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Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 7:42:01 AM   
Bobbie9395


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
Being fairly new to the lifestyle (yes, even at my tender age), am I being unreasonable to expect that we should get to know each other as people first? Almost without exception, every Dom who has contacted me has acted like he's my Dom from the get go. Seems to me we should get to know each other first, get to know our likes and dislikes, our expectations, our hard limits, our interests outside the lifestyle. I feel I should be able to be honest and ask questions of him.

I'm not just looking for a sex partner or occasional D/s session. My goal is a long term/permanent relationship. Therefore, I feel it's important to learn as much as possible PRIOR to pursuing any possible relationship.

Am I expecting too much? Is there such a thing as asking too many questions?

Thanks for your honest responses here
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 7:45:55 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		No, you are not expecting too much at all. The beauty about life is that you get to do it your way and figure out what's the best way for you to find someone with whom you are compatible. To me, it sounds as though your head is screwed on pretty tight and you have nothing to worry about. Just keep doing what you are doing and eventually you'll find someone who sparks your interest and who thinks you are pretty damn cool, too.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 9:14:09 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		The approach of acting all he-man and brute-y is one that probably works on a lot of new people, in that it might feed whatever fantasy the new person might hold.  Naturally it's overdone, and often by people who don't understand dominance but know quite well about bullying and equate the two.

As you get more experience fielding these messages, hopefully you will be able to discern the difference.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 9:17:02 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The Doms here call themselves Doms.  The wankers also call themselves Doms.  You're learning the difference.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 10:05:12 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		*nods*

Some are "dom" as a cover for insecurity. So you get to know them first. No big deal. It's the point of getting to know people.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 10:13:22 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		@Bobbie

So what you're saying is that some folks would like to have authority without the need to earn it in any way? Go figure. In my opinion though this highlights a simple question you can ask yourself:

Would you prefer a partner who believes that authority and respect are earned or one who believes they are his due?

Your answer to that question should help you sort this all out.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
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RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 11:34:38 AM   
Wantstocontrolu


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		Your goals are not unreasonable.
Considering the commitment level you are seeking its very prudent to know as much as you can.
I find it surprising that many submissives/potential slaves do not want to know more then they do about a life commitment to a potential Masters.
Most "Doms" seem to think that they are Gods gift to submissives.
Be patient, the one you seek will be there.

_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
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RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 12:29:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Be glad they are being like this. It means you can immediately cross them off your list of possible partners without wasting any more time.

But going around having expectations of others is a good way of being constantly disappointed. Because people won't meet them. Just figure out what you need in a relationship and judge whether or not you're compatible with them.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 3:40:18 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		Anyone who tries to assert dominance over you from the word go is a raving lunatic.
There is no such thing as asking too many questions it can mean the difference between finding a new partner and being found in pieces in a landfill.

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 3:49:19 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		You have to be able to trust anyone you give your submission to. Wanting to get to know someone is not unreasonable.

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 3:59:59 PM   
Bobanna


Posts: 95
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline 		People who think they can base a ltr on just sex alone are in fantasy land.  Anyone with any logic or common sense knows that basing a relationship on just sex is not sustainable.  It may be a thrilljoy for X amount of hours but it will fail sooner than later.  These kind of people that solicate they want relationships based on SEX, are usually the ones who live behind their computer screens and never move. 
MY ADVICE:  Avoid the ones who start out their convos with:  How big are your tits?  or my second favorite:  Are you shaved? .. ahhh If I only had a million dollars for every time ... oh and the guys who send you nude pics, question them about their sexuality if they are claiming to be straight.

~Bo

< Message edited by Bobanna -- 8/8/2010 4:03:13 PM >

_____________________________

Let them eat cake ~ !

A dream for some ... A nightmare for others

(in reply to SexyBlackMan2)
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RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 9:22:44 PM   
Bobbie9395


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I am so very grateful for each and every one of your responses.  You have all confirmed what I thought.  But, I had been accused of being controlling and "unsubmissive" when I would ask questions, although I had been polite and tried to explain why I was asking.  It just did not make sense to me to enter into or pursue a possible relationship without learning as much as possible about a prospective Master.

Again, thank you all for your answers and for not making me foolish for asking.

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/8/2010 9:47:54 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Wankers will use accusations to try to undermine your determination to find what you want. They will accuse you of being 'fake' or 'not a real submissive' to try and manipulate you. Good on you for seeing that it shouldn't be that way, and holding out for what you really want.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/9/2010 1:16:28 PM   
Bobanna


Posts: 95
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobbie9395

I am so very grateful for each and every one of your responses.  You have all confirmed what I thought.  But, I had been accused of being controlling and "unsubmissive" when I would ask questions, although I had been polite and tried to explain why I was asking.  It just did not make sense to me to enter into or pursue a possible relationship without learning as much as possible about a prospective Master.

Again, thank you all for your answers and for not making me foolish for asking.



Bobbie,
Just keep this in mind,  the person you are conversing with when they first contact you, is nothing more than a stranger behind a computer.  What they claim they are is only a matter of their own ego.  It is up to you to decide whether they are someone you are interested in, and whether you consider them Dominant or submissive to you and what you seek.  I have many men solicit me, and I find many of them NOT dominant to me, but submissive.  Their personalities and or, manners, education, etc. are weaker than mine.  Thus in my eyes they are submissive. Even though, they claim to be Dominant.  Where as I respond very nicely to men that are courtious and have good manners, quick of wit and are or seem educated.  I also avoid the ones who want to lay their life story at my feet after just meeting me.  I am not a councelor.

~Bo

_____________________________

Let them eat cake ~ !

A dream for some ... A nightmare for others

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/9/2010 4:02:48 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		You can always ask them when you can quit your job and move in.  I bet THAT will slow 'em down a bit, lol.

As the others have said, you are being perfectly reasonable.  Just keep weeding out the ones who do not resonate with you.  It's that simple.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 6:16:51 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Bobbie lass,

Were of a similar age, what life has taught me, is that if you were talking to me and not asking questions or wanting to get to know me, I would not want to be talking for long. You exhibit the primary traites of what I expect in any potential slave I would be interested in. Good post and even a better question.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 8:15:41 AM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds to me that you are using your brains.  A very good thing to do.

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 10:35:55 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		You're proceeding as any intelligent person would. They're acting like foolish jerks.

Block and delete, and be glad they're helping you weed them out so quickly and easily.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Bobbie9395)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 10:45:22 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		 
my POV is this, you cant submit to someone you dont know - if you submit at all it will be you submitting to the act of submission.  so no youre right and theyre wrong.

boot on other foot, how can a Dom adequately Dominate you if he doesnt know you - its a question you could ask the next prat who tries to tell you that he's MrDomlyAlmighty and expects youre absolute acceptance of that fact.

you dont know him, he doesnt know you - getting to know a person is where those feelings of submission, trust and wanting to please him develop from.



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 10:57:27 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
...the next prat who tries to tell you that he's MrDomlyAlmighty...

Actually, the easier way to resolve that is just to ask them if they are me since all know that I'm MrDomlyAlmighty.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 20
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