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RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:07:49 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Somehow telling someone they come off as needing medication isn't a personal attack? Explain that to me.

Look, ANYONE can get taken on the internet. Yes, there are obvious signs. I do not comprehend how the chicks from Ghana get so many guys to fall for it. They obviously do though or we wouldn't see the constant posts about it. Other less obvious lies are not so easy to figure out such as marital status.

It is necessary to have a healthy dose of cynicism and keep your mind open to the possibility that dishonesty can occur. However, if you take that cynicism to the point of demanding that someone you do not know sends you naked pictures and discloses all of their personal information, you're the one acting the fool and most rational people are going to walk away from you. Balance is the answer and it's difficult to achieve.

The people that say you can search online with someone's name are discounting the fact that without a date of birth, social security number and access to some sites that most everyday people don't have, you're likely to get a hell of a lot of people with that name that may or may not be the person you are talking to. If you find someone that gives you all that personal information during first conversations, you have found a fool that is looking to have their identity stolen.

I don't give out pictures for quite awhile. I certainly don't EVER give out naked or topless pictures. I will not give out my personal information either until I reach a point where I am comfortable. They do have to behave like a rational adult and have conversations until I reach that point. If they don't want to or they are too cynical to trust at all, then they are welcome to move on.

I don't see anything wrong with Shore's minor misrepresentation given the environment we are dealing with. He's right, it's not difficult to get stalkers here, who wants them showing up at your place of work or home? I would not misrepresent anything personally, rather I tell them I will not give them the information and why. I will talk to them on the telephone, I will also block my number initially. Before I meet with someone, I DO have all of their personal information. Before I travel to meet with someone I do have all of their personal information, have seen them on cam, talked to them on the phone numerous times and have a very good feel for who they are.



< Message edited by laurell3 -- 8/1/2010 10:08:20 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:10:33 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline 		Wow! Thanks for all the input. Hadn't expected that much! :-)
Will have do weed/wade through and reply as far as I can.

Thanks to all of you!

Jo

(in reply to JoJohannsson)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:11:45 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy


So you expect to meet fine quality men online?

Wow.    They sure do dream in Calif..





I did PA, so did Aileen, so did MANY people here. It is quite possible, however, I would grant you that they are probably the exception rather than the rule.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:13:45 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy


So you expect to meet fine quality men online?

Wow.    They sure do dream in Calif..





I did PA, so did Aileen, so did MANY people here. It is quite possible, however, I would grant you that they are probably the exception rather than the rule.



-- I suppose it can happen.  I have met alot of regular friends online.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:18:38 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, well that's how Jeff and I started out. We were friends for quite awhile. I'm not telling you it's easy PA, it's not. I've gotten very frustrated when I was single and I recognize your pool may be much more limited than mine. Don't totally close that door though, you never know what may happen.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:19:45 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline 		@DragonNphoenix:

* requesting a pic with my name written on the sub or a piece of paper (or as someone else suggests a local paper) - good idea. I have tried that, but how simple is it to fake that (i.e. find a suitable image on the web, edit in the required text on a board (easy to erase the previous text, I guess?

But of course you have a point: I have had cases where the aquaintance keeps claiming that a) the camera is broken b) no webcam on the pc c) no way to lend a camera for a shooting etc. pp.

* asking for a reference: I like that one much. A mentor or fellow BDSM follower/fellow sub to should be possible to find - except where the aquaintance has previously stated (may be even in the profile) that he/she is new to the lifestyle and has no experience yet.

* phone numbers: good point. I actually prefer asking for a phone number to pics or webcam for verification because it gives both parties some remaining privacy (you never know what some virtual aquaintance will do with your pics/vids).

Actually, I would well understand if a sub was reluctant to hand over pics early in the communication - she cannot know who I am (I might be a fake after all or what I might do with the pics. So, a phone call might be less risky for her, too.

Thanks for the input! :)

Jo

(in reply to DragonNphoenix)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:20:04 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy


So you expect to meet fine quality men online?

Wow.    They sure do dream in Calif..





I did PA, so did Aileen, so did MANY people here. It is quite possible, however, I would grant you that they are probably the exception rather than the rule.


Indeed, mr. A whom I am dating is a great guy, and I met him on here, even when nobody knows yet if that will ever work out...but i also met many disappointments apart from him,which is called reality...

_____________________________

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aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:25:15 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow
1. Reading the profile filters out a lot of crap


Sure. I agree there are weird obviously faked profiles. Ending in the middle of a sentence. Totally contradicting the person's data (age, ethnicity, a "caucasian" with a picture of a black-skinned person, etc.). But I was referring to find out the fakes early on in the communication.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow
2. If they never want to meet, they're 'not real', unless they specify they want an online relationship.


Of course. But how soon do you plan to meet someone who is in another country far away? Probably not just after a couple of emails? If the new aquaintance is closer, that's a different thing, naturally.

Cheers, Jo

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:25:28 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Jo,

Don't be suprised when people won't give references. I wouldn't. There are many threads on the subject. The number of people that would actually do that is rather limited. Why would I give someone I don't know access to former lovers? I find the suggestion silly and the thought tacky personally.

The same is true with phone numbers. In today's age of technology, with a number, you can get quite a bit of personal information about someone.

You need to remember that while you are being careful and skeptical, so is the other person. Your expectations of how much information they will give you should keep that in mind.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 8/1/2010 10:30:28 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to JoJohannsson)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:26:58 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
One clue is that they want you to, "tell me what you want to do to me." That's a big red flag that they're looking for you to provide them with some jack-off material.
Ninety nine percent of women don't do that.


Great hint! I wouldn't have guessed that. I wonder how many you had to weed out so far to learn that! ;-)

Jo

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:29:24 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

Sure, I have plenty of techniques to verify the authenticity of a person I was about to meet.  However, I don't usually bother with them unless something about him/her very much doesn't sit right.  Instead, I'll go expecting both disappointment and pleasant surprise.  Disappointment because it's too easy to misrepresent oneself on the Internet, humans tend to be vain creatures and no-one's entirely immune from temptation; pleasant surprise because, in some way, there'll be something that I'll see as a desirable quality but which hasn't come across before the real-time meeting. 

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:30:34 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
If someone is too far away to meet me for a coffee, then they're too far away to consider a relationship with.


But this means someone NOT living in a metropolitan area with many BDSM people can never find anyone as most others will be too far away for a quick meet for a coffee, right? Or if you decide to look for people from other countries, ...?

Jo

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:32:49 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
a webcam chat would work, if an LDR is what you're looking for.


I would consider webcam chatting for longer distances. But how early in a communication is that sensible?
Of course the chats should be simple vanilla, full dress, nothing fancy and definitely no BDSM sessions, right?

Jo

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:33:08 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I will say that those of us who do give references are more play oriented than relationship oriented.  I don't have an issue with providing references, for example, for the demos that I've done and can gladly give the information for the club owner/event organizer that I dealt with who arranged Me to give the demo.  On the relationship scale, I wouldn't mind anyone asking to talk with MP or clip.  Depending on if somebody already knew someone that I was in a past dynamic with, that would be the determining factor on the rest.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:39:51 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I will say that those of us who do give references are more play oriented than relationship oriented.  I don't have an issue with providing references, for example, for the demos that I've done and can gladly give the information for the club owner/event organizer that I dealt with who arranged Me to give the demo.  On the relationship scale, I wouldn't mind anyone asking to talk with MP or clip.  Depending on if somebody already knew someone that I was in a past dynamic with, that would be the determining factor on the rest.



Sure LP, we've had this conversation before. It definitely varies. However, the assumption that someone that won't give references is a "fake", may be completely unfair in many situations.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 8/1/2010 10:45:41 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:49:26 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JoJohannsson

I guess anybody on here has realised there are (sadly) quite a few profiles on CM that do not represent the real people behind them but are anything from fake to scammer. What do you experienced CMers do to find out the false ones early in communications?


Ignore them.

quote:

* Do you have any technical things or verification methods or tricks to find out if your new online aquaintance is real?


I look askance at supposedly single men that only converse on the Internet. Although it's their right to do so, it's not my cup of tea.

quote:

* Do you know of any sources on the internet that help you by providing technical help or info or other stuff to find out if you are talking to a real person, not a fake?


That's more energy than I want to invest in someone that's really a maybe, not a guaranteed yes.

quote:

* What if you found out (for sure) that your aquaintance is obviously sailing under a false flag? Do you report the profile?


You have to factor in the realities of the medium you're working with. Use your common sense and recognize that genuine people probably won't have a host of excuses why they can't meet and/or converse with you outside of here. Your decision to entertain someone is always a choice.

I've conversed with individuals that have questionable photos that are false and/or staged. Did I bother calling them on it? Nope. But I had a good laugh and recognize it's their problem and not one I'm willing to take on. For many this is merely a game. Expending energy in cloak and dagger activities for a person you'll never get involved with is a waste of time in my opinion. But to each his own.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to JoJohannsson)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:50:38 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I will say that those of us who do give references are more play oriented than relationship oriented.  I don't have an issue with providing references, for example, for the demos that I've done and can gladly give the information for the club owner/event organizer that I dealt with who arranged Me to give the demo.  On the relationship scale, I wouldn't mind anyone asking to talk with MP or clip.  Depending on if somebody already knew someone that I was in a past dynamic with, that would be the determining factor on the rest.



Sure LP, we've had this conversation before. It definitely varies. However, the assumption that someone that won't give references is a "fake", may be completely unfair in many situations.



I am so sorry.   for me to read this post- I will need 3 references, a current pic and your home and work phone number.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 10:56:37 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
First answer, no.  I do not know how to do all that fancy computer footwork with the IP or whatever that you do.   Yessss, I am envious.  Not because I really want to do it, but just because I CAN'T, lol.


:-D Thanks. But is really no fancy stuff, simply knowing a command (or web service):
* Use an email client for email, not a web interface! ;-)
* Open the email in question. Usually you will find an option like "View email source" or similar in the "View" menu or "Message" menu or somewhere similar. Click it. See the emails source.
* At the top of the message, before the text you can usually read are the email headers. Information added by the stations that handled the email and by the sending mail server. One line will be something like

Received: from [123.123.123.123] by web123456.mail.gq1.yahoo.com via HTTP; Sat, 31 Jul 2010 05:28:14 PDT

or

X-Originating-IP: [123.123.123.123]

or similar

* Copy this IP address (without the []).

* Enter the IP address in a web service like http://www.ripe.net/db/whois.html it will tell you who this IP address belongs to. For privately used dynamic addresses that are normal for dial-up services this will be the service provider. But you will at least get an idea from which country the email was sent.

More infos:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whois
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Email#Message_header

No need for envy now ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
 
Second, I do not pay money to those sites that offer to tell me everything. 


Nor do I.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
My mentor used to.  The most I do is do a reverse lookup, after asking or warning them that I am going to do this, to see if I have been given a landline or cell number.  This is after a first meetup.  I call at random times to see if another female answers, and if there is an answering machine, I leave enough to tee any female off so if a man is cheating he will be PUNISHED, lol.


That's really good :-) Especially the part with the answering machine.
Can you tell me the lines you use? Will they work spoken by a MALE voice, too? :-D

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
I meet up with people soon after the 2nd week of talking with them.  If they are not willing to meet up in a public place for coffee or something then they usually disappear or try to keep giving reasons for delays.  I lose interest and move on. 


For local people or people not too far away I agree, for people further away the situation is different.

Thanks for all the input!

Jo

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 11:02:15 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I agree with Laurell - I've met some absolutely astoundingly fine men online, several of them on cm. Not all were what I was looking for in a relationship, but have turned into very dear friends. In fact, I met my best friend on cm - a wonderful man who I hope will be around for a very, very long time

The best way to find out if a man (or woman) is right for you is to talk. A lot. And prepare to get it wrong, occasionally.



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: How do YOU find out your online aquaintance is not ... - 8/1/2010 11:02:49 AM   
JoJohannsson


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShoreBound149
I find it absolutely fucking astonishing that grown adults can be duped by some random asshole misrepresenting who they are online for whatever reason.

I imagine that those who do must get conned or taken advantage of in real life fairly regularly. 


While I do believe I am able to tell fakes from real people my OP was targeted at making it easier and faster to weed out the fakes. It does cost time I do not enjoy to waste to communicate with fakers. Would rather spend it communicated with genuine subs who are interested.

But I can well understand why some people do fall for fakes and some even get conned. I have seen studied people not (yet) well-aquianted with the internet being fooled by quite witty elaborated social engineering.

Jo

(in reply to ShoreBound149)
Profile   Post #: 80
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