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Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 8:42:17 AM

surethinginwi

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

This is all very new to me. I have just petitioned Master and he has accepted me. While I am completely excited about this, the only thing I have to be excited about is the "idea" of who he is. It has been less than a week, granted, but I am finding myself very invested in this already. He is giving me everything I need/want but I am already aware that when the time comes to meet, I will know nothing more about him that I do right now...no name, not even sure of exact city he lives in, no pic. If this was strictly an online thing, I would be better with this but there is every intention to meet in the not so distant future.

What are your thoughts?

Thank you for listening!

Post #: 1

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 8:47:31 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

for me personally at this point he'd just be a name on a screen, someone I'm talking to and getting to know..nothing more.

Why invest so much in someone you know absolutely nothing about? Why not wait till you meet in person and see if there's some kind of chemistry and compatibility???

<shakes head...just doesn't get it>

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 2

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 8:50:06 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

This is all very new to me. I have just petitioned Master and he has accepted me. While I am completely excited about this, the only thing I have to be excited about is the "idea" of who he is. It has been less than a week, granted, but I am finding myself very invested in this already. He is giving me everything I need/want but I am already aware that when the time comes to meet, I will know nothing more about him that I do right now...no name, not even sure of exact city he lives in, no pic. If this was strictly an online thing, I would be better with this but there is every intention to meet in the not so distant future.

What are your thoughts?

Thank you for listening!

OP, please re-read the bolded portion of your post and ask yourself if this makes sense.

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 3

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 8:53:20 AM

surethinginwi

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Though I see what you are saying, at what point should I began to be invested in this? I wouldn't be being true to anyone if I decided to not take this seriously until we meet. He is investing time in me (though it is all email it still takes lots of time) and for me to be anything less than "all in" seems ridiculous:) Maybe that's just me? Am I putting too much into this?

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:00:54 AM

mushroomchicken

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/12/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Though I see what you are saying, at what point should I began to be invested in this? I wouldn't be being true to anyone if I decided to not take this seriously until we meet. He is investing time in me (though it is all email it still takes lots of time) and for me to be anything less than "all in" seems ridiculous:) Maybe that's just me? Am I putting too much into this?

You dont know his name and you have never met him and yet you want to be "all in"??! WTH is wrong with you? How do you know WHAT kind of a man he is going to be, let alone what kind of Master? Yes, you are putting WAY to much into this. Slow down and think a little, if he is the right Master for you he will wait. Otherwise you are saving yourself some heartache. Win-win IMHO

Edited to add: it sounds like you both have been reading a bit to much fiction. Seriously, use your head.

< Message edited by mushroomchicken -- 7/24/2010 9:06:44 AM >

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 5

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:04:31 AM

surethinginwi

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Uh, okay. I am hearing you guys loud and clear. I get it. Thanks:)

(in reply to mushroomchicken)

Post #: 6

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:10:46 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Though I see what you are saying, at what point should I began to be invested in this? I wouldn't be being true to anyone if I decided to not take this seriously until we meet. He is investing time in me (though it is all email it still takes lots of time) and for me to be anything less than "all in" seems ridiculous:) Maybe that's just me? Am I putting too much into this?

I can't answer for you whether or not you are putting to much time into this.

For me, I need to know tangible things about someone that I would trust well enough to decide he was worthy of being my Master... as I believe worthiness works both ways.

I can understand the stong pull of desiring to belong to someone though and how on-line can seem very real to some people.

Going back to something you said: "I wouldn't be being true to anyone if I decided to not take this seriously until we meet."

I think depending upon your needs, waiting until you met could be seen as being true to yourself.

I hope this brings you the sense of fulfillment that you seek... however, given that you are asking people for validation seems to indicate you may not be sure.
If that is the case, it does not make you a "bad submissive".

Best wishes.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 7

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:27:13 AM

surethinginwi

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Thank you so much for not making me feel like an idiot! Honestly:)

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 8

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:30:30 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Once you have met him, many times and know more about him than words on a screen, words that could be completely empty and dis honest.

It's not being " not serious" about things to not invest your heart and your emotions until you know they're worthy of it and who they say they are, it's being smart.

quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Though I see what you are saying, at what point should I began to be invested in this? I wouldn't be being true to anyone if I decided to not take this seriously until we meet.

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 9

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:36:13 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

I can only speak for me but.. when i first started on this path i met alot of ppl.. it was all online...and yes i can se where "newbies" get excited and take it all at face value but that wears off ,after meeting and there being no connection in Real Life, over and over again. And this is fine since we are not ment to be with Everyone who happens to think or actually be a Dominant, just that Special One who we connect with.. like ANY other relationship that is begining or being formed.

i "fell in love" ONCE online... was crazy about this person! and didnt know his face ( no picture), didnt have a phone number ( he would call me and made up some excuse about why i couldnt have it) , no address only a discription of where he lived.. what the neighborhood was like.. once he let slip the street name.. and so i took it upon my self to get a ticket ( the not knowing was driving me nutty! and this was after MONTHS on line) and i let Him know i was going to be there , what time, where.... and i SAT IN THE AIRPORT IN A TOWN I HAD NEVER BEEN TO FOR HOURS WAITING before i went to a hotel and sat there for three days! a gracious friend of mine in the next state came anad got me and i was able to get home safe. i would NEVER do that again.. ( tht was 13 yrs ago almost now) . and since then i have heard of this happening alot to others.. it is so so sad! i often wonder WHO these ppl are who do this to others.. How mean and cruel and senseless!

Now a days i am more informed and understand better that online is a place to MEET ppl.. but for me? i need to breathe the same air and look into their eyes and see how they live thier lives.

In a WEEK!!! ( god is it already a week!?!?!) i am going to meet someone i have been talking with . This consists of lots of email and IM exchanges and many many hours spent on the phone Every day. I have spoken to His son who is 20 and often in the livingroom when we are on the phone together ( He lives with his dad for now) and know about and have seen videos of his other ( older) son doing sports in a public forum and on a national level. He has shared so many different things with me...Many many subjects have been gone over and shared ... by both of us... very little of it is BDSM related. What we have discussed in that area seems to gel together perfectly. Likes and dislikes! i have access to his drivers lic and addfress of parents even if i want them. I have seen pics of the house and also His seperate play space. i know other people who know Him and have been offered references if i wish for them...And while i am there i was given permission to invite anyone i wished to visit on the day before my birthday when he is opening the play space up and having a little party for me :-) He also is more than willing to speak with online or on phone anyone who i know who wiswhes to do so .. and has insisted i have safe calls in place.. which i will.

There has been No talk of a collar.. it is a given that if we move forward on this and give one another our hearts. that i would of course belong to Him in every sense of the word! It would ( for me and Him ) Never happen online before meeting. but then i personally wouldnt ever become engadged without first knowing who that person is more so than just words on a screen. People can BE and SAY ANYTHING!
HONESTY is first and total communication and sharing of who we are and our habits ( good and bad) and our thoughts of the future.
Many "Doms" online have tried what you are going thru and really? i cannot feel connected much more than anticipating an email.... but if things do not move forward.. grow..In sharing thoughts and things that are happening in our personal lives... in knowledge and meeting...then i tend to feel they are players and just want wanking material or are bored and wish to be entertained.. ask this.. Does he ask things of You? "Do this or that " for me? Why have you not seen even a picture ? or have an address or phone number if things have come this far already? I mean.. the whole point ( IMO) is to become so close it is a richer relationship than we have ever known. Starting ONLINE is hard due to not being able to visually see if a person is being honest or real. So in giving information.. Full name.. Phone numbers to be reached at at any time.. sharing His live as much as He can on a computer until real life is possiable... all of these things help to build TRUST which is the first step in all of this.

i know it is hard to resist when it is something that we not only want so badly but also NEED more than anything else. But for our own good we need to take a breath and listen to our head and not so much our heart at times.

just my two cents :-)

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 10

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:48:20 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

for me personally at this point he'd just be a name on a screen, someone I'm talking to and getting to know..nothing more.

Why invest so much in someone you know absolutely nothing about? Why not wait till you meet in person and see if there's some kind of chemistry and compatibility???

<shakes head...just doesn't get it>

Totally agrees. It sounds like sub frenzy waiting to happen. OP, there is this thing called patience and not having major expectations. No one says not to be excited, but temper it with realism; you do not know chemistry until you meet and even then, it takes time for it to be real.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 9:56:26 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

From reading your profile it seems your home life is a little complicated. d/s relationships, like all relationships, can be quite intense and dominants can ask a lot of things of their submissive. Can you be certain none of this will impact on your commitments? What happens if you fall in love with this person?

You mention that he is investing time in you.... it is easy to type words on a screen, it takes a lot more courage to send a photo, your name and other personal details to someone.

I can understand you wanting to take this seriously but is he?

I wish you all the best and welcome to the forums

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 12

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 10:41:04 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

food for thought-

if you were to write me and say "hi"...

when i wrote back i would sign it with my name.

if you were to meet up with me...

i'd provide a google map if you weren't sure of the location.

if you were to tell me "hey you have no pics, or the ones you have don't let me see _____ very well"...

you'd get several more of exactly what you're wanting within my next reply.

--

but that's just me being a badass, and i don't suppose he needs to quite as badass as me.

he still needs to do them though. you have...

no name
no face
no relative location

and yet after 4 days you call this person "master"?

how the hell did that happen?

i've heard of women liking mysterious men, but not anonymous ones.

it might do you well to question what and why he's hiding everything he possibly can from you~

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 13

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 10:48:54 AM

surethinginwi

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Ugh! Yes. Me=stupid, stupid submissive girl. I get it! :) Thank you guys for your input! Seriously! I understand now how ridiculous I am being.....

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 14

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 10:52:27 AM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

Don't beat yourself up too much! It's pretty darn intoxicating at first, isn't it? If you come to this forum and read (lurk, if you like), you will learn A LOT. Slow down, you're doing fine!

_____________________________

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One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 15

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 10:53:27 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

its really easy to get whirled up with the excitement and thats great, its all part of the fun. youre new to this and thats what happens alot to quite a few people when they start out. its ok to be having this much fun, but dont get totally carried away until you meet.

yes be true to youreself, allow youreself to have fun but keep in mind that right now he is still very much a stranger.

the internet does funny things to us, the intensity is overpowering, but it isnt reality at this point. there is a thing called chemistry that might seem like its all there right now, but believe me, when youre face to face with someone that chemistry thing can kick a really promising prospect right out the door.

enjoy but reserve judgement till you meet and dont go promising too much until then.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 16

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 10:57:47 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Ugh! Yes. Me=stupid, stupid submissive girl. I get it! :) Thank you guys for your input! Seriously! I understand now how ridiculous I am being.....

Not stupid. Overexcited, probably hoping to rush straight into things.

The problem is just the nature of the beast when it comes to the Internet. There are mean folks out there (ignore the chance of killers, rapists and etc for the moment). There are people who are going to purposefully delight in jerking you around. There are people who who are pretending to be someone else to try and explore their fantasies. There are people who are, in the end, decent people but when it comes to down to the wire, they are going to lack the courage to actually meet up.

This guy might be amazing. He might be everything you think he is. And he might be a pizza-faced 18 year old trying to avoid giving you details to keep this idea of a relationship going as long as possibly.

I'm all for taking things seriously and being all in. Just decide, for yourself, how serious things are at each stage. Just like in vanilla-land, these relationships have phases. A blind date is less serious than an engagement, for a drastic example, but the people on the blind date can take it seriously, be all in and give it their all while knowing that, if it fails, it's not a big deal.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 17

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 10:58:31 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

nevermind....good luck OP....just use your brain.

< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 7/24/2010 11:00:57 AM >

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 18

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 11:11:55 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Ugh! Yes. Me=stupid, stupid submissive girl. I get it! :) Thank you guys for your input! Seriously! I understand now how ridiculous I am being.....

smiles... the main thing is that you are willing to hear what we have said and to learn from those of us who remember what it is like to be new and excited and have the battle scars to prove it.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 19

RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 11:24:36 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

He is giving me everything I need/want

Except his name and location!

(in reply to surethinginwi)

Post #: 20

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