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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:58:43 PM   
Aileen1968


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

If you love someone, do you consider that an addiction?

pam


For me, absolutely.
To fall in love with someone means he has become the most important thing in my life.



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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 10:06:36 PM   
Chrisincuffs


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quote:

When, when i'm miserable, stressed out, or when people are mean to me, the craving comes back, like an itch that just needs to be scratched. So, for me, BDSM is a craving or addiction that's brought on by specific people or circumstances, but one that i don't feel the rest of the time. i guess i'm like the recovering alcoholic who goes for long periods of time without drinking but once he starts, he's a goner.


Wow, I never would have said I was addicted to anything for that matter but I do crave BDSM the most when I'm stressed. Both Master and I constantly use that word "crave". We both find it to be such a bittersweet feeling. To have that insatiable lust for one another but at the same time feeling the ache when we aren't together. I would have to say now that it is at least close to an addiction.....
because really, admitting you have a problem is the first step and I see nothing wrong with what we've got goin on!

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 10:51:42 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

But now, being happy and single, i don't feel that same craving at all. I don't need BDSM. i could take it or leave it.


It isn't an addiction for me at all and I have walked away in the past. I enjoy my life as it is and I really don't want to be tied down. I've taken steps to prevent that from happening since my attention is elsewhere. I suppose contentment and being happy plays a big part in it. I don't feel that I'm missing out on anything at all.

quote:

Do you feel that you're addicted to BDSM? Not at all, intermittently, or all the time? Does it matter who you're with, what your mental status is, whether you're happy, sad, or stressed out? How often do you get turned on? If you're in a relationship, how often is the sex vanilla? How often are your fantasies? If you had to choose between someone you loved and someone who fulfilled your kink, which would you choose? And anything else you want to say...


Completing my health goal is the main priority for me at this time. It will have a dramatic effect on how I approach this going forward. I can be fulfilled with having kink on my terms without the trappings of captivity. I think it really depends on what you place a value on and if you're willing to think outside the box so to speak. Love can exist within and outside of a traditional relationship.The only addiction I have is maintaining a joyous state of mind no matter what. BDSM was never a need.

~porcelaine

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 11:55:47 PM   
MrBukani


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Status: offline 		How many do you really expect to answer with a yes?

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I find this same subject with a different question much more open to discussion but it got cut short somehow.

with lol

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 5:45:14 AM   
TwistedHeart74


Posts: 722
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		Do you feel that you're addicted to BDSM? Not at all, intermittently, or all the time? Does it matter who you're with, what your mental status is, whether you're happy, sad, or stressed out? How often do you get turned on? If you're in a relationship, how often is the sex vanilla? How often are your fantasies? If you had to choose between someone you loved and someone who fulfilled your kink, which would you choose? And anything else you want to say...



Do I feel addicted? No. But then what addict will admit to being an addict? When my mental status is shifted from my general nature to aggressive, upset, depressed then yes, I definately feel that craving even more. To me it has little to do with the sex. Does it rev my engine, sure. Does that mean I have sex when I play? Nope. I have and will often play strictly for the rush of the scene, no sex included. I'm constantly suprised at how focused people are on the sexual side of WIIWD. Don't get me wrong, kinky sex is great, but it's not the end all be all for me personally.
The question about kink over love...well that's a toughy. I married vanilla and perverted him. But it didn't last. At this point in my life, I'm not willing to settle for just one or the other.

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 6:11:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		How do you know these people spend all day here? Many people keep the screen open in the background but that doesn't mean they're looking at it constantly. I keep spider solitaire open in the background but I'm not addicted to it.

The fact that someone wants a partner for sex and assumes that a woman who is on a site like this is looking for the same thing makes them someone with bad or insufficient assumptions. It does not make them an addict by definition.

I'm here for the forums. I'm not a sex addict.
I like bondage, it arouses me. It does the same for him. This doesn't mean that's all we do or think about.

Could I give it up? Certainly. I could give up ice cream also. But by the same token I see no reason to. The idea of never getting ice cream again makes me sad. Which doesn't mean I'm addicted to it. It makes it something that gives me pleasure and that I use responsibly.


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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 7:03:11 AM   
GreedyTop


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

When i say i'm addicted, i mean addicted to the person, not the sex. Our relationship becomes a BDSM relationship, because i am devoted to Him, want to serve Him, want to make sacrifices for Him, and want to make Him happy. Often, this person won't even know that i feel this way. Often, we won't even have a "relationship" to speak of. But it is BDSM because it inspires these feelings of devotion in me. i become addicted to pleasing this person.

pam


There is no person who, in my world, becomes this much of a focus.  I have my OWN life issues to deal with (work, responsibilities, etc).  While I may DAYDREAM about a person, I would not consider them an addiction (being sadly familiar with what 'addiction' entails)

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 7:29:44 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

I've always fantasized about it since I was a kid, but..I don't really feel it anymore...I guess I have the opposite of addiction. I don't have much of a sexual desire at all anymore.  Hmm...I wonder why I'm on this site then? I guess to meet someone who could rekindle something in me I've always been looking for but gave up on...can't hurt right?


With a few edits I took the liberty of making.....the above fits me to a 'T'. It's a bit of a vicious circle really. I love my life as it is so much yet somewhere in there is an empty hollow place that 'she' fills. Since there is no 'she' I don't really think about it or crave any of it. It's definitely not an addiction. Yet, I know myself well enough to know that if a 'she' came into my life, the embers would flame up again.


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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 8:00:17 AM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

I've always fantasized about it since I was a kid, but..I don't really feel it anymore...I guess I have the opposite of addiction. I don't have much of a sexual desire at all anymore.  Hmm...I wonder why I'm on this site then? I guess to meet someone who could rekindle something in me I've always been looking for but gave up on...can't hurt right?


I've asked myself that question as well. More than once actually. And for a time it was very disconcerting, but then that changed. I suppose when I stopped asking why and began to accept what is the answer found its way to me eventually. Rekindling can be a choice on how we relate or the barrier we erect to prevent that from occurring.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

With a few edits I took the liberty of making.....the above fits me to a 'T'. It's a bit of a vicious circle really. I love my life as it is so much yet somewhere in there is an empty hollow place that 'she' fills. Since there is no 'she' I don't really think about it or crave any of it. It's definitely not an addiction. Yet, I know myself well enough to know that if a 'she' came into my life, the embers would flame up again.


I believe if I encountered the proverbial 'he' it could happen. But my life isn't unpleasant because that hasn't occurred. It's sort of the opposite. The delay has allowed me to change in a manner that might not have happen if I'd been partnered. So in many respects his absence is a blessing in disguise.

~porcelaine


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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 8:15:02 AM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

The only addiction I have is maintaining a joyous state of mind no matter what.


This.  I love this. 


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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 8:46:31 AM   
Madame4a


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Status: offline 		addiction to me equals an obsessive and/or damaging reaction to something... addicted to food, or drugs... things that do you harm... if used the wrong way...

I think of my leather (bdsm if you will) as a part of my orientation... just as being a dyke is -- its not something I can change, although I suppose I could try.  I'm not sure I'd like to live a vanilla life.

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 8:49:14 AM   
thishereboi


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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 11:04:24 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
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Status: offline 		I find it interesting that people are equating an addiction with something that is harmful only. You can be addicted to anything, including a person.

You can be addicted to love, to sex, to BDSM, etc. It is the feelings you get with these things that are addicting.

I think the addiction connotation that all addictions are bad, is wrong.

If you are in a healthy relationship, love or BDSM, or both, then being addicted is exhilarating and freeing.

If you are in an uhealthy relationship of some combination of the above, then the addiction is stifling and dangerous to your well being because you sacrifice your emotional or physical health for the rush those addicted feelings give you.

I tend to view people saying they are addicted to people or love or BDSM as more dramatic than anything else. I have been known to say I was addicted to my last relationship because of the unhealthy nature of it.

Finding it incredibly difficult to get out it, showed me that like a drug addict, some things are hard to shake off.

Including the desire. Even though I am not physically with this person, I am still addicted to the feelings that I had with him.

I am not sure there is any rehab out there that can really help me other than time.

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 11:09:50 AM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

I've always fantasized about it since I was a kid, but..I don't really feel it anymore...I guess I have the opposite of addiction. I don't have much of a sexual desire at all anymore.  Hmm...I wonder why I'm on this site then? I guess to meet someone who could rekindle something in me I've always been looking for but gave up on...can't hurt right?


With a few edits I took the liberty of making.....the above fits me to a 'T'. It's a bit of a vicious circle really. I love my life as it is so much yet somewhere in there is an empty hollow place that 'she' fills. Since there is no 'she' I don't really think about it or crave any of it. It's definitely not an addiction. Yet, I know myself well enough to know that if a 'she' came into my life, the embers would flame up again.



So it's *not* just me then?

< Message edited by realwhiteknight -- 7/27/2010 11:10:19 AM >

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 12:02:08 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
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From: Midlands, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

I've always fantasized about it since I was a kid, but..I don't really feel it anymore...I guess I have the opposite of addiction. I don't have a sexual desire at all anymore. Thank god because it just got me into trouble with jerks Hmm...I wonder why I'm on this site then? I guess to meet someone who could rekindle something in me I've always been looking for but gave up on...can't hurt right?


Not just you (two), kinda me as well.

I miss the emotional stuff, I miss the physical sensations, but, I'm okay without kink.

I separate this from a sexual desire though.

Whilst I don't feel a sexual desire, I do feel a desire to get up close and personal with some hitty/hurty things.

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 12:32:48 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

When i say i'm addicted, i mean addicted to the person, not the sex. Our relationship becomes a BDSM relationship, because i am devoted to Him, want to serve Him, want to make sacrifices for Him, and want to make Him happy. Often, this person won't even know that i feel this way. Often, we won't even have a "relationship" to speak of. But it is BDSM because it inspires these feelings of devotion in me. i become addicted to pleasing this person.

pam



Pam,
I am wondering if it is addiction per se or something else very familiar to many of us here: Sub-frenzy.

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 12:52:35 PM   
lally2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

i mostly get emails from sex addicts.
 
im not sure theyre sex addicts to be honest - theyre just trying to get some action they maybe wouldnt get otherwise or at all or even ever

But now, being happy and single, i don't feel that same craving at all. I don't need BDSM. i could take it or leave it. Then, when i'm miserable, stressed out, or when people are mean to me, the craving comes back, like an itch that just needs to be scratched. So, for me, BDSM is a craving or addiction that's brought on by specific people or circumstances, but one that i don't feel the rest of the time. i guess i'm like the recovering alcoholic who goes for long periods of time without drinking but once he starts, he's a goner.

i think im the same - if i havent had any action for a while the whole *need* thing de-compresses until im almost at the point where i couldnt care less if i never have it again.  i think what drives me the most is my love of submission - i love to be in submission - that i do miss and i do crave when i dont have it.  most of my fantasies are about that and since being in a Ds or Ms relationship involves BDSM, i end up craving that more once it starts up in my life again.




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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 3:27:47 PM   
MissSilver


Posts: 3
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From: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Status: offline 		Sure am, hope it's always this way.

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 3:34:54 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		i think so too. "Addiction" isn't always a bad thing.

pam

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RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/27/2010 3:39:15 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		The more I like him, the more I become addicted to him.
I love doing everyday things with him. I love doing dirty things with him.
I am really happy when I'm with him. Why wouldn't I want to be addicted to that.
I can't find a negative in any of that.

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