RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Full Version)

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BentUnit -> RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 1:35:20 AM)

Do you have rage?
Where does it come from?
Are you frightened of it?
Do you embrace it?
If not how do you control it?
Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 2:28:17 AM)


Do you have rage?  Yes, I'm only human.  It is a very rare thing though, we're talking a few times in the past five or six years.

Where does it come from?  I cannot remember what triggered it last time.  Sometimes it has happened when some asshat says something totally inappropriate about molestation or rape.  Those are major buttons of mine.

Are you frightened of it?  Of other people's rage, yes, as I doubt many have the control that I do.  I have been around too many people who shriek profanity while hurling hard objects or bellow like a raging bull and get all physical to trust others that much.  My own rage, no, though it usually triggers a panic attack at the same time.  Powerful negative emotions can trigger my panic attacks, so it isn't because I am afraid of my own rage.

Do you embrace it?  I don't know what you mean by embracing it.  Do I wallow in it and let it consume me and dictate my actions?  Heck no. 

If not how do you control it?  By encasing it in ice, a full lockdown.  Uncontrolled rage can kill.  I do not even allow myself to speak until I have calmed down.  The chemicals will be purged from my brain after about twenty minutes and all I have to do is wait it out.  I prefer to be alone.  Sometimes I get busy with some chore, like scrubbing.  Other times I take a brisk walk.  I taught my kid how to deal with rage by suggesting he hold a feather pillow to his face and screaming into it until he felt better, or taking a plastic baseball bat and beating the cr*p out of a wadded up blanket on his bed.  Or...we would make bread, and pulverize the dough with fists.  Rage needs a safe outlet, or some help cooling off. 

Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?  Rage should be given as high a priority as preventing a car wreck, so no, I don't ignore it.  I wait it out mentally and emotionally, and try to channel the energy released into something safe.  If I can't, then I just tell family and friends I need a 20 minutes' time out.  If someone tries to talk with me, I will hold up my hand in a warding off gesture and I will turn my face away and even leave the room if my wishes are not respected.  (I have had a movie trigger rage.)

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?  All of the above.  I know my triggers and I avoid them.  If a conversation is steering in a bad direction, I will cut someone off and tell them we need to change the subject. 
 
Now I will talk about people I have known whose rage has been out of control.  They have too much stress in their lives, often trying to be too perfect and overcrowding their day.  If someone is near the end of their rope all the time, it's easy to go berzerk.  Life must have balance.  Sometimes we have to force some kind of balance into our lives, by taking peaceful strolls or by watching comedies...giving the mind time to be saturated by peace and laughter.
 
So, the way I see it, the first step in coping would be prevention, then avoiding triggers, then finding ways to cope with feelings of rage once they already happen, and then forgiving onesself for only being human, then trying to learn from this mistake so history doesn't have to keep repeating itself. 



BentUnit -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 3:11:47 AM)

Thank you for such a considered and in depth response.
I'm really grateful you made the effort.

I'm trying to come to terms with my own rage.
I battle with it and yet when I subcome to the madness that rides me at times it feels SOO good.
The adrenalin rush..it's so clean and bright..the lightness and clarity it leaves in it's wake ..addictive and a huge relief.

I think drugs just squash the underling issue down...it's hard to say where the joy of another's pain (read sadism) finishes and a need to vent rage starts.

I can't begin to know how to channel my rage into healthy channels though weight lifting and martial arts (things I do enjoy) might help.



DarkSteven -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 3:56:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage?  Very seldom.
Where does it come from?  Somewhere in my past.  I don't know the whole story.
Are you frightened of it? Yes.  I like to stay in control, and rage takes that control away.  Also, I could hurt someone when my mouth is unguarded.
Do you embrace it?  No.  Not at all.
If not how do you control it? I generally remove myself from the situation and cool down.
Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it? I sometimes do mindless chores to work off the anger.

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you? I could probably use some.




BentUnit -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 4:47:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage?  Very seldom.
Where does it come from?  Somewhere in my past.  I don't know the whole story.
Are you frightened of it? Yes.  I like to stay in control, and rage takes that control away.  Also, I could hurt someone when my mouth is unguarded.
Do you embrace it?  No.  Not at all.
If not how do you control it? I generally remove myself from the situation and cool down.
Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it? I sometimes do mindless chores to work off the anger.

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you? I could probably use some.




Thank you D.S.
You have always been an honest soul.



twistedwillow -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 6:26:53 AM)

Do you have rage?

Yes I do, as already mentioned, I am only human, so have all the human failings.

Where does it come from?

For me it comes from that hurt place deep inside.

Are you frightened of it?

No, not frightened of it.

Do you embrace it?

I don't exactly embrace it, but chances are if I have rage it is for a very good reason.

If not how do you control it?

I don't control it, in the last 35 years I have been in a rage exactly once.

Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?

In this instance I channelled it and it felt very satisfying.

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?

I don't think I need a coping mechanism, as I said it has happened once in my life, it happened after 33 years of constant abuse from my ( now disowned ) sister,
and it took walking down the hall at xmas to see her abusing my elderly ( nearly 80 ) mother who suffers from alzheimers, to set me off.



wandersalone -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 6:52:31 AM)

I thankfully have not experienced feelings of rage for probably twenty or more years.  I used to direct the rage inwards ... incredibly unhealthy and not something I am proud of.

The feelings terrified me an d others around me and I then did a lot of work on myself, identifying where it came from and learning to release it in other ways.  I found things to be passionate about such as music, travel, meditation and also volunteer work helped me a lot.  [:)]


On FL I wrote a post to someone tonight to give him some ideas about his anger...parts of it may be helpful in regards to what to do with it etc.  He has a slave hence some of the comments in it. 


Other ideas - 1. identify what your triggers are - that is, what are the things that set you off, make you angry. Compile a list based on your most recent outburst and see if you can find a pattern. For example, do you get angry when you feel you are being corrected or criticised, does being cut off while talking make you mad, do you get angry more often if you have been drinking etc etc

2. Identify your cues that you are getting angry. these are the signs your body gives you to tell you that you are becoming upset. People often say that it happens so fast that they get no warning and before they know it they are yelling or screaming or hitting but the truth is that there are a number of warning signs that this is about to happen. You may feel a sudden tenseness or full feeling in your head or chest, your breathing may speed up, you may find yourself clenching your hands into fists, gritting your teeth, tensing your body, some people say they feel a heat go through their body.

Whatever the signs are for you learn to recognise them as early as possible so that you can take action before you get to the explosion.

2. Once you have identified your cues you then need to act at the very first sign of them ie, before you explode. And because a person can sometimes go from noticing the cues to the actual outburst quite quickly I would suggest that you first sit down with your slave and let her know that you are working on your anger and let her know the strategies that you have identified as things you will do if feeling angry. this way when you are in the midst of the anger she will know what is happening.

As soon as you notice the cues remove yourself from the situation - go into another room, go for a walk, go and sit outside. Maybe have a phrase that you can say to your slave so that she knows this means you need to be alone eg. not now, or hold your hand up as you leave so that she knows that this is one of your strategies and not you ignoring her.

Breathing techniques/meditation - can be helpful

Release the aggression in another way - go for a run, thump a pillow, use a punching bag, go outside and kick a ball around, go into another room and yell and scream, journal all of your thoughts and feelings, tear up bits of paper, draw ...basically whatever works for you.

Things that I would suggest may not be helpful

- getting in your car and driving when you are in the midst of the anger as you may not be focused on driving and could have an accident,

- alcohol - it can act to inhibit common sense and you may be more prone to acting on your anger,


edited to format it



Musicmystery -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 7:02:30 AM)

quote:

Do you have rage?

No.


quote:

Where does it come from?

Rage is ego run amuck.


quote:

Are you frightened of it?

No, but I am careful and aware around those who practice it.


quote:

Do you embrace it?

No. It's childish.


quote:

If not how do you control it?

An enraged individual has false expectations and expected to be in control of the world. Largely perspective is needed. In the moment, though, be safe and let them rant until they tire.


quote:

Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?

I thought so when I was younger. I was productive, but mainly self-delusional. Let it go.


quote:

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?

Call a good friend and talk. It would be a sign I'm not seeing things realistically, and I need their perspective. I would also look for whatever inner fears are lying behind such unreasonable and unproductive behavior.





sirsholly -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 7:54:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage?
three times, during a highly volatile, emotional situation
quote:

Where does it come from?
every single emotion i had at the time was channeled into one huge rage....related or not.
quote:

Are you frightened of it?
it scared the hell out of me
quote:

Do you embrace it?
it was the enemy...it had to be destroyed before it destroyed me or others.
quote:

If not how do you control it?
I was stronger than the rage...but it was touch and go for a while...
quote:

Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?
I dealt with it. Ignoring it would have been fatal.

quote:

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?
This is going to sound stupid, but what the hell...I gave it a life form, an entity, of its own. I made it an enemy.  It was easier to battle an enemy than to battle myself.




Arpig -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 9:21:10 AM)

I used to but don't anymore, haven't in decades. What I do when faced with a situation that might induce rage (or any stressful situation) is ask myself a simple question: "Is there anything I can do about the situation?" If yes, then I do whatever it is I can about it, and if no then I just let it go.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 11:28:12 AM)

I am a person that is fuelled by rage. Maybe it's genetic! You can see it in my mother and grandmother, who are also my depression channels, so hey! Kurt Vonnegut may have been right about those Bad Chemicals in the Brain.

I am not afraid of it. It's too much a part of me. It helps that I have had a lot of time to deal with it, and see what the triggers are, and learn how to re-channel it.

When I was young, I had to physically leave the source of the trigger, just walk away.

Nowadays, I am stoked to the gills on antidepressants, which work to control the aggression. It makes it easier to redirect! That's probably a good thing... [;)]

I studied magical practice when I was young, and part of that is learning your dark side/shadow, seeing how it works, and accepting it. I know that I am capable of some seriously ugly things. KNOWING that helps defuse me. Knowing that my actions have a consequence that I have to accept helps too.

I vent a lot. I have a lot of aggressive visualizations that help me let off steam. And, I am essentially a kind and loving person. While I am CAPABLE of action XYZ, I am not inclined to just behave randomly and attack the undeserving.




Aneirin -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 5:38:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage? Yes, a very deep rage
Where does it come from? I suspect something in my childhood I have not remembered yet
Are you frightened of it? Yes, very much so, it is why I avoid much that others like to experience, I know my triggers
Do you embrace it? No, don't want it, it has no constructive use, it is very destructive to me and those around me
If not how do you control it? Avoid the situations that I have learned give vent to the rage.
Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it? Do my best to defuse it from it's present course and even go against myself to avoid that irrational red mist that comes from somewhere I cannot understand no matter what direction I approach from.
What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you? Alcohol with me dulls the rage, it induces analysis and there I get lost in something I have yet to fathom, which could be why I still have the rage, for I have not yet learned how to dissolve it, a thing I feel is a question I do not know yet but I am all to ready to  answer.

If I allow the rage free reign, it will destroy me and those around me, so that is my task in life, to not let the past come to the present and perpetuate the cycle that humanity seems to want to be locked into, a life caused and governed by the past, not hopes for a better future




JstAnotherSub -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 5:55:45 PM)

 
I haven't had rage  in about 10 years thank goodness
 
I was batshit fucking crazy I think, from puberty til 25ish.  I loved everything I did, but looking back, I realize there had to be some kind of wacko thing in my head to make me want to hitch hike all over, stop and get a job if I got totally broke, and learn to drive a truck so I could only fuck the drivers that I wanted to-lol. 
 
I think, when I got married and settled down, the insanity had no way to come out except rage.  That, or my ex was really as abusive as I think he was.  Either way, I had moments of rage that terrified me later.
 
I like to think I finally learned to embrace my insanity, instead of fighting it. The rage disappeared within month of us separating back in 02.  Nowadays, I am so content it really worries me sometimes.  I don't think I will ever allow rage to be in my life again, not from me or anyone else.
 
The way I handled it was I screamed, I threw shit and I stressed me out.  After many years of living with him, I learned to do the silent treatment even better than he could do.  I think doing the silent treatment and holding it in was harder on me physically and mentally. 
 
I can't say I worry it will return, because I am older and wiser, least I hope I am.  I hope iot was something that improves with aging.  That peace almost makes up for saggy tits. 
 
slight hijack.  Gravity can turn that cute lil bluebird tattoo that you get at 18 into a long legged stork by 48.

Embrace the insanity.



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 6:12:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I used to but don't anymore, haven't in decades. What I do when faced with a situation that might induce rage (or any stressful situation) is ask myself a simple question: "Is there anything I can do about the situation?" If yes, then I do whatever it is I can about it, and if no then I just let it go.


My story is somewhat  similar; I was a seething, rageful little dickhead in my 20s, but grew out of it as I matures into my 30s. I haven't felt anything akin to rage in 20 years or more. I don't even remember what it feels like. The only thing that's  different for me than you is that I ask myself a slightly different question - "Does this really matter that much?" And apparently it's been 20 years since I got a "yes" answer back.

I really think the key to overcoming my anger issues was that as I matured, I acquired the self-assuredness to know that  no matter what misfortune or inconvenience befell me, I was strong enough to handle it. Once I came to understand that about myself, nothing's ever really bothered me very much.



Aneirin -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 6:26:19 PM)

I am finding the more I try to understand, the more the rage visits, but known triggers are injustice and discrimination the latter being part of the former, so unfairness really gets my goat. The more I try to be aware of my surroundings, the world stage and all that the more injustice I see, so the more rage visits, but what is the option, ignore the plight of others to save the thoughts for the self, or learn to use the feelings to effect worthwhile and wholsesome change via education.

I did think at one time this new world of information is a danger to us all, as rage seems a common result of it and with rage comes action from some, and action that affects those with no problem against others. Could this world of advanced communication actually be the undoing of us all

Maybe it is the only thing we should have ever been concerned with, was our immediate locale, as it is clear the world at the touch of our fingers is far too much for some. The global village, can we in all actuality handle it, when it is our own social locale presents problems we are unable to deal with



gungadin09 -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 7:00:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage?
yes

Where does it come from?
the past

Are you frightened of it?
i'm afraid it will ruin my life

Do you embrace it?
sometimes it consumes me; embrace it? no.

If not how do you control it?
i don't think i have a lot of control

Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?
i try to understand it; sometimes i obsess about it

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?
journal entries, threads about where it comes from; try to understand it, come to terms with it


pam



OneMoreWaste -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/7/2010 11:50:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage?
Absolutely

Where does it come from?
Pent-up frustrations, generally involving:
my own failures
the inherent "unfairness" of the world
sex
not necessarily in that order

Are you frightened of it?
Do you embrace it?
Not really. I actually welcome the release of it. I expect that some day I'll "snap" and do something life-altering, and in a way I look forward to that. It's frightening in an abstract way, but equally alluring.

If not how do you control it?
Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?
What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?
Push it down, direct it back at myself (with or without SI). Every so often I take it out on an inanimate object that's been causing me frustration. If you've never taken a sledgehammer to a recalcitrant piece of motorcycle, I recommend it. Wear goggles.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Kurt Vonnegut may have been right about those Bad Chemicals in the Brain.


Oh, he absolutely was.

-Wastie
an undeveloped intellect/ filled with impotent static rage





Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/8/2010 12:04:13 AM)

Yes, I have some rage, and have gone on raging tantrums in the past. Where does it come from? IT comes frm many places, arguments that got to heated, or frusterations that have been pent up to long, or someone pushing to many of my hot buttons.

Am I frightened of it? Not usually.

Do I embrace it? No I want the fucker to go away as fast as possible and leave me in peace.

How do I control it? Sometimes I chose not to control it and let it rip with fiery vengeance, Sometimes I listen to music  that's aggressive and angry as I am and sing along, sometimes I throw private little fits, or just blow my rage all over a private journal.

I think I would really like it, and it'd be helpful if when I am in a super fowl mood, Daddy spanks me till I am howling and thrashing, and trust me with how hard he hits and how big his hands are it wouldn't be long,  to release my fowl mood, but he won't.

How do I channel it? Sometimes if I am full of bad energy and it's particularly violent or draining on me because it's negative I try to clean house or organize stuff or focus on stuff that should be calming.

Do I ignore my rage or squash it down? Sometimes. It depends on the situation and where I am at, and what harm letting it flow freely would do VS squashing it.

Way back when, When the group home I was in had a punching bag out back, I'd attack the punching bag, and I'd purposely not put gloves or hand protection on so it'd hurt to punch the bag.

Sometimes if I am enraged when an argument is happening I will slam doors as hard as I can, open it and slam it again. Wash rinse and repeat. Though I really don't slam things to much. A few times I have grabbed junk mail and just started viciously ripping it apart, thrown stuff, or smashed my belongings, though I do not smash stuff any more. I know that once I do I will instantly regret it and be sad, and what's done, can't be undone.





quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

Do you have rage?
Where does it come from?
Are you frightened of it?
Do you embrace it?
If not how do you control it?
Do you channel it or squash it down and ignore it?

What are your coping mechanisms for coping when rage visits it's self upon you?




heartcream -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/8/2010 12:26:44 AM)

For those of you who feel you do have rage and feel it is dangerous to yourself and others need to be able to see this is a jdgement against your rage which is in fact holding it back, forcing it to back up within you. Backed up emotions cause death and disease, so yeah, best not to ignore them or be too judgmental against them.

Wanders had some good advice to take the anger to a pillow, and those sorts of things. Let it rip, allow it move, dont hold back but dont hurt yourself or others if possible. If you give space for your rage to move safely you will begin to siphon off the heavy charge laying there. You will be able to diffuse the rage and fear (they exist together, if you have one you have the other) by allowing it to vent and move safely. If you feel you have no safe place to do this then begin to move the judgments that you have no safe space to move what you need to move in able to free yourself of the backlog. As others have said, the rage is informative. You wouldnt have it if you didnt have a reason and this is why it is important to let it move so you can find out what that is.

You cant make a mental game of this, it wont work. The emotions move and the understandings and healing comes later. Saying out loud (sound is energy) something like "I forgive my self for judging and believing for so long----" and fill in here whatever it is, ex: "I forgive myself for judging and believing so long that my rage and anger is dangerous and must be controlled at all times because it will be like this forever and there is nothing I can really do about this..."

Sometimes saying the judgments will trigger the emotions and this is a good time to get out of the word level and let the emotions move as emotion. Make non-verbal sound, know you are doing it to heal, not to act out. Intent makes all the difference. You can do this in a safe and private place. Hit the mattress, things like that, where the body has freedom to move, shake or whatever and try not to control it mentally. Let yourself feel what is going on in yourself and move the emotion as you can.

This is a way to heal yourself of backed up rage etc. Nothing is getting pushed away, no one is getting hurt. The rage dissipates and the trigger is lessened. Be careful of course and give it a try if you want.

We ought not live so locked down to parts of ourselves. Freeing our inner self makes more room for all of our real self, we end up more connected and closer to our essential self. Getting triggered into rage is a sign of something, and rather than judging it, try to find a safe place to let it express and you will be surprised at what you will learn. The plus side is compassion is born once held down emotion has a chance to move with loving intent. The emotion might feel, ugly, stupid, unloving, etc but allowing it to move safely and directly is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and others, I believe.



xAdamx -> RE: RAGE..the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (8/8/2010 12:58:47 AM)

An excellent subject...what causes rage in someone, personally l believe anger is an emotion caused out of fear. Rage an extention of anger triggered by an imbedded trauma. I drive local transit and as l was brought old school, self discipline through punishment, lack of respect, curtesy such as saying thank you, especially as l perhaps waited for a passenger to run for the bus, only to not say thank you presses that button which can set me off.

Stupid really because at the end of the day, no one was killed....grinzzz l will get the twat next time



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