Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 9:37:55 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

Greetings Dominant Ladies

Once again I'm asking a couple questions that hopefully the answers will be enlightening to us subs. I know there are some of you that are not into kink at all. These questions are addressed to those ladies that are into the kink.

What is so bad, or wrong with subs bringing up the topic of kink?

And

Honestly, is there anything about the kink that you enjoy? (If so, can you explain it without providing wanking material as that is the last thing I want from this post.)

Post #: 1

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 9:49:18 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

it isn't so much that we don't want boys to bring up kink (at least, us personally) ... it's that we don't want it brought up right after "hi, I'm XX" and we don't want that to be the only thing that is talked about. The thread I had at one point about a guy pushing his luck was really about him focusing on his favorite kink and that was it - that was all he would talk about ... I'd get him distracted for all of about 5 minutes at a time, and then he was right back at it. It gets old.

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 2

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 10:06:13 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Read her profile, check her interest list, if something that you "need" within a relationship is not included in said kink list, than she may not be a good match.
If however you still think she's a babe, write and get to know her, follow her lead as to when kink talk comes up, and at that point explain that this particular thing is important to you, and she will explain whether it is something she is open to exploring or not. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 3

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 10:19:12 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

I'm not asking specifically about an individual. I'm refering to the idea itself. If we were to read many of the threads around here one "could" get the idea that most FemDom's have no interest in kink. I'm hoping to get some clarification as to if that is true or not.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 4

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 10:30:35 PM

MistressLlyoness

Posts: 15
Joined: 2/14/2005
Status: offline

There are many kinks I enjoy but that is not something I want to discuss with someone until I know them very well. Even then the details are none of anyone's business. If someone does not want to get to know me they certainly will never get to hear about my kinks. This also applies to pictures. I do not want to see nude pictures unless I ask for them! One male submissive sent me a picture of his penis so I could *imagine what I would do with it*. The nerve!!! What actually crossed my mind was cutting the damned thing off so he could think straight. Sorry, slight digression.

Ms. Lynette

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 5

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 10:48:52 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

This site is called Collar Me.... maybe I am not understanding the question correctly, but aren't most of us interested in 'kink' at some level?

What I have gathered from a lot of posts is that most Dominant Females here are interested in various 'kinks' but would like to explore them without having a submissive hand us a 'to do' list at hello.

I like a lot of things that are considered 'kink, and discussing these things with a submissive or potential submissive is more than fine... eventually. It's really creepy to have a phone conversation with someone you are just getting to know and feeling like they are pressing you for as you say 'wanking material'. Finding that a submissive has a very open mind, is intelligent and sincere usually is a good indicator that his kink elevator will go to the top floor.

< Message edited by MistressLorelei -- 4/18/2006 10:52:30 PM >

(in reply to MistressLlyoness)

Post #: 6

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 11:05:21 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO
I'm not asking specifically about an individual. I'm refering to the idea itself. If we were to read many of the threads around here one "could" get the idea that most FemDom's have no interest in kink. I'm hoping to get some clarification as to if that is true or not

So this is more a survey on what most dominas prefer or think about kink talk? I still can't speak for most dominas, so just take above as what I'd prefer for any sub contacting me.

I would think most dominas do have some interest in kink aside from simply "dominating"; there is nothing wrong with dominating simply because, but my guess is that most women here have some kink/sexual interest aside from simply telling her sub what to do and how to do it. My point in my first post was that even if she is into a multitude of kinky play, most women prefer to be approached as ladies first, not flogger holders or cock controllers, etc, etc.
Hope that answers it for you. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 7

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/18/2006 11:24:22 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

TeeGO,

I do not think it is so much the subject matter that is problematic as it is the
clumsy communication used by many submissives. When you read the profiles and checklists on here at CM there are so many interesting and intriquing possibilities for kinky Scenes. Just take the time for a polite and friendly personal introduction
and getting to know the Lady in question a bit before talking about potential
shared activities.

Regards,

-Vendaval-

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

I'm not asking specifically about an individual. I'm refering to the idea itself. If we were to read many of the threads around here one "could" get the idea that most FemDom's have no interest in kink. I'm hoping to get some clarification as to if that is true or not.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 8

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 12:10:16 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Teego,
I will be agreeing, of course, with the other Ladies here. It is not the kink so much as it is the approach to it. I often feel like I'm in some sort of meat market. Since I have a profile, I must be interested in kink (and I am to a certain extent) but it is all many boys want to discuss. After a time, I begin to feel objectified.
For the majority of dominas, it is not the first consideration. For the majority of submissive boys, it is the first consideration.
We will get to it when appropriate. I don't really want to go over a "do me" list in the first email. I really don't want to read the "do me" list in the profile. That is most of what I see and hear, so it gets to be a turn off.
Hope that helps.

***Edited*** Where did that nice new pic of you go?

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/19/2006 12:11:10 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 9

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 12:26:24 AM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

I think his question is being misunderstood. Its not the issue of when or where or how to discuss kink, its a matter of semantics or definition. If I am correct its that some here may present themselves as not being into "kink" but something deeper and more meaningful (to them). TeeGO, consider it like this. Some here might consider themselves as NOT being into kink or anything kinky. Yet the (self professed) other 90% of the world would consider what they/we do as being kinky. I would submit that anything out of the ordinary is "kinky" essentially meaning anything other than missionary position on a bi-weekly basis, the odd roung of oral every two months and anal and/or woman on top twice a year as being "kinky" to most people (or again, at least thats what the lying bastards say in public, lol).
This (and some on this site) remind me of a very butch dyke I knew years ago who called herself by a males name, referred to her "toys" as "tools" with the explaination that only children play with toys and these (whipe, cuffs etc) are the tools she uses as an adult non-pro femdomme ( or male domme??). She got very uppity if someone "mis-titled" her tools/toys until one day I told her to get a grip and shut the fuck up. Her opinions and titles and so forth are HERS and her alone and are not federally mandated or stem from some sort of biblical or religious script or text.
I love kink, most of what I do in a sexual context is kink. There is nothing wrong with kink, enjoy whatever *your* kink is and don't worry about others that are kinky but deny their kink due to an aversion of their misguided perception of the base nature of kinkiness. :)
* If the word "spanking" was some other word, would the act hold as much power to those that love spanking?*

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 10

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 1:08:56 AM

LoneGoddess

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline

I get rather offended the moment a submissive male brings up kink. It's plainly obvious I'm kinky, or I wouldn't be here to begin with. And I am very, very kinky.

What goes through my head when someone contacts me and instantly wants to talk about kink?

That ALL he cares about is the kink. Not about knowing who I am, as a woman. And knowing a good lot of wankers in my day, I am not about to sit around and discuss it with him, as I've found it a waste of time.

A better question perhaps is: How many submissives have I met whom immediately wanted to discuss the kink, whom I indulged and did? NONE.

Why? Because he was too busy getting off on it, and not paying a lick of attention to me, the woman, not the Domme. But I digress here. So in answer to your question, in my world, talking about kink is something that occurs after I feel I am met on a friendly level, after all the other types of talks have happened. And his interest in me clearly isn't all about the kink.

~LG

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 11

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 1:57:16 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMacComb
TeeGO, consider it like this. Some here might consider themselves as NOT being into kink or anything kinky. Yet the (self professed) other 90% of the world would consider what they/we do as being kinky. I would submit that anything out of the ordinary is "kinky" essentially meaning anything other than missionary position on a bi-weekly basis, the odd roung of oral every two months and anal and/or woman on top twice a year as being "kinky" to most people (or again, at least thats what the lying bastards say in public, lol).
This (and some on this site) remind me of a very butch dyke I knew years ago who called herself by a males name, referred to her "toys" as "tools" with the explaination that only children play with toys and these (whipe, cuffs etc) are the tools she uses as an adult non-pro femdomme ( or male domme??). She got very uppity if someone "mis-titled" her tools/toys until one day I told her to get a grip and shut the fuck up. Her opinions and titles and so forth are HERS and her alone and are not federally mandated or stem from some sort of biblical or religious script or text.
I love kink, most of what I do in a sexual context is kink. There is nothing wrong with kink, enjoy whatever *your* kink is and don't worry about others that are kinky but deny their kink due to an aversion of their misguided perception of the base nature of kinkiness. :)

It's wonderful that you want to encourage Teego (certainly none of us was discouraging him from being kinky), but I don't see why you need to compare other posters to some obnoxious person you've met before.   No one above has said they dislike kinky submissives or that they aren't into kink, or maybe I missed something you want to point out.

I said mine are listed on my profile, to provide any potential with a basic compatibility checklist (it that is his major concern), and as long as a man doesn't email me with a first sentence asking how well I can phuck him with a strap on, we can at some point cross that bridge.   I am however always a woman first, so lifestyle or not, we don't talk about how things get phucked or sucked until we've exchanged names and basic information.   You may be different, and that is your choice; nothing wrong with yours if you happen to like cock pictures and lists of kink as first email, but afford us the same courtesy please to choose for ourselves what we prefer from a potential contacting us.

By all means TeeGo, be yourself. If you think the best way to approach a woman is with a list of all the ways she can use you sexually, far be it for me to discourage you.   M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/19/2006 2:10:20 AM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 12

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 3:30:29 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

Greetings Dominant Ladies

Once again I'm asking a couple questions that hopefully the answers will be enlightening to us subs. I know there are some of you that are not into kink at all. These questions are addressed to those ladies that are into the kink.

What is so bad, or wrong with subs bringing up the topic of kink?

And

Honestly, is there anything about the kink that you enjoy? (If so, can you explain it without providing wanking material as that is the last thing I want from this post.)

I think some of the best conversations I've had with submissive males has been the ones where we talk about anything and everything from books to movies to going to flea markets and so on. I feel like I am really getting to know them and they are getting to know me as a person first. I prefer that any discussion about kink progress naturally through the conversation and not be the main focus. Like so many others here have said, I don't want to be thought of as a flogger with legs. I have a mind and use it and I look for the same thing in a submissive/slave.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 13

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 4:36:15 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

quote:

If we were to read many of the threads around here one "could" get the idea that most FemDom's have no interest in kink.

quote:

What is so bad, or wrong with subs bringing up the topic of kink?

And

Honestly, is there anything about the kink that you enjoy? (If so, can you explain it without providing wanking material as that is the last thing I want from this post.)

I love kink, adore kink, thrive on kink, been able to have a boy licking my boots or dressed up as my sissy maid while washing my smalls is indelibely linked to my interest in dominance & submission. But as Teegoo has pointed out and I agree with him, kink as a legtimate consequence/requirement of BDSM, doesn't get openly discussed on the forums ...often greeted with disdain or the crys the op is merely looking for wank material.

In one on one conversations, especially over the net, while getting to know somone, I'm not interested in becoming someone's kink fodder...but on an open resource for B&D, S&M, Fetish & D/s I'm often amazed how little airtime the submissive males love for deconstructed patriachy is given.

Maybe one of the things that frustrate me the most is the general feeling that women wouldn't or shouldn't enjoy a male's kinks for herself.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 14

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 5:13:45 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't mind kink, I LOVE kink but when I first start to talk to someone I don't want to hear "Hi I'm silentbob i have a 9 inch cock which i love to have slapped while being kneed in the balls. Do you do that? please ive been searching for a Mistress for so long.." or "Hi i'm silentbob how big are your tits?"
I am a Domme, not someone's wanking tool. When a sub does as I mentioned above he/she is objectifiying the Domme for their own kinky fantasy and not seeing beyond that.
If a sub approaches me in a dignified and respectful manner he/she will be treated in kind, if they act like an asshole they will be put on ignore. If after awhile of talking, getting to know one another the subject of kink does arise then its cool.

~Lashra

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 15

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 5:14:45 AM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I do not find kink or talking about kink offensive. But when I feel as though he does not want to know me, and he DEFINES me as a stereotype/cookiecutter/whipwieldingbitchdomme without any consideration or care about who I am as a person- this is a turn off.
We do not want to be reduced to a fetish. It is insulting. You boys are the objects. Remember THAT! You should be learning how to fulfill OUR fantasies, because let's face it, we ARE yours!

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

Greetings Dominant Ladies

Once again I'm asking a couple questions that hopefully the answers will be enlightening to us subs. I know there are some of you that are not into kink at all. These questions are addressed to those ladies that are into the kink.

What is so bad, or wrong with subs bringing up the topic of kink?

And

Honestly, is there anything about the kink that you enjoy? (If so, can you explain it without providing wanking material as that is the last thing I want from this post.)

_____________________________

Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 16

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 5:18:56 AM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I forgot to answer YES I enjoy many kinky things- on my terms, in my own time, and it varies with my mood and the chemistry I have with those I play with. Actually, I rather dislike the term "kink" because it seems rather negative... and to me, what I do is pure, delicious fun!

_____________________________

Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)

Post #: 17

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 5:34:08 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

it isn't so much that we don't want boys to bring up kink (at least, us personally) ... it's that we don't want it brought up right after "hi, I'm XX" and we don't want that to be the only thing that is talked about. The thread I had at one point about a guy pushing his luck was really about him focusing on his favorite kink and that was it - that was all he would talk about ... I'd get him distracted for all of about 5 minutes at a time, and then he was right back at it. It gets old.

Perfectly said. It's the same for submissive females, though. I really detest an email or IM from some dominant that says, "Hi, I'm this tall, been in the lifestyle X years. What are your interests and limits?"

That's one of em...my reply is either just deleting the email...or, if he's really touched that nerve...telling him politely to bite me.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 18

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 6:04:14 AM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

Thank you once again Ladies. Great stuff here.

Goddess Dusty Gold, my pic will be back soon, "awaiting approval".

BlkTallFullfig, I just want to say your not understanding where I'm going here. There have been many threads in the last month or so where a Domme was honestly expressing what they like in a sub, what attitudes they like to see, advice to subs on how to attract a Dominant Woman, etc. And without fail in every thread at least one sub male, more often several, would come charging in whining and complaining about Domme's are selfish, uncaring, yada yada yada. My other thread was so excellent when I asked "What does the Domme do for the sub?" I thought I'd try addressing another of these sub male's complaints. To be honest posting this one worried me a bit, but it's again worked out great.

So now the next time one of these sub guys come in to disrupt a thread with these complaints, I have the ammo of linking them to these threads so they can understand what's really going on.

After all Goddess Dianna Vesta anointed be bouncer of the forum, and I needed a hook since I can't physically remove anybody from here.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 19

RE: Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do? - 4/19/2006 6:11:22 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm into kink, I don't have a big list ticked here as I am not a list and what I may enjoy with one sub I might not with another...

quote:

Honestly, is there anything about the kink that you enjoy?

I enjoy the reaction, the connection, both mental and physical. I enjoy leading it and controlling it. It is all the better when it is exciting, stimulating, satisfying and fulfilling for both.

quote:

What is so bad, or wrong with subs bringing up the topic of kink?

Well I guess like many of the other Dommes one of my "kinks" is that I like to be treated as more than a whip/crop etc holding object. Get to know me as a person, if the connection is there then more personal kinks may be discussed.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Talking about kink, Is it so bad a thing to do?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094