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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:44:38 PM

LadyPact

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Suggesting that people go to a chat room is probably one of the worst pieces of advice that somebody could give for someone who is having an issue. No one has a clue if people are who they say they are in a chat room. It's great if you want to play with fantasy. Not so much if you are specifically looking for reality.

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:53:27 PM

SirsJewel

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The chat i refer to is a topic room,handled very well with the Ops not allowing any fantasy like behaviour or trolling. she can see alot of interactions learning things,it's very respectful and intelligent conversating most time with fun added in for good measure. This is why i didn't tell her to roam all the chats lol ~ jewels

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Post #: 42

RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 2:12:34 PM

LadyPact

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That's like telling someone to read fiction to learn about BDSM. Just because people aren't playing at cyber scenes doesn't add one bit of validity to what is discussed in a chat room. A person visiting there has no idea whether those who participate have any experience about BDSM or D/s dynamics away from a computer.

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Post #: 43

RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 2:25:30 PM

SirsJewel

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The same could be said here unfortunately but since i have been a regular in that chat i know its a great place to learn as in reading here and anything related to this lifstyle. You have to have a place to start somewhere IMHO. ~ jewels

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 2:29:05 PM

LadyPact

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We will have to agree to disagree then. Enjoy your day.

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 2:38:52 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR,

Folks, might it not be good to accentuate the positive a bit at this point? Such as: describe what sub space could be like with a true BDSM dominant rather than someone who's only angry and aggressive?

In My experience, there are two ways in common that people have described what it feels like to experience sub space. One I have recommended to the OP. The other I will not because of her age. The third option would be to have her play with someone where she might experience sub space during the scene. I don't think that is the best recommendation at this point. It will only complicate matters.

All right - let's make it more general, then. The OP seems to me to want to know what life could be like with a boyfriend who's an aware, balanced BDSM dom. The great thing about splitting up with someone - if, indeed, the OP wants to go that route - is that it leaves the way clear eventually to find someone else. The OP says she's been inclined towards BDSM since she was a young kid. This seems to be the way to go, now . . . .

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 2:38:58 PM

SirsJewel

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i suppose im a bit defensive about that room since they have given me great learning and not so many problems,but yes maam i agree you need to gleen your material and learn from what works best, good day to as well ~ jewels

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 4:59:27 PM

DarkSteven

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OP, I wonder if the subspace you talk about is dissociation. That may not be a good thing - do you feel refreshed afterward?

For God's sake, woman, you're young and gorgeous. Go get a Dom who knows how to put you into subspace properly.

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 5:19:04 PM

BonesFromAsh

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While I'm aware there are young people out there who not only have an interest in bdsm but also practice it in a safe, informed and consensual manner, I'm continually dumbfounded when some young person comes on and makes a post like the OP's.

OP, you talk about "subspace" and how you enter it when your partner starts yelling at you. My question to you is simple...how do you describe subspace?
LadyPact gave a fairly good example when she spoke of a "runner's high" but I'm curious to read your description.

You've already stated the age at which you started to "experiment" (which, btw, may be against forum guidelines), and because of that it has me questioning what your understanding of bdsm, subspace and everything else related to WIITWD actually is. I'm a little dumbfounded right now, to be honest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: snowpuppy

Ok I'm asking in this thread instead of the Master's one because I'd rather not ask a man.
Basically my boyfriend does know I'm into BDSM, but he dosn't know when he yells at me (sometimes I even tempt it) it's putting me into subspace...I know this isn't really good because I don't know if he'll start hitting me.

(Ok I basically went out with him because talking to him sometimes before I went into subspace, he may be just aggressive...possibly...abusive...but he's not into BDSM). I know this isn't really the "best" situation, hes 18 and I just turned 18. I'm kind of scared he'll hurt me....I mean he's punched in his wall ect. and last time a few days ago I just sat their on the floor crying as he got all mad since I didn't want him to hurt me but I was in subspace...that's kind of messed up isn't it.

Ugh I wish I could just get someone really into BDSM not this fake thing, or I mean it's a real relationship but with that one..kind of bad flaw. Any suggestions? (And yes I told him about BDSM and he started abusing it for other things, nothing that would turn me on...)

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 7/27/2010 5:25:49 PM >

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 5:31:05 PM

Chrisincuffs

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quote:

While I'm aware there are young people out there who not only have an interest in bdsm but also practice it in a safe, informed and consensual manner, I'm continually dumbfounded when some young person comes on and makes a post like the OP's.

OP, you talk about "subspace" and how you enter it when your partner starts yelling at you. My question to you is simple...how do you describe subspace?
LadyPact gave a fairly good example when she spoke of a "runner's high" but I'm curious to read your description.

You've already stated the age at which you started to "experiment" (which, btw, may be against forum guidelines), and because of that it has me questioning what you understand bdsm, subspace and everything else related to WIITWD to be. I'm a little dumbfounded right now, to be honest.

Gotta agree there bones. When you're that young you just have no idea just how much you don't know yet

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 6:11:41 PM

eihwaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
OP, I wonder if the subspace you talk about is dissociation.

My thought also. Definitely not the same as "runner's high."

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 9:50:14 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: snowpuppy

Ok I'm asking in this thread instead of the Master's one because I'd rather not ask a man.
Basically my boyfriend does know I'm into BDSM, but he dosn't know when he yells at me (sometimes I even tempt it) it's putting me into subspace...I know this isn't really good because I don't know if he'll start hitting me.

(Ok I basically went out with him because talking to him sometimes before I went into subspace, he may be just aggressive...possibly...abusive...but he's not into BDSM). I know this isn't really the "best" situation, hes 18 and I just turned 18. I'm kind of scared he'll hurt me....I mean he's punched in his wall ect. and last time a few days ago I just sat their on the floor crying as he got all mad since I didn't want him to hurt me but I was in subspace...that's kind of messed up isn't it.

Ugh I wish I could just get someone really into BDSM not this fake thing, or I mean it's a real relationship but with that one..kind of bad flaw. Any suggestions? (And yes I told him about BDSM and he started abusing it for other things, nothing that would turn me on...)

Wow. OMG. Snowpuppy, PLEASE, re-read the bolded parts of what you said: He yells at me.....I know this isn't really good because I don't know if he'll start hitting me.....he may be just agressive...possibly...abusive.....i know this isn't really the "best" situation.....I'm kind of scared he'll hurt me.....he's punched in his wall.....i just sat there on the floor crying.....since I didn't want him to hurt me.....I told him about BDSM and he started abusing it for other things. You've already said he's possibly abusive and that he's abusing bdsm for other things. It's obvious he's scaring you and you fear for your safety. Were it me, I would be outta there. Also, use the Search function and look up "subspace" and read the threads. Interesting.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/28/2010 10:03:11 AM

ProlificNeeds

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I'm just going to make a comparison that came to mind... it's not exactly accurate in all respects but it's what this post made me think of.

When you take drugs to make you feel fantastic and happy, at the time, you do feel awesome. All side effects and 'risks' aside, when it's occuring you feel great. It's only after, when the side effects and pitfalls get you, you realize there was no way being high could actually keep you happy in the long term. Sooner or later reality crashes back in and you realize what a moron you were and you stop.. or you die. One or the other occures eventually.

When you have a stable life full of things that make you happy. A lover who makes you squishy inside, family, home, whatever it is, that rocks your world, you end up with a healthy form of happiness that can last without any dangerous or miserable side-effects.

Both make you 'happy' in some sense of the word... sure you feel 'happy' in both cases, but one is a healthy sensation and lifestyle, one is not and is full of dellusion. I equate subspace to happy even if the words don't hold the same meaning. It's the high, the thrill, the excitment or pleasure, the contentment, the relief... many adjactives apply, but the comparison is... most of realize there is a healthy way and an unhealthy way to get there.

I think the OP is realizing she's taking the unhealthy way, she just has to choose to stop going down that road and find a better way to get there.

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