Taking offense?

Taking offense? (Full Version)

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Level -> Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:22:24 PM)
To the submissive women: If you have ever had a dominant tell you to change your "style", whether hairstyle, clothing, makeup, etc, did you take offense, on some level? Did it make you feel lessened, or criticized? This popped in my head earlier, while watching the tube; there were two women, both fairly attractive, but they had a semi Tammy Faye Baker eyelash thing going on...

laurell3 -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:27:41 PM)
Yes I have, no I didn't take offense. That having been said, let me make it perfectly clear that I'm not walking around 24/7 in latex and tiger print pumps.......[8\|]

AquaticSub -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:29:39 PM)
Once upon a time, before we were even offically dominant/submissive, Valyraen told me he was tired of me walking around in paint-stained clothing and he'd like to see me dress nicer. He then offered to go shopping with me and helped me find clothes that fit and were attractive. He also made sure to tell me how hot I looked - given that I was 200 pounds then, it was a great boost to my confidence. In that circumstance, I wasn't offended. Before that, the first man who collared me told me that he didn't want me to wear a particular shirt to his place of employment because it would embaress him. While I understood where he was coming from, that felt like he was saying that I embaressed him. Not so happy feelings. Overall, I probably wouldn't be happy with a dominant who wanted to control my style too much. That's just something that I have so much playing with and expressing myself with that it would chafe at me and make me too unhappy in the relationship to be content. A couple of small things, particularly when they are boosting my self-image, is fine. Making me feel like I'm not good enough to be seen with though... that's a bad thing.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:38:47 PM)
~FR~ Yes, I have had my Owner tell me to change my hair/clothing/make-up style and, no, it did not bother me or make me feel bad. I've always done what He wanted gladly. At the same time, He would not ask me to do anything freaky or embarrassing in public. ~sweetsub~

porcelaine -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:40:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level To the submissive women: If you have ever had a dominant tell you to change your "style", whether hairstyle, clothing, makeup, etc, did you take offense, on some level? Did it make you feel lessened, or criticized? I've had strict protocols regarding attire, scent, hair, and makeup. The only thing that nearly made me unspool was when my previous partner looked at my perfume and said, "choose two and the rest go." I think my expression said it all and he started laughing. I figure that's his domain and if he has a specific idea in mind it usually isn't too far fetched. My partners typically like my style anyway. ~porcelaine

Level -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:41:34 PM)
laurell, why not?? [:D] Aqua, I getcha. This is something that I've wondered about. Now, one could look at it as, "I care for you NOW, but see how much potential you have, and want to bring it out of you", or one could see, "you aren't up to snuff, you're not good enough, so I'm going to fix you".

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:47:20 PM)
I'm not a sub, but Daddy has told me there's some places he won't take me, like to his place of work to eat dinner,if I choose to wear a particular outfit on the times we're out and about,, and I respect that. It's my choice, either I put something nicer on, and I may get to eat at his place of employment, or I wear the outfit I know he don't like, and I choose not to eat out at that place. And I am not offended, he wants me to look the best I can, and to take pride in my appearance, and my usual isn't looking the best I can, nor is it taking pride in my appearance.

Aynne88 -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:47:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 Yes I have, no I didn't take offense. That having been said, let me make it perfectly clear that I'm not walking around 24/7 in latex and tiger print pumps.......[8\|] Yes me too, he told me that I wore too much makeup. I wasn't mad either. I still probably wear too much makeup though.[;)].

AquaticSub -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 6:51:44 PM)
It's part in how the sub/slave looks at it and it's part in how the dominant/owner presents it. Valyraen's take was more "I'd love to see you in nice things, like some stylish slacks and more grown-up blouses". My ex's take was "Don't wear that - I don't want my SO to see me walking around with a woman wearing that". Now, I can see how he might have been embaressed by the shirt in question - it was off t-shirthell.com. I didn't think it was a big deal. Probably because I grew up going where we heading and it had never been a "dress up to go" place and he'd never had a problem being seen with me in that sort of clothing before. But I would have responded so much better if he had said "Don't wear that - I want you to wear this so that I can be seen with the hottest woman on base" or something like that. Does that make sense?

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 7:01:13 PM)
Aqua, it does indeed, that's why I never took offense to Daddy not wanting me to wear the baggy dresses I loved so much. Because instead of saying they were ugly, or made me look fat* and boy did they ever* He was loving about and how he expressed his disapproval of them. In the end it would of been up to me if I wore them or not any more, since in our relationship, he doesn't have the authority to tell me what to wear or not, but I did see the light about how unflattering the dresses were, and chose not to wear them any more, because I hated how ugly and unflattering they were. I probably would of never seen that for sheer stubborn ness or hurt feelings, if he'd been rude or mean about how he presented his distaste and disapproval of the dresses. quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub . Does that make sense?

Level -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 7:04:01 PM)
Yes Aqua, it does, very much so. Ladies that said "no, I didn't take offense", was there no sense of "why's he telling me to _____?"; I guess what I'm getting at is, if you did a certain thing, then obviously you thought well of it, and when you were told to change, were there no qualms of any sort? I don't mean to beat on you all (unless we're in the same room, nyuck nyuck), but I'm curious.

Jasmineinbloom -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 7:24:47 PM)
About 25 years ago in my previous incarnation as a submissive, I craved dearly for my partner to want me to be of a style to his liking, to make suggestions that would please him about my dress, hair, basic self even. But it was all about fetish and sexual domination, not really a lifestyle dynamic. I felt so empty not understanding that there were different interpretations of d/s bdsm. I would not have been offended. I would have been overjoyed.

juliaoceania -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 7:28:10 PM)
quote: If you have ever had a dominant tell you to change your "style", whether hairstyle, clothing, makeup, etc, did you take offense, on some level? Did it make you feel lessened, or criticized? Yes I have. I had my clothing criticized in a way that was completely nasty and hurtful, and even though he was buying me new things, the way he criticized my clothing wounded me in such a way that it can still bring tears to my eyes to think of it. It took me over a year to tell him how much what he said panged me.... he had no remembrance of the comment and was genuinely sorry he said it, but the damage was done. I am extremely sensitive and when I have my feelings hurt I do not often say so, I just carry it around and internalize it, that is if it is a comment that someone I value makes. Part of the reason I do not say anything is I tend to internalize it as some flaw I have. I just started seeing someone new, and I really do not want to say what he does for a profession, but lets just say that it takes a fairly confident woman to deal with dating someone like him, and even though I am fairly confident I almost turned him down because of what he does... he is intimidating and his "judgments" could cut like a knife. I am really flattered he finds me attractive. If he said something needed to be changed, I would listen because he is someone that is an expert on such matters... he already mentioned that he thinks I should do corset training, and I have agreed that I would do it (because I want to). The way he brought it up is an example to men everywhere "You have a feminine body with soft curves and hour glass shape, a corset would enhance this"[:D]... of course, said like this, who wouldn't do it?...lol

Level -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 7:29:34 PM)
What about it would have made you feel that way? Just by knowing that you had pleased him?

Jasmineinbloom -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 7:43:32 PM)
When I was younger I needed to feel noticed by the man I loved. My husband actually. I would have felt that his taking time to encourage me to please him in a style or manner that he prefered would have indicated to me that he cared enough to suggest changes. That it was important for him that I behaved or dressed in a way that reflected his preferences. Yes. I was all about pleasing him.

littlewonder -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 8:09:48 PM)
I was with a dom who wanted me to change my entire style...my hair to bleach blond, bright red lipstick and nailpolish, tight, skimpy, barely there clothing...basically the whole slut standing on the street corner look. I found it offensive and decided I just wasn't the type he was seeking. Now with Master there are times when I can tell when he likes something I'm wearing or not..most of the time he'll tell me and I have no problems with changing those things. He's not trying to change me completely from the woman he met. If it seemed he started not liking anything at all about me then I'd have to walk away because I'd come to the realization that I was just a stand-in for the one he actually wanted and not the one was was in front of him.

Jeffff -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 8:26:43 PM)
I want to know what is wrong with latex and leopard print pumps? STOMP!

laurell3 -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 8:29:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Yes Aqua, it does, very much so. Ladies that said "no, I didn't take offense", was there no sense of "why's he telling me to _____?"; I guess what I'm getting at is, if you did a certain thing, then obviously you thought well of it, and when you were told to change, were there no qualms of any sort? I don't mean to beat on you all (unless we're in the same room, nyuck nyuck), but I'm curious. Well I dress rather conservatively. The person that made the comment wanted me to dress less conservatively when we went out. I don't have a problem with that. Why would I? He wasn't making any statement saying I was horrible, quite the contrary. I guess the difference might be in how mature the partner is bringing up the issue. In exchange I got his HORRIBLE hawaiian shirt burned and free new clothes that we both agreed on. How could I possibly be the loser in that? I so made that post with you in mind Jeffff! I did say I wouldn't wear them 24/7 [;)]

Jeffff -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 8:30:28 PM)
That is acceptable..............:)

Jasmineinbloom -> RE: Taking offense? (7/25/2010 8:36:30 PM)
Hawaiian shirts are a HARD limit for me. That and man capris. Oh, and murses.

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