RE: Would you have the nerve? (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 12:06:52 PM)

I think it's dodgy territory, Jeff, basically because it's right on the line that divides consent from non-consent.  The subtlest of things - an eyebrow that should have been raised, the absence of even the slightest smile, no vibe whatsoever from the 'target' - could push it the wrong side of the line. 

Heh.  It's funny.  If I had the opportunity to 'be a domme for a day' (and had some big lads in tow to protect me, maybe), it's one of the things I'd try. 



leadership527 -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 12:27:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think it's dodgy territory, Jeff, basically because it's right on the line that divides consent from non-consent.  The subtlest of things - an eyebrow that should have been raised, the absence of even the slightest smile, no vibe whatsoever from the 'target' - could push it the wrong side of the line. 
Heh... dominance is dodgy territory. People often get testy (and understandably so) when they are led... us humans have a love/hate relationship with that. Clearly a random D/s interaction can go any way whatsoever... at least such an overt one. My assessment remains that this scenario is way more likely to work out in fantasy than in reality. In all my experience, the actual exercise of dominance and submission in any context whatsoever (including military and corporate) is that some personal bond must be there already -- that's that the D/s is riding on.



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 12:36:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

My assessment remains that this scenario is way more likely to work out in fantasy than in reality.


Oh yes, I can assure you it works perfectly in fantasy.  It took me only fifteen minutes just after I woke up this morning to confirm that. 



MsBlackMamba -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 1:17:06 PM)

A random person....NO...or at least not usually. I'm actually very cordial and respectful to most people including strangers. But at times I DO pick up on "signs" and then have a little fun with it. I often knock things off of my desk or drop files when around a "sign throwing" guy and then look him dead in the eye. The moment is priceless when he realizes that YES I want him to get DOWN and pick them up like a good little boy. [:)]



porcelaine -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 4:03:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

What about the haughty and impatient look, Lady Hib?  That's pretty vital too.   It's not quite the same as looking bad-tempered, which I'm sure comes easily to femdoms, anyway.


Actually that's often mislabeled. It isn't haughtiness or impatience. It's indifferent entitlement in all truth. And for whatever reason some men respond to that attitude with rabid affection.

~porcelaine



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 5:29:17 PM)

Yes, 'indifferent entitlement' works very nicely indeed!

Fancy that - someone who knows my fantasy better than I do! :-)



porcelaine -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 6:38:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes, 'indifferent entitlement' works very nicely indeed!

Fancy that - someone who knows my fantasy better than I do! :-)


I don't think you need to be dominant to pull it off. You simply must possess the attitude that men want to do things for your benefit and be unapologetic when making suggestions. In my opinion there is a delicate balance involved and much of that is related to where the idea stems from. If she bases it upon her appearance, brain, sexuality, wealth, or the package in its entirety. I also feel there's a marked difference between doing this with everyone and intentionally picking out your subject and inviting him to be of service so to speak. The man she attracts says a great deal about her savoir faire and prowess.

And I think it's a wonderful 'fantasy' that you'd probably enjoy engaging.

~porcelaine



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 6:55:52 PM)

I'm sure that there's a delicate balance involved, porcelaine, however . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
The man she attracts says a great deal about her savoir faire . . . .


I'm not much bothered about the perfume she wears. 




porcelaine -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/3/2010 7:12:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm sure that there's a delicate balance involved, porcelaine, however . . .


The balance is between enticement and repulsion. I just didn't spell it out.

quote:



I'm not much bothered about the perfume she wears.


I should hope not considering your proximity. I'm willing to bet she fancies the House of Creed.

~porcelaine



undergroundsea -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/19/2010 11:22:29 PM)

The fantasy is hot but for the reality it depends ;-)

What is hot is the confident, unapologetic dominance, and that power imbalance established from the outset. However, it works only if by coincidence the dominance is invited. I have had it happen where it worked (but usually or perhaps even always after they had seen some indication of interest from me), and I have had it happen where I must have had an unimpressed look on my face. More often than not, a stranger acting that way towards me in the general public will not work. It would depend on what type of initial attraction existed, whether or not it felt disrespectful, and what was asked. Acts of dominance can seem respectful or disrespectful and how I am able to process them varies with the situation.

Cheers,

Sea



undergroundsea -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/19/2010 11:25:57 PM)

The attractive aspect of indifferent entitlement is confidence and a willingness to be served or catered. However, this attitude is not too far from arrogance. This attitude affects different components differently. It works when it appeals to the masochistic/submissive component without going so far as to offend the other components (ego-related and social components) of a submissive's psychology.

Cheers,

Sea



undergroundsea -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/19/2010 11:31:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
You could be ruining the fun of subs like Polite, Kal and myself.


Fine, I'll support your cause ;-) I'll add that it's fine to act that way but it helps to first get a read on whether there exists interest (versus walking up from a blind side), and to test the waters with small instructions.

I can think back to approaches that worked well, and those that did not. Perhaps at another time I will write more at length about what worked and what did not.

Cheers,

Sea



cloudboy -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/20/2010 6:35:33 AM)



http://www.collarchat.com/m_3336313/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3362922 (TexasMaam)



undergroundsea -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/20/2010 10:06:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3336313/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3362922 (TexasMaam)


I agree with the point about the odds being smaller in vanilla environments. The scenarios on which I was reflecting occurred in kink environments (bdsm convention, fetish night) and even there one should get a read on interest and test the waters. In vanilla context, the same can be done, however, there is a greater need to discern whether the person in question is submissive with respect to sexuality (and will appreciate such gestures), or whether the person is submissive with respect to personality and confidence (and might actually resent such gestures).

Peon, I think you might enjoy F/m parties. I am certain I have seen mention of some in the UK.

Cheers,

Sea



femalesupreme -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/20/2010 12:10:09 PM)

I sure as hell could. Thanks for giving me the idea. I might try it out this weekend.



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/24/2010 6:04:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

Peon, I think you might enjoy F/m parties. I am certain I have seen mention of some in the UK.



Thanks, Sea.  I'll look out for these.  I went to a F/m munch a while ago - I hear that parties are starting up from the group involved. 

To add to the other considerations you've mentioned: it'd be probably be useful for me to look out for and register the existence of other humans while I'm out and and about.  I'm the sort who regularly gets told 'I passed within two feet of you and you completely ignored me!' 

Nothing really works well unless we tune up our RT communication skills, does it?  Assuming I've looked at a face (big assumption) - how do I distinguish a 'I want to dominate you' look from a 'I want to smash your face in' look? 

I have drawn up preliminary plans for next month to leave the house.  Perhaps I shall begin to develop further insights into these matters then.



MsAssWhipper -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (8/28/2010 3:23:05 PM)

I had a small gathering at My house once and someone spilled a drink on my freshly cleaned carpets. Without hesitation I turned to the nearest male and said "Go get a towel and clean her mess up, now!" After I said it I realized that I had no idea if he was "my kind" lol BUT he went and got the towel anyway. It was months later that I saw him at a Kink Party. ;)



Domme4l -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (12/20/2010 9:26:21 PM)

I do it whenever I feel like it, which is more often than other people I think. I do it all the time really if someone pisses me off. It's not so much play, I'm usually just putting people in their place. Otherwise I try to be a nice, polite person, smile and say please and thank you to customer service, tip big, offer to share, whatever.

Examples of this "nerve":
I told somebody I just met a minute or two earlier with a group of people that he was an asshole and a little bitch and that he didn't deserve anything. It was true, I wasn't lying, I'm happy to explain further if anyone's interested.

I don't go to bars much, but a while ago I stepped right outside of a bar to speak with an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while because the music was too loud inside. A stranger asked if anyone minded if he smoked after he already lit it and started smoking. I responded saying I do mind inhaling his toxic cancer, his addiction, no offense to him. He asked.

I've done other things too, asked random passerbys on the sidewalk if I could use them to jack me off, and what nots. 



LadyPact -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (12/20/2010 9:29:10 PM)

Well, here they'll ask you not to drag up threads that are several months old.  It's considered polite.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Would you have the nerve? (12/21/2010 3:30:16 AM)

Oops, sorry, old thread.
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Yes, 'indifferent entitlement' works very nicely indeed!

Fancy that - someone who knows my fantasy better than I do! :-)
Indignant entitlement!    I know someone who behaves like that all of the time, without even a clue about D/s relationships.   Most consider her an insufferable bitch, and I have yet to meet one person tell me "I love it when she does that?"    She's undone a few of our very good, long term, family friendships.    I've personally, tried to have a conversation with her about demanding services from non-consenting adults.

For myself, it happens when I drop something, and hesitate to see if one nearby will pick it up for me, or when I go to the orthopedic surgeon, and he wants me to direct the treatement course, or the way he helps to put my shoes back on.   Unless someone tells me he is submissive, he is simply being a gentleman, and I accept.   M



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