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Where did I go wrong? - 4/16/2006 8:37:41 PM

JohnSteed1967

Posts: 304
Joined: 5/29/2005
From: Columbia SC
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            I was raised as a Southern Gentleman; In essence, being a Southern Gentleman exemplifies being the best we can be, treating others with respect and taking responsibility, if that’s the right word, for your self and occasionally others.

           In my personal life I find myself to be a nurturing Dominate, what I mean is that I don’t take a woman grab her by the back of the head shove her into a wall and call it foreplay. I believe that if you are my woman that you are to be cared for, prized, honored and dare I say it even respected, even though you are submissive.

           I find myself in a situation with a beautiful, brilliant, talented young lady. One, that has her act together and is not out to rob me of money, as others have in the past. However I find myself in an issue.
         I do not know if my qualities have been mistaken for weakness on her end. She has recently told me that she wants another to be her Dom and for me to be her “special friend”. For me at least, I am at a point where I would rather take this situation than lose her all together. Gold is Gold even if it is covered in mud.
            My quandary, is how do I get her to see me as one stop shopping, instead of getting her “Dom Fix” from another and her caring loving from me. I want to be all she needs.

Post #: 1

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/16/2006 8:58:48 PM

Arpig

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From: Increasingly further from reality
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Talk to her and find out just what it is she is hoping to get from her other Dom that she doesn't think she can get from you.
Once you have that information, you then need to look truthfully at yourself and decide if you can give it to her...if so, tell (or show) her that. If not, then let her go, and be her "special friend", or whatever.

_____________________________

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(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 2

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/16/2006 9:11:59 PM

Youresomine

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/11/2005
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It seems you are assuming that your caring, loving nature is why she cannot continue with you. You absolutely should talk frankly with her about why she wishes to move on. If you have, and you know that it is because of your natural way of displaying your dominance and she feels it is not what she needs, then you have your answer. you cannot truly make her need you nor change the way you need to be.

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 3

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/16/2006 10:24:34 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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John,

Grab the bitch's hair, yank her to her knees, and tell her play time is over. Not to be crude but that is what the other guy is doing and she loves it, which is probably why she is seeing him. Don't look at it as violating your Southern credo, look at is just accommodating a lady's needs, pure and simple.

Have you ever read any NON fiction S&M books?

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 4

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 3:26:48 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

I was raised as a Southern Gentleman; In essence, being a Southern Gentleman exemplifies being the best we can be, treating others with respect and taking responsibility, if that’s the right word, for your self and occasionally others.

So far, so good.

quote:

In my personal life I find myself to be a nurturing Dominate

Dominant, not Dominate. One is what you are, one is what you do.

quote:

what I mean is that I don’t take a woman grab her by the back of the head shove her into a wall and call it foreplay. I believe that if you are my woman that you are to be cared for, prized, honored and dare I say it even respected, even though you are submissive

.

Sounds reasonable.

quote:

I find myself in a situation with a beautiful, brilliant, talented young lady. One, that has her act together and is not out to rob me of money, as others have in the past. However I find myself in an issue.

Being robbed is bad. I assume you mean that they sooner or later began asking you for money, in a mooching kind of way? Or did they smile their way into your home and develop sticky fingers? Where did you meet them, a strip club? And how old is this one??

quote:

I do not know if my qualities have been mistaken for weakness on her end

Hmmmmmmmmm.

quote:

She has recently told me that she wants another to be her Dom and for me to be her “special friend”. For me at least, I am at a point where I would rather take this situation than lose her all together. Gold is Gold even if it is covered in mud.

Well.... "special friend" could mean lots of things. Fuckbuddy, ATM machine, or maybe she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings. And "I would rather take this situation than lose her"... I'm not intending to be hurtful here, John, but it sounds like you're to the point of turning control over to her.

quote:

My quandary, is how do I get her to see me as one stop shopping, instead of getting her “Dom Fix” from another and her caring loving from me. I want to be all she needs.

John, you sound like a decent guy. But you can't make people into what they aren't, nor make yourself into what you're not. If it's in your nature, which you indicate it isn't, you could "step it up" as CrappyD indicated, or do what Arpig said, find out what's lacking and honestly evaluate if you're capable of giving it to her.

Maybe you need to keep looking for the right one. There are women who would enjoy and be proud to be "southern belle" partners-in-kink. But if she is submissive, she needs to feel controlled. Dominated. Not just tied up on the weekends. Anyway, good luck to you, and don't give up the ship. But you may need to let her boat sail on.

Dr. Phil, errrrrrr, I mean, Level

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 5

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 3:45:32 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Being a southern woman and a submissive southern woman at that, good manners are certainly welcome, but they sure aren't a sign of weakness. However, I can tell you there isn't anything wrong with a good old-fashioned "taking" either ;). Trust me, I didn't mind the drywall texture being embedded in my face.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 6

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 3:53:58 AM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Being a southern woman and a submissive southern woman at that, good manners are certainly welcome, but they sure aren't a sign of weakness. However, I can tell you there isn't anything wrong with a good old-fashioned "taking" either ;). Trust me, I didn't mind the drywall texture being embedded in my face.

Ohhh, drywall, hairpulling, forced positioning. :)

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Post #: 7

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 3:55:20 AM

SirCumsSlut

Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Being a southern woman and a submissive southern woman at that, good manners are certainly welcome, but they sure aren't a sign of weakness. However, I can tell you there isn't anything wrong with a good old-fashioned "taking" either ;). Trust me, I didn't mind the drywall texture being embedded in my face.

Being the slave of a southern Sir, I have to agree with feastie......LOL

Really though, as others have said, if she is that special to you and "special friendss" is not truly the relationship you want with her, talk to her, find out what it is she wants and needs and let her see those things in you. If she doesn't see that you are the "Dom for her" then that would be her loss and if she does, then you have a gem for life.

_____________________________

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His slut

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(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 8

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 3:55:53 AM

feastie

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMacComb

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Being a southern woman and a submissive southern woman at that, good manners are certainly welcome, but they sure aren't a sign of weakness. However, I can tell you there isn't anything wrong with a good old-fashioned "taking" either ;). Trust me, I didn't mind the drywall texture being embedded in my face.

Ohhh, drywall, hairpulling, forced positioning. :)

yummm!

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 9

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:05:27 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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But feastie.... you're too pretty to have your face pressed against a wall too long *smiles*.

Level

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 10

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:41:17 AM

feastie

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

But feastie.... you're too pretty to have your face pressed against a wall too long *smiles*.

Level

It was just long enough ;)

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 11

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:48:22 AM

LordKhensu

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

Lol the marks will come out but she would enjoy every minute of it. :) Many subs would love that kind of play. They alternate between being taken and taken hard and then needing the loving nurturing quialities that a Dominant can give. Sure there are some that want to see no weakness at all but I find that many do want to cuddle after a terrific playtime. They want to feel that they gave their all to you and that when it is over and done you truly appreciated the time together. Most human beings are born with a capacity for love and nurturing no matter their kink but there are always a few that travel to the beat of a different drum!

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Post #: 12

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:54:34 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

But feastie.... you're too pretty to have your face pressed against a wall too long *smiles*.

Level

It was just long enough ;)

Ummmmmmmm heh heh. Have a good one!

Level

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 13

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:54:58 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

There's nothing hotter than having sweet nothings whispered in your ear
as your hair is being pulled and you're forced to your knees.

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 14

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:57:47 AM

LordKhensu

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

Even better if you are nibbling at those ears while you are forcing her to her knees.

_____________________________

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It is just when you feel you know it all that you discover how little you really do!

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 15

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 5:20:47 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

There's nothing hotter than having sweet nothings whispered in your ear
as your hair is being pulled and you're forced to your knees.

Heck, that's why my hair is long! Pull it! Don't get me wrong, sex doesn't always have to be forceful or rough, but it isn't against the rules either ;)

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 16

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 5:25:18 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I'm of the same mind as Level on this...

quote:

I'm not intending to be hurtful here, John, but it sounds like you're to the point of turning control over to her.

By you being so accepting & accommodating she may not be gathering a sense of you being a guiding force in her life.

Honestly, there is no way for anyone on this board to answer this question of where did you go wrong. Only you & this woman can answer that. There may in fact be no wrong, sometimes people just don't work out & they move on.

I'm guessing that you had a very relaxed involvement if she was able to go about her business & meet another that she took a liking to. This would indicate that you two had not formed a mindset of being on a path toward a deeper commitment. If this is the case, that you two were merely feeling things out to see if they would progress... well you have your answer.

Now, as for me placing myself in your shoes & being open to the idea of being that special friend... that would be a resounding NO!! The balance is completely off here... you hanging on so that you can get a little piece of candy once in a while & her holding the keys to open up the candy store.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/17/2006 5:27:27 AM >

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 17

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 1:02:41 PM

subwaylondon

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

Grow up, move on.

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 18

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 2:08:30 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

To bastardize Amanda Grier,
"A friend is someone, who upon knowing another friend craves immense pain, would immediately be the one to help the friend experience the pain rather than to have to watch watch someone else make their friend suffer."

"Special" friends? Sounds like you need to sit down and find out exactly why she "thinks" you can't be the "Dome for her." Only then can you make a decision whether being her "special friend" is enough for you. Even a Southern Gentleman would know when to walk away. Bets of luck.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 19

RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 3:35:20 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

John,

Grab the bitch's hair, yank her to her knees, and tell her play time is over. Not to be crude but that is what the other guy is doing and she loves it, which is probably why she is seeing him. Don't look at it as violating your Southern credo, look at is just accommodating a lady's needs, pure and simple.

Okay, as politically incorrect as it seems, CD does have something here. I have walked away from many nice guys in the past because they LET ME.

It's a risk, but chances are she may want you to prove that you will reach out and take what you want. Not knowing the woman I can't say for sure, but I wouldn't toss this idea out without further examination of the possibilities.

CD, my first impression of you, is changing rapidly...LOL

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 20

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