VaguelyCurious
Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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I've just read it again, and now I have *more* issues with it than I had then.
These are some of the things I have problems with:
'Test #6: "It's my way or the highway!" or words to that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak. Doms can have limits too, but it's your limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be "Dom" tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned, it's always lady's choice!'
What that seems to be saying is that anyone who considers compatibility more important than compromising is a control freak. Personally, I want a partner who wants what I want. If you don't want what I want then I don't want you, so it really *is* my way or the highway.
'Test #9: "I'm a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire... yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense. How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about this personality profile; If this super successful, always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he's likely a submissive! Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak.'
This is presented with no evidence to back up what the author is saying. It's judgemental and I suspect it's also nonsense.
Test #11: Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be "very experienced." Talk to the references on the phone. Lots of HNGs have female screen-names set up to act as "references" for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. However, in the BDSM scene it's the opposite; experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.
I don't see that. Some BDSM relationships are intense and personal. I wouldn't want to provide a reference for any of my ex-lovers, kinky or otherwise.
Test #13: "I don't need safewords." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really been in a scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more?
I don't use normally use safewords-I can assure you that I'm neither a predator nor a snert. I just find that the word 'stop' works fine...
Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their limits for them." If you hear a "Dom" say this it's most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse still, his "slave" is simply the victim of spousal abuse. Even so-called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation.
I can think of several s-type women on the boards who would tell you very adamantly that they *do* exist, despite what the bolded portion says...
I don't like the overall tone of the thing. It sounds judgemental, it generalises past the point of meaningfulness and it makes a lot of statements without backing any of them up (for example the set of statistics at the top about M:s ratios).
Can you see what I'm saying?
<edited to make the spacing more clear>
< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 7/25/2010 3:40:52 PM >
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