Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship?

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Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/8/2010 12:48:48 AM

lobodomslavery

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Joined: 1/17/2008
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Ladies
What is more important to you.? What do you value more? Friendship and Social engagement with the wider BDSM community or direct service including financial servitude from subs? Its just I have been speaking to a local Domme for a while. She is located in Dublin and as a member of BDSM ireland I have naturally invited Her to the upcoming munch. Yet She shuns it every time accusing me of being small minded and nothing more than a piece of shit. Is this normal behaviour.? As a Domme do you regard men this way? Is it all centred on money? I mean Im not submitting to Her, Im not asking Her to be Her slave? I m just inviting Her to a social engagment that is BDSM related. Is this so wrong to invite someone who is obviously kinky to a meeting where kinksters gather, where friendships are formed and where She might find Her dream sub, excluding me of course. What are your thoughts
kevin

Post #: 1

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 3:55:52 AM

Philosopher

Posts: 23
Joined: 8/5/2006
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Well, I had met a sub from this site back before I started getting involved in the local scene. He invited me along to a local munch that was happening the next day and I went along. I had a great time and have been going to many of those groups munches since then and made new friends.

I have no idea why she would accuse you of being small minded over inviting her to a munch, unless perhaps she thought she made it clear she wasn't interested and you kept insisting?

Getting annoyed with someone who is nagging is quite normal behaviour. If on the other hand you haven't been repetitive or insistent, and she hasn't been asked this countless times by others, then I don't see why she should react that way.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 2

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 4:11:18 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

I have naturally invited Her to the upcoming munch. Yet She shuns it every time accusing me of being small minded and nothing more than a piece of shit.

kevin, she doesn't like something about you. And has told you such. It's not the munch invite.

Quit bothering her and move on.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 3

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 4:17:32 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

I have naturally invited Her to the upcoming munch. Yet She shuns it every time

i wonder how many times you have asked her.

.

quote:

accusing me of being small minded and nothing more than a piece of shit. Is this normal behaviour.?

it is not normal behavior...it is rude....even from a female who is not interested in a male.

Kevin..as to why she shuns the opportunity for companionship.....most would rather be alone then to spend time with someone who they consider to be a "piece of shit".

Now...a question for you. After being called a derogatory term such as what she called you, why do you still maintain contact with her?

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/13/2010 4:58:33 AM >

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Post #: 4

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 4:39:48 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

Hello kevin.

I don't know why she doesn't want to go with you. In my area, most male subs won't go. There are dozens within a hundred miles of where I live, yet I cannot get one blessed one to be willing to go. Since the Domme you're talking about has membership with BDSM Ireland, I cannot understand if she chooses to never go to anything within that group.

Men in my area say they are afraid because of their job, or else they think that a munch group is a BDSM orgy. They are afraid of people doing scary, hard limit things to them.

Does she go to munches by herself, or is it the going with an escort who is not in her collar what she shuns? If someone is new to being in my company and I don't know if I can trust him yet, no, I won't go to a munch with him. This is a choice I am making this week, actually, as tomorrow I go to a munch. Alone.

About the money or gifts thing. The worth of a gift is in the love that inspires it, so unless someone loved me I would have a very difficult time accepting even flowers from him.

On the other hand, if I scene with someone, I expect him to provide the place...either his own home or a motel. When I don't have a sub, sometimes I top guys who are friends and fun to be with. It's not about money or gifts, but if we are compatible in some way. Having an available arse and someone nearby who likes to spank them is just not enough.

I would rather have someone who cares about me take time out of his day to be with me, even if it's to talk at a picnic table in the shade and not to scene.

I might be wrong, maybe she likes this dynamic with you...but if it isn't what you are looking for...then I don't know what to say. Only you can decide what's best for you. It seems that she is already deciding...what's best for her.

Someone here in the message boards had a sub for years and never asked a blessed thing from him...until he wanted some BDSM furniture she didn't have. If she can go years without expecting money from him...and I don't expect money from men...then there's no way I can say that the Domme/sub dynamic always involves money.

I spend a freaking lot, by the way. Spent hours of different days shopping for HIM until I found just the right... stuff. And this is just over someone who isn't mine, and might never be.

The Domme and you might be incompatible, that's all. I hope you don't choose to stay home from the munch but choose to do what I am doing...going stag. Best wishes to you.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 5

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 4:49:21 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I talk to a lot of guys who aren't interested in munches and the like. There are many reasons for not wanting to go to a munch or club, and I respect their wishes. If they don't want to go, they don't want to go. I may ask once, or twice, then no more. Nagging from either gender is not a positive thing.

As for the woman you are referring to calling you "a piece of shit" - if you're not her sub or slave, why the hell are you taking that crap from her? If you've annoyed her into being rude to you, then it means she's just not that in to you. If you haven't done anything to provoke that behaviour but she's doing it anyway, then it means she's just not that in to you.

Either way, it's time to move on.

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 6

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 4:55:08 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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Well the money angle has been covered and if you haven't figured out the answer, there is really no point in going there with you.

As to your question about the domme. If I asked someone to go to a munch and she called me small minded and a piece of shit, I would thank her for showing me her character before I wasted a lot of time on her and stop contact. There are way to many lovely ladies out there to spend time dealing with a bad attitude.

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 7

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 5:19:18 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Ladies
What is more important to you.? What do you value more? Friendship and Social engagement with the wider BDSM community or direct service including financial servitude from subs?

Some people aren't social creatures, regardless of their orientation. I, personally, would prefer companionship which included service of some sort over being a community social dominant butterfly. I'm not sure what your reasoning is for comparing these two examples, however.

quote:

Its just I have been speaking to a local Domme for a while. She is located in Dublin and as a member of BDSM ireland I have naturally invited Her to the upcoming munch. Yet She shuns it every time accusing me of being small minded and nothing more than a piece of shit. Is this normal behaviour.? As a Domme do you regard men this way? Is it all centred on money?

Does she shun the idea of attending a munch or you for asking her? Is it normal behavior? What behavior are you mean? Not being interested in attending a munch or calling you small minded and a piece of shit?
Do dominant women regard men in what way? Please clarify.
As for money...maybe this woman's focus is money. Mine isn't.

quote:

I mean Im not submitting to Her, Im not asking Her to be Her slave? I m just inviting Her to a social engagment that is BDSM related. Is this so wrong to invite someone who is obviously kinky to a meeting where kinksters gather, where friendships are formed and where She might find Her dream sub, excluding me of course. What are your thoughts
kevin

Inviting someone to attend a munch isn't wrong. I get the feeling, however, there's more to this then you're letting on.

My thoughts....she's not interested in you, as a submissive or as a companion, so move along. Her interest, or lack thereof, in social interaction is neither here nor there.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 8

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 5:44:53 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I don't go to every social event somebody asks me to go, actually I only go to a few of them and the ones I want to go, if I would be pestered, I would just break off contact.

Though it makes me wonder why you try to maintain contact when she clearly and very rudely has shown that she is not interested?

Go horse riding fairly often, it doesn't mean that I need to attend functions of the Equestrian club or even be a member of said club, or be social with people who happen to have the same hobby, I got pets, it doesn't mean I am a member of a dog or cat fan club, BDSM is part of my life, I don't go to every munch or gathering.

No, it is not about money, she simply doesn't like you and doesn't want you to pester her to come to munches. Does she need to paint you a picture? I mean which part of NO is so hard to understand? Isn't it a bit old that you always claim it is about money if somebody simply isn't interested in what you are trying to offer?

< Message edited by LadyConstanze -- 8/13/2010 5:46:30 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 5:51:47 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Point one: if I don't enjoy the company or atmosphere of a munch, I'd not return until the membership refreshes.
Point two: I'm interested in one [or two!] men's company in the vanilla world and bedroom, not 'financial servitude', ever.

Point omega: She's just not into you.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 10

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 6:41:18 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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FR: having been on the business end of one of Kevin's 'why is this woman behaving like this?' threads I'd assume there was a lot more to this than he is telling.

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Post #: 11

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 7:16:52 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

um.....are there some details we are missing here?

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Post #: 12

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 7:51:49 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

Kevin, It's pretty clear that she simply wants nothing to do with you, socially or financially. Why she feels about you the way she does doesn't matter at this point. Perhaps she's read your posts here or has talked with others locally who have dealt with you before but one thing is clear, she is NOT INTERESTED in you. Let it go and move on before you ostracize yourself from the entire local community, if you haven't already.

~stef

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 13

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 8:09:39 AM

OttersSwim

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Hey Kevin, Why don't you invite her here to express her side of things?

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Post #: 14

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 8:29:49 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

um.....are there some details we are missing here?

I don't know, but if he's been entirely transparent then I will eat my hat.

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Post #: 15

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 8:34:26 AM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I don't know, but if he's been entirely transparent then I will eat my hat.

You English have funny food.

Or is that a Jewish thing?

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Post #: 16

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 8:38:54 AM

BoiJen

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I'm tempted to say something that will get me in trouble.

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RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 9:10:37 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Hamantashen?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 18

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 9:54:43 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hamantashen?

Only if they're prune!

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Post #: 19

RE: Why does Domme shun opportunity for companionship? - 8/13/2010 10:02:45 AM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I'm tempted to say something that will get me in trouble.

Which would be???

In regards to declining to meet.....when in the past I had guys over here asking me to meet them, e.g. just for a drink, I declined, simply as I am not interested in increasing here potential friendships...IF it would be just for a drink

(as I will be leaving and until I leave this isle work and my own life does keep me more than enough).

I am (or was) on here for dating and I am dating Sir. A...and either that will move forward in the next two years or I will be leaving, most lilkely to New Zealand. So quite frankly I am not interested to meet that easily someone when it isn't on a dating level, as at my current situation I am not looking to increase friendships over here....as in my private life I feel fine as it is.

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