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PeonForHer -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (7/26/2010 5:17:00 PM)
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FR,
Nah - in all seriousness, I'm not going to find the situation remotely hot if the Domme in question doesn't 'appeal to my aesthetic senses', shall we say. But if she was kind of ordinary, rather than downright 'orrible - yes, her giving that command would make a tonne of difference.
quote:
AAkasha
Add to that the fact that different men have different tastes - bingo, the lady you found hot, another sub found grotesque. An overly done up barbie doll who reeked of perfume and had huge boobs spilling out of a tank top might do it for sub A; a sharply dressed corporate exec might do it for sub B; a woman fresh from a gym workout with no make up on might do it for sub C.
OK, mark me up for the Exec type, or Ms Gym-Workout. Especially the latter, and most of all if she's still got her hair in a pony-tail. (Don't ask. I probably couldn't explain anyway)
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Total strangers? I have done it, yes. But never out of the blue - I usually have established some moment of connection, whether it be eye contact or body language, and I have established that he's someone who would be receptive. I may have never spoken a word to him, but I know that he finds me attractive, I know that he's clear I am the type who likes to be in charge. I can walk up to a man and change my mind based on the way he watches me approach him and how his body language changes. All of this - it's just a dance of flirtation. Measuring up people is part of what I do. I have been doing it since I was a teenager, because that's what it took to identify prospects from non-prospects. Seeing how a man reacts to a woman's confidence is the first step.
I think what you're describing here is an all-round ability to read, and to give, non-verbal signals. That takes quite a lot of experience and skill. It also takes an ability to get through any barriers that lack of confidence has dumped in the way.
A friend cmailed me about this thread, this evening. She gave me the OK to reprint part of her message and my reply.
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Ms X says:
In your "do you have the nerve" post, you described the phrase that this fantasy domme would say to you. Basically a command/demand for service. What I wondered when i read it was this: you didn't use the word "please" in the phrase. Do you think that saying "please" changes the flavor of the experience so that it is no longer a "domme" moment?
The reason I ask you is that I have always gotten service from nearly anyone I've ever asked: male, female.. any age...by simply stating my request and adding "please". Also I smile. To me, this is domme behavior, the expectation that I will get service, that others will "submit" momentarily to me.. if I ask them for it.
Almost everywhere I go, I get "princess" service--a good table, upgrades, understanding, fast replies and so forth. People like to go places with me as part of my "posse" cause they know.. everything will be very smooth, unlikely to get any bad service.
I've thought on "why is this?" I think maybe it's a combo of expectations of help if asked.. and a genuine, delighted gratitude for even the smallest favors granted. I've had this good experience wherever I've been in the world.
I don't post this as it sounds kind of "entitled" and I think the opposite is true. If you tell people what you need, they are so likely to be happy to please you. Demanding and commanding--I just don't bother with it.. it's too off-putting. I phrase nearly everything to my subs as a request.. and they "get it".. On the rare occasons I give a command--it actually sends chills thru them, it's so rare. I throw a few out .. just to keep them shivery, to remind that that I can do it because they've agreed to submit to me.
So, the question is--if a "please" and a smile are tossed into the stranger domme's phrasing, does that spoil it for you, does it become less of a submission?
My reply:
Hi Ms X,
Ah. Well, in the most idealised version of the fantasy, she doesn't say 'please' nor 'thank you'. She just commands, as though I'm a servant. It's all wickedly unfair and quite outrageous. She doesn't even bark the order - she just says it coolly and quietly, as though that's just the ordinary thing she expects from men. Or some men.
If I'm going to be asked, then -yes - the sub button wouldn't get pressed. The 'gent' button would. But, then, you could do the shivery-ordery thing later . . . A little bit of that goes a long way for me. And I don't, in all seriousness, imagine that a woman could simply bypass all those conventions that demand politeness, getting to know someone first, etc, etc. This is only fantasy stuff.
Damnit. You know, I miss the chances. Grrr. On the way to town recently, I saw a woman trying to carry some heavy stuff to her car from her house. I helped her. She gave profuse thanks, to which I answered something like 'No worries. I need the exercise anyway.' She gave me this big smile and said, 'Well, you can carry my baby out too, if you want' But me, I just grinned as though it were just a pleasantry, and carried on walking. Bugger! My biggest problem, I've realised, is in not seeing when something 'unusual', something that isn't 'everyday' might just be occurring.
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That last points to another obstacle: the sheer surprise factor - the fact that I might not be able to get my head into gear quickly enough to catch the moment. Very, very exasperating.
LadyNTrainer and others have highlighted yet another problem that hadn't occurred to me: say you've got a sub you find attractive, say the chemistry clicks - given all of that, how do you know he won't press for 'more, later' - after the service has been done? And how are the two of you going to relate to each other if the service lasts for any legnth of time?
No. Actually, I came to the conclusion that this fantasy of mine - the cold, no preamble command - was probably more unlikely than just about any of even the most far-out physical acts that I've ever read about, or imagined.
The strange thing is that this fantasy has no physical activity involved in it at all. I just carry out her command, and when it's done, she walks off. Yet, it's ultra-hot for me.
This thread has added a bit to that fantasy, by the way - courtesy of MissVenusEnvy. 'She' stops me in the street and orders me to go shopping with her. Then I end up carrying all her parcels. At the end of it, she tells me to order a cab. I do so; she tells me to hurry up and stow the parcels - after which, she gets in, (maybe tutting a bit because I've been slow) and the cab moves off. That's it.
OK, all right - now that is never going to happen - not on this planet. I know this. [;)]
However, I'm encouraged to think that something that feels something like it could happen. Just as I put it to Ms X in my reply to her, after the necessary human interactions have taken place and a realistic connection has been established, 'She' can do the shivery-ordery thing later . . . A little bit of that goes a long way . . . Per the old motto, if only a hundredth of the fantasy is realised, it's still worth more than the fantasy alone.
Thanks for everyone's thoughtful replies, as always.
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