the single most important trait

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laineyjade -> the single most important trait (7/31/2010 5:31:09 PM)
At some point while I was searching for a master, I realized that my master, whoever he was, would have to have a great sense of humour. Not only would he have to have a great sense of humour, but he would, in particular, have to have a profound love of having practical jokes played on him. Because I am a trickster. A jester. A prankster to the greatest possible degree. A master who didn't love to have a good laugh at his own expense was obviously going to be doomed with me. And the fact is that the happier I am with him, the more frequently I can be expected to prank him. For example? Just last night, as I do several times a week - or daily if I'm in an especially good mood - I played a trick on my master Dane. Master has a violent hatred of chickpeas. Yes, chickpeas make him vomit, he says. Finding this quirky fact impossible to resist as a plot hook, I concocted a devious yet stupid prank. I prepared an Indian feast, with several types of curries and other spicy dishes. I also made a saucepan of Channa Masala, otherwise known as curried chickpeas. I knew I wouldn't get in trouble for this, because I'd made so many other dishes for him to enjoy that he wouldn't care about one little saucepan of something he couldn't eat. He'd think I made it just for myself. After he had enjoyed his delicious dinner, I shifted my eyes to him and asked in a light, conversational tone, "Have you ever tried curried chickpeas?" He frowned and shook his head no, reminding me that he hated chickpeas. "Then how do you know," I countered, "that you won't like these that I've just made?" "Chickpeas are disgusting. They're blecch. They make me throw up, I can't stand them in my mouth." "But Master," I coaxed, "these are totally different. The curry is so powerful that it completely changes the flavour and texture of the chickpeas. You can't even recognize it as a chickpea." He looked at me suspiciously and shook his head stubbornly. "Are you telling me that you're too afraid to eat ONE chickpea?" "I don't want the damn chickpeas! You eat them." "You're chicken. BOKKKK-bok-bok-bok-bok! Okay, I'll tell you what. I will cut the chickpea in half! Can you just taste a teensy, weensy, half a chickpea? You can spit it right back out if you don't like it." More suspicious and stubborn looks, but less arguing. "Okay, how about if I give you just the SAUCE from the chickpeas? I just want you to tell me if you like what the sauce tastes like. Just the sauce! No chickpeas in it." "Okay, fine, you can bring me your sauce, and I'll taste it. It sure smelled good cooking." "Can I just put one chickpea on the side of the plate? Please? Just ONE eensy, weensy little chickpea. How can that hurt you if you don't even eat it?" "FINE whatever, I'm tired of discussing chickpeas!" Beaming at him, I danced into the kitchen and took a miniature cappuccino-cup saucer and dabbled the teeniest dab of masala sauce into the middle of it. To its side I placed one single chickpea, making sure it was coated in a generous serving of the delicious sauce. Returning to him, I offered him the miniature appetizer. There was only enough of a dab of the masala sauce in the middle of the saucer to tantalize his tastebuds when he ate it. I knew he'd be looking for more. His eyes fell on that single chickpea so generously covered with the delicious sauce. I resumed wheedling, "Oh come on, just try it. You won't taste anything but the sauce. How can you be afraid of ONE curried chickpea? Just try it for heaven's sake!" He looked at the generous helping of sauce on it and popped it into his mouth. He chewed. He made a face and swallowed with difficulty. Then he glared at me. "If that hadn't been a chickpea, I would have enjoyed the sauce. That was horrible! It was - shudder!" "HA-ha-ha HA!HA!" I crowed, dancing and making obscene gestures, "I made you eat a chickpea! I made you eat a chickpea!" An incredulous look was now spreading over his face. "I made you eat a chickpea! You knew you hated it and I made you eat it anyway. See? I can make you do anything I want!" - then breaking into song, "You'll be wrapped around my fin-gerrr! You'll be wrapped around my fin-gerrr!" So you see, there? He'd been pranked again. Do you see how a master with only an ordinary sense of humour could never deal with me? He would pull his hair out by the roots. He'd flee for the hills. Obviously, then, the single most important trait I would need to look for in any potential master would be his sense of humour. Have any of you other girls had to look for some specific, particular single most important trait in your potential master, due to some quirk of your personality or situation? And doms, were you forced to look for some special trait in your girl due to how you are?

mstrjx -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 5:39:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laineyjade And doms, were you forced to look for some special trait in your girl due to how you are? Compatibility, as a form of overcompensation. Jeff

porcelaine -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 5:40:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laineyjade Have any of you other girls had to look for some specific, particular single most important trait in your potential master, due to some quirk of your personality or situation? And doms, were you forced to look for some special trait in your girl due to how you are? I look at several things but the following four often stand out for me: Metrosexual: I have never been attracted to ruggedly handsome men. Cultured: My hobbies and interests make this a must. Intelligence: Debate, books, current events, history, philosophy, psychology, and so on. I love a man that's well read. We have lots to talk about. Cosmopolitan: This is often the make or break. ~porcelaine

UniqueRaven -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 5:56:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laineyjade Have any of you other girls had to look for some specific, particular single most important trait in your potential master, due to some quirk of your personality or situation? And doms, were you forced to look for some special trait in your girl due to how you are? Authenticity And what i mean by authenticity is that my potential Owner knows who he is - and he knows what he needs. And he’s being his true and authentic self in that search on his journey, and not “putting on” an act of Dominance – because he doesn’t need to. It simply is who he is, in his heart, his mind, and in the depths of his soul. i need to be able to feel my Owner as his authentic self, to know that he is acting from that base level strength and intensity that resides in the very core of his being – and his need to Own a woman, and specifically, his need to Own me. (From my blog - link here - if anyone is interested.)

laineyjade -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:08:48 PM)
I didn't mean to ask about the general traits one would normally want in any dominant, such as "authenticity" or "honesty" and so forth. Anyone would want those. I meant to ask about possibly quirky or unusual traits that you personally need in a dominant (or submissive) because you, yourself, have some unusual facet to your personality or living situation.

domiguy -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:10:37 PM)
It's a tough road enough road when trying to find someone really exceptional in the 'nilla world. When you throw bdsm into the mix it becomes that much more difficult. You need to gel. You need to have desire to be in each other's presence as if the dynamic were not present. Meaning you have to enjoy that person for everything that they are and be able to accept them for what they are not. It is not enough for the majority to rely on bdsm to be the cornerstone of the relationship. Unfortunately gazing at the profiles of so many men and women out here on CM you might start to believe the total opposite. If a woman doesn't have a sense of humor and be able to laugh...she would kill me. Physically as well as spiritually. Deep man, real deep.

littlewonder -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:11:21 PM)
a dominant personality, similar morals and values, intelligence, similar likes and dislikes....all the pretty typical things I guess most women seek. I can't really think of any quirks or strange traits. I'm pretty plain and boring. I guess you could say I like a man with balance and normality about him.

mstrjx -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:14:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven And what i mean by authenticity is that my potential Owner knows who he is - and he knows what he needs. And he’s being his true and authentic self in that search on his journey, and not “putting on” an act of Dominance – because he doesn’t need to. It simply is who he is, in his heart, his mind, and in the depths of his soul. i need to be able to feel my Owner as his authentic self, to know that he is acting from that base level strength and intensity that resides in the very core of his being – and his need to Own a woman, and specifically, his need to Own me. Self-awareness, which is how I might be tempted to define this, is indeed heady. I was extremely fortunate to have found this probably even before I became 'this'. When it works, it's magical. But when that awareness detects change in the host (yourself) and subsequently needs to be expressed to another and has no outlet, it is one of the oddest and frustrated feelings. Sometimes I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Jeff

UniqueRaven -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:17:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laineyjade I didn't mean to ask about the general traits one would normally want in any dominant, such as "authenticity" or "honesty" and so forth. Anyone would want those. I meant to ask about possibly quirky or unusual traits that you personally need in a dominant (or submissive) because you, yourself, have some unusual facet to your personality or living situation. Oh, quirky? Hmm....a Monty-Pythonesque sense of humor, flavored with a bit of "Family Guy", and the wry darkness of "Dexter" thrown in for good measure. Oh, and an ability to discuss 80s Pop Culture - with the appropriate quotes. Discussion of questions such as "Was Judas Priest a "hair band" or not?" Things like that. i love that stuff. If he has a passion for older punk rock i'll just melt. And hopefully a tolerance for books. i have lots, and lots of them.... [:D] Everything else is just fun. i truly enjoy the differences - it's where we get to have most of our experiences together, experiencing the "new" things about each other that we each bring to the relationship. (eta a couple other things.)

DarlingSavage -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:19:11 PM)
He better laugh at my jokes. And I will return him the same courtesy. Then he should make me cum 10,000 times on the first date when he kisses me goodnight. Then, I will bashfully bat my eyelashes at him and I will melt in his arms and he will SWOOP me up in his big strong arms and carry me off to Paris where we will dance in a fountain and drink champagne, the REAL stuff! Then we'll go to the Moulin Rouge, and I will be the star of the show! They'll give me all the NICEST, PRETTIEST costumes. Then, I'll get on stage and perform death defying acts which thrill the audience with my cunning and talent! They will be swept away by my AMAZING POWERS of observation! And they'll really like my song and dance routine, too! Then they will give me a standing ovation and throw MILLIONS of dollars at my feet, after which, my new found love and I will whisk each other away to a little castle built for just us two, away up in the mountains of Switzerland. Then I will know that I have found my ONE and TRUE love! And he will give me lots of spankings and lots of really HOT KINKY SEX! We won't come up for air for a whole CENTURY!

laurell3 -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:21:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy You need to gel. You need to have desire to be in each other's presence as if the dynamic were not present. Meaning you have to enjoy that person for everything that they are and be able to accept them for what they are not. It is not enough for the majority to rely on bdsm to be the cornerstone of the relationship. Deep man, real deep. Agreed. For me, the most important quality is honesty, both to one's self and to each other. I do agree with domi in that you really have to like a person as they are and not have expectations that they will change. D/s isn't going to get you past serious compatibility issues, ever.

DarlingSavage -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:25:38 PM)
Tough crowd. [:(]

Missokyst -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:29:04 PM)
I look for one thing, integrity.

juliaoceania -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 6:31:22 PM)
I want someone who can accept me the way I am, so the ability to accept others, and not try to change them to fit some expectation, is very important to me..... I do not know if this is the "most" important thing, but it surely helps when it comes to being yourself with someone, to know they accept you and you accept them... that means all of them.

gungadin09 -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 7:06:51 PM)
Honesty, and integrity. pam

Chrisincuffs -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 8:43:55 PM)
Besides the obvious traits of Honesty and Integrity (how can someone submit to someone they can't trust?)and even a similar sense of humor seems like an obvious trait to me as well. Most of all, I need to be with someone I totally click with. Someone I can be on a separate level with. Someone that can finish my sentences for me, and knows how I think, and knows my body language . If I have a gag in my mouth, He needs to be able to look at me and tell if I'm enjoying this or if something is genuinely wrong. I tend to be the stubborn type and won't always communicate when I'm at my limit. He needs to know my limitations and also how to push them. This is the only way I can truly feel comfortable submitting completely..... If I missed anything I'm sure Master will let me know [;)]

ShoreBound149 -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 10:18:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: laineyjade Have any of you other girls had to look for some specific, particular single most important trait in your potential master, due to some quirk of your personality or situation? And doms, were you forced to look for some special trait in your girl due to how you are? I look at several things but the following four often stand out for me: Metrosexual: I have never been attracted to ruggedly handsome men. Cultured: My hobbies and interests make this a must. Intelligence: Debate, books, current events, history, philosophy, psychology, and so on. I love a man that's well read. We have lots to talk about. Cosmopolitan: This is often the make or break. ~porcelaine I am your exact opposite match.

Dreamless -> RE: the single most important trait (7/31/2010 11:59:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage He better laugh at my jokes. And I will return him the same courtesy. Then he should make me cum 10,000 times on the first date when he kisses me goodnight. Then, I will bashfully bat my eyelashes at him and I will melt in his arms and he will SWOOP me up in his big strong arms and carry me off to Paris where we will dance in a fountain and drink champagne, the REAL stuff! Then we'll go to the Moulin Rouge, and I will be the star of the show! They'll give me all the NICEST, PRETTIEST costumes. Then, I'll get on stage and perform death defying acts which thrill the audience with my cunning and talent! They will be swept away by my AMAZING POWERS of observation! And they'll really like my song and dance routine, too! Then they will give me a standing ovation and throw MILLIONS of dollars at my feet, after which, my new found love and I will whisk each other away to a little castle built for just us two, away up in the mountains of Switzerland. Then I will know that I have found my ONE and TRUE love! And he will give me lots of spankings and lots of really HOT KINKY SEX! We won't come up for air for a whole CENTURY! Bwhahaha. I'm not sure which is funnier... this post or "I made you eat a chickpea!" All have me in stitches. But in all seriousness, my required trait is a love of life. I cannot be with someone gloomy, depressive and mournful who can't enjoy little things and do silly things on occasion. My best moments have been spent sprawled out on a bed with someone counting sparkles on the roof, and this sort of enjoyment of life.

gungadin09 -> RE: the single most important trait (8/1/2010 12:25:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laineyjade I meant ... possibly quirky or unusual traits that you need in a dominant because you have some unusual facet to your personality... Introversion is a must have for me. i have broken up with boyfriends because they talked too much or wanted to hang out all the time. pam

Dragonswhore -> RE: the single most important trait (8/1/2010 12:27:44 AM)
A sense of humor and being playful are very important. If he can't laugh at himself, or a silly situation..it won't work. The ability to admit when he is wrong. A true love and compassion for animals. A temper is a huge NO for me. The ability to carry on a conversation without trying to make me feel not as intelligent as he is. An affectionate side, one that can not only use me, but cuddle as well.

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