations where I become aroused from accidental infliction upon myself.  It's not as high of a level, but it is certainly there.

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?
>It's not ALL pain.  There are certain sensations I just don't like, regardless of whom is inflicting them.  Then there are certain sensations I adore, from anyone inflicting them.  Because I choose to be involved in relatively monogamous D/s relationships, I usually have feelings for the person who is inflicting said pain, which probably does make it more enjoyable.

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?
>Yes, although the correlation is not there for me.  The sorts of abuse I went through are actually the sensations I do NOT like, because of the negative emotion associated with them.  However, many many people are masochists with no prior abuse.



_____________________________

Rose-y Pose-y, Puddin' Pie. Kissed Some Dommes and Made Them Cry.

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 10:40:35 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:


1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for
?
I only get aroused by pain inflicted by my lover


quote:

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?


I was abused as an adult by my ex husband, and I did not enjoy that

Edited to add, I consider myself a submissive person with masochistic tendencies




< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/21/2010 10:41:19 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 12:05:54 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am a masochist.  My arousal is only secondary to the cessation of anxiety when my masochistic need is extinguished.  It can come from someone, or it can come from me, that is deliberately engaged.  And during times of extreme stress when I need to vent but cannot, even accidental pain works to distract me from anxiety.

I do not feel automatically aroused by pain either by someone I am only casually attached to, or with someone to which I am romantically involved.  Arousal through pain depends on my mindset and his intent.

I was not physically abused and or punished during any point of emotional development. 


quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

Provided that there are some to be found, i would invite them to answer any of the following questions they feel interested in:

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?



< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/21/2010 12:08:26 PM >

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 4:17:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

From other people in the context of "good pain". Ex. Val flogging me = good. Getting a shot at the doctor's office = bad
quote:


2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

I do not need to have any feelings for the person inflicting the pain. I play very casually. However, it does need to be in the context of a scene/playtime. If Val randomly slapped my face while cooking, I would not be aroused. During playtime, it is quite lovely though.
quote:


3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

Nope.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 4:48:27 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		~fr~

In my experience, arousal happens when I am in a certain mindset, while receiving pain, though, the suggestion that pain will be inflicted can also cause arousal. Knowing its coming plays a big part in it. Accidental injury does nothing toward my being aroused.

I’ve never thought to check before, however, because the mindset is most important; I suspect I do not need to know, therefore, have feelings for, the other person.

There was someone, when I was young, who liked taking out their frustrations on me; whole different mindset.

Kim

Added thoughts after read-through:

I also perceive the experience as being intimate, and would keep any inclinations to myself, around those I am not involved with.


< Message edited by cpK69 -- 7/21/2010 5:10:20 PM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/21/2010 7:50:12 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Yes, i am a masochist.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

Arousal has to come from another person, or at least fantasizing about another person. But i have a high pain tolerance, and pain doesn't always feel "bad" to me. At worse, pain bugs me, although not as much as it might bug somebody else. At best, i sort of enjoy it.

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

Someone i have feelings for, deliberately inflicted, and even then only under certain circumstances. Like, if a boyfriend were to accidentally shut my finger in the door, that wouldn't do it for me either. There is a psychological element to the arousal.

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

No. i might say i was emotionally abused. i might also say a bit neglected. i don't know.


pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/21/2010 7:55:20 PM >

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 7:24:08 AM   
Ravensnake


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline 		I have, on many occasions taken several hundred lashes from bullwhips but I dont consider myself a masochist.

Many of these whippings I did because I could and were taken in clubs and in front of other players.

But masochist, no. Exhibitionist?....quite possibly.

To answer part of the OP's question; If I stub my toe or catch my finger in a door.....it bloods well hurts! And not in a good way.



_____________________________

Dont rattle your sabres at me as an introduction. Be polite and I'll respond in kind.

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 9:22:59 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

Only some types of pain, not heavy duty and only from someone I am really really into. I do not identify as a masochist at all, I have to be really aroused to enjoy pain.

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

ONLY someone I have feelings for.

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

I was going to say no, but I realized that yes, there were moments with my now ex that he hurt me without my consent and I tried to push that away as not being abusive, but part of the dynamic.

And it was not. I said no, he ignored it, abuse.


(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 11:37:09 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
thus the query- are any of you masochists?

Yes

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
this being collarme, i would expect every subset of bdsm to be represented, so it surprises me that i have yet to come across any. are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent?

The great great majority of users on the board are more into d/s than s/m so I think there is some reluctance going on, at least there is on my part.


quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

No

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

Not necessarily, but there has to be a certain atmosphere, that is; I'm in the mood for pain, the pain is delivered by a person that knows what he/she's doing and consensuality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

No

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 3:04:40 PM   
lovelyk


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/24/2010
Status: offline
1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

arousal only comes with pain inflicted by another person. a feeling of pleasure or accomplishment, however, can come from different types of pain. For example, I used to be a ballet dancer. After pushing my feet and body to the limit in pointe shoes, everything aching or throbbing, I would feel deep gratification.

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

Arousal only comes from pain inflicted by someone I am attracted to, which can be just sexually. But the deeper the connection, the better it feels.

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

No. Quite a common misconception. Masochism, for me, is about the gratification that comes with pushing myself to my limits, and the arousal comes from relinquishing control to someone I trust enough to help push those limits.

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 4:21:29 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		1)I do not get aroused from pain I cause myself either on purpose or by accident, only from pain caused by dominant, sadistic men.

2)I've played casually and become aroused from the pain inflicted.

3)No.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 5:39:18 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Not physically abused at any time in my life.

I do not get aroused from pain accidentally inflicted - ie. stubbed toe

And finally, i can become aroused by pain inflicted by people i like. I don't have to love them, but love makes it so much better.

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/22/2010 7:43:20 PM   
AsmodaisSin


Posts: 320
Joined: 7/28/2009
From: NOVA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

I am aroused mostly by pain inflicted by my Daddy, but if I accidentally bite my tongue or lip too hard, then that turns me on.  I don't think slamming my finger in the door would be arousing at all. 

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

I generally am aroused by pain inflicted by anyone physically.  There's a deeper amount of arousal when it comes from Daddy, but almost any physical pain inflicted by others is arousing. 

3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?

No.  I was very loved and adored as a child and as an adult.  There are emotional scars, but nothing physically abusive. 


_____________________________

Something so symbolic seeps from silence.

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/23/2010 10:10:05 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		yes i am a masochist and not ashamed to say it

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?

no never

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?

has to be from somone i love and have deep feelings for , well to be honest i have to deeply love and trust the person but have never done casual s&m play only had two masters the first was online only we never got meet life things happened.


3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?


no



(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/23/2010 10:37:15 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		No, I am not a masochist.

No pain does not sexually arouse me.

If I am submitting to someone who enjoys inflicting pain, then I get aroused from *submitting* to the pain. It is not the pain that causes the arousal and it is not a sexual arousal.

Yes, I was physically abused/assaulted by someone I met on CM. It was not arousing. I was very happy to manage to escape from him before he did more damage.

< Message edited by sublizzie -- 7/23/2010 10:38:50 AM >

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do any of you identify as a masochist? - 7/23/2010 3:00:34 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

are they reluctant to express their interests, or are they just nonexistent?


Neither. You haven't done enough homework yet.



quote:

1) do you get arousal strictly from pain inflicted by another person, or can it come from any source (ex: shutting finger in door)?


Neither again. I do not get aroused strictly from pain inflicted by another person but it can and does happen. Not everytime though (will explain it later). I sometimes get aroused from self-inflicted pain. I have never gotten aroused by shutting my finger in a door or stubbing a toe but I had a very interesting ear ache once and there are times when throbbing pain which has been accidently inflicted has aroused me after the fact such as when I got accidently stabbed and the time when we had an opps with melting plastic.

quote:

2) do you automatically get arousal from pain inflicted by another, or need it come from someone you have feelings for?


Except for a well-executed hair pull, I really don't get automatically aroused by pain. It may happen, it may not.. it may get me visceral so that a take down occurs, it may send me to loopy land or a variety of other reactions. The mood, time of month, energy, environment all play their own part in arousal. I do not, necessarily, need to have feelings for someone but I don't play with people that I don't like so there has to be a friends level unless I'm doing a demo or something and I just don't get aroused during educational performance because my focus is different from when I am playing for fun, catharsis or something besides educational purposes.
quote:


3) were you physically abused (without consent) at any point in your life?


Yes, frequently until I turned 16 and left home, then often during my first marriage.



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Do any of you identify as a masochist? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094