Is there something wrong with splitting the costs?

Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (Full Version)

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MissAsylum -> Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:17:59 PM)
i got into a spat this morning with my longtime submissive. he has never paid to see me and has never paid for anything. yesterday after we had played together, he brought up the idea of getting a st andrews cross. i ran the idea past by boyfriend(whom my submissive has become friendly with) and he liked the idea for all three of us to use. he found one online that all three of us agree on that would be around 500 dollars. since its pretty expensive, i told them that we should 3-way split the cost because all of us would be using it. my submissive said he doesnt believe he should pay anything towards the cross since I am the Domme and that he was digusted by the fact that i would hit him up for money. i told him that if he felt that way, he could forget about using it since my boyfriend and i would be paying for it. he stormed out in a huff as a result. is there a rule somewhere that the top or dominant has to front the costs for all the equipment?

laurell3 -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:20:09 PM)
Of course there is no rule. In this case it is actually furniture and I would assume you and your boyfriend would be keeping it should this arrangement with the sub end? Something to consider. I'd be a bit more concerned about his response to the argument than the actual merits if I was you.

MissAsylum -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:25:20 PM)
i didnt give any thought to our relationship ending in terms of who would get it. but if it did and he wanted to keep it, i would expect that my boyfriend and i be given our share of the cost, which seems fair to me. do you mind explaining your statement about his reaction a little more?

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:25:55 PM)
Yeah there are things you should NEVER Split the cost on because then who actually owns in? Furniture. Car. Toys. Property. When all things are said and done... who gets to keep it if everything goes to hell? THAT is the person who should pay for it. QSM

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:27:28 PM)
No, there is no "rule". But cheapness just is NOT pretty. Does this character know how much a pair of shoes costs, let alone corsets, TOYS, and all the stuff that you buy to use with HIM? Yeah, I can see why he wouldn't want to chip in on a piece of furniture that will stay with YOU, but WTF? You can BUILD a cross far more cheaply, did he even bother to offer that? We have subs in my area who build that stuff for their dominants all the time. It's called "service".

jujubeeMB -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:28:45 PM)
The cross was your sub's idea, and clearly he wants to be using it, so he absolutely has to contribute. Since you are going to get to keep it, though, maybe you could split it a little less even? Like, $200 each from your boyfriend and yourself and $100 from your sub? That way the $400 you as a couple put into it in the end guarantees that you get to keep it forever, but your sub isn't completely getting away with forcing you to pay for all his sexual fantasies. And to answer just the question, I think asking the Dom/me to pay for everything is completely uncool, unless there's a major income difference and the Dom/me is happy to do it. There are plenty of things to get upset about in relationships - pitching a fit because your Dom/me won't supply all your fun for free is, in my opinion, kind of silly.

MissAsylum -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:32:34 PM)
i had read that its easy to build one. however, i suck at putting things together, and a chest of drawers that my boyfriend was supposed to put together last year remains in pieces. but no, he never offered.

LadyMondenschein -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:34:05 PM)
Miss Asylum, I have to ask what the bloody hell kind of sub would be so bold as to ARGUE with his Dominant, and have a tantrum on top of that? I have to wonder about why he is not made to pay for ANYTHING? As a sub, that should be his first order of business, offering to help you out with anything, not assuming any kind of sense of entitlement.

laurell3 -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:36:02 PM)
quote: since I am the Domme and that he was digusted by the fact that i would hit him up for money. i told him that if he felt that way, he could forget about using it since my boyfriend and i would be paying for it. he stormed out in a huff as a result. Does that strike you as appropriate communication? On either part?

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:37:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMondenschein Miss Asylum, I have to ask what the bloody hell kind of sub would be so bold as to ARGUE with his Dominant, and have a tantrum on top of that? I have to wonder about why he is not made to pay for ANYTHING? As a sub, that should be his first order of business, offering to help you out with anything, not assuming any kind of sense of entitlement. LadyMondenschein, The kind of sub who thinks it's all about him and has been given responces that prove this to him. I would ask all the same questions but I know there isn't a cookie cutter style for submissives. QSM

LadyPact -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:40:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus No, there is no "rule". But cheapness just is NOT pretty. Does this character know how much a pair of shoes costs, let alone corsets, TOYS, and all the stuff that you buy to use with HIM? Yeah, I can see why he wouldn't want to chip in on a piece of furniture that will stay with YOU, but WTF? You can BUILD a cross far more cheaply, did he even bother to offer that? We have subs in my area who build that stuff for their dominants all the time. It's called "service". That right there. No, I wouldn't expect the sub to chip in on the cross if you are buying it. I'm guessing it's going in your home and that's where it's going to stay. There's no real guarantee that the sub will be using it if next month you decide to release him. Is there a reason the sub can't build it if you buy the materials?

MissAsylum -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:40:41 PM)
i was thinking of doing an uneven split, but i was trying to keep things fair by all of us pitching in around 167 each. that obviously back fired. and as far as income levels go, he makes at least 50k a year, lives in an apartment, used and paid for car, unmarried and has no children. i didnt think putting in 167 would be a big deal.

peppermint -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:41:25 PM)
Wow, you are the type of Domme the male submissives dream about, a freebie fetish delivery system. You get to buy the toys. You get to buy those sexy but oh so necessary for his fantasy outfits. You probably supply the play space. He gets his itch scratched. He's gotten used to the free ride. Of course he wants to continue with the free ride. You and your boy friend get to buy and pay for the cross to which your submissive dreams of being tied. Sounds logical if you look at it from your submissive's point of view. However, to answer your question. There are no rules. You do what works best for you. If you are comfortable in paying for the cross then do so.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:47:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum i was thinking of doing an uneven split, but i was trying to keep things fair by all of us pitching in around 167 each. that obviously back fired. and as far as income levels go, he makes at least 50k a year, lives in an apartment, used and paid for car, unmarried and has no children. i didnt think putting in 167 would be a big deal. This tells me you are missing the point. I would not hap half of your couch if we were dating. Sure I sit on the couch but it isn't my couch. And therefore not my responsibility. The way you are saying your sub acted is possibly over the top because you are upset about the situation but if you sub stormed off.... after being angry with you for suggesting they chip in, it tells me there are communication issues as well as a misunderstood aspect of one's place in relation to ones position. QSM

porcelaine -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:48:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum i got into a spat this morning with my longtime submissive. he has never paid to see me and has never paid for anything. yesterday after we had played together, he brought up the idea of getting a st andrews cross. i ran the idea past by boyfriend(whom my submissive has become friendly with) and he liked the idea for all three of us to use. he found one online that all three of us agree on that would be around 500 dollars. since its pretty expensive, i told them that we should 3-way split the cost because all of us would be using it. my submissive said he doesnt believe he should pay anything towards the cross since I am the Domme and that he was digusted by the fact that i would hit him up for money. i told him that if he felt that way, he could forget about using it since my boyfriend and i would be paying for it. he stormed out in a huff as a result. is there a rule somewhere that the top or dominant has to front the costs for all the equipment? In my opinion this has nothing to do with a power exchange. It falls along the lines of fiscal responsibility instead. The first question you must address is whether you'd consider purchasing this item if the submissive hadn't brought it to your attention. I'm guessing no, which alleviates significant want in the equation. Secondly, it isn't something you can buy outright without contributions from others, which in my mind means you can't afford it. Lastly, it appears you and the submissive share differences in opinion in regard to expenses that you need to reconcile. I gather you've never discussed this in the past based on his response. The only rule I see is the one that you clearly ignored. That would entail telling the young man that the item wasn't in your budget and closing the discussion. If he wanted it that bad he'd purchase it himself. But sometimes strife is a truth serum in disguise, and now you know where he stands on the subject. ~porcelaine

MissAsylum -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:48:42 PM)
he didnt yell when said this to me, so i didnt give it too much thought outside of "he doesnt want to help pay for something he will be using".

soul2share -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:49:09 PM)
As the sub that was expected to shoulder ALL costs of equipment, clothing and toys, I have a real problem with any Dom that doesn't offer to share the cost. I don't see where you asking for your sub to split the cost is wrong in any way. As everyone knows, all of the trappings are pretty expensive for good, quality items. The Dom in question wanted me dressed in leather head to toe, wanted me to purchase corsets, lingerie, stocks, to name a few. I'm sorry, but if it's not something I'm going to wear in my everyday life, I'm NOT buying it! And I buy my own toys and implements with my satisfaction in mind. I have to agree with laurell, I'd look a little more closely at his reaction to the question posed. If he wants it so bad, let him pay for the whole thing.......stomping off in a huff is so juvenile. Or get it yourself, and let him just fantasize about it......(sorry, that's the evil bitch in me speaking......)

LadyMondenschein -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:51:32 PM)
Miss Asylum, Once again, he should be OFFERING to pay for things for you. Especially if this latest piece of equipment is his idea. Regardless of how long he will be on it. Did you ever think to tell him that he should be helping you out financially with your overhead? He sounds like a major cheapskate to ME. Were I in your shoes, I would never allow that kind of behavior from someone who supposedly is a sub, and if that kind of behavior is not dealt with right here and now, he's going to go on bein' a lil bitch brat boy who has a mind set like much of the children I see these days: that no one is going to discipline them for their nasty ass behavior. I would put MY high heeled foot down right now and tell him that he'd better change his attitude or else. And if you and your bf want to still get the cross, get it, but then if that fucktard for a sub you have wants to play on it, have his ass pony up some cash for the privilege.

MissAsylum -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:52:04 PM)
i did suggest him building it, and i have no problem paying for supplies if he did. he response was simply- "i don't wanna".

soul2share -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/20/2010 2:54:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum i did suggest him building it, and i have no problem paying for supplies if he did. he response was simply- "i don't wanna". Oh yeah, I'd definitely be getting it for myself and my boyfriend......and he wouldn't so much as lay a finger on it!

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