SusanofO
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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Since it might be something that determines for some which letters they answer and which they don't - I took a hard look this week-end at my Own Bdsm interest list.
After considering my interests (again) - as well as some letters I've received where people state they are Experts at this or are Beginners ,or, Average - it just made me realize even more that -even though I consider those terms relative, they can help to 'narrow the field' of what Activity people might be:
1)Extra interested in. Or maybe, really are
2) Extra Experienced at .
In my own profile, I checked Like It for the things I tried that I like.
I did not check Love It for very much - simply because I don't think I have enough experience to know if I Love It or not.
Maybe I could Love it ________whatever if I tried it more (or maybe this is viewed as "un-enthisiastic". It's not. *It's a lack of experience mingled with an attempt at honesty about the lack) .
Loved the idea of Mental Domination because I figured: That's key (for me) in BDSM activity and-or relationships. If I'm not feeling mentally dominated, why would I be whipped (emotionally or otherwise) into a frenzy about much of anything else as an interest? I might not be. So I rated it a Love It.
Loved the idea of Orgasm Control (but also have spent at least the past 8 years, except for one of those years, in a situation where there was almost no heterosexual sex at all). Maybe I was mis-reading what Orgasm control can be used for (and I know men's orgasms can be controlled as well as women's, but I did not check Chasity as a "Hard Limit", or even as something I'd just "Tolerate" - so if asked, or made to, I suppose I could engage in Chastity.
My question is: I am (relatively) new and am wondering if I am not the only one who wonders how people's thought process (including my own, which I am taking a look at) works when checking Interests off (and "levels" of it - when checking interests off a BDSM interest list.
Some don't think it's important and they'll talk about it later.
Others think it's a "big deal". Some don't think about this at all, apparently, and might think if another person does think about it, it is viewed as some kind of threat somehow.
So - I guess I "Re-evaluated" my BDSM interest list.
Hypnosis: If you're really Dominant, why would you need to hypnotize me?
You'll be doing it with your powerful personality. Ergo why would you need it? Sounds a little "too creepy" for me -and thus it came Off my "Curious About" list. There is another thread on Hypnosis on these boards that discusses "pros and "cons" and for now, for me - the "con" side has won.
Suspension: Another that came off my "Curious About" list.
If I only "Tolerate" of "Clubbing" then unless you've got a well-equipped dungeon at your house, or your friends do (I don't) then we are out of luck here - - off the "Curious About" list. Even if Clubbing was on an activity list not a specific BDSM activity list, I did this because it seems many associate an interest in "Clubbing" with
BDSM clubs (not non-BDSM bars or clubs).
Shibari: isn't this Japanese Rope Bondage? I like Bondage so I guess that covers the question (for me) of whether I would try an "exotic" alternate method of basic bondage. I would.
Note: If you can bind someone with Plastic Wrap I suppose I could try that - not at the top of my list nor am I "opposed" - although am confused about whether that is considered Mummifcation or Bondage. This is confusing (maybe I should not be thinking about these things but I can't seem to stop myself).
Gags: Don't Bondage and gags sometimes go together (I imagined so). I have never been gagged, but would not oppose a gag. I did say I was Curious About: Speech Restrictions so maybe that covers it. Maybe not.
Public Play: To me this is different than "Clubbing" (going to clubs) so it means private play parties people have in eachother's homes. Never have done it, not ruling it out. I like the privacy aspect and it if it's your house, you make the rules (maybe one more reason to be cautious, but alos onemore reason it could be more "liberating").
Uniforms: I would be a French Maid. Uniforms (to me) are different than Corsets. Corsets are a piece of pretty clothing (and I will wear those).
Not going to be a Drill Sargeant, or a "Rubber Doll" encased in latex being beat senseless for you (although I was offerred that option recently. Not my "thing" (sorry if this offends, it isn't meant to do that). **That is also maybe why I did not check "Rubber Fetish" as an interest (for now).
That qualifies for me as being part of a "Theatrical Scene" (which I also did not check (although I can see people liking Rubber. I am not experienced in being encased in Rubber and it's not at the top of my list of things I want to try just now - there's so much else I want to do first.
Outdoor Bondage: I can see where that would maybe be fun. I'd try it. I am hoping someone would not leave me tied to a tree in the middle of a hailstorm in a graveyard naked at mid-night, driving off and leaving me alone there to cathc pneumonia and have a panic attack - because they want to "de-sensitize"' me of a phobia they think I have of ghosts (or, bad weather). As an general interest, it could be a lot of fun, but we'd need to talk about what it includes.
Watersports: To be honest, I haven't tried this one - it's just a big squick to me. If I cared a lot about someone, that might change (but not for now).
Anything else I checked as an interest I checked because I'd tried it at least one time (but things I checked that I've never ever tried but am interestd in I noted in my profile).
I didn't check Expert, Average or Beginner for anything - but maybe should go back and check Beginner for most everything on a BDSM interest list.
***I've only had ten-twelve scenes (hours and hours and-or days as far as time, for each) with another person in my entire life. I think people have little idea what other people mean by these terms until they talk or write to eachother. It's nice to see it in a profile I guess, but maybe other people don't care about that (people do things differently I know).
As far as non-BDSM interests and checking Expert, Average or Beginner for those: For now, I am mostly concerned about the BDSM interest list as fas as talking about experience levels - I guess (I'll get to the others sometime soon).
I've listed what I am interested in and particpate in as far as general, non-BDSM interests.
There are a lot of non-BDSM interests to consider and I do like to try new things (and have some pretty specific non-BDSM hobbies). Those are the ones I checked. I did not check an experience level for those -
*Because I wouldn't be on a BDSM site at all if my interest in BDSM actviity did not outweigh my "vanilla" interest level in general to begin with. If someone could not live without sky-diving and wanted to do it 6 months out of the year, and LIVED FOR IT -I guess that could be a problem for either one or both of us (I am afraid of heights).
***Hard Limits (BSM): To be honest, I am confused about how some people view these.
I have a hard time with the idea of Fireplay.It just plain scares me and it seems there's a lot of room for mistakes and permanenet bodily damage unless you really are positive the other person is an Expert and have checked-them out. I also don't know all that much about it except it has to do with literally setting someone on fire.
Knifeplay, I see as less potentially damaging than Fireplay, and like the idea of using things like razor blades or someone maybe just using a small knife to tear off a piece of clothing - but checked Hard Limit because - I pictured some person with a machete coming at me who was out of control but maybe could not admit it , and trying to kill me with a big knife and thinking that was funny. I was also raped at knifepoint - and it still can give me the willies to even see big knives (Chef's knife, Butcher knives) in a violently construed situation. But - I do think both of these areas could be re-visited - with the right person perhaps someday.
Face Slapping? I dunno, it just sounded a bit brutal to me - maybe it's not always. Again I pictured someone trying to break my jaw (I am not kidding);this has to do with experience levels I guess
**Does that mean these three things should be under Tolerates and not Hard Limits?
Just wondering how any out there view determining activity interests and limits.
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/17/2006 10:19:56 AM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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Defining BDSM Interests and Hard Limits in profiles - 
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