When to leave the scene

When to leave the scene (Full Version)

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Nehemiah -> When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 4:58:06 AM)
Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know. Anyone else ever get this feeling?

myotherself -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 4:59:51 AM)
settle down with a special person? Hell yes! Go vanilla? Hell no! Although I don't need 'the scene' to have my maso-sub itch scratched, just one person [:D] eta: For me, vanilla means no pain play, no D/s...YMMV

jujubeeMB -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 8:35:55 AM)
Nehemiah - You said something in an earlier thread about having an extremely short limits list. Maybe you should try expanding that list a bit until you're not feeling quite so pushed to the edges of your kink? I don't think you necessarily need to quit cold turkey - it could be enough to just settle down the hardcore for a while and spend more energy on the non-sexual side of a relationship, while still keeping in the easier bits of what you enjoy sexually. I actually threaten to stop doing D/s about every other month, and it's always after I've pushed the edges of a limit too hard and I don't feel great about some aspect of that. Give yourself a break by going milder, perhaps, but don't punish yourself by taking away everything you enjoy in bed.

Valyraen -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 8:43:18 AM)
~fast reply~ I don't really ever feel the need to leave the scene or BDSM. If I get burned out, stressed or bored, I just focus on something else in my life and (beyond my relationship with Val) I keep kink and all in the background. I'm not "going vanilla", it just doesn't always have to be in the foreground of my life. Edited to add - this is Aqua. Val left himself signed in on my computer. Silly menfolk.... [:D]

littlewonder -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 8:45:32 AM)
Maybe just stop living your life as if it revolves around bdsm??

LaTigresse -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 8:52:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Maybe just stop living your life as if it revolves around bdsm?? This. And what Aqua said. Kink is but a facet among many in my life. If I haven't a person to get kinky with I am still loving life. Nothing to specifically 'leave'.

porcelaine -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 8:54:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nehemiah Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know. Anyone else ever get this feeling? I don't define the scene in the manner you've described. When I'm not active in the scene it means I haven't been participating in the BDSM community in itself. I'm on hiatus and have no desire to engage with local groups or attend events. I view that as markedly different from a cease fire on the relationship front. I think most people have a time out unless they're the sort that don't enjoy being unattached. ~porcelaine

DesFIP -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 9:42:08 AM)
I don't scene with others. I'm not interested in public play. But you can settle down with one special person and just enjoy having fun together. Not to mention that for those interested you can add D/s instead of doing just kink.

laurell3 -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 9:47:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nehemiah Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know. Anyone else ever get this feeling? Yes I have gotten that feeling in the past, but it's more due to a frustration with issues revolving around Dominant partners. If you are an intensity player, you will peak out at some point and not get that thrill of pushing and trying new things. I do get that as well at times. However, if you are very careful in your choices of that "one special person" I think you will find they are no different than a vanilla partner in their ability to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

Jeffff -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 9:51:19 AM)
I had a beer last night with an internet prick and a cunt. It was decided and declared we are not part of the scene. It simplifies everything.

Chrisincuffs -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 9:57:23 AM)
I've gone back and forth in the past with going vanilla. Absence makes the heart grow fonder very quickly for me. It always ended up the same way too, I would want to push limits in that relationship and they wouldn't want to. I'd grow bored immediately and people ended up getting hurt emotionally. There's nothing wrong with taking a break from BDSM. Just don't try to deny your pleasures when you want to go back, it never ends up good

LadyPact -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 10:05:55 AM)
Leaving the scene is one of those things that I would suggest that you take a very good look at within yourself and know yourself. The question that you need to ask is, how much does it really mean to you? I've left the scene before. I'm one of those who can give up active participation and it doesn't matter a lot to Me. My happiness doesn't hinge on it. I'd be just as happy in My marriage with it or without it. At the same time, I know that everyone doesn't see it that way. They honestly wouldn't be happy if there wasn't BDSM or an authority dynamic included with the partner in their lives. They would not be as satisfied with 'vanilla sex' until the end of their days. In My opinion, anybody who is looking to either get in or get out of all of this would serve their own best interests knowing which group they belong to before including anybody else. What I'm saying here is, don't make this big decision to leave wiitwd all behind you, take up with a vanilla partner, and then later realize that you crave BDSM in your life. It isn't fair to the person in your life to 'experiment' being a vanilla person. That's a little too much 'bait and switch' type to Me.

juliaoceania -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 10:21:49 AM)
No... but then I have not been pushed to my limits very often. The one occasion that I was showed me something about me, that there is this small little corner of my psyche that is fed by that, hopefully no one will ever tap that too deeply

WestBaySlave -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 10:32:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself Settle down with a special person? Hell yes! Go vanilla? Hell no! This is me, too. I didn't find a place where "settling down" seemed desirable until I explored D/s relationships and saw that this is something I could truly be happy in. For me, "vanilla partner" and "settling down" are incompatible, as I have non-vanilla needs that couldn't be satisfied by someone vanilla.

SailingBum -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 10:40:43 AM)
kink is in my DNA BadOne

aldompdx -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 10:58:49 AM)
As Plato quoted Socrates, "first know thyself." Fulfillment arises in the exact place you feel it, your very own heart (center of feelings). The issue is not what you do, but how you are when you do it. While certain things may resonate with the feeling and inspire it, fulfillment does not come from ever more extreme BDSM activities any more than it comes from "vanilla" activities.

slavekal -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 11:10:56 AM)
If you think you are bored with your BDSM activities, vanilla will make you want to jump off a bridge.

LaTigresse -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 11:36:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal If you think you are bored with your BDSM activities, vanilla will make you want to jump off a bridge. Not necessarily.

slavekal -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 11:45:06 AM)
If I had to bet, I would go that way. There are about a zillion strip clubs, pro dommes, escorts, etc. whose client lists are bulging with guys who are married to vanilla-ish women. These guys are bored to tears with the mommy haircuts and sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: When to leave the scene (7/30/2010 11:50:16 AM)
Well honestly, Kal, not every marriage is soccer moms and infrequent sex. I am not a vanilla person. I am not sure that I have EVER had vanilla sex. Could I leave the "scene"? I have, for longish periods. I prefer to NOT have authority dynamics with my primary partner. There are plenty of real life opportunities for me to be large and in charge. Still, I am a sadist. I could pack up my toys, but I would really miss being able to let it all out now and again. JEFFFFF----are you implying that you went out with AYNNE?? Because you are LYING!

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