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RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/26/2010 7:09:05 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
LadyNTrainer and others have highlighted yet another problem that hadn't occurred to me: say you've got a sub you find attractive, say the chemistry clicks - given all of that, how do you know he won't press for 'more, later' - after the service has been done? And how are the two of you going to relate to each other if the service lasts for any legnth of time?

The problem boils down to this. I *do* have good enough kink-dar to know when I could pull something like that successfully on someone and enough presence to make it work. In your own words, I'd be getting him horny.

Now do you see the issue? I don't WANT to get Random Clueless Sub horny and following me around. It is annoying as fuck. I hate it when it happens on CollarMe and I hate it even worse in person. I would rather carry my own bags than put up with a crashing bore because I encouraged him and became the focus of his submissive fantasies. So no, you'll never catch me doing this in a train station or a shopping mall.

Slightly different scenario though. Let's say I'm at an event where smart, interesting people gather, and I've been quietly observing my prey for long enough to know that he's someone special, someone whose mind and intellect and personality interests me. Now THAT man's probably in trouble, because I will be pouncing in short order.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

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Post #: 41

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/26/2010 7:34:42 PM

eihwaz

Posts: 367
Joined: 10/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
Let's say I'm at an event where smart, interesting people gather, and I've been quietly observing my prey for long enough to know that he's someone special, someone whose mind and intellect and personality interests me. Now THAT man's probably in trouble, because I will be pouncing in short order.

Is it fair to say that for you it's more like a flirtation?

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 42

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/26/2010 8:01:05 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eihwaz
Is it fair to say that for you it's more like a flirtation?

Not really. I don't flirt; I'm much more brutal and direct than flirtatious if I'm actually interested. And either he responds properly or he doesn't; I don't waste a lot of time fishing if his responses are at all off kilter the first time I look him directly in the eye and tell him what I want. Too many fishies in the sea for that to be worthwhile.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to eihwaz)

Post #: 43

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/26/2010 8:35:14 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Now do you see the issue? I don't WANT to get Random Clueless Sub horny and following me around. It is annoying as fuck. I hate it when it happens on CollarMe and I hate it even worse in person.

I'm sorry, but that wouldn't work for me, Lady N. In my fantasy, the woman likes doing that.

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 44

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/26/2010 8:52:27 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I'm sorry, but that wouldn't work for me, Lady N. In my fantasy, the woman likes doing that.

Sure, in fantasy, the Random Unknown Stranger I hit on would be not just hot, but smart and fun to be around, with the chemistry working on every level. In reality, Random Unknown Stranger could quite easily be a selfish jerk, a weird creepy stalker, a bigot, uneducated or just plain stupid, boring, and have bad breath to boot. The fact that he's submissive doesn't change the odds any. If I don't pre-screen, then what I'd probably be doing is encouraging a boring creep to fixate on me, and that would just be annoying drama. Not worth it. Now if I *have* successfully done some pre-screening, enough to know he's a quality catch, then I'll be seriously fishing, and I might just use this tactic.

I don't like being around boring/rude/annoying people, and honestly I expect neither do you, even if they might happen to be of a complementary sexual orientation to yours. There's nothing to like about it. In your fantasy, it works because the strange domme who commands you is hot, and the chemistry is right, and the energy is there. If the strange domme in reality was someone you found highly objectionable and annoying to be around, a person you could not like or respect, would you still like it?

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 45

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/26/2010 9:54:52 PM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
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Upon deeper consideration, i would be embarassed to tears to be approached in such a fashion, having missed the cue(s) and opportunities to offer my assistance without creating a potential embarassment for the Lady.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 46

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 9:59:41 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

If the strange domme in reality was someone you found highly objectionable and annoying to be around, a person you could not like or respect, would you still like it?

Oooh, difficult one that, Lady N. It's much like asking, 'Would you prefer to have the things you want, or the things you don't want?'

I treat fantasies as 'ideal types' - things that are almost consciously divorced from reality the better to be clear about the nature of the fantasy. It's not good to demand that reality meet up with one's fantasy - and we've seen more than we need of that particular phenomenon on this board. But, equally, I don't think it's good that a fantasy be wiped away entirely by considerations of reality. I've done far too much of the latter in my life. It was because of that that I ended up believing that femdoms didn't exist. I try not to make the same mistake these days.

Still, I go back to what I've said before to others who've made the same point: if only a hundredth of the fantasy is realised, it's still worth more than the fantasy alone. The fantasy has Venus herself as the Domme; the reality might have a woman who's just humanly attractive. Nonetheless, Human Woman trumps Venus. Likewise, the fantasy has a cool, impossibly confident woman who has no need to establish any human connection, much less establish sexual chemistry between or get my consent. In reality a woman will have all those human things - and it would beat the fantasy.

But one thing doesn't vary between fantasy and reality - this is that the Domme would have to have something of the complementary fantasy. It'd just be meaningless otherwise. Re that - it seems clear that she's got to be the sort of Domme who gets off on that kind of - in a sense - 'passive' control. This story is about a woman who likes things to be done for her rather than one who gets off on doing things to others. A lazy Queen, not a vigorous Amazon, if you like. I know that some - maybe many - don't get a buzz from that 'queen' thing at all. Horses for courses, in the end.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 47

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 10:02:14 AM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsNightShade

Chuckles at Peon.....

I have done this yes, especially in bars. I've often done it on a dare actually. The best one I can remember was when I told my best friend finally what I had done when I lived in TX. She asked me if I could do it at random. I said sometimes and scanned the bar, picking out a couple guys that were acting coy, peeking glances etc. By the end of the night, I had both of them kneeling infront of my bar stool..in a fairly crowded public bar. Ahh..my youth.

Awwww ....

The wisdom and caution that one acquires with age . . . can be a bit of bummer, can't it?

_____________________________

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(in reply to MsNightShade)

Post #: 48

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 12:17:37 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Oooh, difficult one that, Lady N. It's much like asking, 'Would you prefer to have the things you want, or the things you don't want?'

Actually, it was an honest question about whether you would enjoy the specific style of kink you prefer if it came from someone you couldn't relate to outside the parameters of the scene. For some people, the answer would still be yes.

quote:

Likewise, the fantasy has a cool, impossibly confident woman who has no need to establish any human connection, much less establish sexual chemistry between or get my consent. In reality a woman will have all those human things - and it would beat the fantasy.

The primary point I've actually been trying to make is that it's not necessarily about confidence. In your fantasy, a woman with that kind of confidence would naturally want you. If she isn't interested in approaching and commanding you, then it means she isn't really that confident. In reality, there are totally confident women who simply aren't interested in you for various reasons (they're busy, taken, prefer someone of a different type, etc).

quote:

This story is about a woman who likes things to be done for her rather than one who gets off on doing things to others. A lazy Queen, not a vigorous Amazon, if you like. I know that some - maybe many - don't get a buzz from that 'queen' thing at all.

Understood. As a vigorous Amazon, I normally prefer to carry my own heavy stuff, because I can and because it's good exercise. My lackeys can do the menial work. I have no lack of absolute confidence, but I do see where our fantasies wouldn't work so well together. Not because I lack confidence, or because you're lacking as a submissive, but because they're completely different mindsets.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 49

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 12:53:46 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Understood. As a vigorous Amazon, I normally prefer to carry my own heavy stuff, because I can and because it's good exercise. My lackeys can do the menial work. I have no lack of absolute confidence, but I do see where our fantasies wouldn't work so well together. Not because I lack confidence, or because you're lacking as a submissive, but because they're completely different mindsets.

Ah no. My Amazon story is scheduled for next week. Same time, same channel. Don't miss it.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 50

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 1:40:33 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

It sounds like a wonderful fantasy. i have had the "vibe" from a few dominants in bars but it never went ufrther then chit chat as i really have to be hit over the head with a ton of bricks to listen to pick up lines now. But it is really cool when youre sitting there getting your nails done like i was and make a connection the other day with a woman,that just made my day! ~ jewels

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

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Post #: 51

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 6:19:59 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Kinkdar! I love it.
I love the two times I've been approached by veteran subs:
I walked past the exercise room enroute to the pool at my gym, and saw a lovely golden boy on a weight machine. I did my workout, and as I clambered out of the pool, eyes puffy from the goggles and chlorine, goldenboy said, 'You look like a nereid!' [I almost came].
I came in earnest a couple of hours later, and as I left that night, he told me about his subbiness. Within a couple of weeks, I found out what a veteran he was! Very restful having a good man who knows exactly what to do to please, and to feel content himself.

The second was on a beach in Hawai'i. I'd just broken up with my fiance, and took a holiday to Kaui with a gay friend. On our last day, my friend thought a guy was totally checking him out, moving his towel ever closer to us. I smiled. The guy struck up a conversation with us. I smiled. When the guy went into the surf for a dip, my friend told me not to wait up for him. When the guy came back, he said, 'I love traditionally built women. I'm an armourer and ostler, and would love to make a set for you.' I said, 'I'd rather you make a bridle for yourself so I can ride you.'
Guess who didn't make it back to the room that night!

Mutual kinkdar: it's a good thing.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 52

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 6:24:07 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I like the idea of a purple wristband as a sub-identifier. Maybe even with some design on it really to spell it out. That might at least solve the problem of a Domme identifying those individuals who are, in fact, subs. (CWV, I'm going to set about designing a band. Maybe I'll post a pic here to see what everyone thinks . . . .)

Oooh! I would love a subtle band. Dark, regal, non-jelly-baby purple? Maybe with the imprint of a crown for queening, worn on the right hand with the pointy crowny bits pointing up the arm for Dommes, left wrist with pointy bits down for subs?

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 53

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 6:28:22 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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Right, prepare for hundreds more men to do what I've just done: visit your profile to see if they can learn what a 'traditionally built' female figure looks like.

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(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 54

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/27/2010 6:32:26 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Oooh! I would love a subtle band. Dark, regal, non-jelly-baby purple? Maybe with the imprint of a crown for queening, worn on the right hand with the pointy crowny bits pointing up the arm for Dommes, left wrist with pointy bits down for subs?

Heh - me too. Ages ago I bought a little engraving set so that I could some kind of D/s design on a pendant, or similar. Sadly, I was crap at it. The purple wristband idea's a lot better. It'll be far more noticeable.

Trouble is, I can't find purple wristbands. Elastic bands seem to come in every colour except purple. Any ideas? Where did you get yours?

_____________________________

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Post #: 55

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/28/2010 1:48:47 AM

SaintAllie

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

As a submissive my response to a total stranger with such demands would definitely not be what they desired. I'll have to admit that in some ways I'm very superficial. If the woman was plain, average, or downright fugly my response would probably be to tell them what they could do themselves in varying terms depending on the exact circumstances. And on the other hand if they had supermodel good looks I'd probably do the same because I despise people that think the world revolves around them simply because of how they were blessed by nature.

If it were someone I knew or at least knew about it would depend on the individual person. There are dommes on CM that I wouldn't give the time of day to, let alone help them with anything. Just because they are "dommes" doesn't mean I'm automatically their slave.

BUT, if it were someone that I liked or at least had respect for then yes, it could definitely be HOT!

Response to page one...and to igor..not to peon..

In response..I can also be superficial. if the sub is plain, average, or downright ugly. my response would be..what have you to offer?..Can you be a good friend? because friends are more use to me than a bitchy back stabber. I don't need back stabbers in my life.

common sense needs to kick in if you are looking for a long term partner.

edited to note..I am very happy with my own looks and also when photographed .We are all blessed by nature to some degree... So is this about your own lack of confidence?

I hope not.

Allie

< Message edited by SaintAllie -- 7/28/2010 2:24:52 AM >

_____________________________

........"I am determined to press onward through my fears. When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." ---Audre Lorde

Keep NZ nuclear free..

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 56

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/28/2010 7:14:16 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear Igor... My mother told me growing up.... politeness costs you nothing and the rewards are great... I say please and thank you to clerks in the store...say hello and thank you to the postal person when I see them... I let people with single items in front of me at the grocery line.. again.. what does that cost NOTHING.. Im not sure what God endowed you with .. clearly not charm, good manners nor a kindly disposition and for that I am sorry... Perhaps you are endowed with a beautiful face, a big cock or maybe you have been blessed with financial wealth...all wonderful things.. really not particularly worthwhile if you have a mean spirit ... shrugs.. ah well Im sure Im too fugly and not nearly Dommely enough for one soooooooo blessed as you..

Sincerely and with deepest regret
SD.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to SaintAllie)

Post #: 57

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/28/2010 7:19:14 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear Peon.. I have in specific vanilla circumstances.. pointed at a sales clerk and said I want that one.. sometimes its the way he stands .. sometimes its the downcast eyes.. or both.. sometimes its physical comeliness.. In the hardware store down here they sell buggy whips.. I go in and crack them and generally there is at least one who will be attracted to the sound.. I then make him my helper while Im in there picking up convertables.. it can be fun.. but would I say to a random stranger walking down an aisle in a train.. BITCH get my bags.. nah.. the outcome of that is likely to be negative for me ... and Im all about positive results !!..

Have a good one
SD.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 58

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/28/2010 7:55:02 AM

Steponme73

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Joined: 11/9/2007
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LOL...that very thing happened to me at the Atlanta Airport. I was sitting in the bar waiting for my flight when this woman came in and sat down at a table across from me. She crossed her legs and was dangling her shoe...She was attractive and probably in her mid 40's she looked over at me and said, "well don't just sit there and stare, buy me a drink!" I did and we talked for the next 3 hours...it was intoxicating!!! Never saw her before, never saw her again...

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 59

RE: Would you have the nerve? - 7/28/2010 8:07:20 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

Dear Peon.. I have in specific vanilla circumstances.. pointed at a sales clerk and said I want that one.. sometimes its the way he stands .. sometimes its the downcast eyes.. or both.. sometimes its physical comeliness.. In the hardware store down here they sell buggy whips.. I go in and crack them and generally there is at least one who will be attracted to the sound.. I then make him my helper while Im in there picking up convertables.. it can be fun..

Heh. Now, see, that picture does contain enough of the fantasy for me to get me fired up, but -obviously, since you made it work - enough of the reality, too. Nice!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 60

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