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building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 9:22:23 AM

mcgrupp

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/31/2010
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I just recently had a first session with a pro switch. She played the Dominant role and it was incredible. Truly an amazing experience. In addition to doing sessions, she also likes to get to know people over lunch or dinner. I truly want to get to know her as a person, and also continue to do sessions.

I'm wondering if she ever takes on subs who aren't clients, or if one day I could be a sub to her and a friend to her, and not just a "client."

I don't want to offend her, and so I don't know how to ask this question. Should I wait until I have been seeing her for a while? Do I take her to lunch and ask?

Long story short, I'm looking for a relationship with a Domme that doesn't mean paying per session and unfortunately, I've met what I feel is the best person I could ever play with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 9:31:02 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
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your subject says it all. Building.....it takes more than a session and a lunch to do it, I would stuff the frenzy part and start exploring as people to people.....if it all goes upside down, and she is not looking for a keeper, you have invested time in a very good freindship, is that not so?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 2

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 10:00:33 AM

AquaticSub

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I really understand where you are coming from but... she is a pro. This is how she pays her bills, it's her job. If she took on clients as her personal subs, her light bill wouldn't be paid.

And she might not even be dominant inclined at all. Remember that she is selling you your fantasy and, basically, catering to your wishes. A surprising number of pro-doms are actually submissive in their personal relationships, at least around my area.

Now, it might happen. She might actually be inclined towards dominance. She might, after some time, decide that you are actually someone she wants to own. But I'd say the odds are so low as to be nonexistent.

My advice? You're better off getting involved in your local scene, playing with others that you don't have to pay for and experiencing other styles. That is where you are much more likely to find someone you can build a relationship with.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mcgrupp)

Post #: 3

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 10:02:17 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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I think the best course of action is to seek a good friendship with her, and just not hope for more. That way you won't waste time obsessing on her.

She's a pro, and while pros may seek out a personal sub from within or without their clientele, I just don't think its realistic to hope for that unless she herself gives an indication of it. I think you should ask her whether she ever does take a personal sub from within her clientele, and if so then what kind of emotional involvement such a sub could expect. That would be her opening to make it perfectly clear to you whether you have a chance in hell or not. Be prepared to hear that she keeps her business and personal lives separate.

And anyway, you do realize that as a personal rather than professional domme, she wouldn't be catering to your wishes as she does when you pay her- right? You're paying her for a service that she's providing, and she knows that if you don't think you're getting your money's worth, and getting what you want- she won't get repeat business from you. If you two were involved in a personal BDSM relationship, you'd be seeing to her needs and desires, instead of just having your own dreams come true. And your and her needs and desires may not fit very well together, in real life. Both in and out of bed, your needs and wants may not be compatible with hers. Don't suppose that the things she did with you are the things that she's really into- that may not be the case at all.

Talk to her, and don't let yourself obsess on her. Its just not realistic to expect anything more than a cordial relationship- or at best a lovely, fulfilling FRIENDSHIP- with a pro... Unless THEY want it.

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Post #: 4

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 10:15:12 AM

LadyPact

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There are times when folks who have their first experience with BDSM goes so well that the first person that tops them seems like the greatest match in the world. Getting someone's BDSM cherry can be very similar to a good experience with the first time that you ever have sex. That person just opened up a whole new world to you in reality that before this had only been fantasy. In part, that is what makes it so amazing to you.

The biggest mistakes that some clients make is thinking it means just as much to the pro that they visited. It's cool to be a person's first time and everything, but realistically, it doesn't mean as much to her as it did to you. There isn't necessarily anything special about it and it is business, rather than what the client builds it up in his mind to be. From what I understand, it's actually pretty rare for a pro to take a client as her personal submissive. It does happen on occasion, but think of it in extreme odds. Almost all clients remain clients and only very, very few ever become the personal submissive of the person they started with as a business transaction.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 5

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 10:54:40 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I've been the first experience for some, as a pro and otherwise. SOME of those folks I am pals with, but by and large, clients are clients. I kept my personal and business lives separate, and I know I am not alone in that. I got approached all the time by men who really wanted a discount... so enjoy your time with the lady, but don't get your hopes up.

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RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 10:55:35 AM

mcgrupp

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Joined: 7/31/2010
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thanks for the advice everybody. Do you think I should wait a certain amount of time before asking if she takes on subs from her clientele or is it ok to ask now? Again, I don't want to offend her in anyway.

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Post #: 7

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:08:27 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Honestly, don't ask her AT ALL. Speaking from long experience, and other friends who are and were professional dominants, we don't look to our client pool for companionship, most especially after ONE session. Does she mention anything about personal service on her website or profile? If not, LEAVE IT ALONE.

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Post #: 8

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:22:41 AM

mcgrupp

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she just says she "likes making frieinds with beginners, experienced, etc..."

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RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:22:54 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mcgrupp

thanks for the advice everybody. Do you think I should wait a certain amount of time before asking if she takes on subs from her clientele or is it ok to ask now? Again, I don't want to offend her in anyway.

IF you are going to ask her, I'd do it soon. That way you aren't building things up further, wondering if she really cares, etc. HOWEVER, whenever you do it... Be prepare for her to tell you "never, ever, no way in hell". Seriously consider if you will be comfortable going to her if she says that. Also, be prepared for her to decide she no longer wants you as a client. I'm not saying she will. But she might.

Honestly, I'd go with Hibbie's advice. She's a pro, has her pick of the litter when she wants someone and she needs your money to pay the bills. Simply think of her as a professional. You can always ask her for advice on how to meet dominants who are looking for a personal sub. It's my experience that pro-dooms have a good bead on their communities. That would also create an opportunity for her to let you know if she is interested in taking you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mcgrupp)

Post #: 10

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:24:56 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Ugh pro-doms, not pro-dooms. For some reason it won't let me edit...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:28:13 AM

mcgrupp

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Joined: 7/31/2010
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good advice again...please forgive this next dumb question...is it possible to ever make friends with a pro domme where maybe we don't ever play together for free, but are just cool with each other and can hang out and just be friends.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 12

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:30:23 AM

Voodali

Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

If you're charming, nice looking, intelligent and personable, and truly have something to offer the Lady other than kink, who knows. I truly wish everyone who was worthy could end up in the relationship and dynamic of their dreams.
That said, I would think of it in another way to give you some perspective. Replace the title "professional domme" with any other profession, "hairstylist", "massage therapist", "dentist", "mechanic". Now imagine trying to date that person because you want to get their services for free. Sounds kind of insulting, doesn't it ? As a small business owner, it sure does to me, and I'll tell you, it doesn't generally work that way.
But hey...if this is about mutual attraction, good chemistry and love, and not just using someone for play and not wanting to pay for it, maybe there is a way...provided she still wants to be dominant after coming home from dominating people for a living.

(in reply to mcgrupp)

Post #: 13

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:30:27 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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We are PEOPLE yanno. Many pro dominants are active in their local communities. Just chill on this, and try to make friends, period. Your chances of soundy creepy-stalkery are really high. I can assure you that the lady in question HAS a life and friends already. Be at the places she is, and go from there.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 14

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:33:05 AM

mcgrupp

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hey thanks everybody. really appreciate it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 15

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:35:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Thanks for not being a douche. We appreciate that! Hang out, meet people, make friends of ALL orientations and genders, because you never know who might know someone fabulous.

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Post #: 16

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 7/31/2010 11:40:00 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mcgrupp

good advice again...please forgive this next dumb question...is it possible to ever make friends with a pro domme where maybe we don't ever play together for free, but are just cool with each other and can hang out and just be friends.

It's possible. Like Hibbie said, she's not a walking whip wielding machine, she is a person. However... The person you see in your sessions isn't really "her". It's who you are paying her to be. You may find out that you don't actually like her.

This is a bit like trying to hang out with and be friends with your therapist. Some professional relationships work better if you aren't friends. The pros I know have plenty of friends but like to keep their personal lives and their professional lives separate. It makes things easier and it keeps them safer.

It really sounds like you are in sub frenzy and it would do you a lot of good to get out there and spend time with other kinksters, ones who aren't being paid to do everything you want.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mcgrupp)

Post #: 17

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/2/2010 7:27:29 PM

Dnomyar

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and there are some fabulous women on here. LH is one of them.

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Post #: 18

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/2/2010 9:58:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Awww! Ray you're so sweet!

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Post #: 19

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/3/2010 3:19:11 AM

KurtAllen

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Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline

I would like to share and experience with you, it’s not advice and certainly not meant to be anything more or less then a sharing.
Many years ago while in Germany I meet a woman who was well known and respected, a dominant and submissive porn star but that was of no significance to me, I knew nothing of D/s and had never even thought of porn. We were in an art gallery and backed into each other while stepping back from a painting to get a different prospective. We both laughed and apologized but a magnetism I had never felt before filled the air and she was experiencing it to. We remain friends even today 18 years later and my point is, the development of a friendship is not the product of a devious plan to appease your passion That reduces you and insults her.

(in reply to mcgrupp)

Post #: 20

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